Transform Your Confidence in 30 Days - 5 Steps Explained

Foreign and welcome to the 30 day confidence challenge. We couldn't be happier that you're here with us right now. I want to say hello to some of you in the comments. Hi, Crystal. Hi, Nicole. Hi, Jess. Hi, Denise. Hi, Sophie. Hi, Patrick. Give me a shout and let me know you can see me and you can hear me. Okay. And that you're excited to be here. Where in the world are you coming from right now? Let me know. We've got Oxford, England in the house. We've got Chile, Poland, New Jersey, Jersey, uk, Denver. We've got people from all over right now. Hello to all of you. Is such a joy that you are here today for this really, really exciting event. This event is one of a kind because it's different from other style of events that I do when every so often I come along and do a big event for all of you. A lot of the time it's me just talking for an hour. This is very different. You're part of something practical here today. You're part of a challenge that is going to take place over 30 days. And this particular challenge is about confidence. And I know that confidence spoke to you because we have tens of thousands of people who signed up to this training to be a part of it. So I know that this resonated with, with so many people. And I know that taking action is something that spoke to you. You wouldn't be here today if you just wanted to hear me talk. You wanted to take some form of action. You were ready to invest, otherwise you wouldn't have done it. You don't sign up to a 30 day confidence challenge unless you're ready for some form of action. So I'm really, firstly, I respect you because like me, you're someone who actually wants to do something in life. And maybe you got sick and tired of thinking, feeling the same way and being the same way and never really feeling as confident as you'd like to feel. And you're like, you know what? I'm ready for a kickstart in my life. Maybe you're entering a new chapter of your life right now and you feel like you need more confidence for that chapter. Maybe you just came out of the worst breakup of your life and you're like, I need to rebuild. The truth is, confidence affects everything in our lives. And when we don't have confidence, when we're lacking confidence, it can really ruin our lives. A lack of confidence keeps us stuck in the past, thinking about the mistakes we've made, the things we're ashamed of, the Things we can't forgive ourselves for. We get stuck in a loop of beating ourselves up for things that have already happened. How many people are in that loop? Let me know in the comments right now. When we lack confidence, it keeps us focused on what other still get when we're feeling insecure. Isn't it true that you can land a job that you're really excited about when you're insecure? Isn't it true that occasionally you land a date that you're really excited about when you're insecure? You might even land a relationship that you're excited about from a place of massive insecurity. Who's ever been there? Put your hands up in the comments. Say me. And if you have what you know is that confidence doesn't just affect the results we get in life. A lack of confidence also affects how much we can enjoy the results we get in life. So you go on a date and you can't even enjoy the date because you're so anxious about whether you're doing a good job or whether the person likes you or what's the next thing I'm going to say. Or you get an amazing relationship and then you can't enjoy it because you're so scared that this person is one day going to leave you. Who's been there, I've been there. Where you just can't. You can, you can't even be present with the relationship. You can't be yourself because you're doing anything you can to impress or please or make that person love you. Because you're so deathly afraid of being on your own. You're so deathly afraid of this person leaving you or finding out that you're not that great after all. So a lack of confidence can make us fear losing a relationship so much that we don't even enjoy it. The same is true in our work. How many people have experienced imposter syndrome at work where you have a job that you enjoy or you. You got to a place in your life that you should be proud of and you can't enjoy it because you're so busy worrying about being found out. And the problem is that over time, even if they don't initially, people pick up on our lack of confidence. And when people pick up on our lack of confidence, what happens is in dating, we start to lose their attraction. In a relationship, we can lose someone's respect. In our working lives, people can stop taking us seriously. People are attracted to leadership. That's what makes us a magnet for people when we can be a leader in our own lives when we have bought into our own worth, our own value. That's what attracts everything to us. Because write this down. And I want you to write down plenty during this session. People take our cues. People take their cues from us. Write this down. People take their cues from us. We are telling people we. What our value is by the way we show up and the way we believe in our value. So let me ask you a question. What would you do if you had more confidence? What would you do differently? What things would you go after in your life? How might your days look different? What kind of risks would you take that you're not taking right now? What projects would you take on? Or how would you approach your love life if you felt much more confident than you did right now? How would your life change if you were more confident? If you showed up every day or even five days a week as your most confident self, what would be the biggest thing that would change? Maybe it's, you know what, I'd actually give myself a serious shot of finding love. I'd stop holding myself back. Maybe I'd be on a different path in my career. I'd finally take a leap to do something I really wanted to do. Maybe I'd show up differently in my relationships and I'd stop getting walked all over by certain people. Maybe I'd let go of certain relationships that have become really toxic in my life. What would be different if you showed up today with a completely different level of confidence. And the thing for a lot of us is that we've gotten to a point where things have been the same for so long. And be honest, if this is you, we didn't show up here to pretend to be something. That's not confidence. We showed up here to be intensely vulnerable and to move forward from where we are now. So for how many people is where you are now a place of feeling stuck, Feeling like nothing ever works? Feeling like, you know, it doesn't matter what video I watch. It doesn't matter what book I read. It doesn't matter what I try to do in my life. It doesn't matter how many times I try to change this or do this new habit or be a different way. I genuinely feel stuck. I genuinely feel like I'm never going to be any different than I am now. I am stuck. And the ultimate feeling of stuckness is this feeling of I am stuck with, with me. I can't get away from me. I take my mind with me everywhere I go, and my own Mind is my worst enemy. I can't escape me. Many of us feel that I just can't escape me. And that makes us feel stuck. And when we feel that stuck, we get depressed. Because a lot of us get depressed from a place of complete loss of hope, a complete loss of belief that anything can and will change. That's what triggers depression for a lot of us. You know, anxiety comes about when we're afraid of something, but depression comes about when we've given up, when we feel like nothing's ever going to work. Confidence is the opposite of that. Confidence says we've got this. Yes, we've been through hard times. Yes, we've been through a lot of knocks. Yes, we've been rejected a lot in our lives. Yes, it may not be as easy for us as the average person for all sorts of reasons. Yes, sometimes the odds are stacked against us. Yes, we have certain wiring that doesn't help us in life. But we've got this. And you may not feel like that today. And that's okay. That's why we're here. Because today we are beginning the path to more confidence. And we're going to start that with a five mission plan that we're going to be going through together today. And notice I said plan. This isn't just another video. This is a plan we are going to do together. And at the end of this, I want you to stay till the end because we're going to be doing a Q and A together where I'm going to be answering your questions. So if you have questions, start saving them up. Now we're also going to, I'm going to, towards the end of this session, I'm going to be giving you a link for a blueprint with all of your missions with worksheets for you to write on to fill out your missions tips for the missions. So stay to the end because that is going to be your mission blueprint and I'm going to make sure you have to the community that you're going to be in over the next 30 days that is going to be here to support you and to hold you accountable and to be with you on the journey. And for all of those of you who are feeling stuck right now, once I've been through the five missions and we're going to do that right now, I'm going to go deeper and show you what the answer to that stuckness is, how to get out of it, why it's happening and what you can do your first mission. And by the way, this isn't one of the five. But your first mission while we're together right now is to eliminate the distractions, okay? Whatever could be calling for your attention right now, recognize that one of the ways we've lost confidence in our modern era today is through loss of focus. How many people have ever got stuck down a rabbit hole of Instagram or TikTok or some other platform, some news site, and realized 30 minutes later or an hour later, what am I doing? I didn't plan to be here. This isn't good for me. This isn't doing anything for me. This isn't achieving any of the things that will make my life better if I focused on them. And then when you had that, you had this sinking feeling of being completely out of control of your own life. Who here has experienced that? It's a horrible, horrible feeling, right? So I want you to write down, focus equals confidence. And one of the ways we can do that is start practicing it right now. Whatever. Put your phone away. Just have a pen and notepad in front of you. You don't need anything else. Turn the TV off in the background. Be with me now for the time that we're going to be together. Make space for this. Because you're not making space for me. You're making space for you. You're showing yourself that you're important enough to focus on right now. Okay, let's do this. You ready for these five missions? Now, let me be clear. Some of these missions are going to be easier than others. So the first one I want you to write down. Mission one, who's ready? Say yes in the comments. Let me know who's ready for this right now. Marty, you're ready. Hunts and Herbs says you're on my tv. All right, well, that's great. Sarah's ready. Beautiful. All right, let's do this. Mission 1. Do one thing, one thing in the next 30 days to elevate your physical appearance. Do one thing to elevate your physical appearance. Essentially, what this boils down to is do one thing that is going to make you feel better about yourself. Now, this is going to seem like a simple one. It's going to seem like an easy one. They're not all designed to be hard. What every single one of these missions is designed to do is give you real momentum. And in order to get momentum, which is one of the great master keys of progress in life, is when we feel stuck and when we're procrastinating, we need to get some form of momentum. I don't know about you. But one of the things that gives me momentum is those little things I do for myself that make me feel good. So it might be, I get a haircut. I got a haircut before this event. It might be to shave. It might be to. To wake up 20 minutes earlier so that you can shower and put on a nice outfit. You may be thinking, right now, I don't have a nice outfit. In which case, great, maybe that's your mission. I'm gonna get myself an outfit that I feel great in. What is it for you? In fact, write some ideas in the comments right now. If there's something, you know, that you could do to elevate your appearance. What is that thing? Because when we do this, it may seem like it's superficial, but it's not because we are sending a clear message to our that we are worth taking care of. Look in the mirror and say, you are worth taking care of. What you're doing is showing yourself that you take you seriously, so other people should, too. You take you seriously, so other people should, too. Someone's saying, go back to yoga. Someone said, I bought a new outfit yesterday. So. Okay, let me give you a pro tip for this. Pro tip for this is make this something that you aren't doing already, something you've been neglecting, and something that by doing it, it will give you a disproportionately good feeling. Okay, so pro tip. You're looking for a disproportionate. Get used to my handwriting. You're looking for a disproportionate result. What's something you often put off about your appearance, but when you do it, you feel great? That's something you're going to do. Okay, we got 30 days to do this one. Let's keep moving. Number two. Number two. Now, this one for a lot of you is going to be a little bit harder. You're going to message three people in the next 30 days that you want to be closer to. You're looking for a disproportionate. Get used to my handwriting. You're looking for a disproportionate result. What's something you often put off about your appearance, but when you do it, you feel great? That's something you're going to do. Okay, we got 30 days to do this one. Let's keep moving. Three people in the next 30 days that you want to be closer to. To explain this mission, Let me ask you, who here has someone in their life who is incredibly negative, toxic? You don't have to say who it is publicly right now, but who has someone like that in their life? Maybe a family member, a friend, someone at work. Some of our number two, number two, now this one for a lot of you is going to be a little bit harder. You're going to message three people in the next 30 days that you want to be closer to. Three people in the next 30 days that YOU want to be closer to. Those poisonous relationships in life. And by the way, even some of the people that love us can take the form of poisonous relationships when they're not good. Some of the most poisonous relationships in our life come from an over reliance on certain people, right? I think about it like this. As I was thinking about this, I was like over rely to explain this mission. Let me ask you, who here has someone in their life who is incredibly negative or toxic? You don't have to say who it is publicly right now, but who has someone like that in their life? Maybe a family member, a friend, someone at work, some of our clients. Who are your alliances in your life? Who are the people that you've allied with that you've made yourself reliant on? And too many of our toxic relationships come from an over reliance, an over reliance on certain people, those poisonous relationships in life. And by the way, even some of the people that love us can take the form of poisonous relationships when they're not good. Some of the most poisonous relationships in our life come from an over reliance on certain people, right? I think about it like this. As I was thinking about this, I was like over reliance. And that in part is because we're not confident enough to pull away from certain relationships. And it's because we're not confident enough to take risks on our own behalf, to open up new relationships in our life, to bring new energy, new opportunities in our life. For a lot of us, that's intensely scary. We have to reach out and invite new alliance. Who are your alliances in your life? Who are the people that you've allied with that you've made yourself reliant on? And too many of our toxic relationships come from an over reliance, an over reliance on certain people energy into our lives. And when we do, things change. Over the last five years of my life, I have met and brought in and made close some of the most extraordinary relationships in my entire life. Some of the relationships I am most grateful for. And that is because I've reached out to new people and brought new people in. Too many of us, especially the older we get. And that in part is because we're not confident enough to pull away from certain relationships. And it's because we're not confident enough to take risks on our own behalf, to open up new relationships in our life, to bring new energy, new opportunities in our life. For a lot of us, that's intensely scary. We have to reach out and invite new. Our networks, our relationships atrophy, and we get stuck in certain toxic patterns with people, or at the very least, certain comfortable patterns with people. So I remember talking to Audrey about this, and I was like, audrey is a pro at this. If anyone knows Audrey, you know, Audrey is a master at making friends. And I was like, all energy into our lives, and when we do, things change. Over the last five years of my life, I have met and brought in and made close some of the most extraordinary relationships in my entire life. Some of the relationships I am most grateful for. Audrey, what is your number one tip? And she was like, I reach out to people. I am not so proud. And that is because I've reached out to new people and brought new people in. Too many of us, especially the older we get, that I do not reach out to people. So we started going through some ideas. What could you actually say in these messages? And by the way, these messages are with people who are acquaintances, who you want to make friends, or maybe loose contacts that you want to turn into real business relationships. How many people have someone in mind right now? Someone in mind that you're like, that's just an acquaintance and I want to make them a friend, or that's just someone I have in my phone book. But they're not an actual. Our networks, our relationships atrophy, and we get stuck in certain toxic patterns with people, or at the very least, certain comfortable patterns with people. So I remember talking to Audrey about this, and I was like, audrey is a pro at this. If anyone knows Audrey, you know, Audrey is a master at making friends. And I was like, what person I'm doing business with, and I'd love to do business with that person. Or that's someone I don't know very well, but I'd love them to mentor me. Who has someone like that? Think about that person. Now, here are some example messages. You could say, hey, I was just thinking about. You haven't spoken in ages. I hope you're doing amazing. Send me an update when you get a chance. I would love to hear how your life is going. Okay, simple Audrey, what is your number one tip? And she was like, I reach out to people. I am not so proud that I do not Reach out to people. So we started going through some ideas. What could you actually say in these messages? And by the way, these messages are with people who are acquaintances, who you want to make friends or maybe loose contacts that you want to turn into real business relationships. I like that one because it doesn't even involve a question. You're not putting someone under pressure. You're just saying, when you get a chance, send me an update. Here's a different one. Hey, I was just thinking about you randomly today. How are you? Let me know if you ever have time and you want to grab a coffee. It would be really great to hang out sometimes. Let me know if you have time. If you ever have time and you want to grab a coffee, it would be really great to hang out sometime. Now, if you've never invited that person to coffee before, they may not know that you had any interest in hanging out. You're extending a real invitation to spend time and to hang ships. How many people have someone in mind right now? Someone in mind that you're like, that's just an acquaintance and I want to make them a friend. Or that's just someone I have in my phone book, but they're not an actual person I'm doing business with and I'd love to do business with that person. Or there's someone I don't know very well, but I'd love them to mentor me. Who has someone like that. Think about that person. Now, here are some example messages. You could say out. Now you're not saying so that we can get to know each other better, which is a little high pressure. You're just saying grab a coffee. It would be really great to hang out sometime. You're cool. You could also comment on something they've done or where congrats are in order. You could say, it seems like you're having such a great time doing Hey, I was just thinking about. You haven't spoken in ages. I hope you're doing amazing xyz. It's really nice to see whatever they've been posting on their social late lately. For example, you can also DM someone this as well if you've exchanged some DMs with someone, but it's never gone further than that. Or you could say, I really enjoyed using send me an update when you get a chance. I would love to hear how your life is going. Okay, simple. I like that one because it doesn't even involve a question. You're not putting someone under pressure. You're just saying when you get a chance Send me an update. Here's a different one. Hey, I was just thinking about you randomly today. How are you? Let me know if you ever have the recent pictures. It looks like you're doing well. I love how you said XYZ in your caption. I thought that was really poignant or I thought that was really on the mark. Okay. By the way, if you're wondering if you want these scripts, we'll put them in the community. So if you're missing these right now and you're like, where can I get these scripts? We're going to put them in the community for you so that you have them there as well as example messages. Time and you want to grab a coffee, it would be really great to hang out sometime. Let me know if you have time. If you ever have time and you want to grab a coffee, it would be really great to hang out sometime. Now, if you've never invited that person to coffee before, they may not know that you had any interest in hanging out. You're extending a real invitation to spend time and to hang out. Now, you're not saying so that we can get to know each other better, which is a little high pressure. You're just saying grab a now. By the way, for anyone who has the impact program right now, I know a bunch of you have my impact program. That program is a great tool for this because it will show you how to take those initial messages forward into deeper relationships. But right now, no matter what, whether you have the impact program or you don't, right now, what we need is a spark. Okay, Coffee. It would be really great to hang out sometime. You're cool. You could also comment on something they've done or where congrats are in order. You could say, it seems like you're having such a great time doing xyz. It's really nice to see whatever they've been posting on their social lately. For example, you could also DM someone this as well if you've exchanged some DMS with someone, but it's never gone further than that. Or you could say, I really enjoyed you. I have one caveat. One rule to add to this. At least one of the messages of the three has to be either a voice note or a video, because I know that's going to challenge a lot of you to get out of your shell. It's too easy to send texts. One of them has to be a voice note or a video. Sound good? Okay. If there's someone you have in mind, leave a comment. Maybe it will help Other people start to think of some ideas, too. Pro tip for this one. Pro tip. Leave the recent pictures. It looks like you're doing well. I love how you said XYZ in your caption. I thought that was really poignant or I thought that was really on the mark. Okay. By the way, if you're wondering if you want these scripts better, we'll put them in the community. So if you're missing these right now and you're like, where can I get these scripts? We're going to put them in the community for you so that you have them there, as well as example messages than you found them. Leave them better than you found them. Okay? Bring positivity, bring life. Bring energy. Don't bring stress. Don't bring pressure. Bring a good vibe to them. Leave them better than you found them. Okay. I have more pro tips for this one, by the way, but I'll tell you about them inside the community. I'll make sure I give you a link at the end for the community. So don't worry about that. Okay. Mission number three. All right, we're moving. Mission number three. Have a hard conversation or a conversation that you have been avoiding. Okay? So now, anyone who thought mission one sounded easy, I'm guaranteeing you're not saying that anymore. Have a conversation that you've been avoiding. And by definition, that's a hard conversation. Because if it wasn't hard, you wouldn't have avoided it. Who here? Immediately. Immediately you can think of something. Every time we avoid something, our confidence gets a little bit weaker. Our life gets better when we do hard things. There's that quote. You know, it's a cliche, but if you want an easy life, do hard things today. If you want a hard life, do easy things today. Well, we want an easy life, so we got to do hard things today. And when it comes to hard conversations, our life gets better in proportion to the number of hard conversations we are willing to have. Now, many of you even thought of having this conversation. How many people in your gut, you feel like there's a. There's a kind of churning in your stomach. And by the way, some of you instantly went to romantic, right? But I bet you there's someone else in your life, too. I bet you there's a family member where there's a resentment under the surface and you haven't been able to share it. I bet you there's a friend in your life who you've not really. They did something or there's something that's happened between the two of you and you've never really felt like you've had it. I bet you there's someone in your life that you've been avoiding because of a hard conversation you're not willing to have. Or maybe someone you've got to say no to, but you've been avoiding them because you don't want to say no, because it's not in your nature to say no, but you really don't want to do the thing they've asked you to do. Here's a pro tip for this one. Pro tip. Focus on intention over perfection. Intention over perfection. Don't try and have the conversation perfectly have it. And when you're having it, part of confidence is being certain, not being certain that it's going to go well. It's being certain of why you're doing it. Being certain of what your intentions are. I have to do this because it's draining me every day. I don't have this conversation. I have to do this because it's affecting our relationship. We could be having a beautiful relationship. But because I haven't aired this, there's all this stuff going on underneath the surface. Okay, leave a comment right now. By the way, what scares you about this conversation? What scares you? Be real, be vulnerable. We have a lot of people here being very honest and vulnerable today. Let's continue that. What scares you about this conversation? That fear goes to the core of where we are lacking confidence. Now, by the way, for anyone who has the Impact Program right now, I know a bunch of you have my Impact program. That program is a great tool for this because it will show you how to take those initial messages forward into deeper relationships. But right now, no matter what, whether you have the Impact program or you don't, right now, what we need is a spark. Okay? We'll talk about that more in a moment. Okay, Mission number four. Mission four. I'm seeing the comments right now. Federico says probably the stakes. Someone says losing the person. Manisha says they'll run away. Someone said, my mum will get upset, hurting my mother, disappointment. I'm not confident about what to. Oh, I missed that one. There's so many people in here right now. The comments are going so fast. It's going to make people mad. Worried about the potential drama, anger from the other person, rejection. You're worried about gaslighting, right? So this, this is all goes to the heart of a much deeper confidence issue. We'll talk about that. Mission number four, we're going to complete one, what I call 90 minute rule trip one, 90 minute rule trip. Now, a 90 minute rule trip is you doing something you would not normally do, going to a place you wouldn't normally go that is within a 90 minute drive of where you live right now. You've got 30 days to do it. By the way, anyone asking when the 30 day timer starts is this Saturday. The 30 days starts this Saturday. Many of us are stuck in a routine and we need to invite new energy into our lives, new possibility into our lives. And one of the ways we do that is getting unstuck from the normal things we do. This mission is a physical expression of something we want to happen in the inside, which is we're going to get more expansive. Confidence means being more expansive, opening our mind up to possibilities. This is a physical representation of that. So you're going to do a little trip somewhere that is within a 90 minute drive, not flight. You can do that if you want, but that's going to make the mission too cumbersome for so many people. Logistically, this Anyone can do 90 minutes drive, bus, train, boat, whatever from where you are right now. Okay, Bonus points if you do this by yourself. That I know for some people is going to be very hard. I speak from experience because I'll never forget a trip I did to Mexico on my own as a vacation. For the first time, I truly took a vacation by myself and the whole thing had me freaked out from the moment I left. I was like, I shouldn't go, I'm not going to go. Why do I. Why am I doing this? When I got there, I was like, I should just go home. Why am I here on my own? That's stupid. I didn't. I was like so resistant to the idea of being in my own company just for fun. I've been in my own company plenty for work, but for fun. That was alien to me. So. But what I learned at the end of that trip was that I really love my company. And when you learn that about yourself, your confidence gets taken to another level because you no longer feel so reliant on other people. Right? Take a good book. Pro tip, by the way. Do this in a way that is going to spark joy. Do it in a way, to quote Mary Marie Kondo, do it in a way that is going to spark joy. Right? If you love movies, then go find a drive in cinema that is an hour and a half away from you and go drive to it. Make a special trip. If you love the ocean and there's a piece of the coastline you've never visited and it's close to you go there. Or if you just know a great restaurant, Like, I'm obsessed with Japanese restaurants. The idea of, like, some of them aren't within an hour of where we live. Some of them are like an hour and a half away. And it feels weird to drive an hour and a half for a restaurant for a lot of people. But I'm giving you permission. So give yourself something that is going to spark joy for you and then do it. 90 minute rule. Okay. And you're going to put this in the community. I want a picture from every single one of you inside the community of you on your 90 minute raw trip. Whether you do it with other people or by yourself, everyone has to post a picture. Okay, let's move on to mission number five. Who here is kind of nervous and excited about doing these five missions? Let me know in the comments. And by the way, Erica, if you don't have a car, you don't have to drive. You can get on public transportation. This isn't about the drive. It's about going somewhere new. Okay. All right, mission number five. I meant to write mission five, and I wrote five mission instead. Mission number five. We are going to perform a new ritual for 30 days. Perform a new ritual for 30 days. Now, what do I mean by a ritual? If you want to change it to the word habit because that means more to you, that's fine. In the context of what I'm saying, those are interchangeable. I like the word ritual because it suggests a level of intentionality and specificity. But think of a new habit or a new ritual that you believe. You don't have to know for sure, but you believe if you did it for 30 days, it might have a real meaningful impact on your life and your confidence. Okay, let me give you the one that I'm going to do for the next 30 days. I'm going to meditate. 10 minutes a day. I have fallen way off of any kind of meditation routine of late. I want to get back to it because part of confidence for me is mental health. And meditation is great for my mental health. So I'm giving myself a task to get back on track. 10 minutes a day, meditation for 30 days. What is it for you? It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't have to be anything like mine. But what's something that if you did it for 30 days, you believe would be good for your confidence? This builds one of the most important components of confidence. Write this down. One of the biggest elements of confidence is self trust. When you stick to a ritual, when you stick to a habit you've set for yourself, it is like you're sticking to a sacred appointment that you have made with yourself. Okay? For me, one of the things I've gotten better at doing is physio exercises for a hamstring. That bothers me. And anyone who's ever had to do physio for an injury knows physio exercises are the most boring exercises in the entire world. But the way I got myself to do them is I said this physio. These boring 15 minutes of exercises are a sacred moment because they are me taking care of myself. It actually, this hamstring bothers me. It bothers I. My. If you come to the retreat, you know this language. I am my human. I'm my person. I'm the one. I've got to take care of me. And if I'm not taking care of me when my hamstring hurts me every day, what am I doing? So my physio isn't just a bunch of boring exercises. It's me taking care of my human. It's a sacred appointment with myself. Okay? And if you. By the way, for those of you who I know, a bunch of you are already signed up for my retreat in October. For those of you that are coming, I'm going to show you a model called the Pain Pleasure Cycle, which is going to show you how to stick to rituals for good. For anyone who struggles to stay on track with habits or rituals, I'm going to show you how to change that forever. For now, though, let's get into a pro tip. Pro tip. If when you're doing your ritual, you fall off, if you fall off, get straight back on. Get straight back on. Do not tell yourself some story of this always happens to me because I suck. I'm so bad at sticking to things. I procrastinate everything. I can never rely on myself. I can never trust myself to do anything for very long. This is so me. Don't do that. Remove the I from it. That's all ego. Ego isn't just, I'm awesome. Ego is also, I'm terrible. Right? Ego is the focus on ourselves, right? You're not uniquely bad. Everyone struggles to stick to things. It's not easy to stick to things, okay? But what we're gonna do is we're gonna stick to this for no matter what, 20 days. That means you have 10 days of grace. You have 10 days of grace. And anytime, by the way, we're shooting for 30. Don't get me. Wrong. We are shooting for 30 days, but 20 days is the absolute floor. And if you have a day where you don't get it done, you don't tell yourself a story about how bad you are. Instead, you just go, oh, I fell off. I'm going to get straight back on again tomorrow. No story. Okay? And remember, day one for this is this Saturday, okay? So day one of these 30 missions, of these five missions over 30 days is this Saturday. Okay? And me and the team, we're going to be doing it with you. We're all going to be doing it together. We all have our own missions that we're going to be doing alongside you. We'll be posting photos as well. So we'll be right there with you inside the community for this. And if you don't have the community link, I'll be giving it to you at the end of this session along with the missions blueprint that I'm giving you. And obviously, we'll do some Q and A at the end as well. Okay? Now, I know that when I go through these missions, there are going to be a lot of different feelings in the room. I am not coming. And I've been. I'm in my 17th year of coaching people now. I know I'm not coming to a bunch of blank slates. I'm coming to people who have fears about losing momentum. How many of you are worried, like, you're, like, this is going to give me some momentum, but I'm scared about keeping that momentum afterwards. Be honest. How many people feel like they're in that place? I love it. DJ says, I'm pumped up. Trio says, I love the challenge already. But who here has that fear like Charlotte? You say that. Who has that fear of, I need to maintain this momentum after I'm done? Okay? So a lot of me's in there. Josh says, very worried. Yeah. Some people saying scared, some people. Nicole says, I'm worried it won't work. Some of us are so stuck right now that we're afraid that we won't even be able to do this in the first place. We have this fear that, yeah, I'm going to feel good on this session. I already feel a little better on this session, but I'm going to lose that feeling. Let me tell you something. There is a big difference. I want you to write this down between an epiphany and a system. An epiphany and a system. An epiphany is a realization, something that wakes you up. You might be here having us. How Many people have had an epiphany already today just by being here. Now. Epiphanies are a wonderful thing. Having a realization is a beautiful thing. But epiphanies aren't the things that change our lives. Systems do what we do every day. The system we work every day is what changes our lives. How many in this room have ever had a time where life just made sense? Where it felt like the fear left you, where it felt like insecurity left you. You had this feeling of like, oh, my God, it all makes sense. I feel at peace right now. Life makes sense. I make sense. I'm not beating myself up. I feel in a good place right now. And it's this elated feeling of, if I could just live like this, I would be happy. And then that moment wore off and all of a sudden you came back, or what we think of as us. And in that moment you had that feeling of, what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I just hold on to this? When I get it, there is something wrong with me. And what happens is we come to that ultimate, hopeless conclusion of I'm broken. Some of you are feeling that today, right? There might not be the people commenting saying, I'm the greatest I've ever been and I have no fear and I'm so excited. But that's not most people. Most people have this feeling of, I know myself, I won't stick to these missions, or even if I do, I'll go back to how I was afterwards. It's only a matter of time before I show up again. How many people. And this I'm going to ask people, maybe even some of you, who haven't commented yet, because I know not everyone comments. I get that I'm not someone who's good at commenting when I'm watching something. How many of you right now are struggling even to get excited? Not because you don't think this is fun and exciting and cool, but because there's some part of you that deep down just really doesn't believe that you're going to do this or you feel like it's not going to work for you. Be honest. Leave a comment right now. Yay. Lou says, yep, totally me. I've lost myself even more after a breakup, says Cartini. This is real. By the way. I want to. I want to thank you because this is real. You saying this. This isn't just mindless pump up. This is you being real about what you're experiencing right now. Sandra says, ready to give up Jay says, some days are really hard. Part of me does, yeah. Because here's the thing. For many of us, we've told ourselves that we're going to do something so many times that we've stopped believing ourselves. We've always stopped believing life because life has disappointed us so many times. So no matter how many times we believe in life that life is going to get better, there's always some other shoe that's going to drop. And it feels like there's endless shoes, shoes that drop. So it gets hard to get our hopes up anymore. Leisure Refugee says, feeling burned out. Kel says, I'm a mess. Ruthanne says, too much loss. So I want to give you a model right now because this is real. What was, what you're saying right now is real. That's not, you know, hype talk. That's real, what you're experiencing. And I want to thank you for your honesty in this. That's why we're here. I want to give you a model that you're going to keep for the rest of your life as my thank you for coming here today. And I have been teaching this on my retreat for the last 15 years. I'm going to give it to you right now. So for anyone who's got that stuck feeling or that deeper fear or that fear of, oh my God, I even just the idea of having that hard conversation sends me into panic. You know, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that or I'm terrified of the rejection of reaching out to three different people. What if it goes badly? Or I don't trust myself to stick to anything in my life or I've lost trust in myself. A lot of people feel like I've just lost trust in my own instincts. How many people here struggle with self doubt and not trusting yourself? This model you're going to have for the rest of your life, it is called the three layers of confidence. Three layers of confidence and the three layers of confidence. This is misunderstood by so many people. So many people, when they talk about even so many people, when they teach confidence, fundamentally misunderstand confidence. There are three layers of confidence. The surface, the identity, and the core. Surface, identity and core. Write these down. Now, let's start with the surface. The surface is super important, okay? For those of you that have impact to that program. The reason I dedicated an entire program to the surface is because I really believe that it's a superpower when you know it. When I ask people what they want to learn from me, One of the huge things they always say is, I want to learn to speak to communicate with clarity and confidence. And that was always one of my most popular things that I taught, because people love learning that. It's not just applicable to your love life, it's applicable to everything because it's about how you speak. Cadence, tone, how you emote, how you gesture, how you use a room, how you make eye contact with people, how you really communicate in a powerful way when you're saying something, how you stand, how you learn to move. This is a powerful instrument. You have just the muscles in your face and the ability to communicate things. Your eyes is a powerful instrument. Your hands, how you use them, how you use your body, how you use your voice. These are powerful tools we have to influence people. Without these skills, I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be able to communicate with you the way that I'm doing today. I value this skill set. But there is a danger with the surface. The danger with the surface is that it can dissolve at the first sign of a strong force when we don't feel confident on a deeper level. So I'll give you an example. I heard a story. This is someone told me a story of her friend who was a big fan of my work and loved the all the practical side of the dating advice. So she got heavily into the practical side of everything I taught. And one day she sent a message that I had many of. You know, if you follow me for a long time, you know that I have messages that I recommend for people who are stuck in limbo, for people who don't know what to do when they're not getting enough from somebody, when someone's blowing hot and cold. Well, this woman was in that situation, and she sent one of my messages. It was a great message, I'm sure. Now he sent a message back to her, and his message back read, this doesn't sound like you. Now, here's what she should have done in that moment. She should have said, you know what? The truth is, I've really been having fun with you, and it's been a great time, and I'm. You know, I like you. I think you're wonderful. And I've been doing my part to try to make this work, but I've realized that I'm compromising on my own needs in order to try to keep this going, and I'm just not prepared to do that anymore. It's great hanging out with you, but that's not more important to me than what I really want, which is a relationship. That's what she should have said. And all it would have done is shown him that she was serious, that this was a standard. But this wasn't a standard because it didn't come from a deeper place of confidence. It was a tactic. And when the tactic didn't work and when she was met with a strong force in the other direction, she fell apart. He said, this doesn't sound like you. And she said, you're right, it doesn't. There's this guy, Matthew Hussey, and he's a coach and he has these messages and I sent you one because I really like you and I want it to go somewhere. And the painful, painful, painful, painful. And you know, I don't need to tell you, his respect in that moment would have plummeted. Ah, I got you. Because I know now this isn't a standard, this is just a tactic. If you're just performing on the surface to look a certain way, that's a tactic. Standards come from a deeper level of confidence. So let's get down to a deeper level of confidence. We move down from the surface to the identity level. Now, the identity level of confidence is the things that we attach our confidence to. Okay? The parts of our identity that we've come to rely on to feel safe and secure for some of us is the fact that we have great relationship for others is that we're close to our family or we have a great group of friends or one best friend, or that we play an instrument and that gives us a sense of confidence and identity, or that we know a second language or that we've achieved a certain height in our career, or that we've traveled the world or that we've read a lot of books and we are, we intellectually can run rings around anybody. We all have ourselves, sources of confidence. Now in and of themselves. These things aren't dangerous, except they can become dangerous when we over rely on them. When we start to base our entire sense of worth on the things that we have and value on the identity level, that's when we become vulnerable. So for some of you, it's a relationship. There's a certain relationship and it doesn't have to be with romantically. It could be with a parent, it could be with a best friend, it could be with a sibling. But that relationship has come to mean your sense of worth. And the idea of losing that relationship is like the death of who you are for other people. It's your career. You can't imagine losing your Career, because you go, who am I without this? And the problem is, when we make something so important that our entire confidence relies on it, we become a hostage to that part of our lives. How many people have ever experienced that in a relationship? You felt like you couldn't afford to lose a relationship because it had become your sense of worth? Be honest. How many people have ever experienced that? I can't lose this person. My value is based on whether they like me or not. So. And by the way, that in our work, that's the essence of imposter syndrome, isn't it? I don't feel good enough. I, I. But I can't lose my job because it's the only source of my confidence. So most people, even people in the world who look outwardly confident, who we think of as confident, most of them, their confidence stops here, at the identity level. Most people spend their whole lives building the identity layer of confidence to make up for what they are lacking at their core. This is where it's at for peace, happiness, and truly being powerful. Because without the core, we are building our identity on quicksand. Without the core, we are building our identity on quicksand. Because at the core, what people feel is, I can't shake my patterns. No matter what I do, I'll always be the way I am. No job or relationship has ever truly made me feel worthy. There are things that have happened to me in my life that I will never get over. I'm broken, I'm bad, I'm not good enough. I'm going to get found out. I had a client who had panic attacks every morning before going to work. Every morning, she said I would throw up daily before I went to work. This is a person who once stood outside for two hours waiting for a friend to show up who she was supposed to be going into a bar with. And she waited outside for two hours because she couldn't bring herself to go in alone. And she said, I was outside. And there was as much. She said, I stood in the rain and there were as many tears on my face as there were raindrops. This is a person who believed it would never be different. When we ignore the work at the core, it has a funny way of sneaking up on us. And actually, a lot of us in our 20s, we find all sorts of distractions. Some people do it for their whole lives. It's only certain people who wake up at a certain point in their life and say, I've got to switch my focus from here to here. But a lot of people they never do that. How many people identify with spending a lot of time on the identity level, building up these things in your life and realizing that the lack of confidence at your core snuck up on you? You know, it's funny, I got into a relationship which, in the beginning, this is how it snuck up on me in two ways. The first way was a relationship where in the beginning it felt fun and I didn't know that anything was wrong. And the longer it went on, the more it turned into a relationship of pure suffering. I was constantly anxious, felt sick with anxiety in this relationship, was so unhappy. I did everything to please this person. I did everything to try to make this person love me. I did everything to try to be enough for this person, because I never felt enough. I did everything to try to make it work. And what do you think happened in the process? I lost myself. I completely lost myself. I. I grew detached from the things that gave me importance in life, like my work, my family, my friends, all the things that were really important to me that grounded me. I lost control. And I started just focusing on this person because it had triggered some deep sense of not being worthy in me. And I really lost myself to this relationship. And it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It ended in the worst heartbreak of my life. And I got to the end of it. And I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but I got to the end of it. And the further I got away from it, the more I was able to look at it and someone, a mentor of mine, because I had a coach at the time, a mentor of mine, and I'm someone, if you know me, you know, I. I believe in coaching. I believe in finding great mentors. And there was someone who said to me, matthew, you know, once we get through this heartbreak, we have to start to ask the question of why this happened, what happened there. And I was asking myself the same question. How did I let this happen? What happened to me in this situation? And if we don't answer that question and if we don't fix that, it will show up in other ways in our life. One of the other ways it showed up for me was in the form of tinnitus. I'd been ignoring certain things in my life for so long, and I started to develop a ringing in my ears, and I had physical pain in my head and my neck and my ear. This is a story for another time, but it ruined my life for quite some time. For years, I was suffering from chronic pain and we all have some form of chronic pain that we're suffering from, don't we? Loneliness, heartbreak that we can't seem to get over, grief that we can't seem to get over. Sometimes grief for the life we thought we, we were going to have that we never had. Sometimes it's grief for not being able to have children, grief for losing a relationship. We have all sorts of grief in our life that feels chronic that we're never going to get over. Sometimes it's the chronic pain of never being able to change, but we feel like I'm never going to change. And for me, my chronic pain started to turn into self hatred. I started to hate myself because I was like, somehow you did this to yourself. You know, if you were stronger, you'd be able to fix this. If you, you know, were more resourceful, you'd be able to do something about this. You're weak. Like the. The things I said to myself during this time was some of the nasty. No one has ever said anything as nasty to me as I said to myself in that time, who can relate? And all of this was because of work I needed to do at my core. Because the truth is, when the identity level won't fix the problem anymore, you have no alternative but to turn to the core and to do that work. In what ways has that become true in your life? And I don't know about you, but this didn't come naturally to me. I've struggled a lot with persistent anxiety in my life. Anxiety has been the bane of my life. What's it been for you? I've had to overcome a lot of internal programming from early on in my life that has caused me a lot of pain. Loving myself, which is all occurs at this level, has never come naturally to me. All this to say, by the way, if you want a simple coach, I'm not your guy. I'm a complicated person. My mind has given me a lot of trouble in my life. But for me, that's exactly why, for myself, even before I did it for anyone else, I had to create a robust solution to this. I needed more than an epiphany. I'd had epiphanies before. They didn't last. I needed a system. And that is why 17 years ago, I created, for those of you that know, I created the Retreat program. And I've been improving it ever since. People say, how did you create that? Why did you create that? And I always tell people I created it for me first. And it's a system I've never Stopped using. I returned to it every single year. It has been responsible for the best things in my life. It has been the life raft when the worst things are happening to me. It has taught me how to relate to myself differently, how to forgive myself, how to truly put the past behind me, how to assert boundaries and not be a slave to guilt, because that's another one of my big ones. How about you? I've lived so much of my life acting out of guilt and people pleasing. My system for core confidence helped me remove people from my life that didn't deserve to be there because of the way they were treating me. It helped me change my own destructive patterns that kept me stuck in the life that I had. And through it, I actually learned how to trust myself and my decisions, which is I'll never forget one of my mentors saying to me. I said, what's my biggest weakness, in your opinion? And they said, you don't trust yourself. You don't trust your own decisions. You're always looking for the answer outside of you and people. I know, probably a lot of you looking at me wouldn't believe that, but that's true. That was said to me by someone I trust and care for, someone. Someone who coached me. But I've learned to trust my decisions. I've learned to trust myself on a level I've never done before, all because I have a system for core confidence. And it's not our fault that we are this way, right? We're this way because of the way we were brought up. We're this way because of our own brain chemistry, which is different for all of us. We're this way because of things that have happened to us in our life. Right? It's not our fault that we are this way. But if we want a better life, it is our responsibility to change it. I found Audrey because of the work I did at this level. Audrey, I can tell you, she sat right there. That woman there would never have been attracted to me if I wasn't doing this work. Because I was doing this work, I attracted someone who was peaceful into my life, someone I fell in love with, but also brought me peace and continues to educate me. Now Audrey teaches me, but I would never have found that teacher and that healing force if I hadn't focused on bringing that energy to the table. And spoiler alert, I no longer have pain. That's gone. It's an amazing thing, by the way. I still have some ringing in my ears that didn't go away, but I never think about it anymore. Because when you know how to do this, you don't just change the things you can change. You learn to change your relationship with the things you can't. And that's an incredibly powerful thing. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks because of the ringing in my ears. Doesn't bother me at all anymore. It's like an old friend. And I feel so proud to be able to tell you today that this has been the same thing, not just to me, but to people all over the world who have learned it. The woman I told you about earlier who had panic attacks, this woman. I'm going to tell you a quick story and then, by the way, I'm going to get. I want to give you the missions blueprint. I want to give you the link to the community. I want to do some Q and A with you guys. So stay till the But I want to tell you this quick story. There was a woman who my cousin Billy, who you'll meet in a little bit, I'm going to come and introduce. I'm going to bring him on and introduce him. She billy said to me a few days ago, matt, I know you're working really hard preparing for this event, the 30 Day Confidence Challenge. I want to remind you because he knows I look for emotional triggers for good feelings. He said, I want to remind you of what we do for people. And he sent me an email from a woman. This email was from 2016 and she had been to my retreat in 2012. She said to me, matthew, I need to send you this because when I came to your retreat, I was having daily panic attacks before I went to work. I was throwing up every morning. I once waited two hours in the rain for a friend. She said my life was riddled with anxiety. She said, I even came on your retreat and I had a panic attack the first day. She said, the second day, when I told my story, which was an extremely harrowing account of something that happened to me in my life, I had a panic attack as I was telling my story. She said, I'm writing to tell you today that it's 2016 now and the last time I had a panic attack was the final day of the retreat in 2012. She said, that program changed my life. I'm now living out a dream that I had since I was 13. I moved to Los Angeles, which was crazy ironic because I was in LA at the time. She said, I've spoken in front of audiences. She talked about the people she's met in her love Life, which was some amazing stories. She said, it has changed me. And she said, you didn't do the work for me. I did the work, but you gave me the system. And so I said to Billy, I texted him and I said, do we have her number? Because I want to call her. And I remembered I actually caught up with her during those years. And I said, I want to speak to her again. So I called her and we had a conversation. And she was surprised, obviously surprised. I was on the phone and I said, I want to tell you your email. This is literally three days ago now. I said, your email. I just read it again for the first time in years, and it is one of the most beautiful. I can't tell you how it's made my day. I said, how are you doing? She said, matthew, I cannot believe. She said, I couldn't believe. I thought this was a prank. She said, I can't believe you're calling me. She said, you have no idea. She said, I don't think you will ever realize, ever, what your work actually does for people. She said, I can tell you, with no exaggeration, if I had not come to the retreat in 2012, I wouldn't be alive today. When I asked her this, by the way, when I talked to her, she was a few streets down from me. I said, where are you? She said, I'm in la. She said, I'm on Sunset. I was like, what? You're here? She's like, yeah, I've been here, living my dream ever since. I said, you have to come on the retreat this year. I said, you can come as my guest, but you have to come. And so she said, are you kidding me? She said, I'm there, I'm there. I'm booking my flights, I'm there. So easy things today. Well, we want an easy life, so we got to do hard things today. And when it comes to hard conversations, our life gets better in proportion to the number of hard conversations we are willing to have. Now, many of you even thought of having this conversation. How many people, in your gut, you feel like there's a. There's a kind of churning in your stomach. But now, in October, for those of you that are coming to the retreat, I don't want to give away her name because that's for her to do. But on the October retreat, she is going to be there. And she said, if I can be there and I can tell one person in that room what this has done for me, that will be enough. She said, I'd love to Come. So she is going to come. For those of you coming, you're going to meet her. And here's the crazy part, and this is the thing I really want you to hear. I said to her, she said, I've still kept all of my notes, everything from the retreat, she said, and I make. I said, you still have it all. She said, I still have it all from 2012. She said, I'll do one better. I still go through that system every single year. I get all my notes out and I go through it every year. To this day, she's the same as me. My system, this system that I have is the last thing I would ever give up. And I am telling you this today for a couple of reasons. The first is to say that we will never truly find peace and happiness if we don't do the deeper work that I'm talking about. And the second is that regardless of the 30 day challenge, by the way, some of you instantly went to romantics, right? But I bet you there's someone else in your life too. I bet you there's a family member where there's a resentment under the surface and you haven't been able to share it. I bet you there's a friend in your life who you've not really they did something or there's something that's happened between the two of you. You've never really felt like you've had it. I bet you there's someone in your life that you've been avoiding because of a harsh that we're going on together. No matter what, we're going to do that. I want to show you this system that I've created. I would love to be the person who helps you make those changes. Like I said, no matter what, we're going to do this 30 day challenge together. So don't worry, you're here for the challenge we're going to conversation you're not willing to have or maybe someone you've got to say no to, but you've been avoiding them because you don't want to say no because it's not in your nature to say no, but you really don't want to do the thing they've asked you to do. Here's a pro tip for this one. Pro tip do that. I'm going to be with you in the community from this weekend onwards. From Saturday onwards, I'm not going anywhere. But my not so secret mission is to encourage you and to invite you into an experience that is going to give you something much, much deeper that's going to get you the system for Core Confidence that will change things about yourself that you have stopped. Focus on intent. Believing can change. And if your instinct, by the way, is that you can't do the retreat, if your initial feeling is I can't do the retreat, oh, here we go. I can't do the retreat or it's not possible for me financially. Listen to me. For 17 years of my life, the retreat was a full $4,000 program that took place over an entire week over perfection. Intention over perfection. Don't try and have the conversation. Perfectly have it. And when you're having it, part of confidence. It has changed thousands of lives. If you are here, by the way, and you've done a retreat and it did that for you, leave a comment and tell people about it. Please let people know what it did for you. But let me tell you, the greatest tragedy of the retreat is that a lot of people could not take a program that was one week long. Some couldn't travel at all, and many were not in a position financially to do it. My mission this year is to get every single person in my audience through this program and to remove every possible barrier I can. That is making that impossible for people is being certain, not being certain that it's going to go well. It's being certain of why you're doing it. So I made three major changes. Number one, I made it a weekend. I didn't compromise being certain of what your intentions are. I have to do this because it's draining me every day. I don't have this conversation. I have to do this because it's affecting our relationship. We could be having a beautiful relationship, but because I haven't aired this, there's all this stuff going on underneath the surface. Okay, leave a comment right now, by the way, on the breakthroughs you get from a one week retreat. I took the most important parts. I took the system for core confidence and I put it into a weekend. So I made it much simpler for people to get to. The second thing I did is I sliced the price by more than five times to less than, to less than a quarter of what it used to be. So anyone who's saying I can't pay thousands of dollars to come to a retreat, you don't have to. And the third thing is I created a virtual ticket for anyone who couldn't make it in person. I have literally done everything I can because I want you to experience this and for everyone who is here today as pie. What scares you about this conversation? What scares you be real. Be the 30 day confidence challenge. I wanted to go a step further to make it as simple as possible for you to say yes because you're vulnerable. We have a lot of people here being very honest and vulnerable today. Let's continue that. What scares you about this conversation? That fear goes to the core of where we are lacking confidence. Confidence. We'll talk about that more in a moment. Okay. Mission number four. You are right for this. If you're here right now, then you're right for this. You're right to join me in October when this retreat is taking place. So I have number one for you guys. Put together some really exciting discounts, up to $500 on the top tier of ticket, which is a VIP ticket. There's only 51 of those left, by the way. Last time I checked, those are selling out. So if you want a VIP experience, make sure you get one of those. And this is to come and join me in Miami. The second thing I'm doing on top of the discounts that are available only for you guys is you only. Whether or not you want to come and join me in mission four in person or you want to join me virtually, it's taking place in Miami in October. Whether you want to join me in person, I'm seeing the comments right now. Federico says probably the stakes. Someone says losing the person. Manisha says they'll run away. Someone said my mum will get upset, hurting my mother, disappointment. I'm not confident. Virtually the only thing you need to put down today is a $195 deposit. That's it. By the way, if you're coming to the virtual event, that's your entire ticket done. If you're coming to the live, that acts as your deposit to guarantee your seat. Because this is a live event, there are only so many seats in the room, by the way, Spoiler. I don't have enough seats for everybody here. So the Miami experience is going to be extraordinary. Anyone who's been to a retreat will tell you that. Get there if you possibly can. There's nothing like being in that room. But if you can't be in that room, then you can do the virtual. And we've put together flexible payment plans for people and so for any about what to. Oh, I missed that one. There's so many people in here right now. The comments are going so fast. One who needs a little financial help. We've got you covered. And for today only, because we have three clear months between now and the retreat is actually just the way that this worked out. We have an extended payment plan. It's going to make people mad, worried about the potential drama, anger from the other person, rejection. You're worried about gaslighting. Right? So this, this is all goes to the heart of a much deeper confidence issue. We'll talk about that. Mission number four, we're going to allows you to split it into three payments. And your next payment won't even be till a month from now. Okay. So if you want the most flexible extended payment plan, today is the day. And I have also for those of you that want to work on this, and for those of you that don't have impact, the bad news is impact is not for sale. It hasn't been for sale for a long time. So no one's been able to get it. But I know that for 99 of you, you don't just want to work on this. You also want to master the surface level. So for anyone who is coming to the live event in Miami, whether you get the general ticket or the VIP ticket, one what I call 90 minute rule trip, I have thrown in my program impact so that you can master this. It's a 190 minute rule trip $300 program. And as I said, it's not for sale. I'm just going to give it to you. You can access it today, literally as soon as you get your ticket. Okay. And you can use it to help you with the 30 days of missions. There literally isn't anything else. Now, a 90 minute road trip is you doing something you would not normally do. Going to a place you wouldn't normally go that is within a 90 minute I can do. Guys, I have. This is my baby and it changes people's lives. And I've tried this year. I said to my team, whatever I can do to get people there, I'm so aware that the best thing we do is experienced by the least number of people. So we have to get people there no matter what we do. Everything I can do, I've done. As far as you know, the only thing you need to put down is $195 to get in that room. You just need to walk through the door that I've opened for you. It only happens once a year, so you'll have to wait a whole other year for this if you don't want to do it now or if you don't make the decision now. You came here for this challenge, so I know this is right for you. This shouldn't be about whether you come. It should be about drive of where you live right now. You've got 30 days to do it, by the way, and how you come. And as I said, there are only limited seats in the actual room. So not everyone here is going to be able to come to the event itself. By the way, I want to show you what a room like that is like for anyone who's never been in something like this or has never done it with us, because there is no one who does it like us. I have a 90 second video. Anyone asking when the 30 day timer starts? It's this Saturday. The 30 days starts this Saturday. Many of us are stuck in a routine and we need to invite new energy into our lives, new possibility into our lives. And one of the ways we do that is getting unstuck to show you. And by the way, if you've been on a retreat before in the comments while we're watching this video, let people know what it was like for you to be in that room. We'll leave, we'll watch this video right now. How do you go from giving dating advice to talking about the deepest questions in life? He is a New York Times best.

Selling author, a human behavior expert, a YouTuber public speaker.

His advice reaches over 8 million followers weekly. Please welcome back to from the normal things we Do. This mission is a physical expression of something we show our dear friend Matthew Hussey. You're part of a story. Stories have emotion. The room is gonna divide and there's a reason that we as human beings respond to story. We learn, want to happen in the inside, which is we're gonna get more expansive. Confidence means being more expansive, opening our mind up to possibilities. This is a physical representation of that. So you're going to do a little trip somewhere that is within a 90 minute drive, not flight. You can through story. We change through story. This model is designed to work with your logical core and your emotional core. When they talk to each other, that's when you can get yourself to do something. And of course it's challenging. The funny thing about the retreat is it's not escapism. We don't get to escape anything on the retreat. It's the opposite. We have to deal with everything. When I actually came here, I could feel and I could see that he actually lives. You can do that if you want, but that's going to make the mission too cumbersome for so many people. Logistically, this anyone can do. She says. This is the manual that I use for my own life. We're all going through the same stuff. It Just has a different name. But everybody has that. Go out there and say, this is who I want to be. That's why. 90 minutes drive, bus, train, boat, whatever. From where you are right now. I'm doing it because I can't get to 90 years old and look back and know that I didn't spend my life being this person. Okay, bonus points if you do this by yourself that I know for some people is going to be very hard. I speak from experience because I'll never forget a trip I did to Mexico. You will come out of here feeling like a new person. You'll be excited to get back to your life and make changes. I felt something like almost over. My whole body feeling like I really have permanently shifted. It's an amazing screen. And I think I always say this, that it's the best money and time and energy that I've spent 100. It's the best money. I'm. Take the leap. Do it. It will be the bet. One of the best decisions you could make in your life. Give yourself the gift of investing in yourself. On my own as a vacation, for the first time, I truly took a vacation by myself. And the whole if you know you are ready to level up not just your life, but your mind, then I promise you you will not be disappointed by coming and joining us here. Thing had me freaked out from the moment I left. I was like, I shouldn't go. I'm not going to go. Why do I. Why am I doing this? When I got there, I was like, I should just go home. Why am I here on my own? That's stupid. I didn't. I was like, so resistant to the idea of being in my own company just for fun. I've been in my own company plenty. For work. Who wants to join us? The retreat is taking place on the 18th and 19th October this year. This is going to be the date of your life as far as your personal growth is concerned. I know. I know what it is like when you have this voice in your head telling you that you can't do something, telling you that you're not good enough, telling you that you're never going to be able to achieve some. But for fun, that was alien to me. So. But what I learned at the end of that trip thing telling you that, you know, constantly doubting you. I've had that voice in my head in the past. And that voice usually isn't yours, is somebody else's. Is someone got in your head was that I really love my company. And when you learn that about yourself, your confidence gets taken to another level because you no longer feel so reliant on other people. Right? Take a good book at an early age and told you you weren't good enough or made you feel like you weren't important, made you feel like your needs weren't important, made you feel like you shouldn't have a voice, your voice didn't matter. Our job is to give ourselves the gift of seeing what's actually possible. Pro tip, by the way, do this in a way that is for us to not let that voice win. Because when we don't feel confident, when we feel insecure, when we don't feel like we're going after it in life, all we're doing is sowing the seeds for future going to spark joy. Do it in a way, to quote Mary Marie Kondo, do it in a great in our life. I really hope you're going to join me on this. With all my heart, I hope you're going to join me on this. I hope you're going to join me in Miami and if you can't travel to be with me in Miami, I hope that at the very least you'll get your way. That is going to spark joy. Right? If you love movies, then go find a drive in cinema that is an hour and a half away from you and go drive to it. Make a special trip if you self a virtual ticket. As I said, this shouldn't be about whether you come, it should just be about how you attend. The link is retreataccess.com Go grab your ticket and we're going to come back. I'm going to do Q and A with you. I'm going to give you the missions blueprint to fill out and we're going to do a great job of making sure you have everything you need for the challenge. So don't go anywhere. We're going to take a throw of the ocean and there's a piece of the coastline you've never visited and it's close to you go there or if you just know a three minute break, I'm going to give you a chance to go and grab a ticket to this especially right now because like I said for the in person event, that extended payment plan is only available today. This is for 100 great restaurant like I'm, I'm obsessed with Japanese restaurants. I the idea of 95 to reserve your seat, that's barely the price of an hour with a great coach or a great like some of them aren't within an hour of where we live. Some of them are like an hour and a half away. And it feels weird to drive an hour and a half for a restaurant for a lot of people. But I'm giving you permission, so give yourself some therapist. And you're not getting an hour. You're getting me and my undivided attention for an entire weekend. And you're not paying $4,000 for it, which was our old retreat. So I'm going to leave the Link right now. Retreataccess.com Grab your ticket, come join me live. By the way, come join me in Miami. I'd love to be with you for the weekend and get to know you better. And I'll join you back here again in three minutes. Okay, once you have your ticket, let me know in the comments. I'm going to be reading the comments right now and finding out who's coming. So as soon as something that is going to spark joy for you and then do it. 90 minute roll. Okay, as you have your ticket, leave me a comment. Let's take a three minute break, grab your ticket and I'll see you in three. You're going to put this in the community. I want a picture from every single one of you inside the community of you on your 90 minute road trip. Whether you do it with other people or by yourself, everyone has to post a picture. Okay, let's move on to mission number five. Who here is kind of you on your 90 minute raw trip. Whether you do it with other people or by yourself, everyone has to post a picture. Okay, let's move on to mission number five. Who here is kind of nervous and excited about doing these five missions? Let me know in the comments. And by the way, Erica, if you don't have a car, you don't have to drive. You can get on public transportation. This isn't about the drive, it's about going somewhere new. Okay. All right, mission number five. I meant to write mission five and I wrote five mission instead. Mission number five. We are going to perform a new ritual for nervous and excited about doing these five missions. Let me know in the comments. And by the way, Erica, if you don't have a 30 days, perform a new ritual for three 30 days. Now, what do I mean by a ritual? If you want to change it to the word habit because that means more to you, that's fine. In the context of what I'm saying, those are interchangeable. I like the word ritual because it suggests a level of intentionality and, and specificity. But think of a new habit Or a new ritual that you believe. Car you don't have to drive. You can get on public transportation. This isn't about the drive. It's about going somewhere. If you don't have to know for sure, but you believe if you did it for 30 days, it might have a real meaningful impact on your life and your company. Confidence. Okay, let me give you the one that I'm going to do for the next 30 days. I'm going to meditate 10 minutes a day. I have fallen way off of any kind of meditation routine of late I want to do. Okay, all right, mission number five. Get back to it. Because part of confidence for me is mental health. And meditation is great for my mental health. So I'm giving myself a task to get back on track. 10 minutes a day meditation for 30 days. What is it for you? It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't have to be anything like mine. But what's something that if you did it for 30 days, you believe would be good for your confidence? This builds one of the most important components of confidence. Write this down. One of the biggest elements of confidence is self trust. When you stick to a ritual, when you stick to a habit you've set for yourself, it is like you're sticking to a sacred appointment that you have made with yourself. Okay, I. For me, one of the things I've gotten better at doing is physio exercises for a meant to write mission five. And I wrote five mission instead. Mission number five. All right, leave me a comment. Let me know who has their ticket. I want to be able to just say huge congratulations to people who are here right now who have got their ticket. Who's coming to see me in Miami? Let me know. I'd love to know. And we are going to perform a new ritual for 30 days. Perform a new ritual for 30 days. Now, what do I mean by a ritual? If you want to change it to the word habit because that means more to you, that's fine in the context. Whether you've got your virtual ticket or a regular or a ticket to the main event, let me know either way. Valerie. Done. Thank you, Laurie. I just did this, and I'm having hamstring. That bothers me. And anyone who's ever had to do physio for an injury knows physio exercises are the most boring exercises in the entire world. But the way I got myself to do them is I said this physio. These boring 15 minutes of exercises are a sacred moment because they are me taking care of Myself. It actually. This hamstring bothers me. It bothers I. My. If you come to the retreat. You know this language. I am my human. I'm my person. I'm the one. I've got to take care of me. And if I'm not taking care of me when my hamstring hurts me every day, what am I doing? So my physio isn't just a bunch of boring exercises. It's me taking a lot of anxiety. Well, guess what? Any questions you have, you let us know and we are here for you. Trish got the live stream ticket, virtual ticket. Taking care of my human. It's a sacred appointment with myself. Okay. And if you. By the way, for those of you who I know, a bunch of you are already signed up for my retreat in October. For those of you that are coming, I'm going to show you a model called the Pain Pleasure Cycle, which is going to show you how to stick to rituals for good. For anyone who struggles. DT Susan D. Is gonna be there. Maria got a live stream ticket. Beautiful. Marianne, I'm going to stay on track with habits or rituals. I'm going to show you how to change that forever. For now, though, Jen, you're going to be there. I can't wait to see you. Amazing. Lily. Vi, let's get into a pro tip. Pro tip. If when you're doing your ritual, you fall off. If you fall off, get straight back on. Get straight back on. P. You're on the VIP ticket list for the main event in Miami. Amazing. I can't wait to to see you there. Beautiful. There's so many of you coming. Do not tell yourself some story of this always happens of what I'm saying. Those are interchangeable. I like the word ritual because it suggests a level of intentionality. I'm so happy we're going to have an amazing time together. And while you're sending in these comments, let me know right now if you have questions. Questions relating to the. To me because I suck. I'm so bad at sticking to things. I procrastinate everything. I can never rely on myself. I can never trust myself to do anything for very long. This is so me. Don't do that. Remove the eye from it. That's all ego. Ego isn't just I'm awesome. Ego is also I'm terrible. Three layers of confidence or any of the five missions. I want to take some questions now and take a minute to answer those. Also, I'm gonna give you the link to go to the commute. Right. Ego Is the focus on ourselves. Right. You're not uniquely bad. Everyone unity as well. So that you have that, that link is MH confidence.com so that will both take you to the community and the missions blueprint. Let's throw that link in there as well for them team. When we get a chance and struggles to stick to things, it's not easy to stick to things. Okay. But what we're gonna do is we're gonna stick to this for no matter what. 20 days. That means you have 10 days of grace. You have 10 days of grace and anytime. And let's do some, some questions. So someone said here, when does the challenge start? What happens if we miss a day of the challenge? Will we get behind? Absolutely not. This is about having 30 days to do. And by the way, we're shooting for 30. Don't get me wrong, we are shooting for 30 days. But 20 days is the AB. These five missions, we're not going to be breathing down your neck every single day. In those 30 days. We'll be doing check ins over and specificity. But think of a new habit or a new ritual that you believe. You don't have to know for sure, but you believe if you did it for 30 days, it might have a real meaningful impact on your life and your confidence. Okay, let me give you the one that I'm going to do for the next 30 days. I'm going to meditate 10 minutes a day, those 30 days. But you've got 30 days to complete all five. Okay? So don't worry about salute floor. And if you have a day where you don't get it done, you don't tell yourself a story about how bad you are. Instead you just go, oh, I fell off. I'm going to get straight back on again tomorrow. No story. Okay? And remember, day one for this is this Saturday. Okay? So day one of these, that starts this Saturday. All right, let's see what else Anna says, how do we build the core? Well, that's exactly what I'm doing on the retreat. But some of the things that we need to do to build the core is we need to actually understand how to fundamentally change our relationship with ourselves. 30 missions of these five missions over 30 days is this Saturday. Okay? And me and the team, we're going to be doing it with you. We're all going to be doing it together. We all have our own missions that we're going to be doing alongside you. We'll be posting photos as well. So we'll be right there with you inside the community for this. And if you don't have the community link, I'll be giving it to you at the end of this session along with the missions blueprint that I'm giving you. How to change our relationship with that voice that has been speaking so loudly for many so, so long about what we're not capable of, about ways we're not good enough, putting us down, shaming us for things in our life. That voice has become so loud that it dominates, and we don't even realize. I have fallen way off of any kind of meditation routine of late. I want to. And obviously we'll do some Q and A at the end as well. Okay. Now, I know that when I go through these missions, there are going to be a lot of different feelings in the room. I am not coming. And I've been. I'm in my 17th year of coaching people now. I know I'm not coming to a bunch of blank slates. I'm coming to people who have fears about losing momentum. How many of you are worried, like, you're, like, this is going to give me some momentum, but I'm scared about keeping that momentum afterwards. Be honest. How many people feel like they're in that place? I love it. DJ says, I'm pumped up. Trio says, I love the challenge. Already there are other voices available to us. We go through a process of actually understanding how to connect to those other voices and change the relationship we have with ourselves in the process. There's also a process of letting go that we need to go through. You know, so many of us have held on to so much from the past, many of us without even realizing it, and we actually have to go through a process. But who here has that fear like Charlotte? You say that. Who? I get back to it because part of confidence for me is mental health, and meditation is great for my mental health. So I'm giving myself a task to get back on track. 10 minutes a day, meditation for 30 days. What is it for that fear of, I need to maintain this momentum after I'm done. Okay. So a lot of me's in there. Josh says, very worried. Yeah. Some people saying, scared for you. It doesn't matter what it is. It doesn't have to be anything like mine. But was something that if you did it for 30 days, some people, Nicole says, I'm worried it won't work. Some of us are letting go of that stuff so that we can begin again. For many people, they've never been able to do that. There's still on a Loop about the past. So we work on that together. We work on building self trust. Self trust is an enormous component of core confidence. So we work on self trust and being able to stick to the things that we say we're going to do. There's a. The reason are so stuck right now that we're afraid that we won't even be able to do this in the first place. We have this fear that, yeah, I'm going to feel good on this session. I already feel a little better on this session, but I'm going to lose that feeling. Feeling. Let me tell you something. There is a big difference. I want you to write this down. Between an epiphany it takes me two days to do it is because it's literally not something I can sum up in the space of five minutes. It's something I've worked 17 years to build. So it's a big. How to build core confidence is a big question. That's why I've dedicated an entire program to it. All right, let's see. What other questions do we have? Have we dropped any in there? Okay. Chalala says, what is the surface? That's all of that surface level stuff I've been talking about in terms of our impact. The way we talk, the way we walk, the way we move, the way we gesture. Everything you've seen me do today, by the way, has been an element of surface level confidence. Right. It's a set of skills that you believe would be good for your confidence. This builds one of the most important I've honed over many years on how to present. Okay, let's see. Opponents of confidence. Write this down. One of the biggest elements of confidence is self trust. When you stick to a ritual, when you stick to a habit you've set for yourself. I'm looking at these comments are moving very fast. So I'm trying to grab. Grab them as they come team. If you can grab any for me as they go, that would be. It is like you're sticking to a sacred appointment that you have made with yourself. Okay. How are the five missions linked to the layers? Well, if you think about it, different missions hit different layers. So for example, if you take mission number one, which was doing something to elevate our appearance, that would be on the surface. So mission one is very much a surface level mission. If we talk about mission two, what remind me, what was mission two? Mission two is the three messages. The three messages are also a great way to work on our impact. And by the way, they get to the Core, they reveal what might be missing. Our core. Because if we feel like, I'm scared of sending those messages, it's because of a fear of rejection. At the core, it's because of a fear, I'm not good enough. I'm not an equal to anybody else. So that gets to the core. But what it also allows us to do is work on our surface level. Confidence, by the way. And a system, an epiphany. And a system. An epiphany is a realization, something that wakes you up. You might be here having us. How many people have had an epiphany already today just by being here now? Epiphanies are a wonderful thing. Having a realization is a beautiful thing. But epiphanies aren't the things that change our lives. Systems do what we do every day. The system we work every day is what changes our lives. How many in this room have ever had a time where life just made sense? Where it felt like the fear left you, where it felt like insecurity left you? You had this feeling of like, oh, my God, it all makes sense. I feel at peace right now. Life makes sense. I make sense. I'm not beating myself up. I feel in a good place right now. And it's this elated feeling of, if I could just live like this, I would be happy. And then that moment wore off and all of a sudden you came back, or what we think of as us. And in that moment you had that feeling of, what is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why can't I just hold on to this when I get it, there is something wrong with me. And what happens is we come to that ultimate, hopeless conclusion of I'm broken. Some of you are feeling that today, right? There might not be the people commenting saying, I'm the greatest I've ever been and I have no fear, and I'm so excited. But that's not most people. Most people have this feeling of, I know myself, I won't stick to these missions. Or even if I do, I'll go back to how I was afterwards. It's only a matter of time before I show up again. How many people. And this I'm going to ask people, maybe even some of you who haven't commented yet, because I know not everyone comments. I get that I'm not someone who's good at commenting when I'm watching something. How many of you right now are struggling even to get excited that we express ourselves? Language is surface level confidence. Having a hard conversation falls into two categories on the level of communication, it falls into both the identity and the surface. Because surface is how good am I at having I? For me, one of the things I've gotten better at doing is physio exercises for a hamstring that bothers me. And anyone who's ever had to do physio for an injury knows physio exercises are the most boring exercises in the entire world. But a hard conversation identity is. Who do I need to have a hard conversation with? The way I got myself to do them is I said this physio, these boring 15 minutes of exercises. Not because you don't think this is fun and exciting and cool, but because there's some part of you that deep down just really doesn't believe that you're going to do this or you feel like it's not going to work for you. Be honest. Leave a comment right now. Yaelu says, yep, totally me. I've lost myself even more after a breakup, says Cartini. And how might that affect my identity layer confidence? If I'm really close to someone and I base a lot of my confidence on my relationship with that person and this creates a bit of distance with that person for the time being, because it might. Then I might have to start basing my confidence on other sources, not just on this person. So one of the reasons this is real, by the way, I want to thank you because this is real. You saying this. This isn't just mindless pump up. This is you being real about what you're experiencing right now. Sandra says, ready to give up. Jay says, some days are really hard. Part of me does, yeah, because here's the thing. For many of us, we've told ourselves that we're going to do something so many times that we've. We're terrified of having a hard conversation with someone we're dating is because we feel like we can't lose them because we've based too much of our identity confidence on that person. So that becomes a trigger for realizing I need to start basing my identity confidence in other areas, not just in this one. It also makes us realize that there is something fundamental going on at the core that makes us realize I don't have high standards, stop believing ourselves, or we've stopped believing life because life has disappointed us so many times. So no matter how many times we believe in life that life is going to get better, there's always some other shoe that's going to drop. And it feels like there's endless shoes that drop. So it gets hard to get our hopes up anymore. Leisure refugees are a sacred moment because they are me taking care of myself. It actually this for myself or I don't believe I'm worthy of the standards I've set for myself. So even though I say I shouldn't be putting up with this, I do put up with it because on a deeper level, I don't think I'm worthy of the standards I've set for myself. How many hamstring bothers me? It bothers I my if you come to the retreat, you know this language. I am my huge people feel connected to that truth. You set standards but you don't feel like you're feeling burned out. Kel says I'm a mess. Ruthanne says too much loss or your sense of worth is able to live up to the standards you've set. Human I'm my person. I'm the one. I've got to take care of me. And if I'm not taking care of me when my hamstring hurts me every day, what am I doing? So my physio isn't just a bunch of boring exercises. It's me. So I want to give you a model right now because this is real. What was what you're saying right now is real. That's not, you know, bullshit hype talk. That's real what you're experiencing. And I want to thank you for your honesty in this. That's why we're here. I want to give you a model that you're going to so in the case of having the hard conversation, that's going to relate to all three layers and it will certainly reveal what's missing at the core or a way that we are over emphasized in relying too much on this person for our confidence. Okay, what else let's do keep for the rest of your life as my thank you for coming here today. And I have been teaching this on my retreat for the last 15 years. I'm going to give it to you right now. So for anyone who's got that stuck feeling or that deeper fear or that fear of oh my God, even just the idea of having that hard conversation sends me into panic. One or two more. I struggle to communicate in group settings, either at work, with new folks or in social circles. How do I improve? How do I improve? I don't have confidence and I become awkward. All right, very good. So, you know, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that or I'm terrified of the rejection of reaching out to three different people. What if it goes badly or I don't trust myself to stick to anything in my life or I've lost trust in myself, a lot of people feel like I've just lost, lost trust in my own instincts. How many people here struggle with self doubt and not trusting yourself? This model, taking care of my human. It's a sacred appointment with myself. Okay. And if you. By the way, for those of you who I know, a bunch of you are already signed up for my retreat in October. For those of you that are coming, I'm going to show you a model called the Pain Pleasure Cycle, which is going to show you how to stick to rituals for good. For anyone who struggles to stay on track with habits or rituals, I'm going to show you how to change that forever. For now though, you're going to have for the rest of your life. It is called the three layers of Confidence. Three layers of confidence. Can I see the whole question there? Can you just scroll so I can see the entire question on the screen? Thank you. So you struggle to communicate in group settings, either at work or in social circles. You don't have confidence. How do you improve? One of the hacks is to take the emphasis off yourself. One of the reasons that you don't have confidence is because you're focused too much. And the three layers of confidence, this is misunderstood by so many people. So many people when they talk about even so many people, when they teach confidence, fundamentally misunderstand confidence. There are three layers of confidence. The surface, the identity on yourself. Our lack of confidence, ironically makes us very. And the core surface, identity and core. Write these down in. In a sense, self indulgent. It makes us constantly worried about ourselves, worried about getting hurt, worried about getting rejected. But when we're in that place, we're not in the kind of state that actually makes us great company for other people. What makes us great company for other people is actually a giving. Now let's start with the Surface. The Surface is super important. Okay. I. For those of you that have impact to that program. The reason I dedicated an entire program to the Surface is because I really believe that it's a superpower. When you state, it's a state of being curious. It's a state of listening. It's a state of making other people feel comfortable. You know, it's when I ask people what they want to learn from me, one of the huge things they all. Let's get into a pro tip. Pro tip. If when you're doing your ritual, you. But when we're so busy with our own discomfort, we don't think of that. So a nice hack fall off. If you fall off is to turn it around and say, what if my job wasn't to make me feel comfortable? What if my job was to make someone else feel comfortable? What if my job wasn't to make me feel at home in this room? What if we say is I want to learn to speak, to communicate with clarity and confidence. And that was always one of my most popular things that I taught because people love learning that it's not just applicable to your love life, it's applicable to everything because it's about how you speak. Get straight back on. Get straight back on. Do not tell yourself some story of this always happens. Cadence, tone, how you emote. My job was to make someone else feel at home in this room. What if my job wasn't to eliminate my shyness? What if my job was to make someone else feel like it was okay for them to speak? When you do that, you take all of that emphasis out of your, take it away from your ego and you put it in your desire to actually be an energy that is supportive for somebody else. And how you gesture, how you use a room, how you make eye contact with people, how you really communicate in a powerful way when you're saying something, how you stand, how you learn to move. This is a powerful instrument. You have the just the muscles in your face and the ability to communicate things. Your eyes is a powerful instrument. Your hands, how you use them, how use a lot of people when they switch the mode from the kind of. I say this loosely because I know we don't identify with being selfish in that moment. But if we take away what we could start to see as a kind of self centered energy and we change it to a generous energy that can start to alleviate our fear. A lot of people are really not good at talking to people until they see someone in your body, how you use your voice. These are powerful tools we have to influence people. Without these skills, I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be able to communicate with you the way that I'm doing today. I value this skill set. But there is a danger with the surface. The danger with the surface is that it can dissolve at the first sign of a strong force trouble. And then they can go over and say something or do something. That's because they took the focus off of them and put it on the other person. Well, what if socially you started seeing other people as people who are also afraid or struggle sometimes or feel like they don't know what to say. And your job is to save them when we don't feel confident on a deeper level. So I'll give you an example. I heard a story. This is someone told me, stop trying to save yourself and save somebody else story of her friend who was a big fan of my work and loved the all the practical side of the dating advice. So she got heavily into the practical side of everything I taught. And what if my hard conversation doesn't go well? That's. That's where core confidence comes in because it's from many of you. One day she sent a message that I had. Many of you know, if you follow me for a long time, you know that I have your. That that conversation is not going to go well. I make enough messages that I recommend for people who are stuck in limbo, for people who don't know what to do. A mistake. I didn't include that as a miss because I thought all of those conversations were going to go beautifully. I gave you that. When they're not getting enough from somebody, when someone's blowing hot and cold. Well, this woman was in that situation because it a highlights how many of us are unwilling to advocate for ourselves. And she sent one of my messages. It was a great message. I'm sure now he sent a message back to her and his message back read, this doesn't sound like you elves and our needs. And how many of us would rather complain about a situation than change it? And it will highlight. When you have that hard conversation, it will highlight that. Now here's what she should have done in that moment. She should have said, you know, on the other side of that is not just potentially a better relationship. What the truth is, I've really been having fun with you and it's been a great time and I'm essential. Or a changed relationship in a way that's good for us because sometimes better is it creates distance. You know, I like you. I think you're wonderful. And I've been doing my part to try to make this work, but I've realized. But what it will also do is our nervous system will flare up. For a lot of us, we will feel that I'm compromising on my own needs in order to try to keep this going. And I'm just not prepared to do that anymore. Guilty. We will feel sad, we will be anxious and we'll want what it's great hanging out with you, but that's not more important to me than what I really want, which is a relationship that's what she should have said. And all it would have done is shown him. Many of us will want to do after that hard conversation is go straight back and say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it just like that, that she was serious, that this was a standard. But this wasn't a standard woman did with my text. If you feel that urge, tell yourself this, this is the work. This feeling that's telling me not to do something that's good because it didn't come from a deeper place of confidence. It was a tactic. And when the tactic for me not to fend for myself, not to stick up for myself, this, this is the work didn't work. And when she was met with a strong force in the other direction, she fell apart. He said, this doesn't sound like you. And she said, you're right, it doesn't. There's this guy, Matthew Hussey, and he's a coach. And this confidence challenge is as much about showing us where we need to do the work. And he has these messages, and I sent you one because I really like you and I want it to go somewhere and as it is about making progress. Okay, so look, I want to. In. In a few minutes, I'm going to meet. I know lots of you have a VIP ticket. I'm going to me. Painful, painful, painful, painful. And, you know, I don't need to tell you, his respect in that moment would have plummeted. Ah, I got you. Because I know with a whole bunch of you in the VIP group now, this isn't a standard. This is just a tactic. If you're just performing on the surface before anyone goes anywhere. And I'm also. I know plenty of you have. I'm serious to me, because I suck. I'm so bad at sticking to things. I procrastinate everything. I can never rely on myself. I can never trust myself to do anything for very long. This is so me. Don't do that. Remove the eye from it. That's all ego. Ego isn't just, I'm awesome. Ego is also, I'm terrible. Right? Ego is the focus on ourselves. Right? You're not uniquely bad. Everyone struggles to stick to things. It's not easy to stick to things. Okay? But what we're gonna do is we're gonna stick to this for no matter what, 20 days. That means you have 10 days of grace. You have 10 days of grace. And any time to look a certain way, that's a tactic. Standards come from a deeper level of confidence. So let's get down to a deep lots of logistical questions about the retreat. I'm gonna bring my brother Stephen Hussey, co author of my book get the Guy Someone who all level of confidence. We move down from the surface to the identity level now. The identity level of confidence is the things that we attach out. All of my love life members will already know as an amazing coach, an amazing speaker and my cousin Billy Jennings, by the way, we're shooting for 30. Don't get me wrong, we are shooting for 30 days. But 20 days is the AB confidence too, okay? The parts of our identity that we've come to rely on who is a veteran on my retreats and has been organizing them and working as a coach on them for many, many years. I on to feel safe and secure for some of us is the fact that we have a great relationship. They're going to come on, you're going to meet them two amazing human beings, two of my favorite human beings in the world. And they're going to take you through salute floor. And if you have a day where you don't get it done, you don't tell yourself a story like any questions you have logistically about the pricing, about the program, about, you know, how it all works, about how bad you are. Instead you just go, oh, I fell off. I'm going to get straight back on again tomorrow. For others is that we're close to our family or we have a great group of friends or one best friend or that we play an instrument and that gives us a sense whether it's meeting in Miami in person and being with us or doing the virtual. They can help you with that of confidence and identity or that we know a second language or that we've achieved a certain height in our career or that we've traveled the world or that we've read a lot of books and we are I I guess I just want to say that I know how hard this is. I've been doing this for a long time. And you know, at some point in your life, someone or something made you doubt yourself, made you think you weren't good enough, that you couldn't do it. We intellectually can run rings around anybody. We all have our sources of confidence now in and of themselves. These things aren't dangerous except they can become dangerous when we no story. Okay? And remember day one for this is this Saturday, okay? So day one of these over rely on them when we start to bait yourself that your opinion didn't matter, that your voice didn't matter, that you didn't matter. And I believe that it's your job not to let that person or that conditioning that you grew up in or those experiences you've had in your life limit the person who is supposed to be. It's our entire sense of worth on the things that we have and value on the identity level. That's when we become vulnerable. So for some of you, it's a relationship. There's a certain relationship. And it doesn't have to be with it romantically. It could be with a parent. It could be with a best friend. It could be with this. 30 missions. Of these five missions over 30 days is this Saturday. Okay? And me and the team sibling. But that relationship has come to mean your sense of worth and the idea of losing that relationship. We're going to be doing it with you. We're all going to be doing it together. We all have our own missions that we're going to be doing alongside you. We'll be posting photos as well. So we'll be right there with you inside the community. For this is like the death of who you are for other people. It's your career. You can't imagine losing your career because you go, who am I without this? And the problem is when we make something so important that our entire confidence relies on it, we become a hostage to that. Your best friend, like you are supposed to be your best friend in the world. You've got to take care of that person, even if they were told the wrong things, even if they weren't shown what they were capable of. Your job is to change that. It's not anyone else's job. It's your job because that person doesn't deserve to have their conditioning or some person from the past or some part of our lives. How many people have ever experienced that in a relationship? You felt like you couldn't afford to a relationship to lose a relationship because it had become your sense of worth. Be honest. How many people have ever experienced that? I can't lose this person. My value is based on whether they like me or not. So. And by the way, that in our work, that's the essence of impossible Ex who made them feel like shit all the time. Make them feel small forever just because they needed you to be small back then for them to feel comfortable. And if you don't have the community link, I'll be giving it to you at the end of this session along with the missions blueprint that I'm giving you. And there's enough people in the world who will doubt you and Tell you that you're not good enough. Anytime you try something, don't do it to yourself. The syndrome isn't it, I don't feel good enough. I. But I can't lose my job because it's the only source of my confidence. Confidence. So most people, even people in the world who look outwardly confident, who we think of as confident, most of them, their confidence stops here at the identity level most people spend their whole lives building. I promise you this stuff can change. All the stuff we've talked about today, it can change, but it won't change by itself. You have to. To take control, you have to direct that change. And I would be honored to be the one who helps you do that and to be a part of your story. If you haven't already grabbed the ticket. Consider this my the identity layer of confidence to make up for what they are lacking at their core. This is where it's at for peace, happiness and truly being powerful. Because without the core, we are building our identity on quicksand. And obviously we'll do some Q and A at the end as well. Okay, Now I know that when I go through these missions, there are going to be a lot of different feelings in the room. I am not coming. And I've been. I'm in my last invitation today and today's a great day to do it because it's the, you know, as I said, it's the. For all sorts of reasons that I've put together for you, it's. It's the best day to do it. The most affordable day to do it. The easiest day to do it. The link again is retreataccess.com I'll get the team to throw that link in there. And without the core, we are building our item VIPs. I'm going to start with you in 20 minutes. So identity on quicksand. Because at the core, what people feel is in 20 minutes from now. What time does that make it? I don't know. Five? Two? I can't shake my patterns. No matter what I do, I'll always be the way I am. I will be with you and we'll start our VIP Q&A session. In the meantime, I'm going to invite Billy and Steven up here to help you out with any questions you have. So guys, why don't you come up. 17th year of coaching people. Now, I know I'm not coming to a bunch of blank slate and no job or relationship has ever truly. He made me feel worthy. There are things that have happened to this is Billy and this is Stephen. They can read your comments right now. They're going to help you with any questions. Let's give everyone the blueprint link again for the missions blueprint because I know some people are asking for that me in my life that I will never get over. I'm broken, I'm bad. I'm not good enough. So we'll give you that link again. Somebody tell me what that. What was that link? MH confidence. MH confidence. I'm going to get found out. I had a client. Is the link for the blueprint missions and the community. Make sure you're inside the community. And I'm coming to people who have fears about losing momentum. How many who had panic attacks every morning before going to work. Have you worried like you're like this is going to give me some momentum but I'm scared about keeping that momentum afterwards. Be honest. Every morning she said I would throw up daily before I went to work. These guys can read your comments and help you with any questions you have about the retreat, about the logistics. Any questions you need to know before you go ahead and purchase your ticket they can help you with. All right, Fire away, guy. How many people feel like they're in that place? I love it. DJ says I'm pumped up. Trio says I love the challenge already. This is a person who once stood outside for two hours waiting for a friend to show up who she was supposed to be going into a bar with and she waited outside for two hours because she is. I'll leave you in good hands. Thanks guys.

Good job, man.

Hello everyone. It is lovely to see you. I know we've got some friends and people who have been on the retreat before in so welcome to all of you.

Couldn't bring herself to go in alone and she said I was outside and there was as much she said I stood in the rain and there were as many tears on my face as there were raindrops.

And we have lots of new people as well. So me and Billy are going to answer some of your questions, throw them in the chat. We have some that have been pre sent so we're going to answer some of them. While you think this is a person.

Who believed it would never be different when we ignore the work at the core it has a funny way of sneaking up on us and that of your question.

Billy and I have been doing the retreat for over a decade.

Over a decade.

We've been doing it a long time. We've seen thousands of people go through this process. It is something that actually a lot.

Of us in our 20s, we find all sorts of distractions. Some people do it for their whole lives. It's only certain people who wake up at a certain point in their life and say, I've got to switch my focus from here.

Team Fight to be on every year. We love it. It is our baby is very special to us. And doing this brand new version is kind of like, it's like it's all fresh and shiny and you to hear.

But a lot of people, they never do that. Right. How many people identify with spending a lot of time on the identity level building up these things in your life?

So I know people will have questions, maybe people who have even done a retreat before. I know I see some of you have done virtual before. So that was in like 2021. We started those or 2020.

So. And realizing that the lack of confidence at your core snuck up on you. You know, it's funny, I got into a relationship which in the beginning we're.

Going to answer your questions. We have a few that have already been sent in. So yeah, let's start taking some.

Yeah. And I think what's really interesting is for the first time this year, you know, the retreat has always been a thing.

This is how it snuck up on me in two ways. The first way was a relationship where in the beginning it felt fun and I didn't know that anything was wrong.

Women only program but we actually it's completely open to anybody this year and we have a question from David that said, how would I be perceived by women if I attend the retreat? I'm a 58 year old and the.

Longer it went on, the more it turned into a relationship of pure suffering. I was constantly anxious, felt sick with anxiety in this man.

But I resonate with the content. It's a beautiful question, David. And I think, look, we've developed more and more male audience over the years and a lot of people in our.

YouTube relationship was so unhappy. I did everything to please this person. I did everything to try to make this person love me. I did everything to try to be enough for this person.

Because channel in our Love Life membership we have lots of men who are joining the community all of the time. And that's why we wanted to open this up this year to everybody. And in terms of being a 58.

Year old man, we already have never felt enough. I did everything to try to make it work. And what do you think happened in the process? I lost myself. I completely lost myself. I, I, I.

A lot of men Signed up for October. So you're not going to be, you know, in good. You're going to be in good company with that, for sure. But the retreat is. The reason you resonate with the content, David, is because the retreat is a very human experience.

I grew detached from the things that gave me importance in life, like my work, my family, my friends, all the things that were really important to me that grounded me. I lost control. And it's.

It's very far removed from a lot of just the dating and relationship advice. And it's. It's really about creating a much more sort of holistic process because, you know, people are coming from all different age groups.

Back I started just focusing on this person because it had triggered some deep sense of not being worthy in me. And I really lost myself to this.

Relationship, ground, nationalities, different goals. But the thing that. The thing that binds everyone in the room is that whatever's going on with them in their life right now, they want to level up. And we all. We all have different kind of backgrounds, but.

And it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It ended in the worst heartbreak of my life, and I got to the end of it. And I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but I got to the end of it.

And we all have similar goals. When you strip it back to a human level. We all want to be happier. We want to feel more peaceful. We want to be more confident. We want love and connection. We want to feel like things matter in our life. We want meaning.

And the further I got away from it, the more I was able to look at it and someone. A mentor of mine, because I had a coach at the time, a mentor of mine, and I'm someone. If you know me, you know, I. But who here has that fear, like Charlotte? You say that. Who has that fear of I'm. I need to maintain this momentum after I'm done. Okay. So a lot of me's in there. Josh says, very worried. Yeah. Some people saying scared. Some people. Nicole says, I'm worried it won't work. Some of us are so stuck right now that we're afraid that we won't even be able to do this in the first place. We have this fear that, yeah, I'm going to feel good on this session. I already feel a little better on this session, but I'm going to lose that feeling. Let me tell you something. There is a big difference. I want you to write this down between an epiphany.

So everyone's coming from a different place in life and with a different story.

But everyone actually I believe in coaching. I believe in finding great mentors. And there was someone who said to.

Me, Matthew, you know, as similar human experiences and human emotions and goals that they want to achieve. So it's the retreat.

Once we get through this heartbreak we have to start to ask the question.

It's not a sort of sit back and just take notes and listen to a seminar. Like it's. It's a process that we're going to take you through. And over those two days you're going to be sort of tailoring what we're doing from the stage to your life.

Question of why this happened. What happened there. And I was asking myself the same question. How did I let this happen? What happened to me in this situation? And if we don't answer that question and if we don't fix that it will show up in other ways in our life. One of the other ways it showed up for me was in the form of tinnitus. I'd been ignoring certain things in my life for so long and I started to develop a ringing in my ears and I had physical pain in my head and my neck and my ear. This is a story for another time. But it ruined my life for. And a system. An epiphany. And a system. An epiphany is a realization. Something that wakes you up. You might be here having us. How many people have had an epiphany already today just by being so that's.

That on a sort of logical, practical level. You've got tools for the next 6, 12, 18 months about what you want to do differently with your time, what you want your life to look like, what you want to achieve. But then there's that much deeper work which is really what we're talking about in terms of core confidence is forget everything that's going on quite some time.

For years I was suffering from chronic pain. And we all have some form of.

Chronic externally in my life. What's the relationship that I have have with myself internally? And when you pair those two.

Pain that we're suffering from. Don't we. Loneliness. Heartbreak that we can't seem to get over. Grief that we can hear now. Epiphanies are a wonderful thing. Having a realization is a beautiful thing. Can't seem to get over sometimes grief for the life we thought we. We were going to have that we never had. Sometimes it's grief for not being able to have children. Grief for losing a relationship. We have all sorts of grief in.

Our life that feel things the sort of logical tool with a completely different emotional experience internally. That's what allows people to not just achieve more in their life, but to actually enjoy that whole process.

And I see David is even emphasizing.

But epiphanies aren't the things that change our lives. Systems do what we do every day.

How would I be perceived in the chat? This retreat is open to everyone. This is the first was chronic that.

We'Re never going to get over. Sometimes it's the chronic pain of never being able to change.

We've done this so you are not going to be alone, David. There's going to be plenty of guys there.

This is actually but we feel like I'm never going to change. And for me, my chronic pain started to turn into self hatred. I started to hate myself because I was like, somehow you did this to yourself. You know, if you were stronger, you'd be able to fix this. If you, you know, were more resourceful, you'd be able to do something about this your week.

Like the we've done many events that have been with all genders. There's been men and women mixed. We just haven't done it on the retreat before. But when we've always done it, there's been an amazing energy in the room. We've had guy followers for years even when our content was just for women. And look, this content, the.

The things I said to myself during this time was some of the nasty. No one has ever said anything as nasty to me as I said to myself in that treatment.

People always see Matthew Hussey on YouTube and they think, oh, is this going to be like the dating guy doing a dating time?

Who can relate? And all of this was because of work I needed to do at my core. Because the truth is when the identity level won't fix the problem anymore, you have no alternative but to turn to the core and to do that talk.

For us about relationships. And it's not this is something way, way bigger. This is the kind of deep work we don't get to do in places like YouTube. Like Billy says, it is about your deep inner self worth, your confidence. These are universal to everyone. It is also about communication.

The system we work every day is what changes our lives. How many in this room have ever had a time where life just made sense? Where it felt like the fear left you, where it felt like it will.

Help your dating life and relationships? Many people who come to us are looking for that as well.

In what ways has that become true in your Life and I don't know about you, but this didn't come naturally to me. I've struggled a lot with persistent anxiety in my life. Anxiety has been the bane of my life. What's it been for you? Insecurity security left you. You had this feeling of like oh my God, it all makes sense. I feel at peace. Right.

But nothing about this is gender specific. No one's going to be looking at you weird if you're old. Young.

I've had to overcome a lot of internal programming from early on in my life.

We get everyone says I'm young for this, I might be too old for this. I'm a guy. We've had so many people come people who think they're too old. We've had 80 year old people come and above before who have loved it. People have brought their parents, their daughters. So yeah, everyone is welcome and you're going to be perceived.

That has caused me a lot of pain. Loving myself which is all occurs at this level has never now life makes sense, I make sense. I'm not beating myself up. I feel in a good place right now and it's this illegal come naturally to me. All this to say, by the way, if you want a simple coach, I'm not your guy.

As just another person in the retreat treat I am seeing some people want.

The I'm a complicated person. My mind has given me a lot of trouble in my life but for me that's exactly why for myself, even before I did it for anyone else.

I had links again. Can we just make sure people have the link for the blueprint?

If you wanna, if you wanna go and join the community. We have an amazing community that's completely free for the 30 day challenge inside our Love Life app.

App.

So if you go to mhconfidence.com there's a link on there where you can go and join the community.

To create a robust solution to this, I needed more than an epiphany. I'd had epiphanies before, they didn't last. I needed a system and that is why 17 years ago I create.

You can set up your free account for the app. It literally takes a couple of seconds and then you'll be added to the 30 day challenge community.

For those of you that know, I created the retreat program and I've been improving it ever since. People say how did you create that? Why did you create that? And I always tell people I created it for me first and it's a system.

I've never stopped the area and it's really cool. We, we have a community chat where people are going to be able to post their progress and their mission updates. We have some resources in there for you. So we have the Missions Blueprint PDF. So if you didn't catch all of.

The heated feeling of, if I could just live like this, I would be happy.

And then that missions on the call or you came on a little late. That's basically a PDF where you've got each mission laid out, you've got Matt's.

Prep moment wore off and all of a sudden you came back or what using. I returned to it every single year. It has been responsible for the best things in my life. It has been the life raft when the worst things are happening to me. It has taught me how to relate to myself.

Pro tips in there as well. For each of the missions, you've got a space where you can, you know, fill out your progress and what's differently.

How to forgive myself, how to truly put the past behind me, how to assert boundaries and not be a slave to guilt. Because that's another one of my big ones. How about you? I've lived so much we think of as us. And in that moment, you had that feeling of what is wrong with me.

Always that at the end of the 30 days in that community, we're going to have an area where you can basically submit your challenge results. And we have a really cool extra bonus confidence training that we're going to give as a reward just for just for sticking it out through the challenge. So it's really cool to get in the community and the camaraderie is really amazing. You've probably seen it even just in this.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I just hold on to this when I get it? There is something wrong with me and what happened. My life acting out of guilt and people pleasing my system for core confidence helped me remove people from my life that didn't deserve to be there because of the way they were treating me.

It helped me out on YouTube, but it's like another level inside the app and we've got thousands of people in there already. So go to MH Confident.

It changed my own destructive patterns that kept me stuck in the life that I had. And through it I actually learned how to trust myself and my decisions, which is. I'll never forget one of my mentors.

Since.Com just click the join the Community button and then the missions blueprint and all of the resources that you need will be in that free community space.

We're also seeing a question here about recordings. If you have a virtual ticket.

Saying to me, I said what's my biggest weakness in your opinion? And they said you don't trust yourself. You don't trust your.

Will you get recordings if you get a virtual ticket?

Yeah. It's a really good question and you know, we wanted to make this decisions.

You're always looking for the answer outside of you and people I know probably.

A lot of you looking super accessible so that people could join from anywhere in the world. And if you can make it to Miami, that's amazing. There's nothing quite me wouldn't believe that.

But that's true. That was said to me by someone I trust and care for someone. Someone who coached me. But I've learned to trust my decisions. I've learned to trust myself when I.

Like that sort of in person atmosphere. But this is really, really amazing that you can just join from anywhere in the world. And what we wanted to do is if people are on awkward time zones, it's going to run obviously on the Saturday and the Sunday level.

I've never done before. All because I have a system for core confidence. And it's not our fault that we are this way. We come to that ultimate hopeless conclusion of I'm broken. Some of you are feeling.

But what we do for the live stream is that you'll have access to the recordings for 72 hours after.

Right. We're this way because of the way we were brought up. We're this way because of our own brain chemistry which is good.

So that if something does pull you away. Sometimes life happens when you're at home trying to go through something or that.

An emerge different for all of us. We're this way because of things that have happened to us in our life. Right. It's not our fault that we are this way. But if we want a better life, it is our responsibility to change it.

See or the time zone is just too awkward. You'll still have an extra three days afterwards to go through that and make sure that you don't miss anything. Whereas obviously if you come to an event in person, you're. You're in the room, you're there, you're not going to miss anything. So don't worry about it.

I found Audrey because of the work I did at this level. Audrey, I can.

With your live stream ticket, you're going to have the chance to catch up on anything that you've missed.

Awesome. We got.

Oh yeah, she sat right there. That woman there would never have been attracted to me if I wasn't doing this work.

One more, another question here. If you opt for the virtual but then decide to do the in person, is that possible?

Because I was doing this work, I attracted someone who was peaceful into my life, someone I fell in love with, but also brought me peace and continues to educate me now.

Yes, that's absolutely fine if you want to get your virtual ticket now, as long as we have space available on the tier that you want. Obviously, VIP is quite limited right now, so those, those tickets are likely to go soon. But if you wanted to get a general admission or a preferred seating ticket and you've got your live stream now, you can just get in touch with the team in the next thing that.

Today, right there might not be the people commenting saying, I'm the greatest I've ever been and I have no fear and I'm so excited. But that's not most people. Most people have this feeling of I know myself, I won't stick to this, these missions or even if I do, I'll go back to how I was. Audrey teaches me, but I would never have found that teacher and that healing force if I hadn't focused on bringing that energy to the table. And spoiler alert, I no longer have pain. That's gone. It's an amazing thing. By the way, I still have some.

Ringing in my ears few months and if you want to upgrade and be there with us in Miami, that's absolutely no problem or we can help you to do that. So if you know that you want to do this in one way or another, my recommendation would just be just get your live stream ticket at the very.

That didn't go away, but I never think about it anymore. Because when you know how to do.

This, you don't release and know that that's booked in for October. You've made that date with yourself. And then you'll have your confirmation email for the event. You'll have all of the team's details. So if you want to reach out to us anytime between now and October, then, then you can always come.

And afterwards, it's only a matter of time before I show up again how many people and this I'm gonna just change the things you can change. You learn to change your relationship with the things you can't. And that's an incredibly powerful thing. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks because of the ringing in my ears. Doesn't bother me at all anymore.

Join us in Miami once you have that sort of logistically planned.

And I know some people have talked.

About where there was like an old friend. And I feel so proud to be able to tell you today that stay.

And flights and things. So just for this, for this retreat, for the ones we're doing now, this.

Has been the same thing, not just to me, but to people all over the world who have learned it.

You'll actually be choosing your own accommodation. We used to do it in one big hotel, but we realized there are.

People, people maybe even some of you who haven't commented yet because I know not everyone comments. I get that I'm not someone who's.

Good who have different price points. Some people want to do Airbnb, some people want to do hotels.

So we have the woman I told you about earlier who had panic attacks. This woman. I'm going to tell you a quick story and then by the way, I'm going to get I want to give you the missions blueprint. I want to give you that commenting when I'm watching something. How many of you right now are struggling even to get excited Got the.

Venue but we are letting you choose your own accommodation and you know the.

Link to the community. I want to do some Q A with you guys, so stay till the end. But I want to tell you this quick story. There was a woman who my cousin Billy, who you'll meet in a little bit. I'm going to come and introduce. I'm going to bring him on and introduce him. She Billy said to me a few days ago, matt, I know you're working really hard preparing for this event, the 30 Day Confidence Challenge. I want to not because you don't think this is fun and exciting and cool, but because there's some part of you that deeper remind you because he knows I look for emotional triggers for good feelings. He said, I want to remind you of what we do for people.

And he's we can help you decide where that will be or other Some people are doing it together, some people get Airbnbs together. But we wanted to allow for this to be accessible so that people can do it at their level.

And all of the details are on the page@retreat access.com but for anyone who hasn't checked it out yet, the hotel is sorry the venue is called the New World Center. It's right bang in the center of.

Miami beach sent me an email from a woman. This email was from 2016 and she had been to my retreat in 2012. She said to me, matthew, I need to send you this because when I Came to your retreat. I was having daily panic attacks before I went to work. I was throwing up every morning. I once waited two hours in the.

Rain, which is a gorgeous venue. We're going to be there for the 18th and 19th of October and it's just a really good location to be in Miami. We're right next to the Lincoln Road Mall which has got tons of of shops and restaurants, literally a two minute walk away. There's every kind of hotel price point you could imagine around there. So it's going to be an amazing location for a friend.

She said, my life was riddled with anxiety.

He shouldn't and you know, we're going to have a great time there together in Miami.

Someone says, I need help. Who can I reach out?

She said, I even came on your retreat and I had a panic attack the first day. She said, the second day down. Just really doesn't believe that you're going to do this, this or you feel like it's not going to work for you. Be honest. Leave a comment right now. Yay. Lou says, yep, totally me. I've lost myself even more after a breakup, says Cartini.

So do make sure if you need any support at all, go to supportathewhusty.com.

And I told my story, which was an extremely harrowing account of something that happened to me in my life. I had a panic attack as I was telling my story. She said, I'm writing to tell you.

Today you can get support if there's technical issues, payment issues, something isn't working for you, so do good.

That is 2016 now. And the last time I had a panic attack was the final day of the retreat in 2012.

Go to that supportathuhusty.com you can send an email there. Someone says, what benefits do the VIP members have?

Have?

Well, you have a few benefits.

Yeah. So if you're gonna get.

She said, that program changed my life. I'm now living out a dream that I had since I was 13. I moved to Los Angeles, which was crazy ironic because I was in LA at the time.

A VIP ticket for the, for the in person retreat in Miami.

Basically, she said, I've spoken in front of audiences. She talked about the people she's met in her love life.

You're gonna get the, the sort of preferred seating, so the best seats in the house. So they're literally going to be the closest seats to the.

This is real, by the way. I want to, I want to thank you because this is real. You saying this, this isn't just Mindless pump page.

You're also going to get a welcome gift on arrival you'll get HD record.

Which was some amazing stories. She said, it has changed me and.

She said you didn't of the entire two day event and you'll get lifetime access to those. So you literally have that retreat process.

To keep do the work for me. I did the work but you gave me the system. And so I said to Billy, I texted him and I said, do we have her number because I want to call her. And I remembered I actually caught up.

With you for the rest of your life alongside your notes. Something really cool that we're doing as well is on the Saturday night at.

The end of her during those years and I said I want to speak to her again. So I called her and we had a conversation and she was was surprised obviously surprised. I was on the phone and I said, I want to tell you your email. This is literally three days ago now. I said, your email. I just read it again for the first time in years and it is one of the up. This is you being real about what you're experiencing right now. Sandra says, ready to give up? Jay says, some most beautiful. I can't tell you how it's made my day. I said, how are you doing? She said, matthew, I cannot believe days are really hard. Part of me does. Yeah, leave. She said, I couldn't. I thought this was a prank. She said, I can't believe you're calling me. She said, you have no because here's the thing, for many of us we've told ourselves that we're going to do something so many times that we've of.

Day one, there's a beautiful rooftop at the venue. So we're going to have like a rooftop drinks with the team and all of our VIP members. And something really cool as well is you actually get a year's substantial subscription to our Love Life membership as well. So not only are you going to get Impact as a free bonus today, you're also going to get monthly coaching in our Love Life membership. I'm sure there's a lot of Love Life members here and alongside the 30 day challenge, which is going to give you really great momentum over the next month. If you want real deep coaching that you can be using to keep that idea.

She said, I don't think you will.

Ever realize ever that progress going between now and October then obviously the VIP options are really good, really good place for that.

Someone said, what your work actually does for people. She said, I can tell you with no exaggeration. If I had not come to the retreat in 2012, I wouldn't be alive today.

Is why Miami, Beth? We do it in Miami and we've done it in Florida for years because it is the most equid.

Stop believing ourselves. We've always stopped believing life because life has disappointed us.

So distant to the people who come to the retreat. So we want something that's accessible for Europeans to be able.

When I asked her this, by the way, when I talked to her, she was a few streets down from me.

I said, we're able to get to the US it's very hard if they come over here. West coast in Los Angeles, expensive, harder to travel. So Florida is actually a very easy flight from London and a lot of Europe. And also it's easy.

She said, I'm in la. She said, I'm on Sunset. I was like, what? You're here? She's like, yeah, I've been here living my dream ever since. I said, you have to come on the retreat this year. I said, you can come as my guest, but you have to come. And so she said, are you kidding me? She said, I'm there, I'm there. I'm booking my flights.

I'm there for people on the west coast to get to. Also, we do make sure we have nice weather. We want it to be sunny, nice weather. We want to make sure you have a beautiful environment somewhere you can switch off. So it has always worked really, really well with us in Florida. I know we have a lot of Europeans who say, why not Europe?

And frankly, now in October, for those of you that are coming to the retreat, I don't want to give away her name because that's for her to.

Do, but we want to make sure we have somewhere that everyone can access easily.

On the October retreat, she is going to be there. And she said, if I can be there and I can tell one person in that room what this has done for me, that will be enough. She said, I'd love to come. So she is good times. So no matter how many times we believe in life, that life is going to get better, there's always some other shoe that's going to drop. And it feels like there's endless shoes that drop gonna come. For those of you coming, you're gonna meet her.

And it says, so if you buy the virtual ticket, it. Someone said, oh. Someone said, if you do it virtually.

So it gets hard to get our hopes up anymore.

Leisure refugees, can you switch to in person?

Yeah, no, that's absolutely Fine. If you get your virtual ticket, it's no problem to upgrade to the, to the live event. So if you want to get that locked in and then reach out to the team, you can do that anytime.

Here's the crazy part, and this is the thing I really want you to hear. I said to her, she said, I've.

Okay. Any other questions?

Still kept all of my notes, everything from the retreat, she said, and I make. I said, you still have it all? She said, I still have it all from 2012. She said, I'll do one better. I still go through that system every single year. I get all my notes out and I go through it every year to this day. Let's see.

And in terms of people asking about the 30 day challenge, you know, we just wanted to hang out for a few minutes at the end and just ask anybody if they had any questions about the retreat. But my advice would be get in the community because that's going to be the place over the next 30 days.

She's the same as me. My system, this system that I have is feeling burned out. Kel says, I'm a mess. Ruthanne says, too much loss.

We're going to be answering questions, we're going to be going live. We're going to have the team giving their updates in there on their missions and we're going to be the last.

Thing I would ever give up. And I am telling you this today for a couple of reasons. The first is to say that we will never truly find peace and happiness if we don't do the deeper work that I'm talking about. And the second is that regardless of.

The 30 day challenge, giving more advice and it's also an amazing place for you to connect with other people and sort of share that advice, share that wisdom. So, yeah, get into the community. We've got the next month ahead of us to all connect and ask questions and support each other that we're going on together.

No matter what, we're going to do that. I want to show you this system that I've created. I would love to be the person who helps you make those changes. Like I said, no matter what, we're going to do this 30 day challenge together. So don't worry, you're here for the challenge. We're going to do that. I'm going to be with you in the community from this weekend onwards, from Saturday onwards, I'm not going. So I want to give you a model right now because this is real. What, what you're saying right now is real. That's not, you know, bullshit hype talk. That's real what you're experiencing, going anywhere. But my not so secret mission is to encourage you and to invite you. And I want to thank you for your honesty in this. That's why we're here. I want to give you a model that you're going to into an experience that is going to give you something much, much deeper that's going to get you the system for core confidence that will change things about yourself that you have stopped believing can change, change. And if your instinct, by the way, is that you can't do the retreat, if your initial feelings, I can't do the retreat. Oh, here we go. I can't do the retreat or it's not possible for me financially. Listen to me. For, to keep for the rest of your life as my thank you for coming here today. And I have been teaching this on my retreat 17 years of my life. The retreat was a $4,000 program that took place over an entire week. It has changed thousands of lives. If you are here, by the way, and you've done a retreat and it did that for you, leave a comment and tell people about it. Please let people know what it did for you. But let me tell you, the greatest tragedy of the retreat is that a lot of people could not take a program that was one week long. Some couldn't travel at all, and many were not in a position financially to do it. My mission this year for the last 15 years, I'm going to give it to you right now, so is to get every single person in my audience through this program. And for anyone who's got that stuck feeling or that deeper fear or that fear of oh my God, I even just the idea of having that hard conversation sends me into panic. To remove every possible barrier I can that is making that impossible for people. So I made three major changes. Number one, I made it a weekend. I didn't compromise on the breakthroughs you get from a one week retreat. But I took the most important parts. I took the system for core confidence and I put it into a weekend. So I made it much simpler for people to get to. The second thing I did is I sliced the price by more than five times to less than, to less than a quarter of what it used to be. So anyone who's saying I can't pay thousands of dollars to come to a retreat, you know, you know, I don't know if I'm going to be able to do that or I'm terrified of the rejection of Reaching out to three different people. What you don't have to. And the third thing is I created a virtual ticket for anyone who couldn't make it in person. Listen, I have literally done everything I can because I want you to experience this. And for everyone who is here today as part of the 30 day confidence challenge, I wanted to go a step further to make it as simple as possible for you to say yes, because you are right for this. If you're here right now, then you're right for this. You're right to join me in October when this retreat is taking place. If it goes badly or I don't trust myself to stick to anything in my life or I've lost trust in myself, a lot of people feel like I've just lost trust in my own instincts. How many people here struggle with self doubt and not trusting yourself? This model. So I have number one for you guys. Put together some really exciting discounts. Up to $500 on the top tier of Ticket, which is a VIP ticket. There's only 51 of those left, by the way. Last time I checked, those are selling out. So if you want a VIP experience, make sure you get one of those. And this is to come and join me in Miami. The second thing I'm doing on top of the discounts that are available only for you guys is you only. Whether or not you want to come and join me in person or you want to join me virtually, it's taking place in Miami in October. Whether you want to join me in person, you're going to have for the rest of your life. It is called the three layers. Virtually, the only thing you need to put down today is a $195 deposit. That's it. By the way, if you're coming to the virtual event, that's your entire ticket done. If you're coming to the live, that acts as your deposit to guarantee your seat. Seat. Because this is a live event, there are only so many seats in the room. By the way, spoiler. I don't have enough seats for everybody here. So the Miami experience is going to be extraordinary. Anyone who's been to a retreat will tell you that. Get there if you possibly can. There's nothing like being in that room. But if you can't be in that room, then you can do the virtue of confidence. Three layers of confidence. Confidence. And we've put together flexible payment plans for people. And so for anyone who needs a little financial help, we've got you covered. And for today only, because we have three clear and the three layers of confidence. This is misunderstood by so many people. So many people when they talk about even so many people, when they teach confidence, fundamentally misunderstand confidence. Months between now and the retreat is actually just the way that this worked out. We have an extended payment plan that allows you to split it into three payments, and your next payment won't even be till a month from now. Okay? So if you want the most flexible extended payment plan, today is the day. And I have also for those of you that want to work on this, and for those of you that don't have impact, the bad news is Impact is not for sale. It hasn't been. There are three layers of confidence. The Surface, the identity. For sale for a long time. So no one's been able to get it. But I know that for 99 of you, you don't just want to work on this. You also want to master the Surface level. So for anyone who is coming to the live event in Miami, whether you get the general ticket or the VIP ticket, I have thrown in my program, Impact, so that you can master this. It's a 300 program, and as I said, it's not for sale. I'm just going to give it to you. You can access it today, literally as soon as you get your ticket. Okay? And you can use it to help you with the 30 days of missions. There literally isn't anything else. That. And the core, Surface identity and core. Write these down. I can do. Guys, I have. This is my baby, and it changes people's lives. And I've tried this. Now, let's start with the Surface. The Surface is super important, okay? I said to my team, whatever I can do to get people there, I'm so aware that the best thing we do is experienced by the. For those of you that have impact to that program, the reason I dedicated and in the least number of people. So we have to get people there no matter what we do. Everything I can do, I've done. As far as, you know, the only thing you need to put down is $195 to get in that room. You just need to walk through the door that I've opened for you. The entire program to the Surface is because I really believe that it's a superpower when you know it. When I ask people what they want to learn from me, one of the huge things they always say is, I want to learn to speak, to communicate with clarity and confidence. And that was always one of my most popular things that I taught, because people love learning that it's not just applicable to your love life, it's applicable to everything because it's about how you speak. Only happens once a year. So you'll have to wait a whole other year for this if you don't want to do it now or if you. If you don't make the decision now. You came here for this challenge, so I know this is right for you. This shouldn't be about whether you come, it should be about how you come. And as I said, there are only limited seats in the actual room. So not everyone here is going to be able to come to the event itself. By the way, I want to show you what a room like that is like for anyone who's never cadence, tone, how you emote, how you gesture, how you use a room, how you make eye contact with people, how you really communicate in a powerful way when you're saying something, how you stand, how you learn to move. This is a powerful instrument. You have just the muscles in your face and the ability to bin in something like this or has never done it with us because there is no one who does it like us. I have a 90 second video to show you. And by the way, if you've been on a retreat before in the comments while we're watching this video, let people know communicate things. Your eyes is a powerful instrument. Your hands, how you use them, how use you, what it was like for you to be in that room. We'll leave. We'll watch this video right now. How do you go from giving dating advice to talking about the deepest questions in life. Your body, how you use your voice. These are powerful tools we have to influence people. Without these skills, I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be able to communicate with you the way that I'm doing today. I value this skill set. But there is a danger with the surface. The danger with the surface. He is a New York Times best.

Selling author, a human behavior expert, a.

YouTuber is that it can dissolve at the first sign of a strong force. The public speaker. His Advice reaches over 8 million followers weekly. Please welcome back to when we don't feel confident on a deeper level. So I'll give you an example. I heard a story. This is. Someone told me a story. Michelle, our dear friend Matthew Hussey. You're part of a story. Stories have emotion. The room is gonna divide. Story of her friend who was a big fan of my work and loved the all the practical side of the dating advice. So she got heavily into the practical side of everything I taught and there's a reason that we as human beings respond to story. We learn. One day, she sent a message that I had many of. You know, if you follow me for a long time, you know that I have messages that I recommend for people who are stuck in limbo, for people who don't know what to do through story. We change through story. This model is designed to work with your logical core and your emotional core. When they talk to each other, that's when you can get yourself to do something. And of course, it's challenging. The funny thing about the retreat is it's not escapism. When they're not getting enough from somebody. When someone's blowing hot and cold. Well, this woman was in that situation. We don't get to escape anything on the retreat. It's the opposite. We have to deal with. With everything. And she sent one of my messages. It was a great message. I'm sure. Now he. When I actually came here, I could feel and I could see that he actually lives. What sent a message back to her. And his message back, read, this doesn't sound like you. Now, here's what she should have done in that moment. She should have said. She says, this is the manual that I use for my own life. We're all going through this, the same stuff. It just has a different name. But everybody has that. Go out there and say, this is who I want to be. That's why. What the truth is, I've really been having fun with you, and it's been a great time. And I'm, you know, I like you. I think you're wonderful. And I've been doing my part to try to make this work, But I've realized that I'm compromising on my own needs in order to try to keep this going. And I'm just not prepared to do that anymore. It's great hanging out with you, but that's not more important to me than what I really want, which is a relationship. I'm doing it because I can't get to 90 years old and look back and know that I didn't spend my life being this person. You will come out of here feeling like a new person. You'll be excited to get back to your life and make changes. I felt something like almost over my whole body feeling like I really have permanently shifted. That's what she should have said. And all it would have done is shown him. It's an amazing spleen. And I think I always say this, that it's the best money and time and energy that I've spent 100. It's the best money I've ever spent. Take the leap, do it. It will be the best, One of the best decisions. That she was serious, that this was a standard, but this wasn't a standard because it didn't come from a deeper place of confidence. It was a tactic. And when the tactic didn't work and when she was met with a strong force in the other direction, she fell apart. He said, you could make in your life give yourself the gift of investing in yourself. If you know you are ready to level up not just your life but your mind, then I promise you, you will not be disappointed by coming and joining us here. This doesn't sound like you. And she said, you're right, it doesn't. There's this guy, Matthew Hussey, and he's a coach, foreign, who wants to join us. The retreat is taking place on the 18th and 19th October. And he has these messages and I sent you one because I really like you and I want it to go somewhere. And the painful, painful, painful, painful. And, you know, I don't need to tell you, his respect in that moment would have plummeted. Ah, I got you. Because I know over this year this is going to be the date of your life as far as your personal growth is concerned. I know now this isn't a standard, this is just a tactic. If you're just performing on the surface, I know what it is like when you have this voice in your head telling you that you can't do something, telling you that you're not good enough, telling you that you're never going to be able to achieve some, to look a certain way. That's a tactic. Standards come from a deeper level of confidence. So let's get down to a deeper level of confidence. We move down from the surface to the identity level. Now, the identity level of confidence is the things that we attach our confidence to. Okay? The parts of our identity that we've come to rely on to feel safe and secure for some of us is the fact that we have a great relationship for others is that we're close to our family or we have a great group of friends or one best friend, or that we play an instrument and that gives us a sense of confidence and identity, or that we know a second language, or that we've achieved a certain height in our career, or that we've traveled the world, or that we've read a lot of books and we intellectually can run rings around anybody. We all have our sources. Of confidence. Now, in and of themselves, these things aren't dangerous, except they can become dangerous when we over rely on them. When we start to base our entire sense of worth on the things that we have and value on the identity level, that's when we become vulnerable. So for some of you, it's a relationship. There's a certain relationship and it doesn't have to be with romantically. It could be with a parent, it could be with a best friend, it could be with a sibling. But that relationship has come to mean your sense of worth. And the idea of losing that relationship is like the death of who you are for other people. It's your career. You can't imagine losing your career because you go, who am I without this? And the problem is, when we make something so important that our entire confidence relies on it, we become a hostage to that part of our lives. How many people have ever experienced that in a relationship? You felt like you couldn't afford to a relationship to lose a relationship because it had become your sense of worth? Be honest, how many people have ever experienced that? I can't lose this person. My value is based on whether they like me or not. So and by the way, that in our work, that's the essence of imposter syndrome, isn't it? I don't feel good enough. I. But I can't lose my job because it's the only source of my confidence. So most people, even people in the world who look outwardly confident, who we think of as confident, most of them, their confidence stops here, at the identity level. Most people spend their whole lives building the identity layer of confidence to make up for what they are lacking at their core. This is where it's at for peace, happiness and truly being powerful. Because without the core, we are building our identity on quicksand. Without the core, we are building our identity on quicksand. Because at the core, what people feel is, I can't shake my patterns. No matter what I do, I'll always be the way I am. No job or relationship has ever truly made me feel worthy. There are things that have happened to me in my life that I will never get over. I'm broken, I'm bad, I'm not good enough. I'm going to get found out. I had a client who had panic attacks every morning before going to work. Every morning she said I would throw up daily before I went to work. This is a person who once stood outside for two hours waiting for a friend to show up, who she was supposed to be going into A bar with. And she waited outside for two hours because she couldn't bring herself to go in alone. And she said, I was outside. And there was as much. She said, I stood in the rain, and there were as many tears on my face as there were raindrops. This is a person who believed it would never be different. When we ignore the work at the core, it has a funny way of sneaking up on us. And actually, a lot of us in our 20s, we find all sorts of distractions. Some people do it for their whole lives. It's only certain people who wake up at a certain point in their life and say, I've got to switch my focus from here to here. But a lot of people, they never do that. How many people identify with spending a lot of time on the identity level, building up these things in your life and realizing that the lack of confidence at your core snuck up on you? You know, it's funny, I got into a relationship which, in the beginning, this is how it snuck up on me in two ways. The first way was a relationship where in the beginning it felt fun and I didn't know that anything was wrong. And the longer it went on, the more it turned into a relationship of pure suffering. I was constantly anxious, felt sick with anxiety in this relationship, was so unhappy. I did everything to please this person. I did everything to try to make this person love me. I did everything to try to be enough for this person, because I never felt enough. I did everything to try to make it work. And what do you think happened in the process? I lost myself. I completely lost myself. I grew detached from the things that gave me importance in life, like my work, my family, my friends, all the things that were really important to me that grounded me. I lost my control. And I started just focusing on this person because it had triggered some deep sense of not being worthy in me. And I really lost myself to this relationship. And it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It ended in the worst heartbreak of my life, and I got to the end of it. And I don't know if you've ever had this experience, but I got to the end of it. And the further I got away from it, the more I was able to look at it and someone, a mentor of mine, because I had a coach at the time, a mentor of mine, and I'm someone. If you know me, you know, I. I believe in coaching. I believe in finding great mentors. And there was someone who said to me, matthew, you know, once we get through this heartbreak, we have to start to ask the question of why this happened, happened, what happened there. And I was asking myself the same question. How did I let this happen? What happened to me in this situation? And if we don't answer that question and if we don't fix that, it will show up in other ways in our life. One of the other ways it showed up for me was in the form of tinnitus. I'd been ignoring certain things in my life for so long and I started to develop a ringing in my ears and I had physical pain in my head and my neck and my ear. This is a story for another time. But it ruined my life for quite some time. For years I was suffering from chronic pain. And we all have some form of chronic pain that we're suffering from, don't we? Loneliness, heartbreak that we can't seem to get over, grief that we can't seem to get over sometimes. Grief for the life we thought we were going to have, that we never had. Sometimes it's grief for not being able to have children, grief for losing a relationship. We have all sorts of grief in our life that feels chronic that we're never going to get over. Sometimes it's the chronic pain of never being able to change, but we feel like I'm never going to change. And for me, my chronic pain started to turn into self hatred. I started to hate myself because I was like, somehow you did this to yourself. You know, if you were stronger, you'd be able to fix this. If you, you know, were more resourceful, you'd be able to do something about this. You're weak. Like the thing telling you that, you know, constantly doubting you. I've had that voice in my head in the past. And that voice usually isn't yours, is somebody else's, is someone got in your things. I said to myself during this time with some of the nasty. No one has ever said anything as nasty to me as I said to myself in that time. Who can relate? And all of this was because of work I needed to do at my core. Because the truth is, when the identity level won't fix the problem anymore, you have no alternative but to turn to the core and to do that work. In what ways has that become true in your life? Had an early age and told you you weren't good enough or made you feel like you weren't important? Made you feel like your needs weren't important, Made you feel like you shouldn't have a voice, your voice didn't matter. Our job is to give ourselves the gift of seeing what's actually possible for us to not let that voice win. Because when we don't feel confident, when we and I don't know about you, but this didn't come naturally to me. I have struggled a lot, feel insecure when we don't feel like we're going after it in life, all we're doing is sowing the seeds for future with persistent anxiety in my life. Anxiety has been the bane of my life. What's it been for you? I've had to overcome a lot of internal programming from early on in my life. Regret in our life. I really hope you're going to join me on this. With all my heart, I hope you're going to join me on this. I hope you're going to join me in Miami. And if you can't travel to be with me in Miami, I hope that at the very least you'll get yourself a virtual ticket. As I said, this shouldn't be about whether you come, it should just be about how you attend. The link is retreat that has caused me a lot of pain. Loving myself, which is all occurs at this level has never come naturally to me. All this to say, by the way, if you want a simple coach, I'm not your guy. Access.com Go grab your ticket and we're going to come back. I'm going to do Q and A with you. I'm going to give you the missions blueprint to fill out and we're going to. I'm a complicated person. My mind has given me a lot of trouble in my life. But for me, that's exactly why for myself, even before I did it for anyone else, I had to do a great job of making sure you have everything you need for the challenge. So don't go anywhere. We're going to take a three minute break. I'm going to give you a chance to go and grab a ticket to this, especially right now. Because like I said, to create a robust solution to this, I needed more than an epiphany. I'd had epiphanies before. They didn't last. I needed a system. And that is why 17 years ago I created the in person event. That extended payment plan is only available today. This is for $195 to reserve your seat. That's barely the price of an hour with a great coach or a great for those of you that know, I created the retreat program and I've been improving it ever since. People say how did you create that? Why did you create that? And I Always tell people I created it for me first. And it's a system. I've never stopped. Therapist and you're not getting an hour. You're getting me and my undivided attention for an entire weekend. And you're not paying $4,000 for it, which was our old retreat. So I'm going to leave the link right now. Retreat using I return to it every single year. It has been responsible for the best things in my life. It has been the life raft when the worst things are happening to me. It has taught me how to relate to myself. The access.com. grab your ticket, come join me live. By the way, come join me in Miami. I'd love to be with you for the weekend and get to know you better. And I'll join you back here again in three minutes. Okay? Once you have your ticket, let me know in the comments. I'm going to be reading the comments right now and finding out who's coming. So as soon as you have your ticket, leave me a comment. Let's take a three minute break, grab your ticket and I'll see you in three differently how to forgive myself. How to truly put the past behind me. How to assert boundaries and not be a slave to guilt. Because that's another one of my big ones. How about you? I've lived so much of my life acting out of guilt and people pleasing my system for core confidence helped me remove people from my life that didn't deserve to be there because of the way they were treating me. It helped me. It changed my own destructive patterns that kept me stuck in the life that I had. And through it I actually learned how to trust myself and my decisions, which is, I'll never forget one of my mentors saying to me, I said, what's my biggest weakness, in your opinion? And they said, you don't trust yourself. You don't trust your own decisions. You're always looking for the answer outside of you and people I know, probably a lot of you looking me wouldn't believe that, but that's true. That was said to me by someone I trust and care for. Someone. Someone who coached me. But I've learned to trust my decisions. I've learned to trust myself on a level I've never done before. All because I have a system for core confidence. And it's not our fault that we are this way, right? We, we're this way because of the way we were brought up. We're this way because of our own brain chemistry, which is different. All of us, we're this way because of things that have happened to us in our life. Right. It's not our fault that we are this way. But if we want a better life, it is our responsibility to change it. I found Audrey because of the work I did at this level. Audrey, I can tell you, she sat right there. That woman there would never have been attracted to me if I wasn't doing this work. Because I was doing this work. I attracted someone who was peaceful into my life, someone I fell in love with, but also brought me peace and continues to educate me. Now. Sam, Audrey teaches me, but I would never have found that teacher and that healing force if I hadn't focused on bringing that energy to the table. And spoiler alert, I no longer have pain. That's gone. It's an amazing thing, by the way, I still have some ringing in my ears that didn't go away, but I never think about it anymore. Because when you know how to do this, you don't just change the things you can change. You learn to change your relationship with the things you can't. And that's an incredibly powerful thing. I used to wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks because of the ringing in my ears. Doesn't bother me at all anymore. It's like an old friend. And I feel so proud to be able to tell you today that this has been the same thing, not just to me, but to people all over the world who have learned it. The woman I told you about earlier who had panic attacks, this woman. I'm going to tell you a quick story and then, by the way, I'm going to get. I want to give you the missions blueprint. I want to give you this, the link to the community. I want to do some Q and A with you guys. So stay till the end. But I want to tell you this quick story. All right, Leave me a comment. Let me know who has. There was a woman who my cousin Billy, who you'll meet in a little bit. I'm going to come and introduce. I'm going to bring him on and introduce him. She Billy said to me a few days ago, matt, I know you're working really hard preparing for this event, the 30 Day Confidence Challenge. I want their ticket. I want to be able to just say a huge congratulations to people who are here right now who remind you. Because he knows I look for emotional triggers for good feelings. He said, I want to remind you of what we do for people. And he's got their ticket. Who's coming to see me in Miami. Let Me know. I'd love to know and whether you've got your virtual ticket or a regular or a ticket to the main event, let me know either way. Valerie done and thank you. Laurie. I just did this and I'm having sent me an email from a woman. This email was from 2016 and she had been to my retreat in 2012. She said to me, matthew, I need to send you this because when I came to your retreat I was having daily panic attacks before a lot of anxiety. Well, guess what, any questions you have, you let us know and we are here for you. Trish got the live stream ticket, virtual ticket. I went to work. I was throwing up every morning. I once waited two hours in the rain. DT Susan D. Is going to be there. Maria got a live stream ticket. Beautiful. Marianne, I'm going to for a friend. She said my life was riddled with anxiety. She said, I even came on your retreat and I had a panic attack. The first day. She said, the second day when I told my story, which was an extremely harrowing account of something that happened to me in my life. Jen, you're going to be there. I can't wait to see you. Amazing. Lily Vi I had a panic attack as I was telling my story. She said, I'm writing to tell you today. P you're on the VIP ticket list for the main event in Miami. Amazing. I can't wait to see you there. That it's 2016 now and the last time I had a panic attack was the final day of the retreat in 2012. She said, that program changed my life. I'm now living out a dream that I had since I was 13. I moved to Los Angeles, which was crazy ironic because I was in LA at the time. She said, I've spoken in front of audiences. She talked about the people she's met in her love life, which was some amazing stories. She said, it has changed me. And she said, you didn't do the work for me. I did the work, but you gave me the system. And so I said to Billy, I texted him and I said, said, do we have her number? Because I want to call her. And I remembered I actually caught up with Beautiful. There's so many of you coming. I'm so happy. We're going to have an amazing time together. And while you're sending in these comments, let me know right now if you have questions relating to the three layers of confidence or any of the five missions. I want to take some questions now and take a minute to answer those also. I'm Gonna give you the link to go to the community as well. So that you have that. That link is mhconfidence.com so that will both her during those years. And I said, I want to speak to her again. So I called her and we had a conversation and she was taking you to the community and the missions blueprint. Let's throw that link in there as well for them team when we get a chance and let's do some, some questions. So someone said here, when does the challenge start? Surprise. Obviously surprised. I was on the phone and I said, I want to tell you your email. This is literally three days ago now. I said, your email. I just read it again for the first time in years and it is one of the most beautiful. I can't tell you how it's made my day. I said, how are you doing? She said, matthew, I cannot believe what happens if we miss a day of the challenge. Will we get the hype? Absolutely not. This is about having 30 days to do these five missions. We're not going to be breathing down your neck every single day. In those 30 days we'll be doing check ins over leave. She said, I couldn't believe I thought this was a prank. She said, I can't believe you're calling me. She said, you have no those 30 days, but you've got 30 days to complete all five. Okay. So don't worry about that starts this Saturday. All right, let's see. What an idea. She said, I don't think you will ever realize ever what your work actually does for people. She said, I can tell you with no exaggeration, if I had not come to the retreat in 2012, I wouldn't be alive else. Anna says, how do we build the core? Well, that's exactly what today what I'm doing on the retreat. But some of the things that we need to do to build the core is we need to actually understand how to fundamentally change our relationship with ourselves, how to change our relationship with that voice that has been speaking so loudly. When I asked her this, by the way, when I talked to her, she was a few streets down from me. I said, where are you? She said, I'm in la. She said, I'm on Sunset. I was like, what? You're here? She's like, yeah, I've been here living my dream ever since. I said, you have to come on the retreat this year. I said, you can come as my guest, but you have to cover so long about what we're not capable of, about ways we're not good enough. Putting us on. And so she said, are you kidding me? She said, I'm there, I'm there. I'm booking my flight. I'm this down. Shaming us for things in our life. That voice has become so loud that it dominates. And we don't even realize there are other voices available to us. We go through a process of actually understanding how to connect to those other voices and change the relationship we have with ourselves in the process. There's a now in October. For those of you that are coming to the retreat, I don't want to give away her name because that's for her to do. But on the October retreat, she is going to be there. And she said, if I can be there and I can tell one person in that room what this has done for me, that will be enough. She said, I'd love to come. So she is also a process of letting go that we need to go through. You know, so many of us have held on to so much from the past. Many of us without even realizing it, and we actually have to go through a process gonna come. For those of you coming, you're gonna meet her and of letting go of that stuff so that we can begin again. For many people, they've never been able to do that. They're still on a loop about the past. So we work on that together. Here's the crazy part, and this is the thing I really want you to hear. I said to her, she said, I've still kept all of my notes. Everything from the retreat, she said, and I make. I said, you still have it all? She said, I still have it all from 2012. She said, I'll do one better. I still go through that system. Every single work on building self trust. Self trust is an enormous component of core confidence. So we work on self trust and being able to stick to the things that we say we're going to do. There's a. The reason, yeah, I get all my notes out and I go through it every year to this day. It takes me two days to do it. Is because it's literally not something I can sum up in the space of five minutes is something I've worked 17 years to build. So it's a big. How to build core confidence is a big question. That's why she's the same as me. My system, this system that I have is the last thing I would ever give up. And I am telling you this today for a couple of reasons. The first is to say that we will never truly find peace and happiness if we don't do. I have dedicated an entire program to it. All right, let's see. What other questions do we have? The deeper work that I'm talking about and the second is that regardless of the 30 day challenge, have we dropped any in there? Okay. Chellala says, what is the surface? That's all of that surface level stuff I've been talking about in terms of our.