Matthew Hussey argues that texting between dates kills connection. Instead, make a three-minute phone call: open casual, say you're busy, listen, share something personal, then hang up. It signals confidence and genuine interest without neediness.
Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. Let's talk for a moment about the in between phases in dating. In other words, when you're going on dates with someone, how does that communication look between the dates? Many people obviously resort to texting. I think that's what we used to these days is we're used to texting each other relentlessly until we see each other again. The problem with that is texting doesn't really create real connection. It can create banter, it can allow us to flip a little bit, allow us to make each other laugh, but it doesn't create nearly the same connection as being in person or being on the phone. I want to argue for the phone call right now and how you should do it. I am a big proponent of the three minute phone call. Most of us, when it comes to someone we're dating, we get embarrassed at the idea of spending an hour on the phone with someone. That seems like a big deal. What I'm just going to call someone in their evening and just speak to them for an hour. In fact, a lot of the hour long phone calls that we do end up having with people we're attracted to tend to happen by accident is that, you know, it's that moment where you call someone and you didn't mean for it to be a long call, but then you get tied up talking to them because you're having a good time and naturally extends itself. And of course you have that moment where you go, we do know we've been on the phone for two hours, can you believe that? And it's a fun moment because you realize how much you've connected and had fun together. But it shouldn't start out that way. I really like the idea of the 3 minute phone call in between dates. Why is that? Well, look, here's how it looks. You call someone up and you say to them, hey, how's it going? And they say, hey, you go, I just wanted to give you a quick call and see what you were up to. I'm actually. And you could say whatever you're doing, I'm actually in between meetings right now. I'm just running to my next meeting. But I just wanted to see how you were doing. What you up to? Anything fun. And then let them tell you. Let them talk for a little bit. And then at the end of it, when you've told, they'll ask you what's going on in your day. You say, well, I'm doing this meeting and then actually tonight I'm going to this really Cool thing. I can't wait. I'm really excited. I'm going with my girlfriends, whatever you say. And then at the end of that, you'll say, anyway, I have to run. It's so good to hear your voice. I didn't have much time, but I wanted to call and hear your voice. And then you leave. Now, let me just break down the structure of this call really quickly. The first thing you do is you ask them, hey, what's going. You know, how are you? What's happening? Then you quickly jump to what you're doing right now. I'm just doing this. In other words, you establish that you haven't got a lot of time. You know, I'm just running around right now. I'm just between meetings. But I just wanted to say. I wanted to give you a call and say hi, right, so you don't have to give, like, a specific reason. I was calling because I wanted to find out about blah, blah, blah. No, I was just calling to say hi. So then you remove any awkwardness, because if you don't say that, you might leave the other person on the other end wondering, oh, did they call me for a reason? Out of the blue? Did they call me just to chat? You're basically telling them, no, no, no, I called you just to say hi. So then they become at ease and they go, oh, well, hi. And you say, so what have you been up to? And they tell you, and then they ask you, and you tell them. And then literally at the end of two or three minutes, you can say to them, anyway, I have to go, I have to run. But I just. I really wanted to hear your voice. And then you leave. Now, this is beautiful, because just as they may be asking the question, hmm, does this person have too much time on their hands? Or are you know, am I going to be on this phone call for a long time? Or whatever you may have initiated, but you're also the one who's leaving. And after not very long, but you leave with a real genuine sense of sweetness because you say, anyway, I have to go. I just wanted to hear your voice. And that's where you really build that connection. Because someone realizes you're vulnerable, you know, vulnerable in a good way. You're vulnerable enough to give them a compliment and to let them know that you like them enough to. To think about them randomly in the middle of your day and that you put in that little bit of effort to try that little bit of effort to go and. To go and do something proactively instead of waiting for him all the time. It's actually incredibly sexy when a woman does this in small doses. You don't want to be going out there chasing him relentlessly and over investing when he's not investing in you. But that little bit of effort, just every now and again, just 1%, 1% can actually feel really good, can actually make him feel very special and see you as the sort of woman who gives value instead of just taking it. Because remember, you didn't call to have a long conversation or to feel good to yourself. You called just to hear his voice and to make him feel good in his day. So the three minute phone call. Stop texting all the time. Don't be afraid to do this. You won't seem needy or desperate, you'll actually seem incredibly confident because you had the guts to give him that quick call and do it, but in a non desperate and non needy way.
