What He Really Means When He Says He’s “Too Busy” (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

I was on the Today show recently, and a question came up that I didn't even get to answer it. I just remembered right now this was going to be asked on the Today show, and then it wasn't because Kathy Lee and Hoda talk a lot, and we don't always get around to any of the questions that I'm gonna be asked. So here it is. Now we'll answer it on this show. The question was, if you're dating a gentleman who says he's very busy with his career and doesn't seem to have much time, but you always see him on Facebook at sporting events or activities, what do you think? So I read this question, and I sort of. I had to stop myself from going into a big rant. But here's what I think. He's telling the truth. He has no time. He's spending it all on Facebook and at sporting events. He's. He's being honest always. It's always funny to me when someone says, well, he says he has no time, but I see him doing all of these fun things. Well, guess what? That's what he's choosing to do with his time. He's choosing to do that instead of seeing you right now. So you asking this question is really asking the wrong question. The right question is, where do I sit right now on his list of priorities? You know, I'm. I kind of sit in the camp of people who say, if you're important to him, he'll make time. He'll figure it out. Now, that's. That's true. 99.9% of the time, everyone has their exception. They have their month or their year where so much stuff is happening in their life that it really does make it impossible in many ways for them to do it. But still, we're talking about priorities. You know, their sick mother was a priority over you. The best year of their career in their life was a priority over you. We're still talking about priorities at the end of the day, but right now, what he's showing you is that his priorities are sporting events and fun times with his friends and making sure that everyone else sees those sporting events and fun times with his friends on Facebook. That's what he's doing with his time. So I would like for you, when he says that he doesn't have any time, to believe him and to stop wondering how you can get more of his time right now. Because guess what's going to be attractive to this guy? If he sees that you have your own independent life. If he Sees that you have a ton of things going on with friends, you're going out, you're going to your own fun events, whatever they may be, you're having a great time. Maybe, God forbid, the next time he calls you, you have something going on, you have an event you're going to, you have a party with your friends, whatever. He's going to start to feel the attraction for you. Because what kills attraction is, is knowing that every time you pick up the phone to someone, they're always going to be available to you. That kills attraction. And I get how this happens. It's very clever, actually. Whether it's conscious on the part of the other person or not, it's very clever because it conditions you to think, well, they never have time. So when they do have time, it's really important, I take it, it's really important that I don't say no, because who knows when that time is going to come around again. But you're actually conditioning the, the opposite of what you want. Because now you're creating a situation where he's starting to feel, wow, whenever I pick up the phone to her, she's always available to me. So I just, I can do whatever I want. And whenever, whatever time of day, I don't need to plan, I can just call her and it's going to be fine. It will work itself out. So now you're in a position where you never get any advance notice. He never feels the need to factor you into plans early on. He can always wait till the last moment to see if there are better things on, on offer, and then text you or call you. Which is why, by the way, you always get the call at the last minute, never in advance. He starts to figure out that he can do this on his terms the whole time. But what about that one time when he calls you and he really wants to see you and you say, I really can't. I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And he says, oh, wow, well, when can I see you? Well, next Tuesday. He goes, okay, I want to see you then. So now he has to wait a week to see you. And of course, because he couldn't have you exactly when and how he wanted you, he starts to value you more, especially with the anticipation of waiting to see you. But the only way to do this is to actually have a life. One of the big problems, you know, in the dating book, the rules, there's this rule of never accept a date for a Friday on a Wednesday. Now, lest you think that that rule is describing the same thing as I'm talking about. Let me correct you. Many people would say, well, that is the same thing you're talking about. Because, you know, not accepting a date for a Friday on a Wednesday is really about showing that you have a life that you're busy. But my problem with is that if you don't have a life, you've just denied yourself a date on Friday and you're going to be sitting at home watching some silly TV program, bored out of your mind and on your own because you said, well, I don't want to look desperate. But what could be more desperate than not going out with a guy and then sitting at home doing something much worse and more boring? Here's my view. It's much easier to create a life than fake a life. So go out and create a life alongside his. And when he sees you in that life, he's far more likely to turn around and say, you know what? You have something. You have a world you can bring me into. You add value to my life. You're interesting. Let's hang out. But the last thing he's going to do is change his behavior because you asked him why he doesn't have more time for you. If anything, it will send him the other if he says he hasn't got time, believe him. Go create your life. I'll speak to you soon, my friends. Go. Follow me on Facebook Coach Matthew Hussey Love speaking to you as always.