What We Wish We Knew BEFORE Planning Our Wedding

[Just Gossip] Hey everybody, welcome back to this YouTube channel. That was a funny intro. Many of you know that last year, Audrey and I got married and that meant planning a wedding. So we brought on three people to help us from the company Linden Lane. Over the next few months, I experienced lots of different emotions that came up for me me in planning a wedding, especially one that forced people to travel. Will people come? Are they gonna have a good time if they come? Are they gonna resent us for making them leave the house? How do we make a great wedding? And it struck me that all of these questions are actually questions that we ask every year in different ways, regardless of whether we are planning a wedding. How many people don't arrange a dinner party because they're afraid that no one will come or that people won't enjoy themselves or they don't know how to an event that's going to be a wonderful moment or memory for people. And I believe that being the organizer of events and experiences is one of the great ways to transform our social life. To go from being passive to being an active participant in creating experiences for us and for others. This podcast that you're going to watch is all about how to do that. It's super fun. You're going to get a lot of behind the scenes details of mine and Audrey's wedding, which is really the first time I think we've talked about them anywhere with the people that were in the thick of it with us the entire time. So this will be a bit of a behind the scenes episode, but it's also going to be an incredibly practical episode for you in creating an exciting year for yourself and better social connections this year. I present to you, Lyndon Lane. So you just looked at Audrey and I and said, oh, you still like each other. That's a good thing.

It's so happy.

And I said, we actually like each other more now, probably, in this peaceful stage of actually being married now and not discussing the wedding. And you then said that there's a couple you're working with where they have a rule that they can only talk about the wedding every Thursday.

Yep, it's their Thursday wedding night chat. And they save, you know, good things, bad things, whatever. But it's just otherwise you find yourself, it consumes all your conversations. So it's a good way to keep it streamlined.

Is it more typical that people enjoy planning their wedding or grow to hate it?

Well, hopefully we make it, we make it that they enjoy it. But I think also it's a very, you know, you have to be active in wanting to enjoy it. and letting yourself say, okay, this isn't going to stress me out because they're stressful decisions. They feel like big decisions. And then you feel like all of these amazing, important people are coming to enjoy your wedding. So you have to be active and not allowing yourself to feel overwhelmed and stressed about it and letting people that are trying to help you, whether it be your planners or who your family, whoever that is, like letting go and. And being present in what that moment is, that year or two years, whatever it is that you're planning.

Trust to trusting that process. Yeah.

Well, you made it incredibly stress-free for us, I think, compared by any reasonable, normal standards.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

We actually kept saying at the time, we kept forgetting that it was coming up because you guys were just amazing. You took everything off our hands and we would be like, wait, it's coming up in, like, two or three weeks.

What would you say? You cared a lot about at our wedding that I didn't show any interest in at all.

Careful.

I'm trying to think. Can you guys even remind me, was that something I was really particularly- no, very easy going.

And you both wanted your guests to feel taken care of.

Yeah.

So that is a through line, right? Same thing. And so I think, I'm sure for you guys, I don't obviously am not in your relationship. besides the wedding. But obviously that is a love language, right? Like feeling taken care of and that's something you wanted to gift to your guests. So yes, you wanted it to look pretty, but are they taken care of? Do they know where they're going? Is there transportation? Have we shown them some restaurants? Like those were the things that were high on your list, which is great. That's easy for us to do, right? Because that's our love language also.

Yeah, no, that's true. And but you cared a lot about that as well. I cared a lot about my dress.

Sure. So much. I, and I was like, not as one does.

As one does.

I think that was the thing I cared the most about. I was like, I think when someone asked us, like, what are you most looking forward to about the wedding? And I think that it was actually during my bachelorette party, we played that game where people asked you the question and you had to answer it. And I had to answer what Matt would have answered on my behalf. Mr. And Mrs., I think it's called. And anyway, somebody asked me, like, What are you most looking forward to about the wedding? And I went, My dress. And me walking down, Matt seeing me in my dress. And then you played the thing and you were like, the people she loves. And I think you then went, you- were the one. And her dress.

I love it.

You said something interesting though about that idea of, you know, for us wanting people to feel at home and taken care of. became really useful to me as like a driving why?

Yes.

For everything. And I feel like that's something that's applicable to any event. If you're hosting a dinner party, if you're having people over, if you're throwing something for July 4th, it's like it. Having any kind of an event for a lot of people is immensely stressful.

Very.

But to have that core what's the feeling I'm trying to create, I think is really, really powerful because then you get to focus everything you do around, 'cause there's always a thousand things you could do. Right. But to narrow it down to what are we actually going to do, to have that core why, I think is really, really powerful.

Absolutely.

And a lot of our couples are really, in the beginning, are kind of feeling wishy-washy, like not wishy-washy, but like trying to find that, and I think part of our job is we're going through the processes. Why do you want it here? Why do you want these people here? And let's keep coming back to that moment because obviously we love design and all the things pretty, but at the end of the day, it's about this couple getting married and how their friends and family are gonna witness that. And so it's really interesting to find clients that wanna keep coming back to that moment. And those weddings always have so much soul to them and you feel it.

Love that you use that word. That is, that word is like my obsession. It's like soul because it permeates everything. Does this wedding have soul? And does it have the DNA of your particular relationship or the culture that you create in your life? And I think there's something very intimidating about weddings in general, where you find yourself looking at what everyone else is doing and thinking we have to emulate some version of that. And I suppose that's why things end up becoming so cookie cutter for so many people. But it's a weird thing. I imagine a lot of people feel like they could plan their best wedding after their wedding. 100%.

Yes.

We feel like we could plan their second best wedding after their wedding, because we know them so much.

Yeah, exactly. you know, I think it takes, it takes doing something big like that in some ways to build the confidence that then would make you do it more like you next time around. As weird as that sounds.

And I, you know, let go of the pressure of what's actually, that was a very good thing that you said, because I think something that makes people nervous and something that drives their, their team planners and whatnot crazy is they start planning and then they get obsessed with Trends. They get obsessed with what's on Instagram and all of these things, and it becomes impossible to chase those things for you as the people doing it and for the people executing it for you. So if you let go of that and lean into, for you, like what is going to feed my soul in this? What are the things that are important to me? And like my mom said, why do I want these people here? What is the moment? And that's for anything, not just your wedding. Like, could be that you want your girls over for dinner, but it's like, I haven't seen you guys in a long time. I miss you. We need this. Connection, like, if that's what you're focusing on versus, oh, I need to have this kind of cake or this kind of decor. Yes, those things are on top, and we want those things too. But if you're staying true to what matters to your heart and your soul, you're gonna have an amazing wedding.

I remember having some of the maddest ideas and like, you know, like we're so busy all the time. And the year we were getting married happened to be one of the busiest years ever in, like, five different ways. It would have been still unmanageable without us getting married.

Right.

And then we threw getting married into.

In Sicily.

Yeah, yeah. In Sicily. And there was a part when I was thinking, like, oh, but I really want to make this, like, focused around our passions and the things that excite us. I remember there was a moment, I don't know if we ever told you.

This, but I'm really excited to hear what you're going to say.

You know, we kind of scared.

There was a moment where I I was like, we should, you know what would be fun is if we did some kind of, 'cause we were like, in our free time sometimes with friends and whatever, we'll go do an escape room or something like that. I was like, what if we could do like a 120 person escape room that we designed from scratch? You did say something about this. Yeah, really? You did. And there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and.

There was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there.

Was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a.

Guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was.

A guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was a guy, and there was And I was like.

I still have their card, 'cause I.

Was like, One day, I will use it for something, some kind of party I'm gonna have.

Matthew, I don't know, like the sub language that would be wedding escape room. Like it might have just not been feeling like you were-- Something very meta.

Yeah, it's something very meta.

A good planner says, so what is it that an escape room makes you feel? And I'll try to emulate that part.

That's right.

You want everyone working together.

Freedom.

Okay.

Excitement, closeness.

We're not gonna lock your guests in a pressure cooker.

But you, but you know, it's a, here's a, here's the weird thing is that I've found my life and Audrey, I know you relate to this now being part of all of this, the, the Retreats that we do every year always started with these insane ideas that were, you know, like so difficult to pull off. And everything that's good about the retreat always came from having this ridiculous idea that couldn't really happen or we just didn't have the budget for or and we would figure out a different way to do something. You know, for us, I know that a huge thing ended up boiling down to being, I was very, very specific about curating this sort of soundtrack to the day. And we sat together and we were like, we really designed the entire music of the day. Like it was a score that we were composing. And that to me, the reason I like escape rooms is because I like to create worlds that people don't walk into and feel like they've truly stepped into a world. It's one of the reasons I love Universal Studios or Disney World. It's like I love that feeling of immersion. And in that small subtle way, it felt like even the music throughout the day was like this, there's an immersive quality to it. You're immersed in the movies and the things that we love because there's a subtle soundtrack going on the entire day.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. And it cracked me up when we sent it to you guys. It was actually very funny when, when we were deciding our first dance, the song for our first dance, because this is funny. So we, We, for people who don't know this, which is most people, we kind of didn't know what to have as our first dance. And because we're very busy, we were like, oh, well, you know, we're gonna leave it to the last minute. We'll just decide, like, inspiration will strike. And it was like two days before, and we were just trying to think of something, and we were like, well, we both love Beauty and the Beast, and it's a bit cheesy, but also who cares? It's only our best friends there. We don't care if it's cheesy. Maybe we just have beauty in the beast. And then, you know, we were really close to our moms and we were like, oh, maybe it would be so lovely if we had, I think back to it. I'm laughing. If we had beauty in the beast and if we basically, you know, got our moms to come and halfway through the song, basically we would swap and I would dance with my mom and then my mom and then Matt would dance with his mom. We were like, oh, that would be a lovely thing. So we kind of like, text you guys and we were like, we're gonna do this thing. And we then slept on it. Thank God. And the next day we were like, oh, actually we think maybe we just do like something a bit more classic. We love this song, Moon River. Let's just do this song anyway. So we decided to go for Moon River. And honestly, it was the best decision.

Ever because we didn't realize how Americans do the first dance.

Right, exactly. So we thought in England, What you do is once you've had dinner and everything is done, you then head over to the dance floor, you cut the cake, the couple then has the first dance and invites the rest of the whole wedding party onto the dance floor.

Often like 30 seconds in. So you've only got 30 seconds.

So we were like, oh, maybe like this, you know, tell us all this time we'll be playing for 30 seconds. Everyone would jump in. Anyway, and Yeah, like I say, maybe 15 minutes before our first dance. Well, before the dinner, I should say. You guys came over and you were like, Right, so are you ready for your first dance?

Sorry, what?

No, I am actually.

Tiffany said they didn't look like they were ready for their first dance.

You mean in like five courses time, right?

Right now, grand entrance, baby.

They were like, what do you mean? We're going to dance now. Yeah, yeah, before dinner. And so then we realized that we walk in, everyone is standing and staring. And staring.

But they're standing on their chairs at dinner. So they're not even standing and like, there's no movement. They're just watching.

It's all you on their chairs.

Not on top of their chairs.

Next to their chairs.

It would be really standing.

What kind of wedding was this?

Standing next to their chairs.

Yeah, in front of their chairs. And then we had to dance the full two and a half minutes of Moon River in front of everyone.

We're real glad you didn't do Beauty in the Beast.

We slept on it that night too and thought, how are we gonna tell them we can't dance?

Behind the scenes, by the way, you're texting me this and I'm sitting in like a tiny little kitchen in Sicily and I'm at the florist house or where he was staying just surrounded by flowers and I'm just sitting there like Beauty and the Beast. No.

Moon River was a pretty good.

Well, and Moon, I told you guys at the time, right? Moon River is a very sentimental song for us. It was like our, my mom's mom, our grand's, it was her song. So like when it comes on, we're always like, She's here. Grandma's like leading us, whatever. And when you said that, I was.

Like, It's all good.

Of course, it's Moon River.

So to us, we were like, It's perfect.

Oh, it was fine when it was your song.

But when it was being sung by people who weren't your.

Yeah, it had to be something about us.

How do you see, 'cause I remember getting really nervous about our wedding in the sense that for me, the idea of everyone coming to one place for us was, it was just, it made me quite self-conscious 'cause I'm not good at like birthday parties where things are about me. And you're not either, particularly. So the idea of like, everyone's gonna come to this place for us made me deeply self-conscious. To the extent that I almost, like, I was like saying, we were at lunch with a couple of friends of ours, Ramit and Cass. And I was like, I think I wanna put on the invitation something like, you, don't have to come. Like, we're gonna go to Sicily. We know it's a long way for everyone. It's okay. if you don't want to come. And he was like, what do you know? You can't put that on your invite. Like, it's not. You don't need to apologize on your invite. If people don't want to come, they won't come.

Exactly.

But I felt like it was gonna put pressure on people, and they were gonna suddenly feel like, oh, my God, I have to now go to this thing because I love these two, but I don't really want to go. And. And so all of that went through my mind. What? How? Could you speak to the nerves that people feel before any event that often makes them feel like they shouldn't throw it in the first place? And I, not to get too deep on this, but I feel like there's a deep, like, there's a deep thing going on there for a lot of us where there's some sense of unworthiness.

Oh, a hundred percent.

Where it's just like, I'm, insecurity.

Yeah.

Not.

It's okay. Like, for me, it's almost like it's okay if I show up on stage and I'm delivering value for hours and hours and hours to people. But the asking people to come to something that's just celebrating us, that felt really indulgent. Yeah. And I think people can feel that all the way down to, you know, a dinner party where it's like, I'm terrified of throwing a dinner party. What if people don't show up? What if. People don't have a good time and those kinds of nerves prevent people from ever doing it in the first place, which I think is a shame because I think that planning events is almost one of the great cheat codes to creating real connections with people and expanding your social circle and you have to be brave enough to access that cheat code because otherwise you'll just never do it and I'm the person who never does it. And I'm just curious what you think people can do to begin to break down those barriers that they have to putting on events in the first place. Because not everyone listening to this is getting married, but there will be plenty of people listening to this who are like, you know what? I, one of my big goals is to build a Social Circle. And when I've done that, I want to have a dinner party or I want to throw a July 4th party this year for the first time, even if it's for five of my closest friends, but they're still nervous about it. So could you speak to that?

I actually was thinking about this, and this is kind of a sad insight, but we recently lost a very close friend unexpectedly, and it's been really hard. And one of the things that I, and I'm sure Lane has as well, that I have gone back to over and over and over again is every moment that we had with that person, right, that we had together was like, these big life moments that we all shared. And those are, you can't even imagine how important they are until that you don't have, you're not capable of having them with that one person anymore. So I think going forward for people, you're so insecure, right? Like you're saying, they're not gonna wanna come all this way. They're not gonna wanna do that. They do. They want to be a part of your life.

They love you.

It's important to them. And with destination weddings all the time, people are like, I just don't want to put people out and make them do this or a house party. And it's like, yeah, but at the end of the day, those are the connections that all of us crave so much. Even me, and I'm like an introvert, want to stay home, I'm the person who's canceling the plans, right? But looking back, unfortunately, and it's not the insight I want to have, but you're like, Damn it, those are the moments I wish I still had with that person. And so now, When people are saying, Hey, we're going out to brunch. Come to my house. We're doing this. You're like, Yep, I'm there. Because I want to make sure that I always have those moments with you to look back on. And for weddings, for the bigger things, I'm like, your people want to be there. Yes, of course. Everybody gripes about things. And there might be some people who are like, I don't want to travel that far. But honestly, for the most part, and we deal with people's RSVPs all the time, people are so excited.

And when they're your people, they're like, I'm showing us.

I'm gonna be there. I want to be in that moment with you and I want to have that memory forever. So the people that aren't thinking that way, honestly, let them fall off the RSVP list. You didn't really want them there to begin with. And we have so many more weddings lately that are so much more intimate, you know, 100 people, 150 people. And it's like, yes, some other people have bigger circles, sure. But I'm like, 150 people, you curated that. You thought like, I want these people there and they want to be there. So throw that out the window and like move on.

Especially post COVID.

Yes.

Like after COVID, I think so many people were like, I want life experience. I miss my friends, I miss my family. And I think there is something to be said, like Lindsay was saying, about realizing that you're giving these, yes, I think it's a humble and healthy thing. You don't want to be the person who's just like, of course everyone wants to come to my party. That's not a healthy way to be. That's too much ego. But It's a humble and healthy thing to be thinking about that. But for the most part, that's a gift you're giving them. You're opening your home to them. You're opening your life to them. You are taking a year's worth of stress and giving them this gift of this three-day whatever kind of party that is. What an amazing gift you just gave them. And yes, that takes planning and curation and working with people who do care about what that guest experience is that you said, that you cared about the soundtrack, that you cared about the food. All of that is a gift you gave them. And losing that insecurity and saying, like, wouldn't I want to be invited to that?

Right.

Of course I would. And the rest, then fine. Then go to dinner by yourself and don't come. Don't come to Sicily to a perfect.

Wedding and have a perfect soundtrack. It's. It's connection.

It's.

I'm so, so happy you said that, because. I had that feeling, one of the moments I felt it the most, we were in this, you know, countryside kind of venue for the wedding, but everyone was staying in the nearby town of Noto in Sicily, which for everyone out there, if you don't know it, it's just this gorgeous sort of semi stuck in time, kind of old Italian city, and it's gorgeous, but there's not a lot going on there. I mean, there's a few hotels and restaurants, the Strip is tiny.

We know every restaurant.

Yeah. And it, it, one of my favorite moments was the morning after the wedding when I think, no, it was the day, it was the, it was the day after, the day after. Because I think we, we slept at the venue at the wedding that night. But then the next night we went and stayed. in a hotel in Noto. And that morning after, so many of our people were still around because they'd spent the weekend there. And I remember going to this little coffee shop and just one by one, people we knew were walking down the street and just started pulling up a chair. It felt like some old Italian Godfather scene. People just kept pulling up chairs. They're like, oh, there you are. Come join us.

I want to tell you a funny story. story.

Yeah.

Their version of their memory of the night.

Like, oh, did you see so-and-so doing this? And this was so funny. Like, it's that shared Community.

Yeah. And what was so fascinating to me was the appreciation people had for just having had an experience that, that was not in their normal routine. Exactly. We're so, I think that we are so, we so underestimate how much other people are craving an experience that's outside of their routine. We so overestimate, I think, how exciting everyone's lives are all the time. 100. And, and I know I do. I'm, I, you know, so for me, what I saw is like, oh, my God, we are dragging people from America, people from England, people from other countries to this tiny little city. in Southern Sicily. And what I realized is, oh, my God, these people are creating a life memory by doing this. And it, it may not, you know, I think that lesson works just as well if you're the one throwing a party for July 4th or you're putting even just like a, you know, a friend of mine recently in Los Angeles, he invited me and my brother Stephen to his house on a Sunday. He said, I'm just getting, like, a small group. together, and we're just gonna do, like, a little mini several hour health day, like, come over, we'll get in the Jacuzzi, we'll do some meditation, we'll, like, eat some nice food. And we went there, and it was probably, like, four or 5 hours arrived at his house. And that's exactly what we did. We, like, it was, like, seven men who were all doing, like, breathing exercises, then meditating. Then getting in a Jacuzzi, just having smoothies. And I remember-- I love you so much.

I'm gonna invite my brother to be friends with you guys.

I know this is like the least, like, Frozen smoothie. Stereotypical thing.

There was definitely-- the new podcast is called Frozen Smoothies.

Frozen Smoothies. Frozen Smoothies. But I remember feeling really grateful to him as the host, because I was like, I didn't have the guts to arrange this.

Right.

This is awesome.

But be honest, why would you not arrange something like this?

Well, because five minutes after arranging it, I'd be worried that I don't want to have a commitment in my weekend.

Yeah, that's...

I really relate to that.

No, there's another reason as well.

Oh yeah, Audrey's like, spit it out.

I don't know why. It doesn't.

Know what I mean.

Because you get anxiety about when people are going to leave.

How do you get them out again?

You must leave by 9 p.m. Yeah.

You just have to have a little.

Bit of time to leave early or.

You'Re like an informal Sunday.

Sure you can.

Everyone's got to go by 9 p.m.

I'm like so excited to have you here. Can't wait to do this. It's gonna be amazing. Everyone has to leave by 9 because I haven't. It is a weird way to start a party though.

Like you have to be out of here by 8:30. It's odd.

You know what though, if you're really close with your friend, imagine all of our friends They all know that, like, you should probably leave my house by nine, because I'm usually in bed by then.

You know what I mean?

And then he's going to bed.

At Lane's house, I know that, like.

No one's leaving before 9:00.

We're cracking open another bottle of wine. Let's just keep it going. But I do think that even just putting a time, like, we're gonna do.

This from 12 till five, I do think that does make a difference. It does. It gives you some boundaries, whether they.

Adhere to them or not, but it gives you that starting spot. Oh, yeah. You're probably a people pleaser, though, and it's like, Nine o'clock has come and gone and we're having a great time.

And they're still here. I am, but I've learned, I've historically a people pleaser, but I'm much more, whereas in another time in my life, if someone invited me somewhere and I, you know, didn't want to go, I might have said that I had lots on or whatever. These days, I'm much more likely to be like, I'm desperate for a weekend on my own.

Right.

And I just need to chill this weekend. Like, there's so much liberation And being.

Honest about what you're telling people.

Because then you're like, I don't have to pretend. I can just be the guy who wants to stay home and watch TV. I don't have to lie to you and say, I've got a ton of work on.

Especially with your schedule. You guys are owed a weekend. It's like the same for us.

Sometimes I'm like, I just don't want to do anything. Yeah, yeah. I just wanna sit in my bed. I think we're lucky in this, in these times, our generation, if you will, like... Watch it. Everybody is so proud to say that, right? Like on Instagram or whatever, it's the memes like, Hey, I'm just the person who needs needs to not talk to anybody for a whole Saturday. And so it's like, oh, yeah, I see you. I'm one of those, too. Whereas before it was like, you know, people would be like, she doesn't go anywhere.

She doesn't do anything. It's like, no, I just need it. I just need a minute.

Yeah.

Extroverts are really kind of revered in our society. And I think introverts are misunderstood and seen as anti-social the truth is, it's not, it's not that introverts are anti-social it's that they need a lot of alone time in order to recharge.

Right.

Yes. I heard the somewhere, and I don't know if this is very revolutionary to other people, but for me, I was like, oh, my God, this best way to describe it. And it was that extroverts basically feel charged up from being around people and introverts feel depleted from being around people and feel charged up from being on their own. So they kind of, they need that recharge time.

It's hard to strike the balance though, right? Because between introversion and extroversion, I find, like, I, if I, if I, because there's also like the badge of honor introverts, right, on like Instagram and stuff, who really Like, it's very kind of indulgent and it's very like-- and I agree. --and I go that way very easily because I know I could find any excuse to stay home. And so it's like this is a strange balance where you have to figure out at what point is this like a nice self-care thing I'm doing for myself? And at what point is it just a cop-out of ever having to interact with the world?

That's my life struggle. Right. What you just said, right? And like, I have to let people push me a little bit. Like, just come to the beach. I'm just like, oh my God, I could sleep in and just like not do anything. And sometimes, yes, that's what I need to do. But other times I need people to be like, Come on, go.

But I think that's the thing about, like you're saying, inviting people to these events, whether it's weddings or just a dinner party or come over for a second, is you've carved a little space for them and for yourself to be like, I just need you for this little time. Like just come share a moment. And all of us are always like, oh, why did I do that? And then when you do it, you're.

Like, oh my God, that was really cool. That's why we say don't do brunches. Yeah, it's for the introvert. Don't plan a brunch.

After a wedding.

After a wedding. You've had a normal brunch, just a Sunday is nice. But you've had three days of events. You've just asked these, again, it's like thinking about for your guests. You've done all of these things for this guest. And then at the end, you've let them party till one o'clock in the morning and then ask them to come to something at 7 a.m. or 9 a.m. with a burrito.

And we're like, they don't wanna come. They don't.

They don't wanna see you again. They don't wanna talk about you again.

They need a minute.

They need a minute. To chill. To have their own Bloody Mary.

In their own room by themselves, don't you?

Send them some room service.

That's one I actually remember think, because we had this conflict where we were like, well, we're bringing people to Sicily for a whole weekend. We need to have lots of plans for them. And one of our friends, Ramit, he actually, he, he was, I think he was in his hotel room because we got, our wedding was at like 5 00 p.m. or something, wasn't it, on the Saturday? We just had an event on the Friday, which was just drinks. and then Saturday we got married at 5 pm. And I was thinking, is that enough? Do people need something to do on the Saturday? And Ramit texted me and he was like, I think it was like midday on Saturday. And he was like, thank you.

Yes.

For just making this the kind of weekend where I could, like, chill, have a coffee, maybe have a little stroll around the town. Like, you are, you, you allowed us our own time, and I It really was a lesson for me that people don't want to be over scheduled.

Well, you don't want to make your wedding weekend like a work trip, right? Where someone who works and travels all the time is like, yeah, I've gone to all those places. Couldn't tell you what's outside of the hotel because I only work, right? If you have all these people traveling all over the world for your wedding, give them a minute. Give them a minute to explore. Unless you're like literally providing exploration and we have people do that, but like, Yes, let them sit in their room, let them walk around the town. Like, that's a coffee date too. They don't want to travel all this way and they're like, I don't know. I saw one place, I looked at two people for four days straight and like, yes, I love them, but also I wanted to see Sicily. I wanted to go to the places that White Lotus was or whatever. Yes.

Before we go any further with the episode, I wanted to make sure that you know, my dear listener or Watcher. If you're watching this on YouTube, the live Retreat is coming up again from the 9th to the 15th of September, 2024. This is not a virtual event. This is you being in person with me for six days. We actually get to give each other a hug when you arrive in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. How amazing is that we get to and spend time together. This is the deepest work I do. It's the most transformational work I do. I've been doing this program for 16 years of my life now, and it is still the thing I do that I am the most proud of because it works with people on the deepest level of change on our emotional patterns, on our healing, on our confidence and self-worth. Everything changes in our lives when we get together to do the work that we do on this program. So come join us by going to mhretreat.com There's a video trailer there of the retreat and everything that it does that you can watch and if nothing else come watch the trailer because it's a really enjoyable thing to watch to get an insight into what happens on this week. But I hope you'll go one step further than that and actually apply to be with us so that you and I can spend those six days together this year. Give yourself the gift of these six magical days and the lifetime of change that will result from them. MHretreat.com is the link. I will see you there. Now back to the episode. I feel like I just want to stick on this for a moment because People who are hearing what you're saying about create a memory, do you know in your wedding or in life in general, you know, you don't have forever with people. It's crazy how much we end up appreciating those things that fall outside of our normal routine. Those are always the things we end up talking about, right? We don't talk about what we were doing last year on a Tuesday. It's we don't even remember it. so we lose years of our life to the in-between times. And the in-between times end up being the most, the 90% of our life. What would you say to people who this year are, they're busy, there's always an excuse not to, it's always easier not to, but they deep down, maybe they should create a memory or they'd like to, But there's also that feeling of, well, what should I do? What should I create? What event or experience should I make happen this year that's manageable? What would be your answer to that? And then I have a follow-up question.

We had a mother of the bride who I love and still talk to, who said to me, her wedding was planned 2020, and then obviously we delayed it. she ended up getting married at the end of 2021. And we were talking about just like decisions and how many times we were talking and going on and on. And she was saying, I said, one of the conversations, I said, did we already talk about this? And she said, my son said to me that it's hard to make memories when you don't have milestones. And I was like, oh, wow. And she's like, and that's the problem, is that our brains are like, literally melding this entire time together because everything is the same every single day. And so she's like, I'm so looking forward to my daughter's wedding because I need a milestone. I need a moment that reminds me of that, that this is worth living, you know? And I think it's the same thing. It's like whether it be, like you said, a dinner party, a Fourth of July party, a wedding, whatever those might be, those are your defining moments of your life and Are they hard? And do they take effort? They do. And they take stress and they take all of those things. Nothing in this life that's worth doing doesn't take a little effort and doesn't take planning. But the milestones are what we're gonna remember. The milestones are when we're gonna remember who was there, what were the speeches, how it felt, what was the music, all of that. Those feelings are what you're taking away. And that's not to sound cliche, that is that is literally the truth.

And I think for like families and events or weddings, we always talk about this because there's the dynamic of, you know, grandparents and parents and all of this. And everyone comes to those events with a little bit different thing. And families and grandparents and parents are kind of at those events thinking, I know your moms were like thinking about all the moments that came before.

Yeah.

You know, so they're marking time. from that, your wedding backwards. And you as a couple are marking time from this event forward and what your lives are going to be like. And that moment of that wedding weekend for you guys in Sicily or for anybody is if we can capture that where those two circles intersect and make time stand still, then we've marked time for you that will always be there. And so I think all of this are working for that. The clients are working for that. We're working for that. And that's what makes our lives all worthwhile at the end of the day. Is it really pretty? We really hope so. Is it all these things? But at the end of the day, we want that moment as much as you guys do. We're saps. We cry every freaking time, you know? So that's amazing.

I love what you said. That's so beautiful.

Thank you.

What?

For prompting me.

What do you what are the. If. If there are any just key rules or principles to having a great event, what are they?

Trust your planner.

Yeah.

Oh, there's probably a lot of them.

Like, I. I'm almost imagining, like, someone. If. If we boil it down to, like, a micro situation, I'm having 10 people over. this Saturday for dinner. The moment they walk through the door, I'm anxious that they're not having a good time or that they're, like, standing around and I don't know what to do with them. Dinner's not for an hour and a half. And what do we do with these people? They're here now. So what? How long are they gonna be here? What are the principles about, you know, how we either overthink those moments. or what are the best ways to entertain your guests? What are the best ways to create an environment where people are having a good time and they're not standing around going, why did I come here?

I think what you said in the beginning though of planning your guys' wedding is if you're always leading everything with guest experience in mind, you rarely fail because ultimately you're doing the best you can, right? Whether it be, you know, it feels like there should be music or, you know, okay, well they're gonna be here for an hour and a half before we have dinner? Do we have something for them to drink and eat beforehand? Is there a game on? Is there whatever it is that's entertaining? Are you thinking about your guests in terms of what we have actually thinking about who's coming? Well, they're thinking it's a Sunday and they're going to be wanting to do this on a Sunday and I'm the wives are going to be wanting to do this or the whoever it is, that sounds cliche, but whatever it is that you're they're interested in, what are you taking them away from? in order to be where they are, you know? So how are you serving them in that way? It's like we have a stationer that we love working with all the time, and she's always like, those are acts of service. If you're thinking about that, then the rest is just, is, will fall in line because you're constantly planning based on what that experience should feel like for, for your guest.

And I think don't overthink it.

Right? Yeah.

It's like I'm part of you.

Put on some Music, don't have it be dead silent, have something for them to drink and a little something to nibble on and the rest falls into place, right? It's awkward when it's dead silent and then it's like, did you want me to come over here or what are we doing, right?

So it's like, what are the intention.

Of them being there? Yes, yes, it feels intentional and that could be as simple as like lighting a candle and having music. That's literally it. You walk into someone's house and you're.

Like, they knew I was coming, they wanted me here. I like this, I like this, because I feel like we create like a list that's actually super practical to people. And it sounds so silly. It's almost like, do we even need to point these things out? But I think we do.

Yes.

So, okay. Light candles. That says I'm being intentional about creating an experience.

Music.

Music when they come in, having a drink ready. Always.

It doesn't have to be alcoholic, but so many of our friends and clients now have all the non-alcoholic things, right? But you know your friends.

What?

Whatever little thing is gonna make them relax. And I'm here now.

I just left work.

There was traffic. I'm gonna relax. I'm gonna have a drink, I'm gonna have something else. Whatever chills you out. And you're lighting. Yeah. Lighting. Not have the lights super bright.

I was gonna say just trying, which is difficult, especially for people with families, but, like, toning down the chaos of your life, acting as if you're ready for them. Welcome. Welcoming them, which isn't always. Sometimes you're rushing, too, but it's like, Sometimes I'm like, okay, dog's in the garage, kids are upstairs watching TV, music's on, there's food, there's a drink. Now come into my house. I just made a moment of serenity for you, you know, which can be stressful for the host for sure, for 10 minutes.

And I think, yeah, don't undercut yourself. So many people have people come into their house and like, oh, I'm sorry, it's a mess. I'm sorry, like I didn't think about this. They don't care. Nobody cares. Also, they really don't care. have you ever gone on to over to one of your friends house and been like, oh, my God, I saw a laundry basket. Like, yeah, they're a human.

There's a laundry basket.

They don't invite those people back if they care.

Most people don't care, obviously.

I'm sure if you're like, I'm the one judging you. But wait, okay, wait.

I want more of these things.

Okay.

It's a candle, music, flowers, but just drink ready. I mean, like, from. Yes. Trader Joe's.

How do you.

What about if you But no one's gonna want that snack. Just be pretty generic here.

Like some cheese and crackers. At the very least, I'm gonna eat a cracker if I'm vegan. And maybe some veggies. And if you're me, all the cheese. You don't have to overthink it. It's honestly so people are not, I don't know if anyone else has this food anxiety where you do go to an event and there is no food and there's no what, and you're just like, when are they gonna serve the dinner? I'm saying, yes, I'm so stressed. I didn't eat today. I had two meetings. whatever at lunchtime, and then I drove here and haven't eaten, and you're like, you, don't have a cracker? I'm dying. Those are things to think about, right? So I guess think about yourself. What would you want to walk into a house and have?

What about where you lead people so that it's arranged in a way that's conducive to people kind of actually socializing? Do you lead them all to the sofa, but then everyone's sort of stuck on the sofa, and then they kind of get up again?

Spread things around a little bit. so snacks in different parts, you know, like.

Or also just guest count also matters.

Yeah, guest count, but you just don't want everything focused on like one table. Yeah. Because then everyone's just standing around that one table staring at each other eating nuts or whatever.

I was gonna say small snacks on a coffee table, nuts, you know, whatever little mini things. And then if you have a kitchen island or a dining table that's nearby, that's where you're putting bigger snacks. People, you do want people to get up and mingle. And then it's like they're talking over.

Here with the dining table and.

Yes, a good flow, spreading it out for sure.

I know you guys throw a lot of themed parties, or certainly I know that you guys threw one particular theme party, which I love, which was all wild west cowboy theme.

Oh, yeah.

And, and so obviously this, you know, people have different budgets when it comes to theme parties. So being respectful of different kinds of budgets, how would you recommend someone throw a themed party? Because Matt and I are big fans of, we like to theme our days sometimes. So let's say we have a Japanese movie we want to watch. We will also order Japanese food in order to try and match the day. And, you know, we try and kind of bring a little bit of life to, to events in that way and to even just small things. But if you're throwing a party, whether it be for 10 people, 50 people, whatever it might be, and you want to theme it, do you have any advice on how to do that in an easy way?

You're not talking about fancy dress, though. I just want to clear that because you're, you're talking about just theming the.

Like, the, the Yeah.

Creating the world of... Yeah, like when.

We have our Japanese day, for instance, we don't dress in kimono.

But I would like to see that.

But I will say, I mean, the three most...

I would be curious if yours are the same as mine.

I'm gonna say food, attire, and music.

Well, I think, yes, because obviously, but I think, and this goes for interior design too, right? Is, I can't remember who said this, and I wish I could, I could give them credit. But when you're theming something, you're not thinking about, I'm theming it, because this is how, like, I'm just gonna put all the cowboy hats or whatever. What would it actually be like to be in that space? So, yes, what would I eat if I was genuine? Instead of, like, I'm just gonna paint a cowboy hat on here. And that's my theme.

And it's so.

It's too kitschy, right? It's not the actual thing. Instead of saying, if I was. in 1910 in the Wild West. Like, what would the music sound like? What would we be eating? What would the furniture look like?

We.

I'm going real deep, obviously, because you're.

Really speaking to my heart with this, by the way. Seriously, this is like, that's all.

But that's all budget and scale, right? It's so, like, if you're just talking about a smaller, maybe something that you're not investing a huge amount of money on, you can always ask people to dress a certain way. You have food, you have music as you. get further into an event. That's the harder you can go.

Well, yes, you can lean in more and more, obviously, but. And then I had another one. I lost it, but I think, yeah, not thinking about what the theme is, like, I'm gonna throw up on it, but what would it actually be to, like, if your kid wanted a basketball themed room, right? You weren't just putting basketballs everywhere. You're like, what would a basketball player actually want in their room? And then I'm gonna lean into that, and it's that feeling versus, like, It's not cheesy, right? It's not as contrived. It's a theme. So there should be some, you know, effort in that regard. But I think to me, that's my husband always says, my husband likes to.

Surf, likes to travel and surf. And I'm, when we first met, I'd always be like, oh, what about this surf piece of art? And he's like, real surfers don't want a surfboard on their wall. Like, I'm like, they don't, but like, this is a picture of a guy surfing. He's like, Yeah, I don't want a pic, I want to go to the wave.

I want our house to feel like.

A surfer lives here, not...

So there's actually surfboards over here, but not one.

He's like, I want real surfboards in the garage.

Put the money towards that. You don't want it to be like the, you know, like if it's London themed, it shouldn't look like the London gift shop.

I was just gonna say, you don't want to like the Disney store when you're walking out.

Yeah, the souvenir shop. at the airport.

That's a bad thing.

What would a pub on Oxford Street actually look like? Then you dive into that. You got to go more in there.

Yeah. Yeah. Music is literally one of the biggest free.

Huge.

Like, that is such a free immersion touch.

Yes.

And I feel like people get that wrong all the time.

They just don't think about it. And then they panic, and the doorbell rings, and it's like, turn on some music, and it's. Yes, the wrong playlist comes on, you're like, it was a Japanese party.

Like, 1920s night, and there's like Taylor Swift playing, and like, what are you doing? This should be like, yeah.

That's actually a great point. Anything that we always say, don't like that would peel back the curtain, theoretically speaking, and that peels back the curtain. If all of a sudden it's like, oh, I'm in my like flapper attire and Taylor Swift comes on, you're like, wait, it's the record stop, right? Where am I again? Where is it? The music stays that way. The party, it stays jazz, smoky, whatever. You're never leaving that moment. The curtain's never been peeled back. They forget they're in this house. They're in the club in 1920. Yes, you got a life.

--Firstly, you are so good at what you do, the three of you.

--Thank you.

--You'Re so good.

--Like genuinely, we, you know, I, you, I feel like a good analogy for this is the music stuff because you know, when, when at the very beginning of the process, you said to the two of us, what's most important to you? And I loved that process that we went through where you started by just getting us focused on what's actually important to you. And one of the things that kept coming up was for both of us. But I was, like, really.

Oh, yeah.

I ain't all about this was the music.

I actually, I filled out that form that you sent us because you guys sent us this. amazing form, which had, like, so many questions around, like, vision and taste and colors and things. And I, like, wrote it all out and talk about someone being more involved in the process. So that time, I filled out the whole thing, and then I brought it to Matt, and I was like, just so you know, I filled this out. Could you want to look at it and just see if you want to add anything? And he was like, yep, fine, fine, fine. And then the music one, he was.

Just, like, adding in all these paragraphs about. I love it. It's true. We touch back to those constantly. Like when we're planning your wedding, it's not that we forget, but it's like we have to circle back to like to remind us.

And I was very stressed about the music for you. --It was. --I was stressed about the music. So I was like this really, you know, this matters so much. --And it does. --I adore music. I was a DJ for over 10 years.

I was like, I need the music cannot be bad.

--Well, I knew what you understand, man. It kills it. --It can kill a bad DJ. --It kills it. Like the wrong DJ. By the way, we had like the greatest wedding DJ that I've ever seen at a wedding. Like our DJ you found us was exceptional. Well, and that came down to finally.

At the end, I'm like, sorry, fuck it. We're flying someone from the United States because I need to know. I have to trust them. It's too important. It's so important to them. And there are you guys, there are people that we have that they don't even know what song ever they want to walk down the aisle to. They're like, can you just pick our ceremony songs? And I'm not knocking them. There's other things that are more important to them, but I'm just like, To me, I'm like, oh my God. I mean, I picked every song for our wedding.

Like what?

The prelude of when people were arriving. Like so I understood. So I'm just like, it's gotta be, we have to fly somebody in. It has to be the best. It wasn't spending tons more money. It just is taking the time. Like that's important to me. So I'm gonna focus on finding the right person and like, yeah.

Yeah, and it also comes down to you know, we're happy to take money away from somewhere else to put into this because this is that important. And, but the, but the analogy I was going to draw is the, I'm super snobby when it comes to music and, you know, finding the right music for an event. And anyone who comes to our retreat knows that. But I feel the same way about event planners because we've been running this Pro, we've been running events for 15 years. out for our retreat, it's 2 to 300 people. When we do a tour, it's 1,000, 2,000 people at a time. And that, those events are everything to me. And we have internally incredible events, people. So like, when it came to, like, this is an area where I don't know weddings, but I know events. And when I met you, the entire experience with you from start to finish, you guys are on a different level. Like what you're doing and your depth of knowledge, what you're able to pull off, the way that you did, you know, you talked about energy, the calm that you bring to the process while you're doing extremely difficult things that people holding a wedding couldn't do on their own, wouldn't have the knowledge, wouldn't have the experience, don't understand how to reach out to people in the right way, the contacts, the resources, is it is like you guys are it for me. Like, everyone, everyone else is playing for second because what you're doing is really amazing. It's like even listening to you on theming, like, that's my world. I I care deeply about that subject, and it's. You're right on point. Like, you're many levels ahead of anyone else I've met in this area.

Thank you so much.

I mean, that. like, it is something that definitely is stressful and all of those things, but it is something that we're very passionate about in terms of, like, we do walk into every space and think, okay, well, how would that flow? What would make that better? And it's not like a judgmental thing. It's just how our brains think. And so it becomes more innate, right, to constantly. thinking about an event in that way, like what, what could go wrong? How do we fix that prior? What's going to elevate it? What's going to be over the top and too much for the moment? You know, it's also that editing, editing, re-editing, looking at it again, talking about it again, fighting about it again, you know, going through all of those things. And what Lindsay said, too, going back to what has been your, your guys's wants and needs and priorities and saying, are we continually reputing that in so that it's not just serving the 200 people that are there, but is it re serving what you guys want as well? Because you can have the best wedding in the world, but if the couple's like, yeah, but I never got to do this. Never got to do this.

And I think this is good and bad in our lives, but we are so hyper aware of how people feel.

Like.

Just noticing someone's uncomfortable in a situation or whatever and that matters to us. Like, we are genuinely thinking about, like, they have a lot of grandparents. They're probably going to get cold. We need to get those little things, you know, when you go skiing, they crack open and put in their hands, and they're warm. We've had back warmers and blankets and heaters, all the things that were just, like, layers. But it's just. It's honestly just because we, like, it makes us uncomfortable to see somebody else uncomfortable, which is great. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much in my normal life. I'm just like, oh, my God, I can't fix it.

I'm at somewhere else, you know? But that's a huge part of what makes you guys special is I always tell this story of the first time I ever went to Disney World when I was like 13 years old and this sort of unlikely thing that moved me about the experience. And it was that, you know, Space Mountain was amazing, the big rides were amazing, Tower of Terror and all of these things. the thing that stuck with me about Disney World was the trash cans. Because in every land, the trash cans were designed for that particular land. Right. And I later found out that not only are the trash cans all designed for each land, but they're retractable trash cans. They retract into the ground. You'll never see them changing a trash can at Disney because they go down into a basement level. get emptied underground, and then they just go back up into the trash can, which is just extraordinary. And it moved me that someone cared enough about the trash cans that they didn't phone those in. They could have said, Walt Disney could have said, Space Mountain's an amazing ride. Who cares about the trash cans? We got Space Mountain. And he didn't say that. they designed the trash cans, and that. That was an emotional thing for me that never left me. And you guys pay so much attention to the trash cans.

It's the magic. It's the magic. We care. And I'll say this because, like, yes, I feel that way about. We grew up in Southern California, right? So we're Disneyland people that impacted our life in that way, too. But my mom always made Christmas magic for us. Like the presents weren't under the tree until the morning because it was like we came out to this whole thing, like this whole experience, right? And so for us, that is, I can't even like put enough emphasis on how important that is to us that when not just for the bride and groom or the bride and groom, groom and groom, whatever it may be, come in and they feel that way because they've been talking to us through the process, right? But we want all of the guests to leave that experience and be like, what was that?

What was that?

Did you see that menu? Like, I picked up that menu and even for you guys, right? I could tell that that was each one was designed and it was unique or whatever. Like, we want all of those little moments for everybody. We even think about what's going in the bathroom, all of that stuff. We honestly, if budget allowed, would care too much about literally everything, the screws and the wood floors. You know what I mean? Like, of course, budget always comes into play.

We walked on that first night, we walked down the street in Noto and someone asked us, I think on the bus, one of your team asked us, what do you want to drink? And I was like, what do you mean, what do we want to drink? We're on the bus right now. We're just going to the town. And so we said, well, Aperol Spritz. I was like, yeah, Aperol Spritz, I guess. And then as we're walking down the street in Noto, someone comes to give us an Aperol Spritz on the on the way to the venue. Like, you got Audrey sneakers to dance in because you knew her wedding shoes would hurt to dance in. Like, those details were unbelievable because it.

Makes us feel good. So selfishly, it's like, God, yes. Nailed it. Like, look how happy she is. Like, we want that moment for. And I, like I said, it's because of, like, those Christmas moments and the way that we grew up, it's like that experience. So it's. It makes us feel so freaking good. It's good.

Do you think that that's where it comes from?

Oh, 100%. 100%. And we're just obsessive to a fault where it's just like, nope, that's still not right. It's still, you know, like all of our vendors that we work with so much and we're so freaking lucky that we have such great teams around us that travel over the world, but they know and they know between the three of us what our point Yes, what's important. It's like, oh, here comes Lindsay. She's gonna care about this. And obviously we're, we take it very serious to be nice to everybody. So we say it in a kind way. But it's like, here comes Lane. She's gonna adjust that again. Because if it's not perfect and it's like, no, it does matter. The little thing, and I'm not talking about house parties because honestly, I don't want to stress people out. But for us, when you're saying we're producing these events that take people spend years planning or so much freaking money, like, We're not gonna give up.

Yeah, but relentless. I want to go back because it is about the house party in a way. Because that's what inspired you. What inspired you was not a million dollar budget Christmas. What inspired you was the presence of the people. But that's what Christmas is.

A bunch of people in a computer.

Three years in a row.

But it was wrapped up really pretty every time.

But something spoke to you. to you about the details, even on that level and the, the time that the presents were put out, because that made more of an impact when you walked into the room. And it's like those, those things. I'm, I think we're right now, what we're talking about is a much bigger conversation because it's applicable to everyone in life. Like, I, I urge everyone listening to this or watching this to look at what are the trash cans? of your life. What are the trash cans of the way you approach your work? What are the trash cans of the way you approach your relationships? Because those will change the game for you. It's not an accident that you guys are where you are. It's so clear to me. And I could go on all day about this because it really speaks to my heart. What you guys pride yourselves on is the same thing we pride ourselves on in what we do. We're so much more more connected than I ever could have imagined when we first met.

I didn't know I'd connect with you over Disneyland trash cans, but when you said trash cans, I'm like, I already know where he's gonna go with this, because, yes, it's interesting.

I think whether it be at your house party, your event or at Disneyland, it's anticipating what something's go, how that's going to affect something. And whether it's anticipating a need or an experience or anticipating, like, oh, that could be a problem. and doing something about it proactively and being aware of it is, I think, one of our skills, even design, but even like what you're saying, like we're constantly, our team is constantly scanning the crowd for anything that we see, like whether it's someone rubbing their arms and they're cold, you know, making sure they have a pashmina, making sure you see somebody looking around, they've lost something, somebody go, So it's anticipation of what somebody needs or wants or doesn't even know they need and want and providing that.

And that's circling back to way earlier on in the conversation, what everybody wants to feel taken care of.

Yep.

The end.

Yep.

Nobody wants to feel the end.

We all want to be seen, taken care of.

Do we all have different love languages? Yes. But is it like when you're throwing an event, especially a big one, small one, whatever, Are you like, even if you didn't hit it right, that fact that you tried, the fact that you had me over and you lit the damn candle and oh my God, you went to the grocery store and got a couple flowers, like, you cared that I was coming over. So like, you're taking care of me. That feels good.

Right.

And like, I don't want it.

More than ever.

This world, I'm like, man, just make people feel good. I need it.

This is so good. I love this. I feel like we go, my mind, I'm like, we gotta get you doing a master class for our love life club members. Like, you. This would be an amazing master class, like, for. For people to do and take, whether it's on throwing a party or the experience, like, creating an experience, because that's. That's also true in your relationship.

It's like, yeah, absolutely.

What's the experience you're creating in your relationship? Does someone. Does your partner associate? with excitement or. Right.

And then you took care of them.

Yeah. That feeling of, like, you know, you can, you can create that experience taking your partner on a morning breakfast if you, like, if you really think about the experience you're creating.

Breakfast.

Because.

So it was my husband and I's 12th wedding anniversary. I said, I woke up and I was like, said to my daughter, I was like, it's daddy and I's 13th wedding anniversary today. And then my sister-in-law and she was like, Happy 12th wedding anniversary. I was like, It's daddy and I's 12th wedding anniversary. I forgot. I also actually forgot it was our anniversary. I was just saying that to my mom. But we had there was a bunch going on. It had been a long weekend and I'm romantic. He's not like he he shows his love in acts of service. He is the person who's going to fix the roof when it's leaking. He's a fireman. So that's how he shows his love. I'm always like, are you taking me out to dinner? What's the plan? Where's the romance? All the things. So that night, he's like, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna leave the house. And here's your bottle of champagne. I'm gonna take the kids with me while I go to the grocery store. You're gonna watch the Grammys. And I was like, yeah, I am. That's what's gonna happen. And then he in silence, and it was only gone for an hour, and he came back, and he also made breakfast for dinner, which is also not my favorite. It's his. But the point was, he turned on the music, he turned the TV off, we had champagne, he made things that he was good at making, we had dinner at the dinner table with the kids on food they liked. And I was looking at him and I'm like, so I could take this one way or the other, right? I could be like, we didn't plan something, this isn't all about me, you know, all the things. Or I could take it, I like the music, the lighting's right, he has intention, he showed up, the food is good, and there's champagne.

You know what I mean?

So it is also perspective on that is my love language. But that's also perspective on his intention and the way he showed up for that moment and that event of our lives, you know, and knowing that that was his intention and it felt good that he was trying, you know? And, and honestly, looking back, did I really want to get dressed and go to a restaurant?

Not really.

So it was perfect.

I feel like there's so much more I want to talk to you about. I feel like there's a, this has sparked ideas for me. I always had the impression when we got married and you guys planned our wedding, the execution of it was so exceptional that I remember having this thought like, oh, we're gonna like do a lot with these people. I don't know what it is.

We said this earlier, earlier in the process. I think it was like very early on we were like, I feel like this is the beginning of something really special.

Yeah.

And I don't know what it is yet. Like, that's forming in my mind. But there's. There's so much more I want to do with you guys, and there's so many different things we're going to be creating over the next 10 years that I could see you guys being a part of.

So we just want to be invited over for a drink and dinner.

We'll have champagne.

We have cheese. Still learning your love language, Barbie. It's both of them. Martini. Oh, martinis. Okay, done.

I'll leave by nine.

Oh, the time will be on the invite. But I, for now, for, oh, God, there's, I wish you were available to everyone.

Oh, thank you.

And you're not because you guys are exclusive and I know that you don't work with a lot of people, but for the people that are hearing all of this. And, you know, I know there's two strands to what you do. There's a event planning and a wedding planning side, and there's a interior design side, which is also an exceptional part of your business that we haven't even touched on. But you don't have to listen to you for very long to understand you have great taste for people that want to work with you in some way. What is, how do they reach out to you? What is the best point of access for you guys?

Well, like, honestly, it's funny that, like, you're right.

We only do work with a select.

Number of people, but, like, we're very. Hopefully it comes off this way. We're very open and Casual. So, like, people ask us questions on Instagram all the time, like, do you mind telling me where you got that linen or, like, what kind of flower that is? Like, we're. If we don't answer it, it's because we didn't see it. You know what I mean? Like, too many come through, but, like, yes, just. Just what do they say? Slide into our DMs. So what is your Instagram? It's Linden Lane. L-Y-N-D-E-N-L-A-N-E. Yeah, it's just L-Y-N-D-E-N-L-A-N-E. And we'll.

Link everything in the show notes as well.

And we have a form on our website you can email us to. I mean, just reach out to us. We've had other planners who are starting.

Off in their career and they're just like, Would you mind if I could.

Just talk to you for just 20 minutes? I just have a question and it's like, yeah, dude. Also, sometimes we're learning things from them too. Oh, well we have people that we still talk to, right? But why wouldn't I want to help somebody? Whether it's somebody planning their own event or an actual planner, all I would have wished for 15 years ago was someone huge to tell me, Hey, these are the small things that would help. So we actually like to do that.

Yeah, and just talk to us.

Is your interior design stuff in the same place as the wedding?

Yes.

So what's the website? Just so that everyone knows. Lindenlane.com and Instagram is Lindenlane. is just a continuation of what has been an amazing process with you guys and a relationship that we now treasure as a result of what we've been through with you. And I genuinely am excited for the next 10 years for what it could look like. So thank you for coming.

Thank you.

Email us and let us know what you thought of this episode. It's something different to our typical episode, but I think that this is as crucial as anything else we're doing because it's to do with relationships, it's to do with the experience you create for other people. I'm so happy we ended up there on the arc of this episode. What experience are you creating for other people? And we talk a lot. I talk in the new book about the magic that we create in the world with who we are and the energy that we put out. And you guys are as true a representation of that as I've ever seen. So thank you for coming. Email us podcast@matthewhussie.com and let us what you thought of this episode. And if you'd like us to do this again, what would you like us to talk about next time? Do you like the idea of a master class with Lyndon Lane inside the Love Life Club?

Yes.

Let us know.

Or an episode on interior design.

Yeah.

Or that too. Yeah. Let us know. We want to hear your feedback. But thank you for being here.

Thank you, guys.

You know we love you guys.

I hope you enjoyed that. Leave me a comment. Let me know what you thought of that episode. What was the number one takeaway that you took from it? Leave a comment. I want to read these. I've been really enjoying reading the YouTube comments recently. And by the way, if you're listening to this on the love life podcast, then send us a message podcast@matthewhussie.com and let us know what you thought of this episode. Don't forget to grab a copy of my new book, Love Life. It's available for pre-order right now and there are still some great bonuses that you can be a part of by pre-ordering now. If you wait till it comes out, you will miss those pre-order bonuses. So go check it out at love life book.com. and thank you as always for watching this video. Be well and love life.