Matthew Hussey explains why men come back after disappearing and what to do when they do. He uses the "zombie" metaphor to describe men who resurface in your life, and breaks down the emotional reasons they return, from loneliness to unfinished business.
Hi.
Matthew and Stephen. Thank you for all your work. I'm dating in my early 40s after long marriage and have found it very helpful in navigating this new terrain. My question is, why do men become zombies? I sometimes meet a guy I have a great time with. We date for a week, a few months, then it ends and we don't message or talk anymore, sometimes for months and months. Then suddenly there's a message in your DMs and they're back. like, Hey, how are you doing? Or, I appreciate the time we had. Just when you think you moved on and have buried them in the past of lost lovers, they return from the dead. I'd love to understand why from the male perspective.
So the reason that someone will typically reappear in your life is because there is a void in their own. So they'll come back in to get some attention, typically, perhaps to check if you're still there. There's something comforting, isn't there, about the pro, the. The state of being single, but knowing that other people that you've had flings with are also still single. You know, I don't want you, but I also don't want you to be in a different state. I don't want you to be in a relationship. Do you still belong to the ocean that I'm in? And so people message that person just to check that they're still around, get a bit wistful, a bit of the old saudade, is that how you say it, Steve?
The saudade?
The wistful melancholy of things past and, you know, the, you know, getting sentimental about things. We're all capable of getting sentimental about things, even if They weren't right for us. You can still want to go back to someone and just have a little moment of connection, a little hit of the past, a little hit of joy of, you know, oh, we did have a good thing, didn't we? You can have positive memories of something that you didn't want to hold onto, but in your mind it's still a very positive memory. And so you check in to get a little hit of that. It's like watching an old Christmas movie. You don't want to watch it every day. Do you? You don't want to watch it in February, but Christmas rolls around again and you crack out... Elf.
In the wake of a global pandemic, zombies are quite likely to appear. And we have just faced a global pandemic. It's kind of prime zombie season for people to sort of, you know, come lurking and be like, oh, I'm lonely. Let me feast on your brain.
I think you've got a bit literal with the terminology there. But yes, feast on something.
Idea for a zombie film, ZomCom Matt, 28 dates later.
28 dates later is actually pretty good.
Thank you. Sold. Go and, you know, you're in LA, go and sell that.
Pulter guy. Oh, well, yeah, that's not bad. You. That's not bad. Pulter guy. There's a Pulter guys. Pulter guys.
The little girl going, he's bad.
Podcast@matthewhussy.com, email in and send us your best. what did you call it? A rom horror.
Rom Zom Com.
Akin to Poltergeist or 28 Dates Later.
Yeah, I love.
That.
