When He Flakes On You, Send Him THIS Text (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Explain to me what just happened. So, as happens a lot, someone came to me with a dilemma on behalf of one of their friends. This time it was Will, who is my assistant, and he came to me saying there's a friend of his who is dealing with a texting situation with a guy and wanted to know what to text back. That should be literally the only thing you need to know this guy is the wrong guy for you is if he responds negatively or coldly or in a distant way to you having respect for you and your time. And by the way, Jameson, you know this always happens. Someone will always ask me what to write back after they've already done something I definitely would have told them not to do. Look, I get it. You like someone, it is very, very hard to be strong. But if you, let me tell you something, if you want to be a little less attracted to this guy, Actually for a moment consider what he just did. Bit of background, she had been going on a date with this guy and right at the moment of the date he had been flaked. So he said I'll make it up to you and so on, I just really can't right now so they didn't go on the date. A few nights later she said to him Hey, what's going on? He said Pretty good, what's up with you? She says I'm great, I'm doing Taco Tuesday tonight with my friends. Sounds pretty great. I wonder when I can cash that rain check I owe you. She said, okay, I'm free Friday or Saturday. Great, I'll hit you up over the weekend. For a moment, I'm going to give you the opportunity to just think about where this woman went wrong in this text exchange. You got it? It was the moment where she said, I'm free Friday or Saturday. Just for a moment, take yourself out of that feeling of really wanting him and think about what he just did. He just texted you to say, Hey, when do I get to cash in on that date I flaked on? And then when you gave him options, he said, Cool, I'll let you know when I find out if I have anything better to do. Yeah, yeah. That's what he just did. That's not attractive behavior, it's ugly behavior. So as much as you like him, At least temper it with the ugly side of him that he's showing very clearly to you if you don't ignore it. There's a concept that I often talk about in texting, but it applies to all early relationships, which is meet him where he is. If he takes one step forward, take one step forward. But what you don't do is take one and a half steps forward or two steps forward, which is what people often do. A guy will make a move and women then make two. When he said, When can I cash in that rain check I owe you? That wasn't an offer for a date and it certainly shouldn't have been a cue for her to hand over her schedule. Not least of which, two of the most important social days of the week, Friday and Saturday. She just said, I'm free Friday and Saturday because she likes him and she is so desperate to see him. In that moment, he realizes he doesn't have to really plan anything. He doesn't have to do any work. He can just say to her, okay, what did he say exactly? I'll hit you up over the weekend. I'll hit you up over the weekend. In other words, I've just given you the hope that we're gonna have a date, and then when you actually give me days to play with, I'm gonna tell you that I'm gonna make you the last resort and wait until the day of to see if I actually want to see you. That when I saw this message, I had a visceral reaction to it. Because what I see is a guy who is quickly learning he can do whatever he wants with this woman and still see her. Because I guarantee you the moment you continue to respond like that where you're just like, Hey, you know, let me know and he comes back to you on Friday and he says, Hey, turns out I'm around tonight. Want to get together? The moment you do that, all you're doing is confirming the fact that he can have you whenever he wants you. You may be wondering what she should have said when he said, I wonder when I can cash in that rain check I owe you. She could have just said, I should be around later this week. Let me know what you have in mind. That way she puts him on the back foot, but she doesn't start offering up time. She stays a little vague. I should be around later this week. But let me know what you have in mind. So now it's back on him. Now, she made the mistake, so let's work with what we've got. I would send a message back to the one he sent you and literally just say, I'm gonna make plans, but let's definitely see each other another week. Okay. You hate that because you want to see him, you want to see him this weekend. But how's he gonna, how's he gonna ever put you first if you don't put yourself first? That way she's saying to him, okay, what you just did is not something that works for me and my schedule because I have friends and people I can plan to see. So I'm gonna make plans given that you're not making them with me, but let's try another week smiley face. So she's not angry. She's keeping her cool. She's staying neutral, but she's telling him that she's making other plans. You're telling him that your offer isn't enough, good sir. there needed to be more than that and you failed that part. Now, even if I know that in your gut you're saying, I can't do this because I want to see him this weekend. Well, let me tell you this, your best shot at seeing him this weekend is still this message. Because he's far more likely to turn around and say, wait, what about, okay, look, what about Saturday daytime or Saturday night? Why don't we make arrangements now? he's far more likely to do that and see you from this message than he is if you wait and let him have it his way. So you win either way. Either he raises his standard for future weeks or he actually gets his act together for this weekend because he realized that that little dance he did wasn't enough. People sometimes think that a subject like texting is so specific and so absurd that why would we spend so much time dissecting texts or figuring out what to send. And it's because like every form of communication, whether it's a phone call, whether it's a conversation in person, texts reflect deeper insecurities. They can either reflect our confidence or they can reflect the issues we have with ourselves. Every text that I give you guys is about reflecting a deeper level of confidence and high value that will get you the relationship you want. And if you're doing communication right at the most specific granular level, you're also doing it right at the wider relationship level. So I have nine more texts for you. If you haven't got these, go and get them. Each of these texts isn't just a text. It's a philosophy. It's a piece of psychology. It's representative of a much bigger and broader lesson. Go check them out. They're at nine texts dot com. So that's 9texts.com, we'll throw that up here, download those nine texts and start using them today. I believe in you. Will believes in you. I do. She's gorgeous too, she's here, she's a hot redhead. Well, what the hell, why aren't we going on a date? What's going on with this? I'll make plans with you. Oh, don't patronize me, you just want this bloke.