Matthew Hussey responds to a woman asking what to do when her partner says he needs time. He offers specific language to use in that moment to get clarity on what he actually means and what comes next.
The following is a clip from my live event in LA where one of my attendees had the opportunity to ask me a question personally. I give her an answer that is far simpler than what she's been creating in her head and I cannot wait for you to see it. And by the way, if you want to ask me a question personally, like she did, wait till the end of this video because I am going to give you the opportunity to do just that.
I just want to know what's the best response when someone says I to take a few days or several days.
This was in a. In a what? In an argument or.
No, no, prior to that. I guess two days ago. I had talked to him about maybe visiting, but he was kind of inebriated.
Where is he?
New York.
He's in New York. Are you like, dating? You're in a relationship or what?
Not in a relationship, but I've been trying to figure out what we are doing.
Okay, so you're not exclusive?
No, but I'm not sure. Like, I don't want to push the conversation when he's the one that said, let me take a few days, several days, whatever. So I don't know what my next step is.
Okay, but what did you. What was it you said that made him take the break? Was it you said, I want to come visit you, or was it that you said, I want a relationship?
The visit part.
Okay, so then you. So then now you leave the guy and you never worry about him ever again. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Because we're not even talking about. We're not even talking about you asking him for exclusivity. You're saying you'll fly from LA to New York to see him, and he's saying, I need a few days on Thursday.
He was like, super excited about it. Of course. You should read between the lines. Of course I want to see you blah, blah, blah, again, drunk. So I didn't. I said, you know, if you are serious, we can talk about this the next day.
And then. And then when you tried to talk about it the next day, he said, I need a few days.
Well, he didn't respond to the. Okay, I'm hearing office now.
It's good to say these things out loud, right? Because that shouldn't be the hard part. Like, it really shouldn't. That shouldn't be the hard part. Whether someone wants to see you. That's not supposed to be the difficult part. I'm not the person who thinks that relationships should be easy, Right? I think that's kind of a weird to me. I don't know what easy is, right? Relationships are not easy. We're trying to bring our best to someone who's also trying to bring their best to us as we both grow and as we both change over the course of years or longer or lifetime. That's not easy. But we do it not because it's easy, but because it's meaningful, because it's rewarding, because we want to bring our best to the table. I don't think relationships are easy. But the part where you say, I want to see you, and he says, yeah, I want to see you, that should be fucking easy. And the part where you say, do you want to just do this, like you and me just, you know, like have a relationship? And he says, obviously, I really like you. That part should be easy. Spending a lifetime doing your best to communicate with each other and not hurt each other and be wonderful people for each other and recommit every year, every day, every minute. Give, you, give your all that parts hard. Us saying yes to each other, that shouldn't be hard. So know which part supposed to be hard, right? Because you can waste a lifetime thinking that this part should be hard when this is the part that's supposed to be easy. Him wanting to see you, that's supposed to be easy. And the fact that, like, you've got someone who's not sure whether they want you to come and see them when you're offering to fly across the country, it's a joke like this. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but he's awful for you, right? And by the way, kudos credit to you for being honest with yourself as well just now. Because I know that's not easy. And I know when you like someone, you like them, right? So all of this is easier said than done. When you like someone, you like them.
My favorite thing about this interaction was that this woman, by voicing her question out loud and by having the support of a room full of women all being positive around her, came to a moment of clarity. She heard herself talking and said, I get it now. And she knew what to do. That's what's missing in most of our lives. We lose objectivity because we don't have people to talk to, let alone people who can give us great advice. And we don't have this amazing community around us where we can be honest, be raw, be vulnerable about our situation. What most people who watch my videos online don't realize is that I actually have a place where people can ask me their love life questions and it's called My Fast Track Membership. If you want to be one of those members, go to askmh.com it's really simple to start. All you need to do is ask me a question and try it out. Each month I take the most popular questions and I answer them for all of my members. So come to askmh.com, type in your question and I will see you on the next webinar.
