Matthew Hussey argues that both partners should offer to pay on dates, not based on gender but on mutual respect. A man feels used not from spending money, but when a woman makes no effort to contribute. He suggests splitting costs proportionally based on what each person earns, like treating a partner as a best friend.
Let's have one more question. We had this person at the back in the stripes. Yeah, let's hear from you.
During the dating period, you know, after like four or five months of dating, I just wondering at what point does it get, do you have to pay, did the woman have to pay when they go out? The guy is asking that I should there should be half and half at.
That point when you already- At what point?
When you already been dating for four or five months.
Right. Yeah. Look, okay, to give you a quick answer on firstly, I think we should just deal with the who should pay thing to begin with. When you're on a date, who should pay?
I know, I mean that's what I told them, you know, I'm sorry, but- I'm dating, we're dating you.
But here's the thing, Here, okay. He's supposed to pay. Yeah, but you're supposed to have sex with him whenever he says. No.
Whenever what?
But what's that? Where does this double standard come from? I'm sorry, it's the reality. You guys can, you can, you can moan at it or you want, but the moment you say to a guy, you have to fucking pay for my time, You're saying this relationship isn't equal. This relationship isn't equal. My time is worth more than yours, so you should pay for it. I wonder what paradigm that sets up. Here's my view. If you go on a date with a guy, and you don't offer to pay your share, you weren't taught right. If you go on a date, and he doesn't pay, He wasn't taught right. I can tell you right now, if I was dating someone and they never offered to pay, I wouldn't be dating them. I can tell you that now. If they never offered to pay, I would not be dating them because I'd say, this is the most polite they're ever going to be. And they're not even trying to pay now. What does that say about my future? I, look, let me come at this from a different angle. I would be treating, I will always treat my partner how I would treat my best friend. And I wouldn't apply a different standard to my partner than my best friend. I wouldn't say to my best friend, let's always go out to dinner and you always pay. I'd say let's be teammates here in whatever way we can. And maybe, by the way, proportionately, what you can do is less than what he can do. That's a different thing. If he says to you, I want to go stay at the top hotel in Big Sur this weekend, and it's 1,500 bucks a night, and you say, I don't have the money. It's his job to say, It doesn't matter. I didn't do it so you could pay. I did it because I want to go and I want to take you. Great. That's what that is, right? Or if you both agree to go on holiday and you have a fifth of his earning potential, you say, I want to contribute to a fifth of this holiday. It's overly simplistic, but you get what I'm saying, right? I'll contribute on the level I can contribute. Let me tell you what means something to a guy. Trying. That means something to a guy. When he feels that you're not even trying to contribute, that's when he feels used. 'Cause any guy who's really confident and self-respecting, if the woman never is even trying to contribute, he feels like he's being taken advantage of. And it has nothing to do with money. It has to do with the lack of gesture. So I would be looking at, if you like this guy, maybe if you're in different positions, Figure out what you want to contribute proportionately or what you can contribute proportionately and treat him as you would your best friend.
