“Why do men act interested, then pull away?”

It's literally like you got on a tube in the river and let the river take you downstream. But at some point you realize, like, I don't actually want to go where this is going.

Lazy river dating.

Lazy river dating. That's good. Welcome, everyone, to the Love Life podcast. I am joined by the whole gang today, Audrey and Stephen. Super excited about today's episode. Before we get into it, Have you asked Matthew AI your dating question yet? If you haven't, go to askmh.com, you can either text your question or speak your question and you will get a literal voice answer from my brain because Matthew AI has been trained on 17 years of my content. So what you're getting is not some generic internet answer. You are getting a highly specific highly contextual to your situation, answer from me. In other words, it's only something I would have said because it's the only tool in the world that is trained exclusively on my content. So go check it out. It is really, really crazy. It is mind blowing. Askmh.com is the link. Literally think of the question you would ask me if I was sitting next to you right now. and go ask it to Matthew AI. I promise you the answer will be more elaborate, more detailed and more specific than you could ever imagine of this technology. I look forward to hearing your feedback. Let's get on with the episode. Today we are talking about people who go cold when they go on a trip. All right, we're going to move on to the show now. We have a really exciting topic for you today. It is a topic that I come across so often in your questions to the Love Life podcast. And that is, what happens when it seems to all be going well with someone, but then that person takes a trip, whether it's a work trip or a vacation, and they go kind of cold on the trip. And when they get home, it's like the dynamic has shifted. Something has changed. It feels like they've pulled away. It doesn't feel how it felt when they left. One of you asked a question of this very nature in the last couple of weeks as we were going through the Love Life emails. And for anyone who wants to email Love Life, podcast@matthewhussie.com is the email address. But we got an email just like this that Audrey is going to read today. And then we're going to go into what to do if you find yourself in this situation. And are there any ways that you can avoid finding yourself in this situation in the first place? So if anyone has gone cold on you recently, especially if they went cold after taking a trip, this episode is for you.

Welcome back, everybody. It's so good to all be together.

You know, we've got the whole gang back.

Hey, friends.

Steve and Hussie in the house.

I'm so looking forward to this episode. We actually got this question in from a reader. We're going to keep her anonymous. So I'm gonna call her Scarlet, 'cause.

I like that name. I didn't expect you to pull a.

Scarlet out of the bag.

I know, I always, my go-to is Sarah.

Mine's Susan.

Really?

Yeah.

What's your name?

Susan or Jane?

I thought it was Wesley Snipes was your usual.

No, I haven't pulled out Wesley Snipes in quite a while. So Scarlet sent in her question and, you know, it stood out to us, didn't it? We started talking about it and we thought this would be an amazing podcast episode. So here we go. So Scarlett says, I've recently faced a situation where things ended unexpectedly with a guy I was seeing. We met one night and though I didn't expect anything serious, he asked for my number. Over five weeks we hung out about 10 times, were texting daily, cooking dinner and sharing my favorite wine. Despite my reservations, as he just came out of a 10-year relationship and I'm busy with university and being a single mum, I enjoyed his company. However, after he went to Bali, we communicated less, which I was completely fine with, but since coming home, he's now pulled back significantly. Uh-oh. I reached out twice and he responded with enthusiasm. I suggested a call so I could hear about his holiday, which he said yes to once he put the kids down, but never followed up. I'm giving him space, but I'm unsure what's happening. Why am I feeling this way when I was fine with whatever this turned out to be at the beginning of it all? Any advice or suggestion would be much appreciated. Thanks, Aemilian.

Oh, that's from Scarlett, of course.

I want to kick things off with this idea that if she's been seeing him for five weeks and she's met up with him 10 times, is that a long enough period to have any kind of conversation before going away?

Well, I think 10 dates is actually quite that's like quite a lot.

Yeah, I agree. That's a lot of time, quality time together to at least be able to talk about what you're looking for from the situation.

That's 10 hours, essentially. Right. You can assume safely that's at least 10 hours of conversation with someone. Yeah, maybe a lot more.

But then I. Because I understand the feeling of not feeling like you want to put pressure and so. What if you don't feel comfortable to have that conversation even though you've met up that many times? How can you, how can you, because, okay, the reason we chose this question is because it's such a common phenomenon that you're seeing someone, it's going really well, and you're texting all the time, and then they go away on holiday and something shifts and it's never the same again after that. Like, I think that's such a common thing that happens. So I'm just, yeah, I'm curious, like how is there a way that you can kind of even mitigate for that if you don't feel comfortable enough to have a conversation after 10 days?

I think you have to ask yourself in that case, why am I not have, why, what's going on either in me or with this particular dynamic that is making me feel like I can't have that conversation within that many hours. spent with someone. And the answer almost always comes down to some version of, I'm afraid to scare them away. I'm afraid to push them away. I'm afraid to be the one to hasten the end of this thing that I'm really enjoying. And that gives you some kind of answer anyway, doesn't it? It either means that you are constantly thinking something's going to end when that's not necessarily true. and not having an abundance mindset when it comes to your relationships. You're coming very much from a scarcity mindset. Or it means that there is really something in this relationship that is telling you it's a bad bet. There's something about how much they're avoiding the conversation that has already put you on edge and made you feel like you can't have the conversation. But a lack of intentionality on someone else's part. And the reason I use that phrase is because what someone who's willing to continue seeing you, even though they don't want a relationship, is a lack of intentionality. And someone who knows they want a relationship and is actually being purposeful about that is being intentional. Intentionality or a lack of intentionality can show up in different ways that actually seem like opposites. So if someone starts dating you and they're dating five other people at the same time and hooking up with different people and barely texting or calling you back, that's a lack of intentionality. But in some ways, a more subtle form of a lack of intentionality is someone who actually does keep seeing you, isn't seeing anyone else, gets swept up in the momentum of just enjoying dating you, but almost it's like a kind of, they've just gotten into the orbit without ever really being honest with themselves about the fact that where this, the destination of this isn't somewhere they wanna be. And that happens to a lot of people Right, she said he's come out of a, how long was he in a relationship for?

He was in a 10-year relationship and obviously has kids.

I just wanna highlight this idea that there is a very instinctive kind of mistake that we often make. It's like a misguided assumption that if someone is spending all this time with us. If someone is, and it actually links to what I know you're about to say, if someone is seeing us regularly, if we've been on 10 dates with them, then there must be intentionality on their part. Otherwise, why would they bother? But when someone is doing that, it really can just be a reflection of the fact that it's the, it's, they've just, like, hopped in the river.

It's like the path of least resistance.

Yeah, it's literally like you got on a tube in the river and let the river take you downstream. But at some point you realize like, I don't actually want to go where this is going. And maybe you see what you think is like a waterfall ahead and you're frightened by the actual commitment of it all.

Lazy river dating.

Lazy river dating. That's good.

That is good.

Coined. Officially coined. If you want to, if you want.

To, I knew they brought me on for a reason today.

If you want to email a response to this episode, the subject line is Lazy River dating. But I think that the point is with the Lazy River is you're not being intentional. You're just hopping on something that feels good right now. And the reason this is, what I'm saying is very relevant to what she has said is that Scarlett said that when he came back from the, when he went away from the trip, for the trip, that's when it changed. And I think that for people who are being very unintentional in the way that they're dating, the trip gives them this forced circuit breaker that they get to take advantage of. It might be that the trip makes him realize, oh, what have I been doing here? I kind of got swept along there, and I never really wanted that. And I've just come out of a 10-year relationship, and you know, I'm enjoying my freedom on this trip right now. And wait a minute, maybe I don't want this. It might make him very consciously reevaluate this thing that he's been very unconscious in so far. Or it might be that he was conscious of the fact that he didn't want anymore. And he was very much looking forward to the fact that he had a trip coming up that would be a natural circuit breaker, because he knew that by going away on this trip, it would kind of naturally create It would be an opportunity to create some distance. And then he enforces that distance by not reaching out, by going kind of very sporadic with his communication on the trip. He's in a sense relying on her unwillingness to speak any intentionality into the relationship, to be too nervous to have that conversation. which we'll come on to, is what that could look like from her part. But he's relying on the fact that she's unwilling to say any of that and instead to be, quote, empathetic to the fact that he's on a trip and he's enjoying himself. And I don't want to bother him too much, and I don't want to come across as the needy clingy high maintenance person while he's away on his trip.

Yeah, that's exactly how you feel, I think, in that situation?

Well, it sounds a bit from her words at the beginning, she was a bit more chill because she talked about how I'm a single mom, I've been busy at university. And then she said, I'm feeling this way when at the beginning I was fine with whatever it's gonna be. And it almost sounds like the momentum, though, has created a lot more like, oh, I actually have fallen for this person. We're close. feel like, so it maybe sounds at the beginning like maybe she was more happy to be laissez-faire and let it just play out, but in doing so has like felt, oh, actually we've not defined this at all and I actually, we're close now and I wonder what this is going to be.

Do you, reading between the lines, do you think that she was more chill at the beginning because she was telling herself he's just out of a 10-year relationship? he's not looking for anything serious right now, and therefore I shouldn't take this too seriously. But then she got caught off guard by the fact that they actually had 10 really amazing dates and she started to like him.

I think maybe, but I think it's easy to feel chilled when you have someone's attention because if someone's messaging you all the time, they wanna see you all the time, it's okay. Like you're like, oh, I could be relaxed about this because like I'm getting what I want and I can bury my head in the sand 'cause it's only been five weeks. When someone takes their attention away, then you go like, what the hell? And that's when you actually feel it. So I don't know, to me that's more the likelihood of what happened is probably more that.

Do you think a lot of people don't realize how much they like someone until they see the attention taken away?

Yeah, and I think when you are getting someone's attention and, you know, she mentions like, She mentions the whole like, sharing my favorite wine and cooking dinner. And these are like details that we hold onto as almost a token of how close we were and how, you know, serious it was. Yeah, exactly.

To that point, okay, I want you to make your point that you had mentioned when we were talking about this question earlier, because you said something really interesting about the mindset of someone who has just left a long-term relationship. Stephen, you just said that the details she described there's an intimacy to those things, which is what she was registering as, oh, wow, this is actually something really great and something meaningful that kind of crept up on her. Can you tell everyone what you said earlier about people who are fresh out of long-term relationships?

Yeah, you know, I think that.

When.

You date someone who's been in a long-term relationship, you're meeting someone who's in a certain mode. You know, they're used to having a teammate, they're used to sharing their lives with someone, they're used to being thoughtful, they're used to kind of thinking of another person almost as much as they're thinking about themselves. Because that's, you know, if you're a good partner, that's the kind of mode that you're in in any relationship. And so someone who was in a 10-year relationship and probably by the looks of it has kids with this person, the likelihood of him being able to switch that off for the next person he meets is quite small. And I think sometimes that can feign intimacy and you almost feel like you are all of that intimacy and all of that kind of, you know, intensity, I guess, and closeness is directed at you because they see you in that way. But actually it's just directed at you because they have all of that in themselves and they're trying to give it to someone and it's just that's how they are with the opposite sex or, you know, the person they're attracted to.

Yeah, and there is this relationship sized hole in their life now, this vacuum that if you're not careful, you get sucked into.

But it doesn't mean they actually want a relationship, which I think that's where it's a little bit of a head fuck, because I think when someone is showing you through their actions, they're showing you everything that you want to see and everything pointing at the fact that they are looking for a relationship and you know, they're taking you seriously. It can be so confusing when they turn around and actually end up treating you in a very casual, dismissive way because you go like, well, hang on, that's not congruent with how you've been behaving with me. What the hell's going on?

Yeah. Yeah. So then let's talk about what she might have done differently in this scenario, either before the fact, before the trip, or during or when he got back that could have in some way either protected her more or changed the result. So let's talk about those 10 dates. We alluded to the fact that, hey, 10 dates is actually enough to have been having those conversations about how he sees things or where it might be leading towards. And that there is, from her side, something a little bit avoidant about going 10 dates without ever having brought any of that up, especially if she's being intentional. I don't mean, I don't believe that's true if someone else is just going with the flow.

Right.

But I think at a certain point, we have to be honest with ourselves first. Because we can't communicate to somebody else what we haven't been honest with ourselves about. If we are seven dates in with someone and we're having a great time and we feel ourselves getting closer, and we know that it would be strange for us to continue getting closer if we knew this was a dead end. that's the point at which we have to be honest with ourselves about that. It's like, at what point would it now be? At what point would I stop if I knew this wasn't going anywhere? And look, you can trace that question all the way back to the first date, right? So there's obviously a time you could trace it all the way back to the first message on a dating app. And so we, there clearly is a time at which it's too early to be really aggressive about demanding answers from someone. But once you've spent enough time with someone that you're like, we are starting to get to know each other and we are having a great time together. And at the very least, I would want to know right now that this is monogamous, even if we don't know even if we're not willing to tell everyone that, you know, we're together or post pictures.

Exclusive, right?

Yeah, it's exclusive, right? We don't have to be posting pictures about each other online yet, but is it exclusive? At a certain point, you have to be honest with yourself around, when do I know that I wouldn't be continuing if it wasn't? And then it comes down to, well, what? what would I be saying at that point? Especially knowing someone is going on a trip. It makes me wonder, like, if he was going on a trip for a couple of weeks, if she hasn't had the conversation yet, that actually, to me, is a nice catalyst for having that conversation.

Yeah, for sure.

You're going, hey, and you're going away on this trip. So happy for you. I'm so excited. I know you're gonna have the best time. And I also realized, you know, we've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. I assume it's been a couple of months if they've seen each other that many times.

She says five weeks.

To me, at that point, if someone's going away and you're like, Oof, God, it would hurt my feelings if they went away and hooked up with someone, or if them going away suddenly meant that I just didn't hear from them. you know, even if they didn't hook up with someone, if I barely heard from them while they were away, that would really suck. If you know that, then that's a good catalyst for you to say, it's been going great. I really like you. I want you to have a great time. But I also know that, you know, I'm gonna miss you while you're gone. And, you know, I think Audrey, you were saying earlier, even just saying something like, you know, I hope we can text and call each other while you're gone. Even I don't want to interrupt your good time when you're having it, but it would be great to still stay connected.

Yeah. I actually want to know, Stephen, do you have, like, something that you think? Because I actually, I find it to be a tricky one to, like, I agree with you, that conversation can be had and there is an elegant way to do it, but I also understand. the instinct to not want to come across too intense, to not want to come across like you're trying to kind of, you know, dominate their holiday or, you know, make demands on their time and whatnot. So I'm curious, Stephen, as especially as like, you know, someone who might have in the past been on the receiving end of such conversations, what in your opinion would be an elegant way to have that conversation?

I think you can in a fun way. You can just say like, you know, you just, when you get there, send me some pics of where you are or let's, you know, are we gonna keep in touch when you're on your trip? And that's a good way to at least gauge because if they're saying negatively to that or they're like, I'm gonna be off the grid, that's kind of red flag, right? If they're going away for two weeks, I'm gonna kind of like, oh, I'm not gonna be around. You're gonna learn a lot right in that moment. So I think alluding to, like, are we gonna communicate when you're gone? But you can't even straight up. I think you can't even straight up then. It's. If it's been intense in a way, it's easier to have a conversation than if you've just had sporadic dates over, like, two months randomly seeing each other now and then. But if you've had, like, five weeks of seeing each other twice a week, and then you're going. It is quite a natural catalyst to be like, you know, it's been going really well, or I have so much fun. Are we still going to be seeing, you know, we still going to see each other when you get back? Do you want to, like, you know, make this something more or where, where do you see this right now? Like, when you get back or do you see us?

It's so hard, though, isn't it?

I don't think it is. I don't think it is that. tricky because I think you've got, in a way, you do have a reason to speak about it. And, you know, they might give you an answer like, I need to think or Etc. Okay, fine. And you can, like, give some space and see what comes back. But I don't think it has to be so much of, like. Like, give me the hard answer. This is going to happen. I think it's natural. otherwise, what? What's the difference that five more weeks of doing it is going to make? Like, what's the thing that will make it easier in five more weeks of seeing each other 10 times?

I agree.

I don't think there's a difference. I think at some point you have to be like, I'm seeing you every weekend now and in a week. So, like, you're kind of like, you know, I just want to know what you're looking for out of this.

And I don't. And I think it is just pointing out, like, I don't want us to you know, obviously we won't get to see each other over the next couple of weeks. I just want us to know, you know, if we're actually seeing where this goes, then I wouldn't want us to do anything in that time or, you know, whatever it would be that could do any harm to that, so. While you're away, I just wanted to know if we're operating under the same assumption. Like, are you interested in continuing this when we get back or when you get back, as you said, Stephen? And therefore, you know, maybe it's worth us agreeing to, like, actually give this, you know, give this a try just with each other for now. But if you don't feel like you're in that place, that's also fine. I just, you know, it's probably a good. If you're not there, if you're not in that place, then you going away for a couple of weeks might also be a good moment for me to step back. Yeah, because I've been, you know, we've been seeing each other quite a lot, and I've become, for better or worse, I've become quite invested. And you being away is either a good time for us to kind of cement. this or it's a good time for me to take a step back if you feel you're not in that place.

I agree. And so I'm curious, Audrey, what would you prefer to do in that situation? If a conversation like that would give you butterflies, what do you think you would do and what would you prefer to do?

So my technique, do you guys want to hear it?

Yes.

This is what I would do. So if I felt like I couldn't have that conversation because I was too afraid. I would make peace with the fact that this holiday becomes a test. A test to see whether or not they will or won't reach out and whether or not they will stay consistent and show that they like me. If after a few days I feel like the communication is dropping or I'm just not hearing from them as much or something has changed or whatever it might be, I would call it out in a way that's not needy or whatever. I would say something like, next time they message me, something like, Hey, I haven't heard from you in a couple of days. Is everything okay? I'm sure you're just having a lot of fun, but I just wanted to check. Call it out, shine a light on it. and that's good. That way you get an answer. You're not agonizing and kind of like analyzing the situation, but you can do it retroactively dependent on their behavior towards you. And if they're like, you know, which is probably the likelihood of that scenario, if somebody is pulling away, they'll be like, yeah, yeah, everything's fine, no problem. But then still continue to pull away. I would take that as my cue to be like, this was a test. You failed the test. So now when you come home, if you reach back out to me, I'm going to let you know that you failed the test. And so you have to then kind of prove yourself back to me all over again, that, you know, I should reinvest my energy into you.

And that's a really important point.

Yeah. And if they don't reach out, I've already done my grieving for the last couple of weeks because they've already showed me they failed the test. So I've already started the process of getting over them. I sure as hell am not reaching out to them first.

And that's my technique. And in a way, you're then in a way, you're kind of also prompting that conversation around a different route in that if he tries to come back, you're then almost putting on the table of kind of like, I expected this, and I expected we were closer than that, and you kind of have shown that you don't see it that way. So in a way, you're getting to the conversation through Yeah.

And in the back door.

And in a moment where you actually.

Almost.

Because you're speaking when they reach back out, when they get home, or.

You talk about- yeah.

When they, if they eventually do reach back out, you're gonna be like, well, you haven't contacted me in two weeks and that made me feel like you're not very serious.

Exactly.

And like, at that point, which I think is really important, you're doing it at a time where you actually have the leverage to do so, because if if you do it before they go away, they might be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Or even just like, oh, I don't know, because I want to be aware, I want to be free, I want to do this, I want to do that.

But that's a kind of answer.

Huh?

That's a kind of answer.

It is a kind of answer. I mean, to Stephen's point earlier, if that's their response right before they go, it would be surprising if they had a different response the day they got back after two weeks of getting less close to you.

Well, they realized that, you know, but.

I think both work. That's the point. I think if you didn't have that conversation before they go, then, and by the way, I do think, to your point, Audrey, earlier in the call, if you'd only been seeing them for like four or five great dates and then they were going on a trip, you might not have that conversation before they go, 'cause it might feel premature. But you're still seeing them going on a trip as a bit of a test.

Yes.

You know, and by the way, there's a difference between they didn't message me for like half a day or a day and they haven't messaged me for the last three days. I think we have to be careful, especially if we're the anxious type, to read too much into, like someone went off the radar for half a day or a day because someone could have just been doing something awesome. and they could be the kind of person, God forbid, that doesn't live on their phone. And that might be a wonderful thing, but where that argument falls down to me is if after having that kind of very present day with the people they're with, if at the end of it or if the next morning, the morning after that, they can't reach out to you and say, hey, so sorry I've been off the radar. I've had the most amazing two days. I was doing this and that. And like that, to me, that's far less of an issue than someone who doesn't message you for days on end. The argument of any, like, because some people will say with texting, anyone can find a minute when they go to the bathroom to send a text.

Right.

I agree with that, but also you're kind of. in some cases have to be in the right frame of mind to send a text.

And you've got to be like, and then I'm gonna have to text back to their text back, and I'm gonna start off a whole conversation.

And especially if this is the first text I'm sending in the last 24 hours, I might want to put a little more thought into it than firing off a one-liner because I happen to be in the bathroom and so on. So I do think that we have to manage our anxiety around times where someone might be present in what they're doing, and we should not create a culture in our dating life where there's an expectation that someone should be looking at their phone every minute of the day. But at the same time, if someone goes on a trip and you're not hearing from them for days on end, that to me is where you have to go, well, if they did care more about maintaining the connection, they would actually be reaching out with some level of consistency, and then not doing that.

My question to you guys is, what should Scarlett do now? You know, all of this is well and good, but with where she is at today, with everything that's happened and everything she's done so far, from reaching out to him when he came home to, you know, the way he behaved while he was away and everything else, how should. What should she do next, given where she's at with this person?

I want to ask Matthew AI this question.

Go on.

Let me see if I can paraphrase her question appropriately.

It's Matthew AI.

How can I help? Hi, Matthew. So basically I was seeing this guy for five weeks, twice a week. It was going great. We were getting close. And now that he's, well, he basically, he went away on vacation for two weeks. And during that time, he kind of went cold. And now that he's back, I can feel that he's pulled away significantly. I reached out twice and he responded with enthusiasm. I suggested a call so that I could hear about his holiday, which he said yes to once he put his kids down, but then he never actually followed through. I'm giving him space, but I'm unsure what is happening, and I just, I don't know. I don't, I want to have standards and I don't want to chase him, but I also don't really know what to do because I feel like he's giving me mixed signals and I also feel like he has pulled away since he got home. What do you think I should do?

I understand how confusing and frustrating this situation must be for you. When someone pulls away after a period of closeness, it can leave you feeling uncertain and questioning what went wrong. It's important to remember that his actions are not a reflection of your worth or what you deserve. First, it's good that you're giving him space. Sometimes people need time to process their own feelings and situations, especially after a vacation where they might have had time to reflect. However, it's also crucial to maintain your own standards and not fall into the trap of waiting indefinitely for someone who isn't showing consistent interest. You might consider addressing the mixed signals directly, but in a calm and non-confrontational way. You could say something like, I've noticed a change in our communication since you got back, and it's left me feeling a bit confused. I really enjoyed the time we spent together and would love to continue getting to know you, but I also need to feel that the interest is mutual. If you're not in the same place, that's okay, but I need to know where we stand. This approach shows that you value clarity and mutual interest without coming across as desperate or chasing. It also gives him the opportunity to express what's going on from his side, which might provide you with the clarity you need.

How does that sound to you?

It's really good.

Great.

What do you think, Audrey? Do you like that one?

Yeah, I think it's perfect.

Is there anything you would add? to it?

I don't think so. Is there anything you'd add to it, Stephen?

No, I think I like that covers the ground because it's like I was having a great time with you. I feel your communication is different. I'm confused if you don't want to carry this on. Okay. But I'd like to know. I think that's like all the bases, right? You're. You're saying it in quite a calm, measured way, but you're just giving the, you know, you're forcing the moment of, like. Here's what I'm feeling. I'm feeling like you're withdrawing. So, you know, let me know what you want to do carrying on.

We should have like once an episode, something like that. We should have just a random question in addition to whatever the topic is. We should have like a random question that the audience gets to ask Matthew AI.

That's cool.

So just send us an email and we're going to obviously discuss use questions for topics as well. But it would be fun if it was just one, like, miscellaneous question that didn't have to have anything to do with the subject that we could fire at Matthew AI.

And if you want to ask Matthew your own question and you don't want to wait for us to pick your question on the next episode, you can do it at askmh.com.

Oh, yeah. If you want, if you actually just want to go straight to the source, it's live. You can go to askmh.com and literally ask Matthew AI your question right now. But it would also be fun to do some of the on the show. So maybe you can do both. But this, is there anything we need to add to kind of cap this off?

You know, she says, why I'm feeling this way when I was so fine with whatever it was at the start of it all. And I think the answer to that is it's just It's normal if you have had intensity with someone and it's withdrawn suddenly, you don't have to wonder, oh, why am I so attached or whatever. You will move on from this person if they withdraw, but it's all right to feel like that really sucks because I was having a great time and I feel close to them or I really saw potential. we did intimate, you know, cook dinner together and Etc. And, you know, it's, it's perfectly not, you don't have to wonder like, oh, it's weird that I'm feeling attached. Like 10 dates over five weeks is probably quite intense and. Yeah, I.

So, so don't beat yourself up for feeling attached at this point. Don't shame you. On top of the fact that this person has changed their communication, don't shame yourself. for actually having feelings. That's a good sign, not a bad sign.

I had a friend telling me, a guy friend telling me it sucked and it really bummed him out when someone after one date didn't want to carry stuff on. And it was, it sometimes it's not like this rational function of this has how much time we spent together. It's just I was invested and I thought they were great and I saw potential and we had a date and I thought it went well and they just blew me off. And it's like, oh, that really, like, bummed me out for, like, few days. It's all right for that to happen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well said.

It's Matthew AI.

How can I help? Hi, Matthew. Is someone traveling to Bali a red flag?

Traveling to Bali or anywhere else isn't inherently a red flag. What's more important is understanding the context and the person's intentions. Are they traveling for work? or perhaps to explore new opportunities, it's crucial to look at the bigger picture and consider their overall behavior and values. For instance, if someone is constantly traveling and it affects their ability to build a stable relationship, that might be a concern. On the other hand, if they are passionate about exploring the world and it aligns with your values, it could be a positive trait. What do you think is the most important factor in evaluating someone's travel habits.

Okay, but would you say that traveling to Bali is more of a red flag than, you know, traveling to, for example, Japan?

The destination itself, whether it's Bali or Japan, isn't what determines if it's a red flag. It's more about the context and the person's intentions behind the travel. For instance, if someone is traveling to Bali for a yoga retreat or to explore the culture, that could be a positive thing. On the other hand, if their travel habits seem to be a way to escape responsibilities or avoid commitment, that might be a concern. The same applies to Japan or any other destination. It's essential to look at the bigger picture and understand their motivations and how it that aligns with your values. What do you think is the most important factor in evaluating someone's travel habits?

Matthew is like basically saying, Matthew, stop being so damn judgmental.

A valiant defense for Bali, I'll say. I think we should all go.

Yeah.

You're not advised.

He can't be annoyed with me. He got annoyed.

He's like, look, man, the destination doesn't matter.

Oh, man. That was good. That was a good answer.

It was.

I want to hear what you have to think on this subject. We all do. I think we all know the subject line, lazy river dating.

That was so good.

Very good, Stephen. Very good. High five. Send us an email, podcast@matthewhussy.com. Let us know what you think. And again, if you haven't tried Matthew AI yet, go check check it out because, you know, I mean, you've seen the man has an answer for everything. Just don't, whatever you do, don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Askmh.com is the link for you to go and ask your question right now. And we will see you in the next episode of Love Life. Thank you, Stephen. Thank you, Audrey.

Thank you.

Thanks, everyone.

Be well. and love life. We will see you all soon.