Matthew Hussey tells Sarah that when a man pulls away despite things feeling great, she should stop trying to win his approval and focus on her own life instead. Putting him on a pedestal lowers her value. Cultivating passions and maintaining distance makes her more attractive and more likely to be pursued.
Sarah, are you there?
Yes, I am.
What's your question?
Okay, so I have been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now. Initially, we kind of hit it off. We got along really, really well. The more I talked to him, got to know him, he turned out to be this great guy. I mean, kind of in my mind, he's like my dream guy in person. I mean, he just kind of he checked everything off for me. So, what I kind of started to take a turn for the worse was when I told him beforehand, well, I'm gonna be gone for about a week. I'm doing some work with a youth retreat for church. So, that week I was only able to call him like once or twice. And when I talked to him, he was same as usual, was saying all kinds of wonderful, sweet things to me, telling me how much he missed me. But it felt like once I got back, not that our conversations changed, but it seemed like he kind of Start pulling away a little bit, and I'm not entirely sure why. He just doesn't really talk to me as much. I'm not really sure how to really grab his attention again.
So, I'll tell you one thing that's changed over the course of that month and a half, is you've got to like him more and more and more, right? Yeah. And to the extent that in your mind somewhere in there you're saying, this could be my dream guy.
Yeah.
Now, obviously you're spending time analyzing what you can do differently, how you can get him to like you, or how you can reignite that interest. And what I would say to you is, what would you be doing right now if you had a hundred better things to do with your time? If you had a ton of- I'm.
Doing a hundred better doing all those things.
Absolutely, you'd be doing all of those things and that would make you really attractive. because I can't guarantee that this guy is going to get attracted to you. But what I can guarantee is if you start behaving like you have better things to do than to worry about whether he likes you, then you have the best possible chance of him liking you. Because as long as you're in that mindset of trying to impress him, of trying to figure out what he wants, it's almost like you're making yourself lower value than he is. and he's not better than you. So don't put him on that pedestal. And understand that if he's not into you right now, no amount of trying is going to change that. But what you can do is focus on you, upgrading your, your, yourself, your life, continuing to do the things that you're passionate about, and letting him see that side of you, because there's nothing sexier than someone who doesn't care ultimately whether you like them or not. That level of distance and detachment will make this guy pay far more attention than asking what you can do to get him to pay more attention. Does that make sense?
Yes, that makes perfect sense. See, and this is why I think you're absolutely amazing.
Well, thank you. You've been so delightful to have on the phone.
