After a great first date, feeling like you fit perfectly often comes from projection and overinterpreting shared interests rather than real compatibility. Many people share similar likes, and wanting to find love makes you see coincidences as proof of connection. Real depth takes time, maybe 50 or 100 dates.
When people say we fit so well together, there's always an enormous amount of projection in that. There's an enormous amount of sort of superficial connections that you're making in your mind. I've never met someone who is into these things that I'm into, and that must mean something, but it might not mean anything. There's lots of people who like what you like, who are the worst. It doesn't really mean anything. And because we're a biased judge, we want to find love. So we are so tuned in to anything that could feel like that. And then we come away with a whole bunch of evidence to say, see, look how connected we are. But there's no real depth to it at that stage, even if it turns into something of depth. Because I'm not just talking about times when it's wrong. I'm saying even when it's right, The depth isn't there in the same way on the first date as it will be on the 50th date or the 100th date.
