Matthew AI explains why people choose partners who hurt them: attraction runs on familiarity and comfort, not happiness. A scarcity mindset makes you fear better options won't come. Inconsistent caregiving teaches your nervous system that love means chaos, so you keep repeating painful cycles.
We attract what is familiar to us. There are many reasons we go for people who are bad for us. One of them is the scarcity mindset. We're worried no one better is going to come along or no one's going to come along at all. Another reason is because it's what we know. Lack of consistency might be something that's very familiar to us. And maybe we grew up with it. Maybe we grew up with parents who turned on and off the tap of attention and love and have this core you know, issue with abandonment or. But what we learned was that that's what love felt like. Love feels like this roller coaster. And so someone comes along and makes us feel that, and it feels kind of familiar. It feels like something our nervous system is used to. And I think a key principle for people to understand is that we don't tend to gravitate towards what makes us happy. We gravitate towards what is comfortable. And what's comfortable can be terrible. Yeah, it could be hell, but it's what we know.
