Matthew Hussey explains why people avoid hard conversations early in relationships, then suffer boundary and jealousy problems later. A teenage girl learns that admitting her quiet nature is confident, not weak. A woman asks whether to contact a British man after seven months of silence; Hussey says disappointment is normal but warns against treating him as the one.
And she's here tonight and she's sort of a legend. I would like to present to you the wonderful, the adorable, the intelligent Dr. Ruth. What's the main difference between a speech for a corporation versus speech for, I don't know, public? Well, the public, when they come to a speech, generally they want to be there. Because they bought a ticket, whereas for a corporation there's no guarantee that the people coming want to be there. You've got to deliver, like people are going to switch off if you don't. I think that we all have to get better at having more honest conversations with each other. I deal with this in dating all the time. One of the biggest problems that I experience with my customers is that they will start dating someone and six months in complain to me about issues that they're having with someone, boundary issues, problems with the way they're acting, whether it's jealousy, whether this person doesn't respect them enough, whether this person is super flaky and not trying, whatever it is. They're experiencing problems that are problems because they didn't have conversations earlier, because they didn't talk. And why didn't they have conversations earlier? Because none of us like awkward conversations. We don't like difficult conversations. And we certainly don't like asking questions where we're afraid of the answers. Big or small, who do I need to have a conversation with this week? Not next week, not a month from now. Who do I need to have a conversation with this week about something that I want to improve? And you don't even have to make it about them. You can make it about your standard. You can make it about the company's standard. You know, I think, listen, I think you're going to do better if this is the the way we do things here. I think things are going to go better if you can do it like this. Nothing personal. What you do yourself or what you do with your own stuff is fine. But while you're here, here's something I think is really going to help you. Can we try it? What can I do to give someone a better chance of succeeding? Because here's what I want to make sure. At the point where a relationship really breaks down, I don't want it to be because of my lack of honesty. I want it to be because of their lack of ability to respond. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thanks for coming and spending the I also want to thank you.
I actually read a lot of your.
Advice on now we know.
Oh, nice. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Hey, congratulations. Thank you so much.
I think you're doing great.
Thank you.
I love your personal experiences and thank.
You so much for sharing. Thank you. Are you nervous about the speech for teenagers? Not. I wouldn't say nervous. Just I'm aware of being unprepared. And I don't mean unprepared in my own content. I just mean this is the first of its kind. So the idea behind this is that we have like 30 people here before the big event tonight and these are teenagers who want help not just in their love lives because it's not about promoting dating as a teenager, it's about confidence and empowerment and making them young strong women who know how to take on the challenges that they're facing. So I think it's going to be amazing. I think I'm going to learn a ton.
So I'm kind of like a quiet person, but at the same time I like doing stuff. I'm a quiet extrovert, I guess you could say.
Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.
So I guess people, they take me for someone who would keep to themselves, but I also, I'm the opposite. I like being around big groups, but I'm just the quiet one in the group.
Super interesting.
Yeah, so it's hard for me to meet new people or get to know new people, 'cause I'm just quiet. Do you have any advice for that, I guess?
Yeah, that's a, what a great question. Firstly, that's a really great level of self-awareness. I think that in a way, sometimes just explaining more about yourself to people helps. What you just did with me, right, was this really cool, like vulnerable moment. And people love, like people really enjoy vulnerability. in other people. When we're more honest about ourselves, firstly we rid them of any power. Because it's kind of like if I come to you guys today and I'm like, I really hope you guys feel like there's some value you're gonna take from this today, because secretly I find you guys more scary than I find the 800 grown women that are coming to see me tonight. That's like a, it's a vulnerable moment. And you feel like you're a little closer to me as a result and you might be a bit more open with me in return because I've been open with you. And so that builds relationships. And very often we don't say those things that actually would make us more human to other people. So I think one of the first things I'd say to you is don't be afraid to say that. Like don't be afraid to say, because what a confident thing to say. Like, oh, I actually really like being around people, but the truth is I'm kind of quiet. Great, like that's confident. It takes boldness. to say something like that.
When you were talking, she hit me a couple of times and I laughed because she actually brought me here today and she even signed me up for your seven o'clock because with her summer money, because she works summer youth employment, because she said, Ma, you haven't dated for six years. She said, you have to go. And then she does social media, so she follows you. So she saw for the teen thing. And she said, I have a couple questions for him. And then she said, I want you to go so that we'll both be more social and not be such introverts. So I just had to share that. So I have to give her a hug. Yes.
That just gave me goosebumps. How old are you? 15. Wow. You better give her a big hug tonight. Oh my God, that's incredible. What an amazing door. It's on, you just have to hold it really close.
All right, I rather stay close to you, so come here. They really love you.
Yeah.
They really do. You're wonderful. And you are going to talk about relationships. He was fabulous. Everybody applaud him. And I'm going to talk about, guess what? Sex.
So this past winter, I met a very handsome, successful British man.
It wasn't me.
So we spent about three days together, and he got called away back to London. His mother had an accident, and he also had some business there. And so seven months passed by. There was very little communication, and we actually bumped into each other about a week ago. And we had a great conversation and he introduced me to his mother.
Yeah.
But wait, during the seven months he didn't write, he didn't call?
There was a bit of texting in the beginning and then it kind of fell off.
So what is your question?
Yes, so he is apparently back, but I have not heard anything from him. Do I reach out?
She.
Has my hand. Take a deep breath. Right after the massage session, you will go someplace and you will meet somebody else.
I love that.
You can remember the good part of it, but without regret. I mean, you can remember that you were very interested, that this is somebody that you thought would be Mr. Right, with every relationship, but it didn't work out.
Yes, well, I think that's actually a very important point, is that it's okay to be disappointed that someone didn't turn out to be the person that you needed. But what you mustn't do is grieve as though they were the one. It's a big distinction. I say good things sometimes.
