In this Love Life call‑in episode, host Matthew Hussie (also known as Coach Matthew Hussy) talks with caller Bronty about how to gauge a man’s future behavior by probing his relationship with his parents. Matthew argues that simply asking "what were your parents like?" only reveals the environment, whereas asking reflective questions like "what did you learn from your dad?" or "how does that shape the way you want to live?" uncovers the person’s values and intentions. He illustrates the point with a parable about two brothers raised by an alcoholic, abusive father—one who rebels and becomes a caring family man, the other who repeats the abusive pattern—showing that parental influence can lead to both replication and rebellion. Throughout the conversation, Matthew emphasizes avoiding leading questions, instead prompting honest answers that reveal whether the son will emulate or reject his father’s behavior. The episode ends with a call for more listeners to call in and a promotion of Matthew’s Facebook page.
Questions this video answers
October 16, 2015
844-204-6288 (844-204-MATT)
Chapters
Matthew Hussie here with Love Life. We have a caller on the line and her name is Bronty. Bronty are you there?
Yes I am.
How are you doing lovely? You good?
I am doing fantastic. It's super exciting talking to you.
And you. The excitement is mutual. And what was your question?
My question, well I have a lot but my question for you today is how much attention should you pay to genetic carrieristics? For example, if the dad wasn't such a great guy, how much attention and how much should I pay attention to that when dating the son?
Hmm. So how much should we pay attention to the genetic influence of someone's parents?
Yes.
There's a story that goes like this. Two men grow up in the same family. They have a father who is an alcoholic. And as they grow up, this father abuses the family. He's awful to the kids. He's abusive to their mother. He makes their life a misery growing up. And these two men, as they reach adulthood, get families of their own. One of them never drinks a drop in his life. He goes on to treat his kids like their royalty. He treats his wife like she's the queen. He makes everyone so happy and goes out of his way to give them the love and the care they deserve. The other one grows up to be just like his father. He's a drunk. He abuses his wife. He's awful to his kids. He makes everyone's lives a living hell. Both men, when asked the question, why are you the way that you are? Why are you the way you are? Each of them said the exact same thing. Well, with a father like mine, how could I be anything else? Now, the point of that story is that based on the way our parents are, we can turn out many different ways. Some people grow up copying exactly what their parents do. other people grow up to rebel against what their parents do because they realize that there's a better way or a different way of doing things. And it's exactly their parents' behaviours that precipitated a better way of being. So, when you think about this situation in terms of dating the son of someone who is a certain way, sometimes you have to pay attention. What has that taught you? Then you'll learn everything about them. If you say, what were your parents like? All you're really learning is the environment that they grew up in. If you ask them, what did you learn from it or what does it mean to you today? Then you'll actually learn how they're reacting to it and that's gonna tell you the person that's in front of you. Does that make sense?
Yeah, that makes total sense.
So, if you really want to find out who the man is that you're interested in, who the son is, When he talks about his parents and when he tells stories about his parents, ask him what that means to him. Ask him what his reaction to those things are. Ask him what is taught him about the way he wants to live his life. And then you're going to learn everything you need to know.
Awesome. Yeah, that's an interesting perspective to look at it, asking what he's learned from it. Yeah.
Yeah. Because even if you say, you know, frame it in the kind of terms of, Are you gonna be exactly like him? That is a kind of leading question 'cause no one wants to say yes, right? Everyone wants to say no, I wouldn't end up like that. But if you ask someone, what's the biggest thing you learnt from watching your dad be that way? Or what does that mean to you now? Or how has it made you wanna live your life? Then you'll start to get much more honest answers.
Thank you so much. That's such an eye-opener.
Of course, Bronty, thank you for calling in. I really appreciate it and what unique and interesting question. We've never had it before, so thank you.
Thank you for taking time to answer it.
You're welcome. And thank you all for listening. If you would like to call in and ask a question like Bronty did and have this interesting conversation that we get to have on this show, call in at 844-204-6288 that's 844-204-MATT with two T's. And if you're not on Facebook with us right now, please go there. We have new articles, new videos, and all sorts of interesting conversations happening there all the time. That's facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussy. I'll see you there.
