Matthew Hussey argues you don't need to be completely happy before dating, just "happy enough." The right partner should soothe your insecurities, not trigger them, and give you space to grow. Most people who preach total self-fulfillment weren't actually there when they met their partners.
Do you think it's possible to start healthy relationships while working on yourself as an individual? What are your thoughts and advice on that?
100%. 100%. I actually, I really don't like the idea that we have to be completely happy and enlightened and have everything figured out. And that's when the right person comes along. I think that's nonsense. you know, who even is that? Who is that? Who is that? And by the way, half the time when it's someone saying, you need to be happy with you first, when it's someone saying that, half the time it's a person who's married who definitely wasn't in that place when they met their spouse. So there's something deeply hypocritical about it. We are always working on something. We're always going through some new problem, some new stage in our life that we weren't ready for. And we are going to do an awful lot of healing with the right person. In fact, I would argue that the right person is partly defined by the person that is the greatest catalyst for that healing. Someone who, when they come along, you find that your traumas, to use that word again, or your insecurities or your The things that you normally struggle with are not unnecessarily aggravated by that person, but actually you can begin to heal with that person. You can be soothed with that person in a way that maybe you haven't been able to be in the past. And because you're with someone where there's a real safe environment that's created for growth and for healing, you kind of relax, you drop your shoulders, you're not holding on so tight, and you start to become more of who you can be. So I prefer, rather than thinking we have to be happy before we find someone, I prefer the idea that we have to get to a, we have to be happy enough before we meet someone. Happy enough is a much better phrase and it's a much more attainable goal. You know, way less intimidating. Way less intimidating than being happy. You know, happy is hard. And I know it can be simple. It can sometimes feel easy, but often happy feels really, really hard. What I prefer to think is when you're happy enough, it means I'm happy enough. My life's not perfect and I might not be truly happy all the time, but I'm happy enough with the way my life is today and with who I am today that if someone comes along and they don't treat me right and they don't make me happy, I can walk away. I know how to say no to the wrong thing. Happy enough also means that when I find the right thing, I am happy enough to enjoy it without living in constant existential anxiety that it's going to go away. And if it goes away, I'll die. I won't be able to survive. Happy enough means that we are robust as ourselves in our life today in a way that allows us to go and meet the world in our love lives in a strong way that means we're not constantly about to go to pieces or say yes to something that's going to be bad for us long term.
