When You Don't Know What To Do...

Welcome to find you'd clarity. I'm your coach and your show host, Megan Johnston. For over a decade, I've helped women move from burnout, pressure and overthinking to clarity, confidence and ease. If you've been stuck in a cycle of self doubt or fear, this is your space to come back to you. Each episode will blend real life coaching, grounded tools and intuitive insight to help you trust yourself more, lead with your energy and take your next aligned step now. Now let's find your clarity and the life that's been waiting for you on the other side. Hey friend. Welcome back to the show. I'm so glad you're here. I hope you're having the most magical day and if you're not, well, let's try and make it a little more magic. Let's talk about what to do when you don't know what you want. This is a very common theme with the amazing women I work with often. Well, I think this can show up in several different ways. You know, I think a lot of the women I work with are just feeling kind of like dull, like a little uninspired or unmotivated with life. Just kind of wondering like, what happened? Like, have you ever felt like that where you're just like, what happened? Like, I used to have so much energy. I used to be so happy. I used to do this, that the other. And sometimes that can cause us to kind of grasp for past seasons when in reality that's not actually what we want either because we know logically. Often like, well, I let that go for a reason and it's not really something I want back in my life. But we're still grasping for that feeling. Oftentimes this isn't really the first thing that comes up of just like, I'm here because I don't know what I want. Often when we start to connect with the vision and the desire and you know, the first session I do with a client is always what I call the lighthouse session where we are casting the vision towards what are we actually creating here? How, what's the forward motion? And so often I hear it's hard to even go there. It's hard to even say what I want. I maybe you resonate with. I just have trouble letting myself dream big. I think another way this really shows up is the stress of wanting more in life but also feeling like you don't have space or capacity for more. There's that like very common cliche out in the personal development space of like you were made for more. And there's this one part of you that's like, yes, I am made for more. Like, I am deserving more. And then this other part that's like, wait, I'm super stressed out. I can't even fit the. The concept of fitting more in my life feels like too much. So I think this idea of, like, not knowing what you want can come can show up in so many ways. And maybe you feel like you're in that season. Maybe you feel like it's been more of, like an era of just like, not knowing what you want, not living for you, feeling like you're living someone else's life, whether that's actually following someone else's steps. You're kind of just checking the boxes, doing what other people say you should or you're supposed to do or something I've been really reflecting on recently is with my six line in my human design. And I. I recently wrote an article on Substack about this and I'll link it in the show notes if you're curious to dive into this more. Maybe you have a six in your profile or maybe you just really relate to this feeling. And by the way, your profile in your human design is just the two numbers that you see when you pull your chart. It'll usually say profile and then two numbers like four, six or three, six or two, four. So it'll just be two numbers. But I have a six in my profile. And one of the things I've been reflecting on recently is I often felt like I was living someone else's life, but not necessarily because I was like following shoulds or supposed tos. I kind of just kept having these moments of like, what is going on? Like, how did I get here? Kind of moments. And gosh, that could be like a whole thing to unpack in itself. Maybe another episode for another time. Because, I mean, I think there was like a lot of self responsibility within that feeling of how did I even get here? But there was also. There's also something to be said about, like, some of the pathways we end up on in life. Maybe they're there for a reason. Maybe they're there for a season. Maybe I just wanted to rhyme just then. But sometimes I do think we end up on certain pathways that maybe aren't the greatest of all seasons. Like, I think about my grief journey, I think about some of my early mistakes in life, and I don't know, I. I feel like I'm not very eloquently speaking this out, but I feel like we just end up on Those. And I guess I want to say it's for a reason, but there's this part of me that kind of fights that everything happens for a reason as well. So anyways, I don't even know if that part made sense, but here we are. And maybe you resonate with it. Anyways, so let's get back to the topic here. For what to do for when you just feel like you don't know what you want at all. I'm very familiar with this feeling. I wish I could tell you it's gone away completely. But alas, that is often not true when we have a big theme in our life. You know, I think our humanness thinks like, I just need to get over this and then it'll be gone forever. I talk about this often with fear. In my early journey with fear, I was like, oh, I'll just learn to get out of my comfort zone and I'll break the fear and then it'll be gone forever. And the most permission giving thing recently has just been me realizing like, no, no, I'm scared all the time. And that's great, that's great news. And how can this be my ally? And the irony, the funny part of that is it's helped to dissipate a lot of the excess fear. And I think this concept of not knowing what you want, not knowing what I want, you know, this was really, really big at one point in my life. I was actually thinking about this story on a walk this morning, really early on my journey. Pre becoming a coach, pre going down any personal development path. I remember someone asked me, what do you do for fun? And I think I answered something very lukewarm like, oh, I, you know, I like to study and I go to the gym. And I remember them saying, those seem like things that you have to do, not things that you want to do. And that was the first time I really thought, like, whoa. I guess, yeah, I guess I. I don't know, what do I do for fun? What do I want to do? And I didn't know how to answer that question. And that was a big theme for me, entering into what ultimately led me to my personal development path and becoming a coach and starting my own business and meeting my incredible husband and traveling the world and all of the magic that happened. That was the first question of like, what do I actually want? What is it to desire? What is it to follow? What brings me joy? And so I think even just in that knowing if you're in this season of like, I don't know What I want. What if the knowing of that question is the greatest catalyst you can have to finding it? What if that was the first permission slip here? Because sometimes we get so caught up, so spiraled into like, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. And the more we're in the. I don't know, the more we perpetuate the. I don't know, it's like we just. We anchor the story in deeper. The more we're like, well, I just don't know. I just don't know what I want. I can't even let myself go there. So we just continue that story. We kind of anchor it in deeper, and then we find evidence to prove that it's true. And so let's shift it, shall we? I'm going to give a few, I guess, considerations to help you cross over the first, I don't know, checkpoint of this journey. Not that it's linear, that's for sure. This will be a very bumpy course. But, you know, that's kind of what I was saying is sometimes, like I said earlier, some lessons kind of come with us for the ride of life. That is, maybe some go away or some just change the way they show up. And I mean, I'll say, like I said, this was a very overarching theme at the start of my journey where it felt like I just have no spark, no drive, no motivation. I was really burnt out on life before life had really, even really began. Because we're talking about when I was in my early 20s here and because I shifted that, the way that it shows up is different. I no longer feel like I can't connect with desire. But I do go through seasons of, you know, I'm not. I'm just not super clear on what I want. And I think the considerations I'm going to give you are tools to help you whether you're in that really big season of overarching. Oh, my gosh, I don't know what I want. And it just feels like it's draining. It feels like it's all consuming. It feels like a dark cloud. Or if you're in that more micro season of, huh, Usually I know what I want it, but for some reason, it's just feeling really hazy right now. So first consideration for you is, what if you started with what don't you want? You know, sometimes it's like, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want? It's again, what Are we perpetuating? And then what's the frustration it's creating? And so if you've been trying to connect with, like, what's the vision? What do I want? And you're just feeling, like, frustrated over it, and you're like, I don't know, like, why do people keep asking, asking me that? We can definitely get that irritation with it, right? Maybe start with, well, what don't I want? What's not working right now in life? This was a key piece for when it was, like, the really big feeling for me, when it felt like nothing was working in this real overarching theme. A key piece for me was, well, let me start to shed away some of the layers of what I don't want. And when you start to get rid of some of that weight, it creates more space. It's my favorite. Oh, what is the word that I'm looking for? My favorite metaphor of the plane can't land if the Runway is full. And so what needs to shut away in order for you to actually have space for what you do want? This is also, I think, a key piece for if you're that person who's feeling like, oh, yeah, I am made for more, but also I don't have the capacity for more. Start to shut away what's not working, what don't I want? And this can actually be so much harder than it seems sounds because of our humanness and how tightly we grip onto things that aren't working anymore because maybe they once did work, or maybe we're not sure what to fill that space with. So I would say don't underestimate how difficult this exercise can be. Actually, I hate labeling it like that. It can be useful, but I think we can be really sneaky with letting go of some of the things we don't actually want. And. And I think this can just be a good practice for you in general, even if you're not feeling like you're in this season of I don't know what I want, I think a good practice in general is just looking at, like, okay, what's working? What's not working in my life, and being able to start to shed some of the weight. Okay, next consideration I have for you is to start with the feeling instead of trying to find the tangible again, something that our human niche just loves to grasp onto. Like, okay, we're. What do I want? Like, what's the career I need? What's the hobby I need? But none of it's feeling exciting. Start with the feeling instead. Okay, I want more joy. I want more peace. I want more delight. More. I want to feel more free from control. Find the feeling first. And this is actually. I've been doing these practices recently with mostly my back to you members, but some of my private clients as well. And I actually just opened spaces to the public for little mini sessions too. I've been doing these sessions where we connect with your signature theme in your human design. And essentially what that is is the overarching feeling that says you're in alignment. And there's so much magic that happens when we connect with the feeling instead of the result that we want. So I'll link up those sessions in the show notes if that's something you're just feeling sparked and curious to tune into a little bit more. Which brings us to our third consideration. Very fitting. Is what piques your curiosity instead of, like, again, I feel like the. One of the themes of this episode is like, what is my humanness trying to do for ease versus what actually is easeful? So what. Often what we do is like, okay, what do I want? I don't know what I want. I can't connect with a desire. I'm looking for the big end result again, the tangible. Right? And it's like, I'm gonna find this thing. And, like, let's use something very, like, tangible as an example. You're not happy in your career, so I'm looking for, like, the next career. And I. And I have to. You feel like, even if you're not saying it, it feels like. And I have to settle into this for, like, 20 years. Like, maybe you feel like I can't keep changing my mind on things. And so we have this, like, permanence attached to it, and so we don't even let play. And the curiosity, because it's this. It's overwhelming. It's overwhelming to think of, well, what is the permanent thing I'm gonna put in my life? And so we don't even start. And so instead of, like, what's the end result that I need? Again, we're kind of detaching from the end result here. What if I just started with curiosity? What am I curious about? What do I. What would I just want to, like, say yes to? Even if it was just for a day, even if it was just for a few hours, just starting with curiosity again. This was a huge thing that helped me in that beginning, like, overarching season, because I was very unclear of what I even wanted to try. Everything just felt. I didn't feel spark towards Anything I. At this season in my life, I had changed my major seven times in college. So, like, I was like, well, I am trying things, but I was just kind of trying things to check boxes. I was like, following other paths. And so instead tuning into like, well, what am I curious about? And what if my curiosity led the way instead of this big end result? So start with curiosity. Start saying yes to life instead of like, no, no, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. What are all the reasons that you're saying you can't do something? I watched the movie last night, and this is, like, I don't know, maybe just a fun activity you could do and, like, kind of detach a little from, like, the personal development work. I watched the movie yes man with Jim Carrey in it. I don't know if you've ever seen it. It's actually so funny. I haven't watched it in years, but it was a lazy Sunday movie night. And I saw that movie and I was like, oh, I haven't seen this in so long. I want to watch this. And the concept of it, if you haven't seen it and if you haven't gathered, is he kind of goes through this experiment where he has to say yes to everything. Like, he cannot say no to anything. And it shows the power of saying yes, and it shows what pathways it opens up. Now, obviously he. I mean, I'll try to do this without spoiler alerts, but this is just a concept that I really believe in and agree with too, is when we swing too far to the extreme. So we say yes to everything. We swing all the way to the other extreme. We stop shutting ourself off to things. We swing to the other extreme. We say yes to everything, and things kind of implode for him. So we don't want to swing to the other extreme. But it's kind of a fun movie for you to watch and just kind of tune into the concept. And I think, you know, it's a. It's a comedic look at. I do think they poke a little fun at the personal development space, which made me laugh. But it is a comedic look at just like, what am I shutting off to completely? So there's some. Some fun homework for you and start saying yes to life. And then the last consideration, and maybe the biggest. And probably what I maybe do quite a bit of work on with people in sessions. So I want to preface this one by saying, like, definitely do some personal inquiry into it and it's one that can feel super supportive if you're held in space with someone else through this one. So the last consideration is, what is the story that's telling me I'm not worthy of what I want? What is the story that's telling me I'm not worthy of what I want? Yeah, I know. That's a. I mean, even just saying it out loud as I. I don't feel like I'm in this season, but it still feels like it sparks something within me, just speaking that question out. I can feel it. I can feel it. For me, I can feel it kind of rising up from my heart through my throat. Space. What is the story telling you that you are not worthy of what you want? I think there's so many layers that can play into this one. I think a couple of the big ones that I've held space for myself and also held space for clients with is the past. So what are the pieces of your past that you're maybe afraid that people will find out? What if. What are the pieces of your past that you're still punishing yourself for? This is a really big one for me. In the first overarching piece. I think if you're in that kind of overarching journey where it's like, I just really don't know and it feels like it's all consuming in my life, there often is a past story lingering that's kind of. I'm like picturing, like, chaining you down to the ground. And it's just like, let me just hold you here. Because if you go any bigger, if you take up more space, either you will be found out or something like this will happen again. And so there's this fear that keeps you chained down to the ground of like, we can't go there again. We can't do that. We can't hold that. We can't face that. And so I think there's a little compassion work here, and there's also a little forgiveness work here. What do I need to self forgive myself for? Another really key piece, and this is one I've learned quite recently, is if you're holding any kind of grief or loss, this is. I feel like this isn't talked about a lot. I feel like I could do a whole episode on this one. But if you've navigated a big loss in your life, and maybe that is actual death of someone close to you, but maybe a loss of a job or a loss of a part of you or some. Anything like we can hold Grief in so many different capacities. But where I noticed it was when I. After I lost my brother in 2018. You know, I used to be such a big dreamer. Before that, I kind of worked through that big, overarching theme in my life. I created a ton of magic, and then I lost Kirk, and it became so important to me to be present. So I was so zoomed into life. A concept I work a lot with my clients on is zooming in and zooming out. And I was so zoomed into life. I was like, I just have to be present with each moment, and I didn't want to let myself dream big because what if it was ripped away? Just like when I created all that magic in my life and then Kirk died, and then it felt like none of it mattered. And I've been doing a lot of work around this within the last. I don't even know how long. Definitely several months, if not more than a year now. I've just been doing so much work with that and. And on that story, and I've started to learn what it is to give myself permission to dream big again. And it's. It's got a different flavor to it than it did before. And anyone who has navigated grief and loss knows that connecting with your desires and your vision does carry a different. A different flavor to it in that season of grief that never actually ends. It's an ongoing season, though. It is quite like the seasons, actually. I feel like there are, like, summer, winter, spring, fall seasons to navigating grief. So, yes. So connecting with that story that is telling you, you're not worthy of dreaming big. Whether it is something in the past or it is, you know, grief fear, I think that's really connected to the fear of the other shoe dropping, which is a very, very common fear in our society that holds us unconsciously and unspokenly to a standard of perfectionism sometimes. So I hope this has started to spark you in the direction of what to do when you feel like you don't know what you want. I would love to hear from you today if this was supportive in the season of life that you're navigating and holding right now. I'd love to hear if one of the considerations or stories that I shared just really helped you today. So you can either send me an email, I'll link that in the show notes, or send me an email. Instagram direct message. There we go. An Instagram direct message as well. And I absolutely would love to hear from you and just hold space for the season of your desires that you're in. I've also been playing with creating a series around what it is to connect with your desires, what it is to map your desires. Even when you feel like you don't know how to or you don't know how to hold it or you feel like you don't have the capacity. So if I do hear from you, that'll give me a lovely hint that that is a great path to take to support you in your next level of growth. And as always I am here behind the screen. I would absolutely love to hold you in a session. I mentioned the sessions that I'm doing with your signature theme so I'll link those in the show notes. It's a single one time session to support you in your next chapter of clarity. And so I'll link that below. And please know that I am here behind the screen to hold you and support. You don't have to do this alone. You do not have to do this alone. Okay. Sending you so much love and gratitude. Thank you for being here and I'll see you next time.