Loving your child's mind: Children on changing habits

I'm good, how are you?

I'm well. Um, Sankara is outside and I was asking if he was playing soccer. He was talking about somebody kicking the ball and of course they don't call it— he didn't know what soccer was because they don't call it soccer in England. Do you know what they call it over there?

I think football.

Exactly, exactly. Um, well, good. Well, since he's outside and distracted I thought I would wonder about what's the relationship between a thought and an action? That is, if you— whatever you think, can you do? Is that true? If you think of something, you can do it? If you think to raise your hand, you can raise your hand?

Well, that's a pretty simple action, so if I think I can raise my hand, I could probably raise my hand.

How about in, um, when in martial arts, uh, if you think you can do something, can you do it or not?

Um, for me, most of the time, most of the time it works. If it's like a really, really crazy move and maybe I just haven't really practiced it in a long time, maybe I just need to drill it a little bit more.

Got it. It looks like Sankara is distracted. Sankara, are you with us or are you not with us?

Yeah, I am.

Okay. What do you think? Do you think— what's— what do you see as the relationship between a thought and an action?

Pardon?

I was asking Alana, what's the relationship between a thought and an action? If you think something, can you do it?

Um, yeah, so I think, um, so I'm supposed to tell you what, um, if, if you think something, you can do it.

Well, and a lot of people saying that a simple action like raising your hand, no problem, but that in martial arts sometimes— so let me see if I understand you, Alana, that Most of the time if you think you can do it, but occasionally that's not the case, is that accurate?

Yeah, it is.

And what happens when you think about doing something and you're not able to do it?

Um, well, I think I can do something and then I just maybe forget how to do it in one action and then that messes up it, so then I have to review it again, and then I'll be able to do it.

So you would say it's strictly a matter of what your mind remembers?

Yeah, that's mostly what happens.

How about you, Sankara? Are there any times when you try to think about doing something and then you're not able to do it?

Yeah, last night, um, I was thinking about getting out the bed But because I forgot to switch on my heat blanket, I mean my blanket heat, I mean my, yeah, my blanket, electric blanket on, I didn't, it was, it was coolish and then my body heat was warming up the bed and then if I went out all the heat would go out. So I couldn't go out.

So it sounds like to me that if really you really wanted to go out you could, if there was like an emergency. You could have gotten up anyway? So Alana's case is a little bit different, it's if she forgets a move. Um, what about, are there any times when, suppose you want to jump a certain height, can you always jump a certain height?

No, if it's really, really high, like I could try, but if it's like super high or just high, I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I just have to build up.

And is that kind of based on limits of your thought or limits of your body?

Um, that'd probably be limits of my body.

Okay. In martial arts, are there ever moves where you remember the moves but your body can't quite do it the way you want it to?

Probably, yeah.

Okay. Um, How about, are there any things that you, any habits that you would like to change that are hard to change?

Um, not that I can think of right now.

Okay. Sankara, are you still with us?

Yeah.

So do you have any habits that you would like to change but you can't change? Like what?

I can't, I can't change like Can I say it? This, um, I can't change, um, like me, um, I've developed a habit when I'm doing breaststroke. Instead of doing that in my legs, I do that in my legs.

So you would do this? I see. So your coach is telling you you need to change how you do your paddling with her feet?

Yeah, except when I, when I watch all the videos online, everybody's doing that with their legs, not that with their legs.

I see. Um, so do you think you'll ever be able to change this habit, or will you always paddle the same way?

I'll always do breaststroke the same way.

Okay. Um, so does that make sense, Ilana, that you could develop a habit Actually, do you— does your martial arts teacher ever ask you to change how you do any moves, Alana?

Um, if I get it wrong and I didn't really understand it or I just forgot how to do it, yeah, he'd probably tell me like how to change it. But other than that, like if I just developed a bad habit, um, no, that doesn't really happen.

So would you say if he tells you to change a move, it's pretty easy for you to tell your body to do it differently and then your body does it differently?

Yeah.

So why do you think that you can change your body to do things but Sankara doesn't think he can change his— how he paddles in the breaststroke?

What do you think?

Maybe because he's been doing it for a long time.

Oh, I know, I have another bad habit.

Okay, what is it?

Um, I, I hold my pen— I hold my pencil wrongly.

I see. Are you trying to change how you hold your pencil?

Yeah, except my handwriting is also really good, and when I do it the normal way— when I do it the normal way, um, my writing becomes really, really bad.

I see. So in that case, it sounds as if even though you are holding your pencil in a way some people say are the wrong way, if the handwriting is better that way, maybe that's the right way for you. Is that a possibility?

Yeah.

Okay, um, so Sankara has two examples of habits that he wants to change or has considered changes. Um, so Ilana, would you say you have any habits at all?

Like any habits? Um, I do a lot. Well, I, I never really think about habits, but I think I do, but I just can't think of them right now.

Okay, I would even say that to some extent a habit is something that we don't think about most of the time. That, um, I bet Sankara, when you were learning when you started kicking that way in the breaststroke, were you thinking about how you were doing that kick or were you not thinking about how you were doing that kick?

Um, I, I was.

So did you deliberately do it different from how your coach advised?

No.

So, but, but your coach wanted you to do it in a different way, right?

Yeah. Um, When I started, I always used to do it that way.

The way your coach wanted you to? Are you saying you, when you started, you did it the right way?

No.

You did it the wrong way all the way along?

Yeah.

So did you ever try to do it the right way?

Yeah.

And you're just— you can't get your legs to do it that way?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, that's interesting. So thoughts— I'm thinking of how thoughts become actions. So Lana was saying most of the time, like dropping, raising your hand, easy for thoughts to become actions. Sometimes thoughts— actually, Lana, when you said you forget certain moves, then thoughts don't— maybe thoughts do become actions, it's just you forgot the thought. So there's not a problem in going from thought to action. Is that accurate? Oops, we lost Alana. Do you think there are any challenges in going from thought to action, Sankara?

Yeah.

What challenges do you have going from thought to action?

Pardon?

What challenges do you have going from thought to action?

Sorry?

Sometimes when I'm trying to do something impossible, I can't do it.

Give me an example of something impossible you try to do.

Um, once I tried to touch the moon.

I see, you tried to touch the moon and that was not possible. Yeah, that makes sense. Alana, have you ever tried to do something that's impossible?

Um, probably, like, probably, but I just can't think of it right now.

Okay, well, I think it's interesting to think about when you're—

I might have tried to touch the moon when I was Okay, sounds like a little kid thing, not something the grown-up Alana would do.

So I'm— I am interested in the relationship between thought and action, and because I'm a little bit distracted with Sankara outside, and he's distracted, so let's put a pin in this, they say. Let's hold on to this, and some— at some point in the future, we'll think more about the relationship between thought and action. How does that sound?

Yeah.

Okay, in which case, have a great day playing, uh, Sankara, and good to see you this morning, Alana. Okay, perhaps we'll see you next week. Bye-bye, you guys. It's morning.

Okay, bye-bye.