When should children be exposed to harsh truths?

Okay, so what I was wondering today was there was some potentially big news. Do you pay attention to the news a little bit or not at all, or it varies?

I pay attention to the news that the ex— to the extent, um, of the news that my dad tells me. I'm— I don't go on to articles so much about it, which is totally fine.

Again, I think you're young enough that there's no need. Most news is bad news, or that's the way it's framed. And so one of the challenges of being exposed to news is it's sort of negative things most of the time. That said, are you aware of what's the recent news you are aware of?

I mean, the big thing is the war with Israel and Palestine, but I'm not I don't know a lot about that.

Got it. Yeah, that is a big thing for sure. And so because war is so horrible, you know, in some ways some people think that we shouldn't talk to— and it's tricky, you're on the edge of being a child and an adolescent, but for this purpose, I'll describe you as a child. Some people, we shouldn't talk about bad things to children. What's your take on that?

Um, well, I think bad things depends. I think you should talk about life with children because if you expose them early, then it'll be normal. I mean, in war and then just life in general, it's like I— or my parents are open with that kind of stuff about me. No, they don't hide it from me, um, until I'm a teenager, which I guess is soon, but if I haven't learned and heard all the stuff I've heard, um, and they just saved it for the teen that I wouldn't know as much as I know now. And it would be weird for me to learn it, I think, just in my opinion, or later on. So I think it's good to expose them to— I guess if we're talking about things like war and stuff, um, you know, maybe don't get too graphic, but especially with the littler ones. But I think a bit of exposure is great.

Got it. You know, that makes sense. And I guess, you know, it's a judgment call in any particular situation how much. You know, the other thing is certainly in both fiction and history, bad things happen. Presumably you've heard that there have been wars in history and you've read stories where there are battles and things like that.

Yes.

So what's interesting to me is when I remember, you know, reading lots of you know, stories with battles in them, and it was never very horrifying. Is that the case for you, that you can read stories about battle and it's not very horrifying?

Yeah, that does happen with me.

So, and earlier you remembered in, or you talked about with the news, not too graphic. So is the thing that, can we, can our minds kind of accept that bad things happen as long as we don't get in the graphic details? Is that kind of a general thing?

I mean, I think I could. I mean, me personally, I think I could accept that that happened, but I would have no recollection of actually being there. I wouldn't know what it felt like.

The other thing that comes to mind is I think it's entirely different if anything bad happens to someone we know. So it's, I think, one thing to read a story about long ago and far away, or history long ago and far away, or even or today, that's right now but far away. Would you agree that it's different if bad things happen to somebody you know?

Definitely. Yeah.

Have you had any situations— and you don't need to be graphic or explicit— but have you had situations where kind of bad things happen to people you know?

Um, actually, there are a few cases, um, one of which I didn't know him too well, one of my friends. He got into an had a bad motorcycle accident. He's wrecked up. Um, my grandpa was in the hospital, but it's like not as— I guess if another person were to read about my cases and then the Battle of Stalingrad or something, it's like, which one is heavier? I've never really experienced something like that.

Okay, well, first, good for you. And of course, what's hopeful, I think, is when somebody's injured, if they access have access to good modern, you know, healthcare, then usually they're okay. And in these two cases, were both of those people okay?

Yes.

I think that makes a difference. You know, if people are okay in the end, even if something bad happens. Would you, do you think that your parents kind of told you about the right amount of those bad things, or was it scary for you, or—

No, I think they did a great job. I mean, I think, you know, like we mentioned before, I could comprehend what happened but not really have, or not really know what happened in the sense that I wasn't there. So I feel like telling it to someone who wasn't there won't etch a mark as much as someone who was there. So I think especially for me, um, more— I mean, more was better than less because then I could really understand it.

Do you think that different kids your age have different sensitivities? That is, do you think that you might be stronger and more capable of handling bad news than some kids your age, or they're all the same, or are other kids actually better at handling bad news than you?

Um, well, they're You know, all kids aren't the same. How they react could depend on their maturity level, or I don't know, maybe just how they're exposed to things like that. I'm certain there are kids who are probably better at handling this kind of stuff than I am. Maybe I'm better than some other kids I know, and I don't know. I think it all depends.

It does all depend. It is tricky. Some of this is tricky for schools, especially if you have kids at different age levels, because, you know, like in your electives, you might have some older kids. And I don't think our kids say anything, you know, too shocking or difficult. But, but still, I think it makes sense to me that maybe a 16-year-old or a 20-year-old would talk about things differently than an 11-year-old. Does that make sense to you?

Yeah, it does.

Why would you say that is?

Well, I mean, they're older, they've had more life experience, um, they might have learned about something that I haven't, extra knowledge, um, they might just be more knowledgeable, knowledgeable in general in that area. They've probably done more stuff in terms of life in me. Um, I mean, you know, things like that.

So there's kind of a natural rate of getting used to— I'm going to put it in a strange way— getting used to bad things happening in the world. Is that the way we should think about it?

I think so. Or maybe getting more accustomed to it.

How about younger children? Do you think we should protect younger children? From bad things? That is, would you, if, if you knew something, somebody got injured in your family, would you hide it from younger children, or would you tell the younger child?

Well, I mean, I think that depends if I trust the younger child, and I think how younger the younger child is. I probably wouldn't recount something bad happening to a 3-year-old. I doubt that 3-year-old would comprehend that very much though. Um, if it was like a 6 or 7-year-old that I trusted and knew, maybe my cousin or a friend that was almost as close as a cousin, then maybe. I think it, it does depend on those things though.

So it sounds like I'm inferring that when you make these judgment calls, you don't— A, they need to be kind of cognitively able to understand. They need to kind of understand what happened. And I hear you saying maybe 3-year-old just can't understand what happened. The other thing is, and I'm also inferring this, is kind of an emotional suitability. You wouldn't want to kind of shock a young child with negative things emotionally. Is that accurate?

Yes.

So if that's the case, then if an older person was thinking about what we should talk to an 11-year-old about, or 12-year-old, we should wonder, is it— can this person understand it? And is it an emotional shock for them?

I think no matter the age, that might— those two, I mean, you might have to consider that. Especially, you know, if they're— if they haven't been exposed to that kind of stuff already. Like, some— I, I mean, I know that some parents probably don't expose their kids to a lot of stuff like that. Um, I think— I mean, even if you're an 11-year-old and you have lived a life like that, and someone a bunch of—

a lot older, um, is trying to decide If they're trying to decide, were you finished with your sentence?

Yes.

Okay, got it. Yeah, no, I'm thinking about it. And some of this too is, you know, when happily, by the way, it looks as if there was a fear last night that the war in Israel might become much larger. And that's still a possibility. But at least, you know, some of us went tonight wondering if it was going to become much bigger. Right now it may not, but still it's uncertain. And then if war does become even bigger, then, you know, everybody will be talking about it more and young kids would be exposed to it more. So it was, I'm just kind of thinking through, yeah, when should we, when do we have an obligation to tell children about a world event?

Or I think you have an obligation to tell them if it's gonna directly influence their lives, no matter how young they are. I mean, if they're young enough they can't comprehend it, then I don't really see the point of telling them. But if they are old enough and mature enough to comprehend it, and it's gonna, no matter how dramatically, influence and change their lives, then I think you can't just keep it from them, you know?

Fair enough. Whereas conversely, if it's not likely to influence their lives in the short run, I mean, in some ways, all kinds of things influence things over long periods of time, but, um, in the— not a— no direct immediate effect, then we have no obligation to tell them about bad things. Is that correct?

Well, I guess you don't have an obligation, but I think it would be good to educate them on what's happening in the world.

Got it. Um, well, last time we talked about how does a country go from poor to rich. And I encourage— and you said you'd learned some stuff from your pod— your dad's podcast, and we're maybe going to listen a little bit more. Um, did you— have you been paying a bit more attention to your dad's podcasts?

I have, and it's been really interesting, but none of them are the podcasts that I've listened to these, um, this past week. Um, at least to my understanding right now, have not mentioned how a country gets Poor to Rich, but we did listen to a very interesting podcast about Persians and Cyrus. I think I don't remember all the names, but it was really interesting.

Yeah, no, and I think I'm not surprised you didn't in one particular week learn about Rich, Poor to Rich, but yeah, I guess I am thinking that you are in this transition stage and you know, if your dad is listening to all these podcasts, It is an opportunity for you to kind of get to know the world. And right, some of them may include bad things. He might listen to something on the war between Israel and Palestine. So, but I take it on the one hand, it sounds like you're pretty capable of understanding things and he's pretty good at, you know, if something really horrible, he'd probably protect you. And if that's the case.

Or protect me in the means of him not telling me, or—

Yeah, or maybe, maybe we don't listen to this episode because it's really graphic, that kind of thing.

Oh yeah, yeah, I think so.

Okay, good. Well, um, I will let you go for the day, but I am really interested in your kind of growing awareness of the world. Uh, and you know, again, at 16 you're going to know so much more than you do now, and it is— you are of an age to kind of go from child to adolescent. Which means knowing more about the world, which means knowing more bad stuff, sadly. But sounds like you're ready.

Yes, thank you.

Okay. All right. Have a wonderful week, and we'll see you next week.

All right. Thank you.