why you're unhappy (hint: money matters)
Mike Andes argues that most people chase the wrong goal—material success—when the true goal should be contentment. He contrasts contentment with complacency, describes a personal anecdote from an orphanage near Kenya (children living joyfully in poverty) to illustrate that happiness isn't tied to possessions, and warns against a moving finish line where people endlessly trade finite time for potentially infinite money. Andes advises clearly defining a finish line, understanding trade-offs between time and money, and making deliberate choices about what to sacrifice to reach a specific goal. The video closes with a call-to-action to comment and a pointer to a related leadership video.
Chapters
So buckle up, this one's going to be a little bit deeper. But today I'm talking about happiness and the thing that most people would say they are in pursuit of and trying to find. And in my opinion, it's the wrong thing to be looking for. The reason that I believe most people are very unhappy, dissatisfied, anxious and depressed is because they are chasing the wrong thing and I chase success. And some people would say that is shallow. But for me, success is not material goods, possessions, money, businesses, etc. Success for me is contentment. I truly believe that someone who has achieved contentment has succeeded in life regardless of how much money they make. The reason I say this is because I've seen some of the happiest people, people with the most joy, have the least amount of material goods and possessions in their life. When I was in Africa, I was just outside of Kenya, in Kalumbari area. And there was several orphanages that I helped for six weeks. When I was there, I literally saw children that were 2, 3, 4, 5 years old, all the way up to 18 years old. There were 73 of them living in a three bedroom house. And one lady, her name was Margaret, watched over them, clothed, fed and schooled them in a three bedroom house. It was incredible. And I saw during that time that a little pack of bubbles or a soccer bowl that I would get, these kids would literally fill their eyes with joy and fill their day with a lot of play. And they were just overjoyed because of something so simple. It wasn't money, it wasn't big, it literally cost me a dollar or 50 cents at the store. And yet they were thrilled out of their mind. And they were so content, they were happy. I've never seen kids so work together so well and play so well together and just be full of joy. And yet their families despised them, didn't want them, kicked them out, abused them. Some were thrown in fires, thrown off of trains. It was crazy, the stories. And yet these children were content. I truly believe that that should be the goal if you're trying to be happy in life. Is contentment not getting more goods, not becoming building your business bigger or having more employees, or having a bigger car or bigger house? I do not believe that those things are the markers of success. Contentment is success. And, and I've seen people with very little be successful in the fact that they achieved contentment. Now let me be very clear. Contentment is not complacency. Complacency is, well, I have enough. And like, I don't really want to Grow. I don't want to expand. I don't want to improve myself, and I'm just fine, and I don't need any more. I'm not complacent. I'm probably the least complacent person you'll ever meet in your entire life. I always want more. I always want to achieve more. I was always wanting to improve and try to do more for others. So I'm not complacent. Contentment, in my opinion, is success. Now I say all of that to say that I truly believe what people believe is going to make them happy and make them content is the reason why most people are depressed, do not find satisfaction in their work, and are constantly on the lookout for the next thing in their life that's going to, in their mind, make them happy. It's a moving target. It's a moving finish line. And it feels like they're always running and striving and running faster and faster, working harder, trying to earn more money, trying to do more with their family. There's constant strain between work, life balance and all of this because they're constantly trying to achieve something that is a moving target. And the reason that target is moving is because the entrepreneurial community has a lot of times bought into this fact that we can have it all and that you don't have to have work, life balance. You don't have to sacrifice one thing in order for another, but you can have everything. You can have a perfect family and a perfect relationship that is full of and thriving. You have plenty of time to spend with your children and on the weekends and evenings, and you can go on vacations and you can have all the money that you want, and you have the best car and the best house and the best you can give to other people. Like, we've somehow convinced ourselves that we can have it all. And that sells really well. It's very inspiring and very motivating. But as I've said in the past, inspiration and motivation is needed to start, but commitment is. Is required to finish. But the problem is you can be committed to the wrong goal and never finish because you're constantly moving the finish line. And for many people, they, they make a hundred thousand dollars, and in their mind, man, if I could make a hundred thousand dollars, I could get a good house and I could be. I'd be happy. I could start to invest maybe. And then all of a sudden they get $100,000. And now what? Well, now they're not. They're not content. They want more. I've got to get, I've got to make more money. I'm going to make 150,000. I can make $150,000. I'd be content, I'd be satisfied, I'd be happy, I'd be full of joy. And they're constantly moving the goalpost because in their mind they've made it to the point where they believe that they can have it all. But what's so incredible is that they fail to realize that life is full of trade offs. Because in my mind, you have finite amount of time. You only have 24 hours in a day. So if you're going to be successful in business, you're probably going to have to sacrifice a good chunk of that time towards your business, especially in the first five to six years. And that's gonna come at a trade off to the fact that you probably are not going to be able to spend as much time with community, family, church, friends, et cetera, chilling out on the weekends, spending a week getting drunk. You're not gonna be able to do that. You might have to sacrifice that. And that will be the trade off in exchange for the thing that you value more. So I truly believe what really should be the topic, the debate, is clearly defining what the finish line looks like. Because otherwise you go through life and you'll constantly keep moving the finish line. Because the abundant mindset of like, oh, I can always have more, I can always go have everything, because now you make more money than you want more, need more money, the constant moving of the finish line. I want a good relationship. And then all of a sudden there's struggle. And then, well, if I can spend more time with my family and work less. And there's this constant anxiety that we build up because we're constantly in an exchange of time. And then the same thing can be said for money. Well, I should be investing in the real estate market and you make $100,000. Okay, should I invest in real estate? Okay, great. Oh man, I should really be investing in stocks because that's been, you know, crypto's really been doing good. Like we've somehow convinced ourselves that we need to do everything and we do it all and we can have it all. The problem with that is you'll never achieve all. There's an infinite amount of money and wealth to be had, and yet we have a finite amount of time. And so our constant exchange of time and money is something finite, which is time, and infinite, which is money. And so this exchange that takes place between these two can become Extremely jarring by the fact that we fail to realize it is a constant exchange. And if we are not careful, we can take finite amounts of time and waste it all on an infinite goal of money and constantly getting more when it's actually not what brings happiness, joy or contentment. I feel like this leads to a lot of people judging themselves based upon how much time they spend their family, based upon if they're not investing enough money, if they're not making enough money. The self judging comes from a place of not having clear defined goals towards a specific finish line. What is the goal, what are the plans that you have in place and what are you going to sacrifice in order to get there? If you have a plan in place and you have a 30,000 foot view of how you get to the finish line, you'll be less inclined to judge yourself when you're exchanging time for money. You'll be less likely to judge yourself when you exchange money for time. That is, you go out and have someone mow your lawn, you have someone else clean your car, you go and pay for a vacation in exchange for the time that you have with your family, the time that you have with your spouse. And so this constant exchange of time and money needs to be delineated correctly so you know exactly what the goal is and you know what you're willing to pay both in money and time in order to get there. Otherwise, you'll constantly be on a treadmill of being, trying to be successful, trying to be happy, and, and if you never achieve contentment, you'll constantly be running after something that you'll never be able to achieve. This kind of content's pretty deep, but if you'd like me to dig deeper in these sort of topics, comment below. Also, if you are a leader in your business, in your organization, your family, and you're wanting to know about the five stages of development of that leadership and becoming a more impactful leader, check this video out here where I talk about the five stages of leadership. And now you too. In business, as an employer, in your family, as a father or spouse or wife, in your community, in your church, you can become a more effective leader using these tactics. Check this video out here.
