#57 The Blame Game

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean.

Hello, my friends. This is Pamela Jean. Thank you so much for joining me today on a New Life podcast. Today's topic is the Blind blame game. I'm so excited to share this episode with you. I know this conversation will give you a new perspective and encourage you to take some steps to change your life. I want to give you some new things to think about and I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Have you ever played the blame game? You know what I mean? Blaming someone else for your problems. Like, have you ever said something like this? Look at what he did. Look at what she is doing. Look at how long I have waited for. Why doesn't he call me? Why doesn't she call? If my parents hadn't done fill in the blank. Or how about this one? If only he'd change, then I would be happy. Ouch. I know that last one may strike a chord with some. Now, don't get me wrong. Many times our accusations are justified. You're not wrong. Your feelings are real. Your feelings are valid. And it's valid that in some circumstances we feel hurt or frustrated or mad or angry. All of those feelings are natural. It's easy and honestly, a natural reaction to blame the other person. Because that would be the easy solution. A solution that doesn't require us to look inward. This is the way we get the outcome we want. If we can change another person, we will get our needs met. And once our needs are met, then we can be happy or simply we get our way. But friends, this is an illusion. It's totally a myth. Putting power and control of our life and our happiness in some other person's hands will not get you the outcome you desire for your life. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment and ultimately playing into the hands of codependency. And honestly, it's not fair to the other person. It's not fair to the person that you might be trying to manipulate or change for your benefit. It's not fair to them. The solution to our pain and frustration, no matter how real and valid it may be, is to acknowledge our own feelings. Own your feelings without blaming someone else for. For how you feel. You can feel angry, you can feel sad, you can feel frustration. But my friends, your reaction and your feelings are your responsibility and nobody else's. If you have followed me in the past, you will know by now that I believe happiness is not controlled by another person. And if we are honest with ourselves, we have all, at one time or another, believed that if others would do what we wanted or how we wanted them to do it, then we could be happy. But here's the truth. Happiness, my friends, is an inside job. I know you've heard me say this before in the past, so let me reframe this for you. It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. It's fine. Own it and it's very valid. Don't pretend that you're not feeling something that you're actually feeling, because it's okay to feel how you feel. However, expecting someone else to live by your feelings is dysfunctional and it will not lead you to happiness. And this applies to all relationships, not just a spouse or a boyfriend. It's not just your children or your parents or family members. This is to all relationships. Friendships are affected. Employment is affected by this. Own your feelings, then decide what you are going to do with your feelings. Will you choose to have a good outcome with what you are feeling? Will you choose to have a bad outcome with your feelings? You do have the power to choose. It's up to you if you're going to have a good outcome with what you're feeling or a bad outcome with what you're feeling. To thrive and live the life of your dreams, you must seek out purpose and meaning to what you're feeling. Maybe there's a reason why you're going through a conflict. Maybe you need to learn a lesson in trust and forgiveness. Maybe you need to learn a lesson in grace. Maybe you need to learn a lesson in patience. How is what you're feeling happening for you and not to you? Have you ever thought about it that way? How is what you're feeling, what you're going through right now? How has it happened for you and not to you? If you think about it in the context of why is this happening to me? My friends, you're living in a victim mentality. You're living in the victim's space. I want you to think about how beautiful it would be if you lived in the space of the victor, not the victim. So how is this happening for you? What are you supposed to do with what you're going through? You have the power to take care of yourself when you start taking responsibility for how you feel. So it's easy, my friends, to point fingers and blame others. If we're honest, we've all done it more than once in our lives, but you will live a much happier, joy filled life if you learn to gently point your finger back at yourself and make yourself this promise. Today I will love myself enough to take responsibility for my feelings and learn how to deal with them in a way that will serve my well being. Wow. That's so powerful. The power of choice, the power of mindset and decision is so incredible. And friends, today I hope you make the choice and the decision to love yourself enough to take responsibility for your feelings to get the outcome that you would like out of your life. My friends, thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you make it an incredible day and we'll talk again soon.

Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast. We will see you next time.