A Diabetes Diagnosis Changed My Life

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean. Hello, my friends, and welcome to this episode of A New Life podcast. This is Pamela Jean. So excited to have you here. Thank you very, very much for join me. I have a special guest today. I can't wait for you to meet her. Super excited to have Erin Dallas joining me today. Erin is a health coach and she will share more about the details of her coaching in just a little bit. But she's a health coach. I have known Erin for many, many years, most of those years as an acquaintance and we've really got to know each other quite well over the last couple of years. It's interesting how God joins journeys with other and his plan is always bigger than our plan, that is for sure. But I'm excited for you to meet Aaron. She has so much knowledge and information to share and I'm looking forward to this conversation. I have been all weekend long. So welcome, Erin, to the podcast. I'm so glad to have you here.

Hi. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited.

Good. I'm glad to have you. We had a great conversation last week, Erin, which really prompted me to have you on the podcast. I just knew the listeners needed to hear from you. You have such a great perspective and view on health and wellness and you yourself have been on a tremendous journey. But before we get to your journey, I would love for you to share with our listeners how we met and how long we've known each other and what your perspective and perception of our meeting has been, because I found that really interesting when you shared that with me last week.

So what I remember, and I didn't think you'd remember the first time we met. It has to be 16, 17, maybe 18 years ago. I don't remember. It was in San Antonio, Texas. I had sat in on a class where it was you and another photographer. We had talked a little bit after and I just was like, gosh, she's special. Like, I knew you were special. There was something about you. Then when we met again, I think it was six years ago in Tulsa.

Yes, correct.

I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to talk to you. And then I had a situation going on with a photography client and I asked you how you would handle it and you flat out told me how to do it. And I was like, all right, that's what I'm going to do. And I did it. And it literally changed my business, helped me see myself even though I had been in business. I've been in business now for 25 years. But it helped me see myself as a businesswoman and took the emotion out of the business. Like, this is it. These are the rules. This is what we do, why we do it. And I'm protecting me and my client by having these boundaries and these rules and, you know, this plan. That's how it started.

It's funny, I do remember meeting you in San Antonio. And it's weird how, I mean, I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday, but I can remember 20 years ago in San Antonio. So I don't know. I don't know what that means, but there's just certain things that happen in life that you. You remember things that seem irrelevant or silly at the time. And then here we are 18, 20 years later on a podcast together. And our podcast purpose for today is really about how we find our way through our different journeys of life. And, you know, when I we reconnected about six years ago, Erin, it was so interesting because I knew that you were a vegan when we met. You were coming to a worksh that I was hosting, and I always try to find out if anyone has any special health needs or food needs or allergies or whatever, just so I can make your experience at the workshop as awesome as possible. And I knew that you were a vegan when we met. And I'll be honest with you, I know absolutely nothing about being a vegan. So I would love for you to share, tell our audience about your health journey. You have floored me truly, Erin, with the progress you have made in less than six years. It blows me away because I think when we met, reconnected six years ago, you were just really getting started on your health journey. So share with us. You know you were a vegan when we were met. When we first met six years ago. Again, how did you find your wellness way?

So I had been through a lot and I was about 100 pounds overweight. I didn't look it, though, but I was 100 pounds heavier than I am today. I had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. They were trying to put me on a medicine that I would have been on for the rest of my life. And I. That kind of shocked me. So that's why I did go vegan. I went vegan because I was trying to just get my health back and get it all under control after trying every expensive quick fix on the market and I mean, I literally was setting myself back and making myself weaker with little to no metabolism, just trying to do anything that had marketed itself as healthy, not realizing they weren't because I didn't know. I hadn't looked into it. So when I went vegan, I got my health under control. The first thing I noticed eating clean was that a depression lifted. And I didn't even know I was depressed. I didn't know I had this. And I think it was the chemicals in the food.

Oh, interesting. So you discovered that you had been carrying around and living under the weight of depression and didn't even realize how depressed you actually were?

No idea. But the only thing that had changed was I was eating clean. And I do remember four weeks, it took four weeks for to detox sugar out of my system. And I do remember the four week mark going, oh my gosh, you know, and all of a sudden I was feeling so much better and I was so much healthier and. But I was still heavy, like I wasn't losing any weight. So. Well, then that is when the big moment that I was telling you about that catapulted me into my big change.

Let me PA pause you right there, Erin, because I loved what you said that it took you four weeks to detox all of the sugar and the garbage out of your body. So what I want the listeners to understand is when you start a health journey, there is no quick fix. There is no, I'm going to do this for two weeks and then everything is going to be better and I'll be on track. It doesn't work that way. And thank you for sharing that fact that you had four weeks in and you hadn't really lost any weight, but the fog was starting to lift from your brain, the depression was starting to go away and you didn't even know you were depressed. And to stop and think about, you know, the decisions and the thoughts and the feelings that you had because of that depression, that food related depression you didn't even know you had. That's amazing and it's incredible that you've been able to identify that. So I want you to share with us the, as you say, the come to Jesus moment that you had in December two years ago or how long ago did you have that? Okay, 2016.

So I wasn't happy about it.

So when we are faced with stuff like that, when someone is putting something in our face that we don't really like, nobody's happy about that.

So it was Christmas Day 2016 and I was, I was Crying over a few things. And I was by myself crying. And I did not realize that I was actually ruining Christmas for my family. I was in my bathroom. I wasn't where they could see me or anything. And my husband came in and just let me have it. And he told me everything I needed to hear. The only way I could actually hear it. Like, he just let me have it. And I was mad, and I was done. And I was like, get out. Get away from me. I don't ever want to talk to you again. I was so angry with him, and I didn't talk to him for two weeks. Well, I did, you know, in passing, but I was so mad. And in the two weeks after Christmas, I booked tickets to go to Scotland for three weeks by myself. I was going to Scotland. I was going to climb mountains, all this stuff. And, you know, you get away from your mad, and all of a sudden you start looking at things. And I had to tell John that I booked tickets to go Scotland, and I was sorry that I wasted all that money because there was no way I was going alone. And he said, oh, no, you're going. And I was like, what? He goes, you're going. You need this. And I couldn't believe it. So here I'm in beginning of January, going, oh, my gosh, how am I going to do this? I can't go by myself. And I told my niece, uncle John is making me go. She goes, I'm going with you. So I'm like, okay. So she was 24 and went with me. And I was terrified, though. I was like, I'm gonna die on a Scottish mountain. So I found. I went gym searching. I'm like, that's it. I have to get in shape. I went gym searching, and mind you, I'm still not eating right for my body. So I went to this. I checked out this one little gym that a friend of mine said, you got to check out Michigan Fitness. They're gone now. They moved to Florida. But they told me to go and check out this little gym. I go in there, and they're doing circuit training. But it wasn't like circuit training I'd ever seen before, and it was with weights and stuff like that. And I looked at everybody there, and they're all fit. And I'm going, huh? This is the gym for me, because that's what I want to look like. Because, you know, you have to visualize how you want to look like. And you go somewhere where they're getting there, where it's working for people.

That makes sense. Absolutely.

Yeah. So. And I was the largest girl in there, and it was tough, and it was the hardest workout I've ever done in my Life. I started February 12, 2017, and I went six days a week, and I didn't stop. March 9, 2017, I realized, you know, I'm not losing any weight. And March. The only reason I know it was March 9, because it was my sister's birthday. And I started experimenting on where I physically felt better with food intake. And, like, one day I was eating only carbs, and I would write down how I felt at certain times after I ate it. And the next day, it was proteins. And then, you know, I realized how much better I felt after proteins, you know, and everybody's body's different. So I went and started following the diabetic diet, basically, which is, you know, lower carb, moderate fat, improper protein for your weight and everything. And I was writing everything down and pushing myself harder physically than I ever had in my life. And, oh, my gosh, it just like, all of a sudden, the weight was falling off me, and I was getting muscular and looking really fit, and it was happening so fast, and. But I never. I wrote everything down. I journaled it all. I wrote it all down. I was writing down all my food. I was obsessive about it. I don't know where you want to go with this, but when I did indeed go to Scotland, I was at the point where I was going to take the hard way on everything I did. And I was on the side of a mountain. There was the only other people there besides my niece, and I was these French men. This guy had brought his dad to Scotland because his dad had retired. So it was his gift to his dad, and his dad took the easy way, and my niece went with him. And I followed this young man to do the hard way. And it was so hard, but it was such a defining moment for me on who I was. And I pushed myself. I was crying, doing a scramble. A scramble is where you're basically on all fours going up these rocks, and I was praying the whole time. And Julian, the man, he said, you can do this. You have it in you. And I believed him. And I got to the top of the mountain, and I stood out, and I looked out in the view, and. And I know this sounds crazy, but I'm not kidding. I saw a hand swipe the horizon, and I saw myself how God sees me. And I knew everything was going.

Oh, my gosh, Erin, that is such a beautiful, beautiful story. And I thank you for sharing it with us in such great, beautiful detail. Tell me, if you could remember, what was your weight when you left for that trip in Scotland. For Scotland, how much had you lost by that point?

I was down to like 168, I think.

And what was your weight loss at that moment?

That would have been £60, right?

Oh, my gosh, that is amazing. So think about if you were carrying an extra 60 pounds up that mountain with you, could you have done it?

I don't think so. No.

Like a 60 pound backpack. If you had a 60 pound backpack on your back that day doing your scramble going up the mountain, would you have made it?

No, but I could today.

I know you could today. I know you could today because you were so much stronger today than what you even were then. It's amazing.

So I know mentally, physically, and spiritually, it was a whole. You know, you talk about the balance, the life wheel and the balance, like you did.

Yes. And that. That is a perfect segue into the wellness whee. We talked about that last week. And you know, friends, it's not just losing weight. It doesn't matter what the number ends up being on the scale. If you don't have a spiritual balance, a financial balance, a loving yourself balance, a social balance, a educational, intellectual balance, it doesn't matter what you weigh. You have to have all of those facets of a wellness wheel balance for you to achieve the things that are unachievable in your life today. So, Erin, when it got hard, I know it wasn't always easy. I know this is really, really hard. So what kept you going in the hardest moments? What was that for you?

I lost both my parents to cancer. My mother was only 55, and I kept thinking, if these were the last six years of her life, how would she have lived them? If this was the last five years of her life? And I've repeated that to myself over and over, and knowing that time is short and life is short and we never know, this is a privilege, and I don't take it for granted. My health, my body, my life, it is all a privilege, and I am going to do the best with it that I can.

It's not only a privilege, but it's also a purpose.

Yes.

And getting to know you over the last couple of years in particular, you have a great purpose. You have a great commission that we'll talk about on another podcast sometime in the future, because that is unfolding, and I know that's unfolding. And I believe the wellness journey and the health journey that you've been on is connected to what your great commission is. And I want to save that. I want to save that for later, because that's something that is very, very special. So how do you balance the holidays with your health plan? You know, there's more sweets and carbs and crap in everybody's houses right now with the holidays and family events and wine and champagne and all of the things. How do you balance the holidays with your health plan?

Well, when it started, what I did was I would take foods that I could eat. You know, I would. I made enough for everybody, and everybody loved them. But I would take, like, say, a Brussels sprout dish or some kind of quiche or, you know, something that was in my diet plan, and that's what I would stick to. There are little things you can do. One you don't stand around the table and pick, you know, how they. People will set up, you know, foods and stuff. I don't make cookies. I just. If cookies are there, I'm going to eat them. They taste good. I don't make cookies. And all of that. And then. And it's easy. Well, once you get sugar out of your system, it is so easy to avoid these things because you really don't crave them.

You don't crave it. And it doesn't taste as good either. When you start eating it, it's like, oh, this is awful.

Yeah, because your body really doesn't like it. I mean, there were different things that. Like announcing that you're full or that you're done. Even if you just say it to yourself, but you say it out loud. It's a. It triggers your brain to be like, okay, I'm done. And you can go into a different. You know, your body goes into a different mode of, I'm not hungry. I'm not famished. I am. You know, I'm full. I'm sage.

You're satisfied? Yeah. You're satisfied. And I think it triggers your brain to stop thinking about the food when you say you're not hungry. You're done. I'm done. We're done.

That's awesome. Like, now I'm more. I'm in maintenance now. Like, I don't know. That's what people call it. I. I'm where I want to be. I go up and down. I fluctuate. But it just depends on what's going on. You. You know, I own a pizza shop, so.

Right.

So what I do during the week, once you get to the point where you're happy where you're at. If you eat perfect all week, you can eat a pizza on the weekend. You know, I. Throughout my whole thing, I was like, okay, every two weeks, I'm gonna have one of John's margherita pizzas. And I make him make me an extra small, but it's still filling. And I eat his margherita pizza or his Greek pizza. They're so good. And that was my reward for two weeks of perfect eating.

And when you say maintenance, I like to refer to that as, you're living real life. Yes, you're living real life because you're not depriving yourself. You have changed your relationship with food. You have created new cravings. So you don't crave the sugar, you don't crave the carbs. Actually crave healthy food, which is amazing.

Well, you do, because you become so in tune with your body. Like, I can tell when I didn't have enough protein the day before, and I'll be like, oh, I need more protein today, so I'll eat more protein. Like, I'll. I can tell in my workouts, like, oh, my gosh, I'm struggling. I don't know how to explain it. You. You just get to know your body so well, things become second nature.

Well, and I think during part of this process, too, in getting to know your body, you get to start loving your body. And when you love something, you start listening to that something and you hear and feel and. And become so connected with your body in a way that you know exactly what it needs. You know that if you have a glass of wine, you're going to feel like garbage at your workout tomorrow. You know that's happening. Then you have a choice to make. Do I want to have a great workout or do I want to enjoy this glass of wine? What. What is more important? And whatever you choose is really okay. It's your choice. It's about choices. It's not about being punished or cheating on a diet or cheating on yourself. It's really about choices. So make the choice, suffer a consequence or not, and get back into real life the next day. That's really what it's about. It's about choices.

Yes, a great analogy, that. Well, an analogy that I like. Mind you, I'm in Detroit, and we're all about cars here. If you only have one car for the rest of your life, are you going to put crappy fuel in it? Are you going to make it run so that it can last? You're going to put the best gas in. You're going to get its oil changed all the time. You're going to take care of it. People need to think that way about their bodies. You know, this is your only body. This is your only life. You have to live it to the best. You have to take care of it. If you don't want to get sick later in life or you don't want it, you have to look at the big picture about every single choice you make.

That's a great analogy. I love that. So I want to switch gears just a teeny bit. What is your advice to someone who has never committed to their health? I mean, someone who right now, today, sitting here listening to this, has the worst relationship with food. They have a horrible relationship with themselves. They don't like their body. They loathe themselves. How did you get started? Because if you lost £100, Erin, that's so much. That's so much. How did you get the courage to start?

I had to. It was do or die for me. It was hard. Like when I say, I joined that gym and I was the biggest girl in there and there were mirrors everywhere and I would just look at myself and I did. I do remember trying to not loathe what I looked like. And I remember the day I saw a defining muscle indent on my shoulder. I was like, you're like, what?

What is that?

I could have worked out another five hours. I was like, oh, I'll never forget that. And I do think exercising first, like when you get yourself exercising, get yourself moving. Women need weights. Get 5, 10 pound weights and move your arms while you go out walking. And move your arms with the weights. Because once you. Once you see something on your shoulders, I think that's a huge thing for women's shoulders. Once you see that little line, that's it. You're done. You're like, oh, my gosh, I can do this. I never knew that I could change it. I had so many voices in my head of things that people had said to me before that I kept repeating. And that moment when I saw that line, I was done. I was done with everything and anyone had ever said to me. I had a friend that had told me 13 years before, she goes, you realize you're never going to get your body back. And I believed her. But she was wrong. She was wrong. You will get your body back. You can do anything you want to do. You just have to visualize it. So when I saw that line, I was like, all right, I want to look like the Woman in Terminator. What was her? Linda Hamilton. I'm like, Linda Hamilton. That's what I want to look like. I just don't want to be that skinny. So that's what I did.

Right. So what are some tips or advice for someone wanting to get started? Like where do they start?

Get out walking first. Get out walking. Get yourself moving. Do exercises that help your back. If you're heavy, you're going to strain your back and back exercises would be Superman's or Spiderman's or Aquamans. If you look them up on YouTube, you'll see it's just when you lay on your belly and you're lifting your legs with your arms that is strengthening all those little muscles down your back that are going to help you. When you start really doing, you know, more work, start doing squats. You can stand by your counter and just do little squats. You don't have to go all the way down. Do little squats. Just start getting your quads going. And when you're. You will get sore at first, but then like, you're going to start liking the sore because you realize you're working. Everything's and you're not going to be sore all the time. If you're eating enough protein especially, you won't be sore. Anything that gets you moving is going to get you feeling better one about yourself. You're going to start realizing you can do things you didn't know. Remember when you and Nikki Harrison talked about the mattress?

Yes. Yes. She threw a nice new mattress, thinking it was the mattress fault that her back hurt.

I thought it was my very expensive mattress also. I was like, how could I spend this much money on a mattress? And it's hurting my back. It was my weight and I didn't know it. My hips used to kill and my back. And when I lost the weight, I've never had an issue with my mattress since there's so many weight loss programs that tell people not to work out. That's wrong. You have to move. You have to continue to work out. If any program is telling you not to work out, it is wrong. It doesn't mean.

Well, I think what's in. Absolutely. I think what's so important to understand is that what you're trying to do is something that will change your entire life. It also means something that you are going to do for the rest of your life. So if there's a diet that you're looking at or a get skinny quick thing or, you know, beachbody blast really fast, you know, the Thing about that is if it's not something that you want to do for the rest of your life, you will fail miserably on that plan. It's not meant to be real life. What you said about being disciplined and really mindful all week long. You can enjoy a pizza on the weekend, you can enjoy a glass of wine on the weekend. You can love the things that you love with a very healthy balance and a healthy relationship with food. But it's sustainable and it's real life. It's not a temporary fix.

Different tips for starting. Like if you're going out with friends and stuff and say you're going out to a restaurant, you have. You ask for a to go box and you put half your food away. You're only going to eat what's on your plate. When you're done eating what's on your plate, you cross your silverware over it because you're done and take your napkin off your lap at home. Different little tips that help me. Brushing my teeth. Don't brush your teeth. Because in your head you're like, I don't want to brush. I already brushed my teeth. You know, my teeth. I'm not going to eat anymore.

Well, then the next thing you eat after brushing your teeth is not going to taste very good.

Right, Right. That's for sure. It's all little things. You're just retraining your brain to work for you instead of against you, like letting go of the things that everyone else said. And everything in life is a choice. You say it all the time. And it is. Everything in life is a choice. And I didn't realize that before. I didn't realize that I had the choice to change everything.

Oh, my gosh. That is like words written in gold right there. You have the choice to change anything about your life.

Everything. Everything in your life. And anybody can do it. I have a friend that was. Has lost, I think, 120 pounds and she ran the New York City. She's a mother of eight. She ran the New York City Marathon and she did great. She was actually just on Good Morning America. Yes, we have the choice to take over, be responsible and take over everything for our health. Like we talked about what happened when I started loving myself and how I fixed everything. I fixed, fixed everything in my life and I did it fast. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And it took a lot of humility and it took a lot of. I mean, I was counting 1, 2, 3, let it go.

I know. We've talked about the high road a lot and how lonely the high road can be. But the high road is just a. It's a beautiful place. It's a beautiful thing.

Oh, Pamela, I told you so many times how I've been wanting to, to. And I'll be like, oh, Pamela Jean.

Cursing me about the high dang road I put you on.

I called you about a situation, you said, well, you know me, Aaron, I'm going to take the high road. And that's what plays in my head. Well, you know me, Aaron. I'm going to take the high road. I'm going to take the high road.

Kicking and screaming, but I'm taking it.

I grit my teeth the whole way, but I do it. And it's gotten easier. Amazing.

I know. Shocking.

Yeah. And I always take the high road now. Always.

And it doesn't even hurt anymore, does it?

Sometimes it does.

Okay, let's do some rapid fire questions. Erin, where do you see yourself in five years?

I want to have a. I want to not only be health coaching and fitness coaching, which I basically do now, but I am actually building an amazing gym and I want to be training people. I want to be training all my clients personally in my gym with my equipment. Because one thing that bothers me is when I see people who are going to the gym all the time and they're not seeing results. I know that everything is a business and the longer you keep people waiting to get there and the slower the results are, the more they're going to be coming back because they're still seeing results. But I'm all about getting there fast and doing it right the healthy way.

I love that. Yes. Doing. Oh, doing it the healthy way. Yes, A thousand percent. So how has loving yourself helped your marriage?

Oh, it saved my marriage. It saved my marriage. I and I take, I told my husband one time, I said, so he goes, well, you've changed. I said, so you're giving me responsibility for saving our marriage? Because it was hard, you know, five kids and teenagers and it was hard, you know, both with businesses, were both type A and I'm ex military or former military and he's 14 years older than me. So we're both very set in our ways. But I in loving myself, I started, I started looking at the love languages and I started loving John the way he needed to be loved. And I started, I started it all by making him breakfast. You know, there's a turning point for that, too. I, I know I told you how I was actually doing glutes doing glutes at the gym. And I asked God to release me from my marriage, and he said no. And I was like. I was mad. I'm like, what do you mean, no? And I wasn't mad, but I was like, well, that was very distinct, you know? Okay. Are you.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah. I've said are you kidding me? To God Several times. I started making in breakfast. I started totally giving of myself to this man who he was shocked. It changed everything in him and how he looked at me, but it was me giving of myself making him breakfast. He's a chef, so that's a big deal. Every morning I got up and made him breakfast, and I'd have his coffee for him. And one day he said to me, why are you being so nice to me? And I felt like such a jerk. I'm like, oh, my God, this is so simple. And it was all very simple things, listening to him. And I would listen to him and not argue back, and I would process everything he said before I'd respond. I realized how reactive I was, and it wasn't only because him. I also realized that I had severe abandonment issues because if we ever got into an argument and he walked out, I felt like he was abandoning me. Like, I literally felt abandoned and could not handle it. And then once I released, that was like, oh, my gosh. All he's doing is walking out of an argument. It was nothing. Then I decided he was walking out because he knew I was right. Once I put it that way in my head, it was like, fine, walk out. I know you know I'm right. We started one day, he asked me, he said, I know you love to hike. Do you want to start hiking on Sunday mornings? I have Sunday mornings. And I, like, went out, bought him hiking shoes, I got him everything, and we started hiking together. No phones. And it was just me and him, and we talked, and we'd be out for, like, seven, eight miles in the woods. That really healed us. That really healed a lot. And we became best friends again. That was the coolest thing. That was so cool, becoming best friends again. And we weren't. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I don't. I. I didn't have any of the major issues. I didn't have any addictions. There was no drug addiction, no gambling, no alcohol, nothing. It was just two type A personalities raising a bunch of kids and trying to, you know, stay afloat.

When you are at a point where you can. You face down your own demons, you face down the Things that you were messed up in your head about yourself, you're able to look at him through different eyes. Because when we are trying to exist in a relationship while we're wounded, while we're hurting, while we're afraid, not that it was anything that, you know, your. Your husband ever did, but you were. You had your own fears and related your fears to him, which obviously that wasn't even really the right place for them, that we all do that. That's so natural. Until you do the work to understand who you are and why you are the way you are, it'll be something you always battle. And I remember us talking about the time where, you know, you and John finally had that. That aha. Moment together. And it's like, oh my gosh, here we are. And it's a beautiful thing. And it's been really, really awesome for me to witness that with you and be part of that journey with you.

You have. Big time.

Yeah, it's been awesome. So also, through some of our conversations that we've had, we talk a lot about having healthy boundaries in your life. How has that been helpful? Because I know you have placed some boundaries in your life, and I would love for you to share just how has having those healthy boundaries helped your life and helped you keep on track?

Well, it's really hard to set healthy boundaries because you don't you feel like you're telling people no, and I'm a caretaker. I take care of everybody. I had to realize that I was not helping these relationships by not setting these boundaries. And you actually, you know that you've helped me because you basically said, just do this and say this. And you. When you gave me the words, it took the emotion out of it. You know, you sit back and you process what was said and you're like, okay, this is what I'm going to do and this is where it's going to be. It's actually made make all those relationships stronger, healthier, and easier.

Right.

If that makes sense.

You know, it does make sense. And I know I put that. This is a hard question to answer because it's hard to put into words how having healthy boundaries have helped. Because I think initially, when you're setting healthy boundaries, you feel like you're being insensitive, you're being a jerk. You're not helping someone when they're asking and they need help. Well, sometimes over helping someone is. Is detrimental, is. Is debilitating for them. You're making them rely on you and not allowing them to learn how to do it themselves.

Yes, you are. My mother always called me an enabler. You're an enabler. Stop. You're an enabler. I mean, and I always knew it, but I always. You. Until you do the work. Until I got to where I am with myself and knowing who I am. And these are my boundaries, these are my convictions. This is what I believe. And I. Owning up to who I was and where I was, making mistakes, which is so hard.

It is, yes.

That opens up so much more. Like you become addicted to fixing everything, but you can't fix anybody else. You can fix things in your life, but you have. It is such a balance, isn't it? Oh, my gosh, yes. And I'm like, putting it. I have so many situations going through my head right now where it was so hard, but it's all like, everything's getting so much better in every single relationship. Hard. You know, relatives and family relationships, even extended, you know, is. It's. Everything's getting better and people don't like it. People do not like when you set boundaries, right?

No. Well, and they. It does take people time to understand that the boundaries are for their good. But if you are an A and an enabler, say that five times fast. If that's. You enable out of love, it's not out of malice or trying to be controlling or anything. It's truly out of love for another human being. And just out of the same space of love, when you have a healthy boundary, you're giving them the tools and the mindset and the strength to be able to do some of those things on their own. The things that they are pushing on you are asking you to do for them. You're giving them the space to learn how to grow and do it themselves. That is the biggest gift that you could give someone. So saying no to someone who you have been enabling is really the biggest gift you could possibly give them.

And it's very hard because being that person that's done this with people like, okay, I gotta take care of her. I have to do this. I have to do. That person I'm talking about in particular, she is trying so hard to level up as it is. And I think I was hindering that.

By you trying to help. Help another person level up their life. But you don't allow them to struggle while they're leveling up. You're not helping them, you're hurting them. You're holding them back.

Yeah, it's stretch versus support. You need to help.

Yes. And growing pains. Growing pains are. Are what they are because it is painful to grow. It's painful to level up. It's painful to learn a new way of life. It's painful to get into a health plan. All of that is really hard and difficult. But you can be there for love and support. But to do it for them is really hurting them more than what you realize.

Yes.

And actually it's not unconditional love if you're doing it for them. Unconditional love is when you are allowing them to struggle where you are supporting them while they struggle. You're giving them advice. You are giving them the tools to take care of themselves and to learn a new way of life. That's what's so awesome about it. When you have those boundaries. And you can't have good, healthy boundaries if you don't love yourself.

No, you cannot have healthy boundaries without loving yourself. You can't really, truly love other people until you love yourself also like you love them. But you can't. It's different. It's deeper and it's just different.

And it's unconditional. It's an unconditional love. And I think that that is a big difference. There's no strings attached. There's just pure love, emotional love for another human being. If you are not working with unconditional love, then it's conditional. And when you put conditions on love and feelings, that's when it gets messy. That's when the waters get really, really murky.

And you can have no expectations. You can't have expectations. You can't assume. You never assume you know anything about anything. You always ask the person, you know, is this what you meant? Is this where we're going with this? The. There was. Oh, the boundaries. It said, this all goes together because we're setting boundaries for ourself in our health and wellness and in your spiritual life or your. Your relationships. Your. You start. When you start setting all these boundaries, you start forming not, I want to say it's like forming the new you, but you're. It's kind of forming the new you. It's. You're taking back control of your life and you're putting it together the way you want it to be or writing your story or. That's what all these things mean. You're just. You're taking it where it is and you're making it better.

You're leveling it up and ultimately living the life that you've always wanted. So many people go through. Through life without peace in their heart. And, you know, one of the things that I write More times than not, in my gratitude journal, every day is peace, peace in my home. A peaceful home. A place where you can let all the walls go down and have a peaceful home. That's what's so, so important to me. So in my new program that I'm starting January 3rd, it's called a new you365. It is a full year of support. It's a full year of locking arms with clients and helping them through the physical aspect, the social aspect, the intellectual, career, spiritual, all of the things. Financial aspect. Because it all has to be a balance. And most people, Aaron, don't have the strength that you did to do primarily a lot of this on your own, because a lot of this work you did by yourself. You pulled up your bootstraps and you did it. But I would say the majority of people just would give up after a couple of weeks or a month or whatever and say, I just can't do it.

I really wish I had had the support when I was doing it. I literally, basically cut everybody out of my life to do it. Well, they're back in. Like, I let them back in, but I had to concentrate on me, and I didn't know what I was doing. I. It would have been so much easier to have the sounding board that I now have with you. You know what I mean? Like, it would have been so nice. Is this. Am I doing this right? I mean, you. You and I really, a couple years ago, started talking all the time, and when you were, you know, really coaching me all the time. But I didn't have that for the first three years. I don't think. I don't know that I could have been respectful. I would have been receptive to it, I think, because I remember feeling like, gosh, nobody understands. I don't know who to talk about this because nobody did understand what I was doing. And they kind of made fun of me and they kind of, oh, there's Aaron at the gym again. Oh, this. Oh, that. And I'd be like, you don't understand or try to get me. Don't you want this cheesecake? And I'd be like, you don't understand. They didn't understand what I was doing. They didn't understand that every little piece I had to maintain complete control or I was going to lose it.

And your health was at stake.

Yeah, my health was at stake because I had multiple diabetic episodes that were really bad. And.

And your health is worth fighting for. It's absolutely worth fighting for.

Well, especially when you think I mean, my whole thing was my family. I'm not going to put my kids through what I went through.

Well, let me ask you one more question before we wrap it up. What is your word of the year for 2022?

Too relentless, I think. I mean, that's what it is right now. It's relentless.

Good. I love it. That's a good word for you.

I think so. I think it's a good word.

Awesome. Well, friends, thank you so much for joining Aaron and I today. I hope this inspires you to start. If you don't know where to start, it's okay. It's okay not to know where to start. But start, start moving your body, start exercising, start walking, start doing squats, lunges. Just get started. And we're here to help you. I'm here to lock arms with you for 365 days. I am here for you to help you on this journey. I'll have more information about a new you, 365, coming very soon. In fact, probably later this afternoon. More information or you can reach me via email. Pamela jean.anew life gmail.com Friends, thank you so much for joining me. Make it a great week. Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast. We will see you next time.