BREAK THE CYCLE!

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean.

Hello, my friends. Welcome to this week's episode of A New Life podcast. So, so glad you're here today. Today's topic is a bit of an extension from last week's episode. Last week, I talked about leaving things behind. I posed a question of what do you need to leave behind to advance your life, to have the best year ever? What are the things that are plaguing you? What are the things that are holding you back from chasing your dream, from living your best life? And at the core of it all, what are the things that are keeping you from loving yourself from the inside out? I had gone through 14 different options, ideas, thoughts, because it's not going to be the same for everyone. We all have our own issues. We all are definitely on our own life journey. But I gave you 14 things to think about. It ranged from. One of the tips was between pride and ego. What you needed to let go with pride and ego to help with your insecurities. We also talked about things like letting go of things that you cannot control and coming to the realization that not everybody is going to like you, and that is okay. So now that you have worked on thinking about what those things might be for you, I want to talk to you today about how to start actually putting it into action now that you have identified. That's step number one, actually, is to recognize and identify the thing that you need to let go of. And so let's say we're talking about letting go of. Let me just grab one out of my top of my head. Letting go of things that you cannot control. Even though we try to control things that are happening in life, oftentimes that we are trying to control out of the goodness of our heart, we're trying to control out of love, out of friendship. It really comes from a good place. But to be honest with you and to be honest with yourself, some people don't want you to control their life. You cannot get someone to think the way you think they should think, believe what you think they should believe. There are certain things that are simply not in your control. And you have to let that go because you are hurting yourself, you're hurting other relationships and friendships. It's going to serve absolutely no one. So if that is the thing that you are carrying around that you need to let go of, here is step number one. So you've recognized and identified the thing that you need to leave behind and cut out of your life. What I want you to do, and this is very serious, I want you to say it out loud while looking in the mirror. Look straight in the mirror, look at yourself, make eye contact with yourself, and declare what you need to leave behind. And you just have to say, look, you need to stop trying to control what is not in your control. You need to leave your ego and pride at the door. So it's very powerful when you do this. And it's honestly, it's going to be a little bit awkward and uncomfortable. But let's be truthful here. You don't grow unless you put yourself in an uncomfortable position. And you have the choice, you have the option to keep continuing hanging onto those things that are holding your back, or you can take control and take charge of your life, take charge of you and start making those changes. So step number one, recognize, recognize, identify and declare what you need to leave behind. All right, Step number two is journaling. If you've worked with me at all in the past, you will know that I am a big fan of journaling. And almost everyone that I say, you need to start journaling. Oh, I'm not a good writer. I can't do that. I just don't even know what to say. Say journaling is not about being a good writer. Journaling is about writing down your thoughts. No one has to ever read your journal except for you, unless you choose to allow them. So journal and write about the thing that has plagued you for most of your life. If you are always trying to control situations outside of your ability, there's a reason why you're doing that. And it's important that you take the time to journal about that thing and start thinking about, why do I do that, what happened in my life to make me feel like I had to try to control things that are outside of my control. Because anything that you're holding onto that is holding you back probably happened many, many years ago. Oftentimes these things happen when you were a child. So you have a insecurity. You have something that is just tugging at you, that is embracing you in negativity and control, that is holding you down and holding you back. And one of the very best ways to start to understand it is to start writing about whatever that thing is. Now, if we're talking about pride and ego, that's an easy one. Pride and ego are really stem from insecurity. And if you have a big ego or you are very Very prideful. It's really to cover up your insecurity. So something happened somewhere on your life journey that has put you into a place of specific insecurity. And when you start writing things down, and when I mean write them down, I want you to get specific about the first date that you can remember feeling this way, because I want you to be able to identify what has triggered your dysfunction with pride and ego, or with trying to control things that are not within your ability to control. Once you start writing everything down that you can remember about that event and the emotions and, and who was involved in that chaos, you will begin to start taking the power away from that thing that is holding you back and start putting it back to you where it belongs. And then, my friends, you get to start living the life that you've always hoped for. You get to leave those negative things behind and grow in such an incredible, beautiful way. But you have to take the time to figure out, how did I get here? Where did this happen? When did this happen? Who was involved? Maybe it was, you know, childhood bullying. Maybe it was something that happened with your parents, your mother or your father, or your siblings, or a family member or a friend. Just take the time to figure out where it started. Because if you don't know what it is, you can't heal. You can't move past it, if you can't identify where it's even coming from. Okay, step number three. This is a big one. Now that you know the who, the what, the where, and the why, it's time for you to start tearing down the lies that you have told yourself for your entire life. Tear down the lies of others, of what others have told you as well. You are not your past. You are not what happened to you. You are not what people say you are. Start seriously, logically thinking about all of these elements and understand for the first time a new truth about yourself. If what's plaguing you is insecurity, lack of confidence, lack of self love, you can control that. That is something that is in your control. You can shift and change your mindset on that. And friends, I'm telling you, you are not your past. If someone said that you weren't pretty, you weren't beautiful, you weren't smart, you weren't something, whatever it is, you are not what people say you are. You are what you believe you are. You can change that. My friends, step number four. Now is the time to start retraining your brain and retrain how you think about yourself. After drilling down the who the what, the where, the when, and the why. You've journaled about it. You have read your own words. You have to go through the process of that time in your life that has created you to be the person that you are today. Read those words with empathy and love for yourself that you have never felt before, understanding the truth in that the events and the individuals that have hurt you so much over the years had nothing to do with you. Friends, that had nothing to do with you. The people and the individuals that have hurt you in the past hurt you out of their own insecurities and their dysfunction. And for some reason, we oftentimes look at ourselves first and say, there must be something wrong with me. But friends, when you are mistreated by other people in, it's never about you. When other people hurt you, it's out of their own insecurities and dysfunction. And we have been programmed to immediately think it's something we've done wrong, that there's something wrong with us and that could not be even farther from the truth. You have to retrain your brain and learn to think differently about yourself. Start thinking about things about you with empathy for what you have gone through, for what you have endured, and for who you are. That's part of the process of learning to love yourself and stepping forward into a new light. It's so important that you break this cycle, friends, because if you don't break the cycle, it will repeat. It will continue. It won't stop. And if you're not happy with how your life is right now, if there is something that you wake up every day and it brings you down, your heart is heavy. You're carrying this heavy, heavy load. It's time to break the cycle because it will continue what has been programmed in your brain. You will pass that on to your children, your grandchildren. So if there's something that you are carrying right now, today that you do not want your daughters to deal with, your children, your granddaughters, your grandsons to live with, then, friends, you have to stop this cycle. And that cycle is broken by the four steps I just gave you. Step number one, recognize, identify, and declare the thing that has been holding you back that has been plaguing you in your life. Step number two is journaling, Writing every single detail about the thing that has plagued you for most of your life. Writing it down from your very first memory. That helps you identify what triggers the dysfunction. Where did that dysfunction come from? You will learn that by writing down every memory that you can think of. And here's the thing about that, once you start writing down and opening up that memory vault, you're going to, over time, remember one more detail and another detail and another detail. Oftentimes because it's something that has not been pleasant. You have suppressed it. You have suppressed it and you have just, just patted it way, way down in your memory bank. But as you start bringing that up to the surface, you're going to start remembering more details. That's why you have to keep a journal and keep writing those things down. The event, the emotions and the who that was involved in that chaos and that dysfunctional part of your life. Step number three, Tear down the lies. It is time to tear down the lies of what you have told yourself for your entire life. Tear down the lies of what others have told you. Tear down the lies of what you have believed that other people have said to you and said about you. Very important. Step number four, retrain your brain and learn to think differently about yourself. You now know the who, the what, the where, the when and the why. And you've journaled and you've read the words. You've processed that information from the mindset and the woman that you are today. Now it's time to rethink and break that cycle. You can do it, my friends. You can absolutely learn how to break that cycle down. You don't want this to repeat to future generations. You don't want your daughters to feel what you feel, and your grandchildren and your sons and your. You don't want that. This has to stop. And you can stop it, my friends. You can make this different. And I'll leave you with this today. Here is such a truth. What is not repaired will repeat. I'm going to say that again. What is not repaired will repeat. If there's something in your life that needs repairing, you have to repair it, friends. You have to make yourself a priority to repair what needs repairing. Otherwise it will simply repeat. Thank you my friends, so much for joining me today. If you would like to download a PDF of what I have talked about today, a transcript from today, I will absolutely have that available for you in the comments. If you have any questions, you are more than welcome to reach out to me at my email address. Pamela Jean a new life gmail.com I look forward to hearing from you. Have a great day, friends.

Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast. We will see you next time.

Sam.