Confidence Checklist

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean.

Hello my friends and welcome to this week's episode of A New Life podcast. This is Pamela Jean. Thank you so much for being here today. I want to share with you something that's coming up May 19th. I'm so excited for this, honored and thrilled to be able to share and put on this workshop. So myself and Kim Spence with Tulsa Women's Fellowship have teamed up together to bring to you a social media workshop in Tulsa, Oklahoma on May 19th. This is a in person, obviously in person workshop. Nine to four, all day, hands on. You will bring your computers, you will bring your laptops. Whatever you do your work on, you're going to bring that with you. Only allowing 25 people into this workshop so you have time for that personal training, hands on attention. Everything will be about you that day. Very exciting. This is going to be held at the Oklahoma Joe's Event Center. A great, great meeting space with beautiful atmosphere and yummy food. So it is going to be awesome. Along with an incredible day of social media training. Let me just highlight a little bit. We're going to talk about how to develop your content. A lot of my coaching clients, my business mentors ask me, how do you come up with your content? Like I don't know what to say. How do you figure out what to say? That is a big one. We're going to talk about creating calls to action in your messages, but building your community and get you going on consistency. How do you stay consistent? How do you determine which social media platform is best for your business? It's an awesome workshop. It will change your life, friends, but it is also going to save you time. Time is something that a entrepreneur, a business owner, you just never have enough time, right? Well, if we can create a system for your social media monthly scheduling, would that not be amazing? Well, this workshop is going to do that for you as well. And here's an incredible bonus. Every attendee will get a free 30 minute coaching follow up session with me. You can ask questions, fill in the gaps from the workshop and answer all the questions that you just didn't even know you had during the workshop because afterwards is when you're going to think of more things that you need to ask. So coming up May 19th, go to my website, Pamela jeanneanewlife.com click on social media Workshop and that will give you all of the information as well as the opportunity to sign up. And you can always send me a DM or an email. I'm happy to reach out to you and share whatever I can share. Okay, so let's get started with today's podcast. My topic today, and actually I posted on my Instagram yesterday a confidence checklist. And I was thinking about that, and I really want to dive into this a little bit more. One of my very favorite quotes that a friend shared with me yesterday was this. The more you like yourself, the less you need others, too. Just stop and let that sink in. The more you like yourself, the less you need others to. Wow. You know, simple, but so powerful. So in our confidence checklist, I want to go through a series of bullet points that are going to help you start seeing yourself through different eyes. Seeing yourself through the eyes that are going to help create all the success that you want in life. So first of all, stop hating yourself. Period. Stop it. Self talk absolutely matters. What you say to yourself every single day matters. Speak kindly to you. You know what I'm talking about. You have this imposter syndrome. We all have it from time to time. I'm sure you may be experiencing it right now, but you have those times of doubt where you just don't feel like you can do right. Nobody around you is happy. Somehow this is all of your fault. Stop talking negatively to yourself and stop hating yourself. Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a stranger or that you wouldn't say to your best friend or your children. Speak to yourself as you would want your children to. To speak to themselves. If you're a mother and you have children and you have gone into their rooms and you have wiped the tears away from their face because they are so in such a bad place with how they speak to themselves or what they think they can do, how they think about themselves. Pretend you're that child. Pretend you are that child. Speak to yourself as you would want your children to speak to them. Let that sink in. Because I think it's really important that you understand that what you think and what you allow yourself to say to yourself affects your emotions. It affects your emotional state. And out of your emotions, oftentimes that's where you make your decisions. So if you're living in a space that is not emotionally healthy because of the negative things that you're thinking, how do you think your choices are going to come? What kind of choices do you think you're going to make? So what you think affects how you feel, which is your emotions. And your emotions oftentimes are where your decisions come from. So keeping yourself thinking properly, thinking healthy thoughts allows your emotions to feel healthy emotions. Therefore you're going to make healthy, good decisions. So that's point number one. Point number two, stop looking outside of yourself for validation. No one can tell you what your value is except for you. You need to know your own worth in order to teach people that you allow in your life to know how you expect to be treated. This happens so much with teenagers and when you were children and when you were younger. And this is childhood behavior that you take with you into your adult life. And it's obviously a very dysfunctional way of making decisions in how you see yourself. So stop and think about this when you were, say, in high school, and I'm thinking about it right now because it's prom time. How you were invited to prom or who you went to prom with sometimes had a bigger impact in your self worth than how you even felt about you that you had to have this certain dress. Because if I didn't have this dress, I wouldn't look a certain way. Therefore I wouldn't be looked at by my peers in a certain way. But if you are looking for validation only from the inside, none of those exterior things would matter. Childhood experience, childhood development and decision making and emotional feelings are oftentimes the same thing that help you make your decisions as an adult. So you have to let go of the childhood influences and see yourself as the adult that you are and stop looking for validation from the men in your life, the men that you work with, the women that you work with. Your worth depends on how you feel about you. If you keep looking for affirmation from other people, you will never live fulfilled. You will always struggle with your worth. You need to validate you. And if you are raising teenage daughters right now, if you can teach that to them, that is so valuable, it is like gold. Because I think as young people, it's so hard to be an adolescent. It's so hard to be a teenager. I mean, I would never, I'd rather poke my eye out than go back to being a teenager or living that time frame between 16 and 21. It's such a hard time in life, at least it was for me. But you look outside of yourself for validation because you don't know how to validate yourself. You're so insecure about yourself, you're looking for other people to tell you that you're good, to tell you that you're worthy, to tell you that you're pretty. You don't need that. You have to feel that from you. You are the only person that can validate your self worth. The next point is creating a self plan that will set you up for success. Schedule time for yourself. In the busyness of life, it is so easy to put you on the back burner. In fact, I remember times in my life where I wasn't even on a burner. I wasn't even on my own radar because I was so busy trying to fulfill the needs of everyone else. While doing that, I ran myself absolutely ragged into the ground to where I had nothing left to give. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill your cup first so you can fill the cup of needs of others. And that's hard to do. I think women, we try to be this, this Wonder Woman, the superwoman type that doesn't need help, that can do everything, that can juggle all the balls, keep everything up in the air. But in reality, we are sacrificing ourselves in doing that. It's not selfish to set yourself up for success by allowing some self care. Make an appointment with yourself. Self care is really a roadmap to reaching your goals. If you don't care for yourself and take time for yourself and nurture yourself and make sure you're healthy not only physically, but mentally and spiritually, you will not reach the goals you have set for your life. You cannot be a high achiever if you're not taking good care of yourself. And it is again, it is not selfish for you to put yourself on the calendar to make an appointment with you to take care of you. Ask yourself this question. Why am I not reaching my goals? Why do I feel like I'm spinning my wheels? What can I do to set myself up for success and have the life and the life and the success that I've always dreamt of? So when you ask yourself why you're not reaching your goals, you might come up with an answer like I just don't have time. Well, who's responsible for your time? You are. You are responsible for your time. No one else can dictate your time except for you. So if you're not reaching your goals and you're using time as your excuse, then I want you to assess what you're doing with your time and create a self care plan that will set you up for success. You can do it, my friends. I promise you. You can do it. My next confidence checklist point is get ready every day, regardless of what is on your calendar. If you are a business owner or an entrepreneur, this is an absolute must. If you are ready and feel good about yourself, your productivity is going to go through the roof. Have you ever put on an outfit one day and it just made you feel bleh? You looked in the mirror and you're like, okay, I bought this. I loved it at the time, but it makes me look frumpy. I don't feel good in it. You take it off because you feel awful. It has a. Mentally, it is not healthy for you. So you take off the outfit, Then you put something on that makes you feel really good about yourself. What does your productivity look like? What is your confidence level? You're going to feel so much better. So getting ready every day, and I mean the hair, the makeup, the shoes, everything. Even if you are a business owner and you don't have one thing on your calendar that day, or an entrepreneur who works from home and you don't have anything scheduled that day, getting yourself ready is imperative. It's better to be ready for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be ready. Have you ever had that happen? The day where you thought, well, I'm just going to work at my desk at home. I'm not going to get ready because I don't have anyone on my calendar. And then the phone call comes in. The contact that you've been hoping for, the person you've been trying to get a meeting with, they finally have time to meet with you, but it's in an hour. I can meet with you in one hour. Can you be there? Well, you look in the mirror and you're still in your jammies, you're still working in your pajama pants and you're wearing your slippers. Do you understand the opportunity that you have just missed by not being ready? So it's better to have an opportunity and to be ready for an opportunity and not have one than to have an opportunity and not be ready. Be disciplined. Get your morning routine mapped out and planned and follow it. Be ready. And if you work for a company, the same principle applies. Let's say there is a job opening that would level up your position within the company that you work. And you think, one day, well, I don't have any appointments today and probably not going to see anybody, and you're just not on your A game. You maybe didn't put all your makeup on, you didn't really do your hair. You just showed up. But that's the day HR gives you the phone call and wants you to come down for an interview. They want you to meet with the CEO to see if you are ready for that leveled up position in the company that you work for. Friends, you have to be ready. Always be ready and on your toes and anticipate the next big thing that's going to happen in your life. The next big opportunity, it's right there. It's coming your way. But if you're not ready, you're going to miss the opportunity. And if you need help establishing a morning routine and that mindset of being ready at all times, reach out to me. I am happy to have a conversation with you about setting yourself up for success. It's so, so very important. My next point is surround yourself with positive people. One of my very, very favorite quotes, and I heard this years ago, and I actually just heard it in church yesterday, is show me your friends and I will show you your future. Wow. So if you hang out with friends and who are not success driven, don't care about leveling up that make bad choices, what do you think your future will look like? Doesn't that hit home? It really does me. If you're a parent, what guidelines and rules do you have for your children when it comes to their friends? When my kids were growing up, there were certain children that we never excluded anyone, but I definitely had boundaries. For instance, this child is always welcome at our house, but I am not comfortable with you going to their house simply because the influences that were around that child definitely were apparent through their own behavior. And in my home, I could control or monitor what that behavior was. When my kids were not with me, I had no idea what they were being impacted with and influenced with. So what guidelines and rules do you have for your children? If there's a known group of kids that do drugs in school, well, do you want your kids hanging out with them? Probably not. I would hope not. If as an adult, you have a group of friends that participate in drugs and too much partying and don't go to work on time and have bad ethics and bad morals, what do you think is going to happen to you? And you might say, well, they're my friends and I don't do the same things they do. Let's just be honest. It's only a matter of time before you do. You might have a standard that is appropriate for you, but if you hang out with people whose standards are much lower than yours, whose moral compasses are lower than yours or different than yours, you're going to turn out just like them. It is just A matter of time. So if you have rigid rules for your children on who they surround themselves with, why don't you have the same rules for yourself? Take an inventory of the five people you spend the most time with. This will be outside of your immediate family. Who are they? How much time do you spend with them? Are they successful? Do they enrich your life? Do they make you want to be a better person? Do they inspire you? If the people in your life don't make you want to improve your life and be your best at all times, you really need to reconsider that relationship and that friendship and you need to weed out the negativity. This is a must. Birds of a feather flock together. That's another one of those quotes. You would never allow your children to be badly influenced. Set the same standard for yourself. It's so important that you do that. We have all had negative people in our lives. We've all had negative people. And sometimes it's someone that you work with every day and you don't have a choice. You're not self employed, so you can't fire that person who's negative. But you can put some boundaries around how much time you spend with them and how much influence you allow them to have in your life. You must get rid of the people that drain you. You might have that person in your life that absolutely drains you that are so negative that you dread the phone call. When you see the phone ring and so and so's name pops up and you're like, oh, I don't even want to answer this. If that's ever your first thought, then maybe, just maybe they shouldn't be in your life. Or at least not that much. They need to be a limited or at least limit your exposure to them. Very, very important to net to eliminate the negative people in your life. My last point that I'm going to talk about today in your confidence checklist is to create a self care strategy that addresses your insecurities that's a little bit different than just a general self care strategy. And I'll explain. I want you to get out your journal and write down the things that you are insecure about. If we are honest, every single one of us have insecurities. Maybe your insecurity is your weight. You don't like how you look. You've gained 10 pounds, 15 pounds, 20 pounds, whatever. It's your weight. You're just not happy with your weight. Is it how your dress, how you dress, your fashion sense, your clothes? You just don't feel secure and confident and what you wear. Maybe you don't feel smart enough that you just don't feel smart enough at work or in your job or in your profession. Maybe you're insecure about your ability to be a leader. You have a leadership position but yet you have insecurities about yourself as a leader. What is it for you? What are your insecurities? Maybe you're insecure in your relationship. You have a fear and insecurity that the person you love doesn't love you the same or they are being dishonest, they're not being faithful. What is your insecurity? What are you insecure about? Take some time. Be honest with yourself. Don't lie to yourself about your insecurities and write them down in your journal. Just number them and write them down. Talk about your insecurities. The more that you talk about them. Say them out loud. Talk about them with a safe friend, with that true friend who is not going to use your insecurity against you because there are people in your life that will take advantage of you because of your insecurities. So you have to be careful with who you share your insecurities with. But say them out loud. Talk about them. The more you talk about them and say them out loud, the less power the insecurity will have over you. It's like your insecurity is keeping it a big secret. And when you keep a secret about how you feel about yourself, it's like running a marathon with your arms tied behind your back. It impairs you. It has power over you. It holds you back. And when you create a plan regarding your insecurity you will take your power back. And let me give an example. Let's say it is your weight that your insecurity is your weight. Then friends, find a health care plan and do something about it. Don't let it take power over you. Don't let it take control over you. Create a plan to work on that insecurity. Create that health, that self care strategy to take care of your health, to eliminate your weight. Find out your why. Why do you want to lose weight? Is it because you're a busy mom and you just cannot move to run after your K? Your weight is keeping you from playing on the playground with your children, from having fun, from going hiking, from going for walks, for doing all the things that the people around you love? Is that what it is? Find your why. First of all I want to lose weight because I want to be able to crawl on the floor after my children. I want to be able to take them hiking and go for bike rides. I want to lose weight so I can be healthy. Friends, if we don't make intentional choices about our health, our bodies are not going to get any better. We have to make intentional choices about our health and our weight. So what is your insecurity? And create a self care strategy that addresses that insecurity. Friends, you can do this. You can do these hard things. And I'm going to go back to that original quote of what I think about myself is more important than what anyone else thinks about me. I need to like me. No one else has to like me. I need to like me. And when you love yourself at a level that is healthy and just so healthy, friends, you will not need other people to like you. You will set an invisible boundary around yourself, which is so amazing because you're going to repel the people that don't belong in your life and you're going to attract the people that do. Friends, I want to thank you for joining me today. It is the first Monday in May. I can't believe we're in the fifth month of the year. Friends, my good, how time is flying by. I hope that you can look at today as a reset button for a new month. Have you fallen off of some of your your goals for 2021? Pick that goal sheet back up that you wrote January 1st. Pick those goals back up, look at them again, hit the reset button and get after those goals. Go after it. Go for it. You can do hard things. I believe in you and I know you can do hard things. So hit the reset button today. It is the first Monday of May. I hope you all have an amazing week. I cannot wait to talk to you again next week. Take good care, friends, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye.

Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast. We will see you next time.

Sam.