Red Flag Warning Signs of Toxic Relationships Ep 6 ANL Podcast with Pamela Jean

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean. Today we are going to take a deep dive into red flag warning signs as to whether or not you're in a toxic relationship. Now, oftentimes when you've been in a toxic relationship, you don't really know it's even toxic until it's too late. Oftentimes, it's after the relationship ends or is over that you're even able to see some of those red flags. You stop and you think and you wonder, now, how did I not see this? How did I not know those red flags are so bright and shining? How is it that you didn't even see them when you're in the relationship? Now, let me talk a little bit about what I mean by toxic relationship. Now, this doesn't pigeonhole being someone you're married to or a spouse or someone you're dating. Toxic relationships come in all kinds of different forms. It can be obviously a spouse or someone you're dating, but it can also be a toxic friendship. It can be an employer, it can be your boss, it can be a sibling, it can be a family member. So I don't want you to think automatically that it has to be about a marriage or about someone you're dating. It can be really any type of relationship that you might encounter. So I've done a lot of research and gained a lot of knowledge regarding toxic relationships and narcissism. These are some of the red flag warnings that I want you to think about. If there's just something happening in your relationship, but you can't put your finger on it, you know there's something not right and you're just not sure what it is, perhaps one of these red flag warning signs will help you define that for yourself. So let's go ahead and get started. Red flag number one is self betrayal. If you find yourself in a relationship and you see that there have been some noticeable changes in your behavior, that you are going against your value system or against your moral compass, you're negatively influenced by this individual. That's a very, very good sign that you're in a toxic situation. We can use this example as parents. You know, if one of your teenagers starts hanging around with the kid or the boy or the girl that doesn't have any rules or boundaries at home, your kid, your child, wants to emulate some of that same behavior. Even though you know that your Child knows better. They know the rules. They still are being influenced by that new friendship or that new relationship. So if you're in a date dating situation and it would go against your character, against your moral compass to, you know, stay out till 2, 3, 4 o' clock in the morning and party too much and drink too much and overindulge, that's something that you don't normally ever do. But now that you're in a relationship with this person is something that you do all the time. And often that's, that's another good sign that you might be in a toxic relationship, that this situation is not at your best in your best interest. So that's number one, self betrayal. Number two is feeling unworthy. And let me explain that a little bit. The relationship leaves you feeling like you are undeserving, that you are settling for less than you deserve. That means that you allow things to happen in your life that you wouldn't normally allow. And afterwards you kick yourself saying, why did I let that happen? Why was I okay with that? Why did I let that person take advantage of me? So feeling unworthy is another red flag that I want you to be aware of. The next one we're going to talk about is dishonesty. That the person you're with now, this could be a friendship. Again, I want to go back to that because I think it's important that you don't pigeonhole narcissism or toxic relationships because this can be, as I said earlier, coming from friends, family, co workers, employers, bosses. It comes at us from all different directions. So I definitely want you to keep that in mind. So number three is dishonesty that you're constantly being told untruths big and small, that there are multiple white lies being told that just kind of keeps you on your toes a little bit or puts you back on your heels that you're thinking, well, okay, wait a minute, I didn't think that's how it was. But okay. It could be little things like, you know, your, your best says, or the person you think is your best friend says something like, well, I can't go to the mall with you today because I actually have to work. Well, then you find out through social media or from another friend that she didn't indeed have to work, she actually went to the lake. Well, why would they not be honest with you about, oh, hey, I can't go with you to the mall because I already have plans to go to the lake with somebody else. So you're gonna find that a Person who is toxic or narcissistic will just tell little lies, little white lies, little untruths throughout your relationship. The next red flag is envy. When you're in a relationship, when the other person is always one upping you. Have you ever been there before where, you know, let's say that you just made a huge accomplishment at work a huge accomplishment, and you're so excited and you're telling them that, oh, look what happened to me today. I received this award for accomplishing something really, really special. But then the person you're with or the person you're sharing that with comes back with, oh, yeah, well, when in my job, I did something even better than that. Or they're just always one upping you that whatever you've accomplished is just never quite as good as what they've already accomplished. Or if you're telling a friend about something one of your kids accomplished that you know, my daughter got on the honor roll. I'm so proud of her for being on the honor roll. Oh, yeah, well, mine got on the athletic honor roll for the year. So they're always one upping you that their kids are better or they are better or something that they've accomplished is better than anything that you've ever accomplished before. That person is filled with envy and doesn't allow you to celebrate the wins in your life. In fact, they minimize your wins. And oftentimes the reason they minimize those wins is so they can feel better about themselves. It's never about taking from you. It's always trying to build themselves up. Number five, if you find that in your relationship or friendship that you are always apologizing for something, that anytime something goes wrong, that you're apologizing, that somehow everything is your fault, when that person comes to the door and they're in a bad mood, they've had a bad day at work, somehow you automatically go to I'm so sorry, like it's your fault that they had a bad day or it's your fault that something went wrong, that you are always the one taking the responsibility for everything that's gone wrong in that person's life. Number six, blaming toxic people blame others and are completely unable to own their part in any conflict. I know you, you there for this situation, and this is a tough one to deal with sometimes because a toxic person will never take responsibility. Someone you're with or a friend will come to you and say, well, I quit my job, or I lost my job. I quit my job. Well, I had to quit because that boss was such a jerk. They were. They just. I could never make them happy. They were such a jerk. They're not taking responsibility for being unhappy in their position or at their job. And the reason they're not happy, or maybe the reason the boss is a jerk is simply because they're late for work all of the time. They lost their job because they're late for work. Or even your kids can be a little bit toxic and not take responsibility for their own actions and say, I didn't get a good grade in that class because that teacher is mean. That teacher never liked me. Well, in fact, the reason they didn't get a good grade is because they didn't turn their homework in. They're not willing to take responsibility for their own actions. They're not willing to take responsibility for why things are happening in their life the way that those things are happening. All right, red flag number seven. Now we're kind of blazing through these. Honestly, I could talk on this topic for probably about two hours straight. There's so much information about toxic relationships and it's really, really important that you at least kind of scratch the surface here. Number seven is passive aggressive behavior. So it's like this person that you're with will make little verbal jabs towards you to get their way. They say these little things that hurt your feelings that are like, why would you even say that to me? That's borderline just being cruel. That's just being cruel. It's part of how they manipulate you. They're passive and they're aggressive. So they're passive and in how things don't really bother them or get to them. And then all of a sudden they're aggressive with a nasty comment about something you've done or something you've said that just didn't quite sit well with them. But they have a very passive aggressive behavior. Criticism. Criticism is number eight. They constantly criticize other people and never have anything nice to say about others. Now I find people like that just completely suck every bit of energy out of me. Listening to them comment about, you know, every person that walks by or did you hear about so and so, they got a brand new car and they think they're this or so and so just got a new, new job, they got a promotion and. And now I bet they're going to go around and buying all of these new things. They're criticizing other people and have nothing good to say about them. Instead of being able to look at another individual and say, wow, they got a promotion. How awesome for them. That is so exciting. I'm so happy for them. They are criticizing other people and they cannot see the joy in other people's lives. And the reason for that is because a narcissistic, toxic person really can't even see the joy in their own life. They have no joy in their own life. They are not happy whatsoever with themselves. Therefore, they will criticize other people to the nth degree. I have a hard time being around people like that. And I know you can identify someone in your world that's like that. They're never happy about anything. They criticize others constantly, and they just have a hard time being happy for anyone else because they are so miserable in their own world. I know you know that person in your life. And quite honestly, that's the kind of person that you do need to consider eliminating for your life, or at least setting some good, healthy boundaries around that person. Number nine is you have someone in your life that is manipulative. I'm pretty sure we all can look back at our life. Or you currently have this person in your world and you know that you've been manipulated. And a toxic person will manipulate you in order to get what they want. And that is pretty frustrating. And sometimes when you're with a master manipulator, you don't even know that you've been manipulated until it's too late. And that's when it's really, really frustrating because you kick yourself and say, gosh, I know better than that. How did I let that happen? Well, toxic people, people that have a narcissistic tendency, they are master manipulators. They know exactly what they're doing. It's kind of one of those situations when you're with someone who you're more concerned about them getting to work on time on Monday morning than they are. So you're up late doing their la, taking care of everything, getting everything done while they're out with their friends or they're off at the golf course, you're taking care of everything so they can get to work on time on Monday. But they are the ones who are out having a good time, and they manipulate you into taking on their responsibilities and have a way of turning things around and making you feel responsible for their success. So manipulation is a really, really strong red flag for a narcissistic or a toxic relationship. And the last one I'm going to talk about is the person that is absolutely never, never happy. They're unable to enjoy anything in life. They're never happy to be around. They're always complaining. They are met with cynicism and jealousy. If someone else has a success, they're not able to celebrate with that person. They're just never happy. You know, you've been around that person where they just suck the life out of you that you're sitting and trying to have a good time, but they're so negative and they might have had something great happen and you compliment them on it, but they have nothing good to say, that they're just really, really unhappy people. These are some. So there's 10 different red flags. There's many, many more, honestly that we could go through today. But I want you to think about all of those red flags and I'm just going to recap them a little bit. We've got self betrayal, feeling of unworthiness, dishonesty and lying in the relationship envy where the person you're with is envious of you. The person they are supposed to care for. You are constantly apologizing. You're always apologizing for whatever seems to happen or go wrong in your relationship. Blaming the person is blaming you and other people for where they are in their life. They cannot take responsibility. Passive aggressive behavior, criticism, they are always criticizing other people. They are master manipulators and they are never happy. So we all have been in those situations. And if it's a parent or a sibling, my suggestion for you there, honestly, because you can't delete your family, I guess you could delete your family from your life. And I know that there are times where you have to do that. But for the most part, if it's a parent or a family member or a sibling, brother or sister, you may have to just set some really, really specific boundaries around that relationship. And that would fall in line with if the narcissistic or toxic person in your life is an employer or your boss or a co worker, you know, you can always go try to find another job, you can leave that situation, but that's easier said than done sometimes. So sometimes you do have to learn coping skills and coping mechanisms to be able to be around that toxic person and not get sucked into that, into that crazy dark world of narcissism and of a toxic relationship. So, and I and you're going to hear a common theme as we work through these life coaching podcasts because how having good, healthy boundaries in your life are so incredibly important. I can't stress that enough. And if it's obviously if it's a girlfriend or someone at school or like that, you can delete that person from your life, you can just simply eliminate them from your world. And if it's a narcissistic person, absolutely 1000%, you run for the hills and end that relationship because that is form of abuse that will never ever, ever get better. You have to eliminate yourself from a narcissistic situation. But if it's a toxic relationship where you can control and you can get out of, you must do that or establish some good healthy boundaries. Have it well defined on what you are willing and not willing to tolerate and have as being a part of your life. You get to decide who is in your life. That's your choice. No one else gets to choose who is part of your life and the role that they play. So again, good healthy boundaries, knowing who you want to allow and who you are not willing to allow in your life are so, so incredibly important. Now, if you would like a copy of the 10 red flags that I discussed today with some descriptions behind each of them, feel free to send me an email. And my email address is Pamela Jean a new lifegmail.com again, Pamela Jean. A new lifegmail.com and I would be happy to send you a copy of the 10 warning signs that you're in a narcissistic relationship or a toxic relationship. I'd be happy to send that to you if you would like a copy. So thank you all so much for joining me. Make this a great day. Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast. We will see you next time.