Special Guest Nikki Harrison - Menopause, Men and Mindset

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean. Hello my friends and welcome to this week's episode of A New Life podcast. This is Pamela Jean. I am so excited to have you here, here with me today. I have a very, very special guest. I'm excited for you to meet her. You are not going to forget this woman once you get to know her through this podcast. She is amazing. My guest today is Nikki Harrison. Nikki is from Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada. She is a fine art, photographic educator, realtor, mortgage professional and and an incredible person all around. I had the pleasure of meeting Nikki about six years ago and it is not a stretch for me to say that she literally changed my life. I can't wait for you to get to know her better. Today we're going to talk about menopause, men and mindset. And that fits right in with Nikki and our friendship as it's grown over the years. For Nikki, menopause hit early at 45 due to a hysterectomy at 29. Been suffering ever since. And if you are someone who is suffering, you know exactly what I mean when I say that Covid brought a 30 pound weight gain in 5 months and took almost 10 months to finally lose it all. Learned how to weigh the waters of weight loss, hypothyroidism, fatty liver disease, severe back pain, so many things. Her search for answers finally led her to learn about nutrition, intermittent fasting, a strength training where the tools she needed for specific and challenging time in a woman's life. And if you are not already going through menopause, I just have to tell you, you're going to eventually it will come. You will not be exempt from this as a woman. So it's important for you to learn what you don't know. And I'm excited for for all of you to learn from Nikki today. So Nikki, welcome to A New Life podcast. I'm so excited to have you here.

It is so good to be here with you, Pamela. Like, I just love you so much and I'm so impressed with what you're doing with your podcast and for women and everything else. So I'm just really happy to be here.

Well, Nikki, when I say you changed my life six years ago, it is not an exaggeration at all. And we'll get into that as we go through our our outline today for our interview. And I'm just so excited So I want to dive right in to the menopause portion here. You know, share with our audience your menopause journey. And what do women need to know that they don't know? And I think, you know, one of the things for all of us to keep in mind is my menopause journey is different than Nikki's. And yours, listeners, yours is going to be different as well. But there's so many things that are different, but yet they're all connected and they are kind of the same. So if you know what you don't know, that's just going to help you prepare.

Exactly. I think every single female human being will have an entirely different menopause experience than the next. And the struggle with it is to find out what you can do that works for you personally, because I think that what worked for me won't always work for every single woman. So it's, you know, it's an education, a self education kind of journey, and you really need to find out what works for you.

I couldn't agree more about that. So you had to have a hysterectomy at 29. That's so young. Can we start there, Nikki? And I mean, take us a kind of a leap from 29 from the hysterectomy and how that affected you and then the menopause symptoms that started happening at age 45.

So I had a hysterectomy at 29 because I had a cesarean and I had what is called placenta accreta. And for anyone who's in the medical field or who is familiar with that type of scenario, you will know that it's got like a 90% fatality rate. So I'm quite lucky to be here. I actually got my tubes tied prior to the hysterectomy, and so I was already ready not to have any more kids. So the hysterectomy situation that occurred due to the massive bleeding was okay. Like, I was okay with that part because I was finished with having kids. They did leave my ovaries in. So the onset of the hormone deficiency really didn't occur until probably my 40th year. And at that point I was deficient in progesterone. So that was a relatively easy fix. My doctor just prescribed me one pill that I took every night, and it alleviated the symptoms I was having at that time. Now, those symptoms were drastic mood changes, you know, severely depressed and just unstable mentally. It was very concerning. And so I took the progesterone along with another natural supplement called estrosense. By a company called Women Sense. And that completely changed my life. And at that point I realized, oh, my goodness, like, I really have to watch this because things can change quickly.

Well, and I think anyone who knows you, Nikki, knows that you are not a moody person naturally. That is not who you are. You are not one that has those, those deep dark lows. You are, you are about as even of a person that emotionally that I've ever met. You're very even keeled. You keep your mood, emotions are in check all the time. That's, that's very normal for you. So how did everything progress from that moment? The next thing I want us to go into is talking about the weight gain that comes with menopause. You know, I just have to say this because, you know, women, it is just, it's hard to be female. It really is because we, we have, you know, we were talking on the phone the other day and it was just so funny because, you know, men have like two emotions. One, two. That's it. That's all they have. We have all of them. We have so much more to process and deal with and manage and which obviously women are incredible multitaskers. There's a reason why women primarily rear the children because we can handle it with all of our emotions. And I'm not knocking men, don't get me wrong, but we just process things differently. And there's such a big need for women in this world for so many reasons. Reasons. We fill in so many gaps in the workforce, in the home life, in. In just all the areas women are so important. But I want to talk about the weight gain because every woman going through menopause, it's the weight gain that's a killer. It's like you wake up one day and your metabolism is gone forever. So I want to talk about the three months to gain the weight, seven months to lose the weight. How the COVID lockdown really, really was, was critical in your weight gain. Let's talk about that a little bit.

Okay. Initially though, like back in my 40s, I noticed, and I'm sure a lot of women will notice this, but I noticed a drastic change in shape. It was even prior to any weight gain, I noticed a thickening of my waist. I had always had this really, really tiny little hourglass figure, little waist. You know, it was very hourglass. And so the thickening of the waist was the first thing that I noticed. So my subsequent weight gain in 2020, it just amplified that exact change. So, you know, it was like my butt Got smaller and it just moved into the front.

Which we can laugh about that now. But I can relate. I can identify that with you, Nikki, because I remember the middle section just all of a sud sudden being really thick and there was no. I mean, it was like a straight line, like almost barrel shaped. And I had never been shaped like that before. And also more pudginess, like through my upper back that I had never had before. You know, when you put on, you know, your sports bra or your regular bra and you're starting to see overlap, it's like, oh my gosh, I've never had that before.

Yes. It's like your entire body, it changes and the fat gets distributed in bizarre places where you're like, what the heck? Like, for me, it was my arms and my upper arms all of a sudden were holding all this excess weight, which I had always had super lean, muscular arms. And I think that's. That begins the emotional side of menopause as well. Because you're no longer recognizing who you are in the mirror, right? Mm. So.

And for many women, they've never recognized who's in the mirror. They've never embraced who's in the mirror. And then you add menopause to that and then you're like, there's no hope. For me, I think it can be a really, really hopeless time when most women, not all, but a lot of women, they don't like what they look like physically. And they never have. I mean, never have. Even as a teenager, you know, as a teenager, you might have been a size 2 or a 4. And you look back at that memory, and as a two or four, you thought you were fat, you thought you were huge. Well, now as a 40, 50 year old woman, and these things are happening completely out of your control. It's distressing.

Oh, it's very, very distressing. And it adds to the pain of everything you go through. So, you know, not. Are you gaining weight at. You know, for me, it was excessively fast. Like I'm telling you, from January 2020 to, I believe it was May, I had put on 30 plus pounds and I did not recognize myself. But, you know, the physical pain that comes along with that too is, is stunning to me, because if I was only 30 pounds overweight, I just can't imagine what someone who might be 50, 60, 70 pounds overweight would. So for me, what came with that 30 plus pound weight gain was all kinds of physical changes that I couldn't understand. Like I had been diagnosed with really bad reflux and I Couldn't eat very much, that wouldn't cause me pain. So I ended up getting a ultrasound done because they thought, well, perhaps it's her gallbladder. And so during that, that ultrasound, they discovered that I had fatty liver. Now I can say with a surety that anybody who has a large stomach does have fatty liver. It's one of the most common conditions in North America. And it's not, it's called non alcoholic fatty liver. So it's definitely a visceral fat problem that comes with a very poor diet.

Right, Gotcha.

Yeah. So with that I just, I knew that there was, I had to find a way to fix everything that was happening to me. And with that, it just led me down, you know, a rabbit hole of nutrition and fitness and, and how I could figure out something to work for me.

Wow, that's, that's awesome. So one thing that, that you shared with me that we both laughed about is the back. You had back problems. Your back was starting to hurt and ache and couldn't sleep at night. And I think you blamed your mattress.

Well, I was, I was trying to find all of the solutions that didn't point back at me, right, like, oh, it's got to be my mattress. Let's throw away our two thousand dollar mattress and buy another one that'll fix me.

No, the reason I wanted you to share that part of our conversation and, and we both laughed about that because the hardest thing, I think for women is to look in the mirror and be truthful with ourselves and look at yourself and say, okay, look, it's not the mattress, it's the £30, it's the £50. Whatever it is for you, it's the hardest thing to admit that you might be the problem. And some of the problem is in your control. Okay, so menopause, that's not in your control, that just naturally happens. But how you respond to menopause is in your control. You can't sit back and say, well, I'm into my 50s, I don't have to care anymore. I'm just going to eat whatever, feel whatever. And like you said, you just think about it and the weight piles on. You don't even have to increase how much you eat. That isn't even what it is. You just compound. Wait, you have to act, you have to find a solution for you. And again, you mentioned this earlier, Nikki. The solution for me is different than the solution for you and it will be for our listeners. So what was the solution for you? How did you find the health plan? That worked for you.

So I really knew, and I've always known because like you, we're both very fit women. We, we working out has always been a part of our life. And I think when you're young, as long as you're physically active and you eat quite decently, you're going to have a relatively healthy weight, you're going to be in good physical condition. Menopause changes all of that. So with menopause, I discovered that 80% of my issue was not physical activity, it was my diet. So I needed to research and find out what could possibly work for me. So I, I discovered the Carnivore diet. So I tried the Carnivore diet and what that is is it's, it's a diet where all you eat is protein. So, you know, that can be eggs, butter, and actual muscle meat. They do suggest eating organ meat as well, but I'm just not that girl. I just couldn't do it. I've never liked liver. My mom tried to trick me and it never worked.

I am, am in the same camp as you there. Yeah.

So I, I just couldn't do it. So I tried the Carnivore diet for approximately three weeks. And I can honestly tell you that I have never in my entire life felt as good as I did when I ate strictly protein. My mental clarity came back with Aurora. Actually didn't even know that it was gone until it came back.

Saw a vast difference mentally.

Oh, my goodness, like night and day. My motivation, my creativity, my clarity, everything was just so amazing. However, the one thing that I did notice was that I wasn't actually losing weight. I was losing inches, which was fine, but I needed to lose weight. Like that was my goal. So I decided, okay, I love how I feel on Carnivore, but instead of eating all this fatty meat and you know, once you hit a maintenance part of your nutrition journey, you will discover that fatty meat is mandatory. You need it, it sustains you, it's nutritious. But at this point I knew, okay, I'm going to cut back on the fatty meat, eat lean meat. So I would eat only chicken breasts and like a lean pork and I added vegetables back in. So I did that. And I also did that for probably about three weeks and it slowly started to come off. And keep in mind that I was doing cardio and muscle strength training five days a week as well. So, you know, it was very frustrating for me because this is probably four months into my journey now and I had lost approximately three pounds. And you Know, I just kept telling my husband, I was like, my goodness, like if I was 45 doing this right now, I would have lost at least half the weight, at least, maybe all of it by this point. So it's, it's very hard to stay confident and motivated when you don't see the results. Right, right.

And the non scale victories, the non scale victories are really, really hard to identify and they're hard to embrace because the scale has been such a value as young people growing up as women. How much do you weigh? How much do you weigh? That's. What does the scale tell you? What is. We put so much, forgive the pun, weight in what the scale tells you that the non scale victories are really, really hard to see. But on the flip side of that, the extra weight that your body carries around is hurting the joints, it's hurting the back, it's hurting everything about you. So finding that balance between weight and inches is really important.

It is. And I did measure myself every single week because my main priority was getting rid of that very sick stomach because that was my fatty liver and that was the part of me that just wouldn't budge. Like I was at a. I think I was at a 37 inch waist, which is ridiculous considering that I was always a 26 to 28 inch waist. So what I decided to do is I started, you know, following a lot of the intermittent fasting podcasts and YouTube videos, and I thought, okay, instead of doing the intermittent fasting of, you know, 16 hours fasting, whatever, I decided to just go strictly one meal a day. Now, I know a lot of people struggle with that idea. They think it's going to be super difficult, but I can assure anyone out there who decides to try this is that after one day, your body settles in. And here's the reason why you are triggered. Let's say that you're a breakfast person. I've never been a breakfast person. But if you are, your body is programmed to release the hormone that causes you to be hungry at that time because it's used to receiving food at that time. So once you start programming your body, no, I'm only going to eat at 4pm every day, believe it or not. It will still produce that hormone at, let's say, breakfast or lunch, when you're normally accustomed to eating. But it will actually dissipate. It'll. It'll be a little dose and once your body goes, oh, I guess I'm not getting food, it'll go away right away. And so it's actually quite easy to only eat once a day. And so I decided that's what I was going to do. I would have steamed vegetables and protein. And within probably three months, I lost 30 pounds.

Oh, gosh. And how did you feel?

I felt amazing. I have no more back pain. Zero back pain.

I was just going to ask you about the back pain.

Yeah, I have absolutely no back pain. I think that now that I have finally reached my final goal weight, and I reached it probably at the end of March, beginning of April of 2021, and I've managed to maintain, without fail, zero issues with my weight now. But here's the thing, is that I'm still relatively eating one meal a day. If I snack during the day, it's on a protein I will only eat. Like, if we had leftover food from the night before, let's say my husband barbecued some pork chops or whatever, I'll have a pork chop as a snack during the day. But I never have a full meal during the day. It's just not. It's. It's not even like I'm trying to deprive myself. It's just the way I've learned to live now. And the one thing that people need to really understand in their menopause journey is that you cannot restrict yourself and go on an eating path of protein and vegetables, let's say, and then lose all the weight. And then once you lose the weight, go back to eating the way you did before.

Right. And that's why I don't believe in diets. I don't believe diets are even a thing. A diet is something that, hey, I have a big event happening in two months and I need to crash and lose 10 or 15 pounds. And then what happens? The event is over. You gain the 15 back plus another 15, and now you're up 30. Diets set you up to fail. You will fail at a diet. And, I mean, I wish I could see a show of hands. How many women out there have failed at a diet because diets set you up to fail. What you have done, Nikki, and what I have done, and our journeys are definitely very different. But you found what worked for you. And that is so awesome is you have adjusted your lifestyle. It's a lifestyle change. And what's so awesome about that is the things that you might have craved before, you don't crave anymore. If you have a salty. If you like chips and crackers, you're not going to crave carbs like you used to chocolate, you won't really even crave the sugars like you used to. Everything changes when you get on your health plan.

And I think that is so true what you just said as far. And you and I both know that there are so many people out here with massive sugar addictions, Pam. Like it controls their life. And I can tell you right now that sugar is the devil. Sugar is the worst thing that you can put inside your body and it automatically converts to insulin and insulin converts to fat. And so I was definitely insulin resistant when I started this. And I think that's why it took me a good five months until my body started going, okay, yeah, she's actually not going to feed us sugar anymore or carbs. So maybe we need to start getting our energy sources from her fat.

Right, exactly. It's a win, win.

It truly, it truly is. And you know, like even as far as working out, it's so much more beneficial to work out fasted than it is after a meal. And the reason for that is even if you're a carnivore, if you go down to the gym in the morning and have a workout, you are burning fat stores. If you eat breakfast and then go and have a workout, you're burning that last meal that you had. So why would you, instead of burning that meal, skip the meal, hit the gym and actually get rid of that fat on you?

Yes, exactly. Well, I want to share just a little bit about the health plan, health journey that I've been on. I started going to the gym every morning about six years ago and I go really early and I'll be honest with you that I'm a morning person, but I'm not a morning person that gets in the car and drives out of the driveway at 5 o'. Clock. I mean, I, I'm up sipping my coffee, enjoying, you know, a quiet house. So that habit of getting dressed and shoes on and out the door to go work out, that was not easy at first, but it's been a. Not even a habit, but it's just been what I do. It's just part of my routine I do every morning, five days a week I go to the gym and have a boot camp style workout, which is cardio weights. It's a cross between cardio and weights and, and I absolutely love it. It is definitely a way of life for me. But what I needed to do for me was to create a healthy relationship with food. And I come from an anorexic background. So intermittent fasting, intermittent fasting, that does not work for me. That's triggering with an unhealthy relationship with food. So that process, that's not going to work for me. It really, it's too much like a bad habit, a bad way of life for me. So what I started to do is I do three small meals a day. And when I say small meals, a protein shake could be a meal, a protein bar could be a meal. But heavy on the protein, no processed sugars at all, Very, very little carbs. But here's the really beautiful thing. Once you reset your metabolism and you can reintroduce some of those foods that you have left out. Like if you're a fruit eater, you don't have a lot of fruit. During the reset of your metabolism, you can bring a piece of fruit back. You can start to bring some things back in once you've done your reset. After your reset, you get to have real life. It is okay to have one of your favorite foods. Foods. It's okay not to be hungry all the time. You shouldn't be hungry all the time. You should put into your body things that are good for you and feel yourself, nourish yourself and don't feel like you have to starve. Don't put yourself into this misery. You have done an amazing job with the fasting and your body has adjusted to it, and that's incredible. You've created that good, healthy relationship with food, and so have I, and that is what it is all about. And you're not carrying around the extra 30 pounds. And for some women, it might be 40, 50, 60, or 100 pounds, but that's keeping you from living your best life. It's keeping you from loving who you are. So creating that healthy relationship with food will allow you the mental clarity to fall back in love with yourself.

Oh, 100%. And that's, I think, one of the biggest challenges we women at this age. I'm going to be 55 in January, and. And I can honestly say that right now, at this point, I am perfectly happy with my physical appearance. But more than that, I am just elated that I've fixed my health, because ultimately, without your health, you have nothing. And I just feel physically so much better.

I feel better today at 53 than I have in my entire life. As far as physical health, strength, mental clarity, all of the things that you mentioned, Nikki, a hundred percent. I feel better today than I have ever. And I. I love how I look. I'm. I mean, I'm not conceited, I'm not arrogant, but I am so comfortable in my own skin. That is the Best feeling in the world. You know, I may. My body is not perfect, far from it. But who gets to decide what that perfection is? I do. I get to decide what that is. And I. I have no problems with anything about myself. And that is a beautiful, beautiful place.

To land, isn't it? Especially when all parts of your life are fulfilling. Right, Pam?

Yeah. Yes. Yes. So that leads us into our next topic and category. This. This is our men, part of our podcast. And Nikki said to me six years ago, when I first met her, everyone needs a Brad. We wanted. I want to talk about love and loss. And what does that mean when you said everyone needs a Brad?

Because prior to my relationship with my husband, my relationships historically had been very tumultuous, very aggressive, and I allowed men to treat me poorly. And when I. When I finally met my husband, here was this man that accepted everything about me and loved everything about me and had no judgment, didn't, you know, put me down for anything. If anything, he lifted me up. And so when I met you and witnessed your situation, I just looked at you and I said, because you were such a shining star to me, I thought, not only is this woman brilliantly beautiful, but she's such an amazing person. And I just bonded with you instantly. And I looked at you and I said, pam, everybody deserves a brat.

Well, I will never forget that moment. And I am so happy and excited to say I have my Brad today, and I was never looking for that in my life. I didn't even know what I was missing in life. And interesting how life just happens around you, then all of a sudden you poke your head up and go, oh, my gosh, who are you? I don't know who you are anymore. And why is it that we allow men to treat us badly? Why is it that we look outside of ourselves to know and understand what our value is and what our worth is? We get to decide what our worth is. We get to decide who treats us. And one way or another, we get to teach everybody around us how we expect to be treated and how we expect to be respected.

Oh, my goodness. So true. Especially for our daughters. So if we stay in a relationship with a man who either, you know, there's infidelity or there's mistreatment and any kind of conflict, and if. And if we accept that as mothers and as women, then what kind of, you know, example are we setting for our daughters?

That's exactly right. And, you know, history repeats itself. If it's not repaired, history is going to repeat. And as a Mother. Whether you are trying so hard to shield your daughters from certain things that you know are not healthy for them, history will absolutely repeat unless it's repaired. And having that boldness to be able to step, step out of a situation that is toxic, that is, I mean, okay, let me just say this right here. If anyone listening is in an abusive relationship where you are being physically and emotionally wrecked every single day, you have to plan an exit strategy. If you are physically being abused, get out today, don't wait till tomorrow, get out today. Period. End of discussion. But if you allow those emotional abuses to happen, you are conditioned to accept certain treatment from the rest of the world.

That's right. If you allow somebody to, you know, let's say that you're in a marriage or in a relationship and you're not being physically abused, but they're constantly berating you and telling you you're not worthy, eventually you're going to start believing that. And that's why I think a lot of women find it difficult to leave because they have so little self esteem.

That is a thousand percent correct. In my life coaching, that is one of the first things that we work on is the self esteem and self worth and what teaching other people how we expect to be treated. You know, it's kind of like the little kid on the playground. It seems like it doesn't matter where you are in life, but there was always that one kid that got picked on on the, on the playground. That one kid that just always was the brunt of everything. Well, what that kid does change that trajectory is to stand up for themselves and fight. When they fight back, they are teaching everyone around them that you cannot do that to me, that is not okay. And that is their way out of that. And just as women, if we accept that treatment from the men in our life, that toxic narcissistic abuse, if we accept that, we're teaching the rest of the world how to treat us and we're telling them what we are worth.

And that's why when I met you, I was so enamored with your strength and your confidence that I was shocked that you were in a less than perfect relationship. Because you look at somebody physically and you know, especially their personality, their wisdom, their intelligence, their beauty, whatever, and it's always amazing when you discover, oh my gosh, she's married to a complete.

Yes, we have to keep it rated pg. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. And you know, it's interesting how when you grow and find who you really are, what happens then is it's revealed to you who's in your life. When you find yourself, you also find out who's really in your life. And that's. That's a big transition. That's a huge, huge change. And I'm grateful. I know that there were powers greater than you and I, Nikki, that brought you into my life.

Oh, for sure.

And I. I mean, without a doubt. I mean, I'm in Oklahoma. You're in British Columbia, Canada. That. That's just not a, you know, it's not a freak meeting. It was a divine intervention. I believe that a hundred percent. And I'll never forget the words that you said to me as I dropped you off at the airport really, really early in the morning as I was headed off to the gym. You just said, I hope you find your Brad someday. And I just looked at you so puzzled and so bewildered. I was. I was just like, okay, yeah, okay. And I hugged you. And I'm like, I mean, what the heck? When I got in my cart. Exactly, exactly. But there was that. That little voice in the back of my head, you know, the months after that, that was very, very telling. And you planted a seed in my brain that I didn't know needed to be planted there. And I'm so grateful for you. So I have to know the story because I don't think I've ever asked you this. How did you find your brat?

Oh, my goodness. It's quite amusing, actually. I'll try and make it short. So my parents had gone to Europe on a trip. And this is back when, you know, the Internet was still relatively new and online photo storage was difficult to come by. And I found out that through Yahoo. Mail, it also entitled you to X amount of storage for photos. And my mom was getting a new computer and she was like, I don't have an external drive. Because at that time I think they were ridiculous.

Zillion dollars. Yeah.

So expensive. I said, okay, I just got this Yahoo. Mail account. I will log in on your computer, transfer all the images there. Then when you get your new computer, we can transfer them back. Cool. So with that new email, there was this thing called Yahoo. Match. And once you sign up for email, they automatically start sending you mention. I mean, I wasn't even. I was not signed up for the. The service. But they would just randomly send me men within my age bracket, right. And I would just delete them. And this one day they send this Match email to me and there's this mug shot of brat. And it was not A flattering picture. I do not even know why I clicked on it, because it looked like a passport photo gone bad. So I click on it and I just don't know why. You know, you just talked about divine intervention. Well, this was definitely it. So I open it up, and lo and behold, he writes this short bio, and he just sounds like me, but a man. And I look at the pictures, and these pictures were so much nicer.

Aren't you glad you clicked?

Yes.

Yes.

So I actually had to pay $20 to email him. So I was sitting there and I was like, well, what the heck? Pulled out my visa, punched in my number, sent him an email, sent a couple pictures of myself, and the rest is history. We. We met about. Probably because he lived in a different city. I was in Calgary, Alberta, at the time. He was in Edmonton, and he came up to see me maybe six weeks later because he was up in Calgary for work. And from that moment on, we pretty much have been inseparable. And we. He proposed to me six months later.

Oh, my gosh. Well, I have never heard your Brad story, and that is hilarious. So you were doing online dating before. It was actually cool.

Yeah. And. And at the time, online dating was really. No. Like, nobody was like, oh, my gosh. How could you do that? So we didn't even want to tell anybody how we.

Well, that's exactly. It's like you were doing it before it was even, like, socially acceptable.

Absolutely.

Oh, my gosh. Well, I am so happy for you. And I am so grateful, truly, truly grateful for the change and the difference that you made in my life. And grateful that I had the ears and the heart and the mind to hear what you said. And I'll never forget our connection was, like, instant. I instantly loved you with that one hello. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. You could be my sister. It was just an awesome, awesome meeting.

And it was fun, too, because I felt you a little standoffish to me initially when I first met you, and I just planted my butt right next to you on that couch, and I was like, hi. Okay, you're gonna like me.

And I. Well. And that took. That's all it took. It was, like, not hard at all. It was just an amazing meeting, and I am forever, forever grateful.

So how did you meet your Brad? Pam?

Yes. Okay. So not looking for my Brad. That is for sure. I was definitely not looking for him, and he wasn't looking for me. And I think that's why it's. It. It was just as perfect and as if this was God's plan, not our plan for sure, because I wasn't looking. I. I felt like, you know, I am. I'm just not. I'm not. I'm good alone. I'm happy alone. I. I'm great. I'm in a good space. I didn't feel like I needed or wanted that in my life and was ready just to take on life as it was. And very, very happy in my new space. My singleness. Did not even think about dating, because what does that even look like? I mean, a friend tried to encourage me to sign up a Match account, and I had one live for, like, two seconds, and I had, like, an anxiety attack, and I'm like, oh, my God, I cannot do that. I mean, delete, delete, delete. It just like, I couldn't even breathe. So it's like, you know, I'm not. Clearly, I'm not ready for any of that. And a couple friends tried to set me up with people, and I'm like, just keep walking, because I don't want to do that. And. And, you know, it was interesting. And I did find my husband on Facebook. He. Funny story. His youngest daughter, my oldest daughter, played volleyball together on a club team, like, 10, 12 years ago. And we had met just in passing that long ago. And one day a picture pops up of him holding a new granddaughter. And it was the most beautiful picture. And I just commented on it. Aren't Gran's wonderful? Congratulations. That's how our conversation started. And then it was down memory lane of, oh, how are your kids? You know, checking to see how his daughter was and my daughter was and connecting our dots there. And we. We had just conversation for about a full month, just online. We didn't even talk on the phone. It was just, you know, Facebook and Messenger, and we didn't even exchange phone numbers yet. And after about a month, then we decided to. To meet. And, you know, I knew he was my person. And before we actually were in the same space, I knew before I got out of my car that he would be my person, and he wanted to come pick me up at my house. And I'm like, no, I'll meet you somewhere. Because I'm thinking, if I need to get out or if I need an exit, I'm gonna have my own car. And. And just the kindness to say, well, I would prefer at some point to be able to pick you up and drop you off and make sure you get home okay. You know, that, to me, was just so sincere and so kind and Before I even was in the same space as him. I mean, he could have had a third eye and I wouldn't have, it wouldn't have mattered because I already knew that he was my person.

Yeah. That's so wonderful. I'm so, so, so happy for you.

And you know what? I'm happy for me too. I deserve this. And every woman listening. You deserve this.

Yeah.

You just.

And, and the sad part is, and I do think you and I have, have talked about this before, like even my mother. There are so many women out here in this world, Pam, who will live an entire lifetime who have no idea what it's like to be loved and cherished by a man.

Right.

And that is so sad. And I'm so happy that you know that now.

And I cannot imagine life any other way. I can't imagine. And very, very grateful to, in my 50s have found that and just grateful beyond measures. And I just want to encourage, you know, anyone who is in a difficult relationship. This doesn't mean, you know, walk out the door and never look back today. It doesn't mean that at all. But what that, what I really want you to take away from this is you get to decide who is in your, your life and who's not. You get to decide what toxicity is allowed and what not. And you get to decide the healthy boundaries that you put around yourself so you can be a high functioning, confident human being. You are in control of that. You're not in control of other people and how they act and behave and treat you, but you're in control of what you allow for yourself. Start there. Start there and learn how to be high functioning where you are. And then when changes need to happen in whatever way that is, it doesn't mean you leave a relationship relationship, it doesn't mean that you stay. I mean it just, it's different for everyone. But you have to work on yourself first.

Yeah. And you have to recognize that if you are unhappy and mistreated that there is an option out there. And sometimes just leaving a bad situation and being single is enough to find that inner peace. You don't necessarily need to find someone to complete you. And I think that what happens for most women is that they get out of a bad situation, they get free. They realize, oh my goodness, I like me, I like my life. And that's when the love comes to them.

That is a thousand percent correct. And that's. I was going to mention that. And I'm glad that you did. Filling the void of not having a man in Your life with another man is not always the answer. Until you understand why you allowed and chose what you chose, priority prior, you will most likely make the same mistake again. Until you understand, you know, why your picker is so bad. You know, you're the common denominator in picking bad people for you. You are the one.

I totally said that to my own mom. I'm like, mom, you have been a bad boy picker. And she. Yes, yes, I have.

But you have to understand that part of you. Why did I. Because you chose that. I chose that. Why did you choose it? Why did I choose it? If you understand that component before anything else, you will find the love of your life or the love of your life will find you when you're not even looking. Because that was definitely, in my case, oh, so good. So good. I hope someone takes. Takes a lot away from that. That segment. Okay, let's jump into the mindset component now. Thank you for sharing some int details of you and your Brad. So awesome. So, mindset, we have a new year knocking on our door. You are balancing new year, new career, new goals in your life. If you have not, I want to just say this to the audience. If you guys have not seen Nikki's fine art portraiture, you are missing out on something so exquisite and so beautiful. I'm a creative person, but I am not the level of artist that Nikki is. Everything that she does is unique. Individual ideas, they're her ideas. They're her creation. She's not just taking somebody else's idea and putting a spin on it. These are her visions. It's so amazing. I want you to go look at her work. I'll give her website in the show notes so you can click on that and check out her work. It's amazing. So talk to me about the mindset of kicking off the new year. I want to talk about your old career coming back around to being your new career career again. And what are some of your goals for 2022?

Perfect. Okay. So mindset for 2022 is just to balance my life. So with 2021, it was definitely focused on, you know, physical improvement, health improvement, getting all of that in a stable, happy, healthy, healthy place. And then I looked at my career. So as Pam, you met me as a photographer, a photographic artist, let's say. And that is what I have been doing probably for the last 13 years. Prior to that, I was a real estate agent and a mortgage broker. Very, very successful, Had a robust business, was really happy with it. And then the financial Crisis hit. In 2008, and it changed things drastically in that career. During that time, I picked up a camera, fell madly in love with the possibility of what I could create with it, and I kind of got sucked into the photography world. It seems to happen. But I can honestly tell you that I am completely finished with photography as a business. I feel like there's nothing in it for me anymore that that can bring me financial health and certainly mental health. So my photographic journey is over as far as a business is concerned. I will always do it to teach other photographers and I will always do it for pleasure from my own personal experience. But I need to get back to a place where, where I feel like I'm actually helping people who appreciate what I do. And I'm doing something that is going to help the health of our financial family as well.

Excellent. And if you're a photographer, business owner, creative listening, you will not learn skills and efficiencies and techniques any better than you will from Nikki. She is absolutely wonderful, worth your time. Check out what she does. You will a thousand percent change how you see things. So don't, don't be scared of that. Dive in. Learn something new so you have new products to offer your clients as you go into a new season next year. So take her up on that. And I'll be honest with you and we've not had this conversation. Nikki, I think that you will be limited on how much you're going to be able to teach other photographers once you get back into your real estate and mortgage brokerage business. Because you're going to be so busy. I know you're going to pick up right where you left off the last time. So if you are on the fence, get off the fence, get over the fence and, and get her booked so you can learn some new skills for your new upcoming season. Very important. What are some of your goals for 2022?

2022 is looking at growing my business again, making those connections, helping my daughter, who also got her mortgage license. I want to teach her all of the things that made me so successful before initially and have her by my side and just set her up for success for the rest of her life. That's a huge goal for me. Me, I am only going to do this for approximately 10 years and then hopefully retire. So my goals for 2022 and beyond are just to dive in and get as much done and help as many people as I can.

Awesome. And I know you, and I know you're going to do exactly that. A thousand percent. I know you Will, that's without a doubt. So I want to share a really, really big, a big release that I'm working on. I'm actually going to start rolling it out the middle of. I started life coaching about six years ago and my whole dream and vision of that is to have under an umbrella having a person commit to be fit, commit to be financially fit, commit to be healthy, commit to your wellness, to your life, to your, all of your things. And I'm kicking off in December, we'll start in January. A year long program for health and wellness. I've partnered with an incredible wellness company and it's a very intensive six weeks, but you are going to get accountability and support for an entire year. And I'm only taking six people. The first, the first round, first six weeks of the year, I have six people. You will be a membership for an entire year and have accountability and support. I'm so excited about that. I just, I cannot wait for that. Because when you physically well, just like we've been talking about with menopause and the weight gain and the health elements, when you're physically well, you can focus on being financially well, you can focus on being your self. Love comes along with that. Mentally well, all of those things come together, work on those relationships, those toxic people, deleting them from your life. All of that is wrapped up together. But you'll have an entire year of support because we need it. We need the accountability and we need the support. So I'm so excited for that coming up into next year. And I just want to say this. If you're thinking about a new health plan, exploring something new, please consult your doctor, talk to your doctor first and have a conversation about what will work best for you. Nikki, you went to the doctor and found out what you had the hypothyroidism, you had the fatty liver, you found out what your ailments were before you made the decision on a health plan. And please do that if you're considering a new health plan for the year. Don't even breathe the word diet because diets don't work, Diets set you up to fail. But a health plan, that's something you can get on board with. Okay, so Nikki, I have a few rapid fire questions for you. What is your favorite part about being a grandmother?

My favorite, absolute favorite part is having her come over, enjoy her and then, then hand her back.

Sending her home. Hi. Exactly. Spoil her silly. But you still get your nine hours of sleep or eight hours of sleep. That's awesome. If there was One word of advice you could give the younger you. What would it be?

Don't get into photography as a business. I know that's more than one word, but that I really, really wish that I would have kept my photographic passion as just that, a passion and continued with my business life, because I would probably be retired right now.

Gotcha. Boy, hindsight, isn't it a jerk? Because it's so clear. It's like, where were you 10 years ago? Okay. And what do you love most about being an artist?

It's an expression of who I am. You know, it's that quiet piece of me that no one can see, no one has any clue of. And it's that creative effort that comes out into images. And it's kind of like, you know, a different world. A beautiful, perfect place where, you know, it's ethereal and whimsical, and that's what I love. It's just a happy place for me to be.

And you are an amazing artist. That goes without saying. Oh, my goodness. Well, Nikki, we're gonna wrap it up right there. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining me on a podcast today. I would love for people to be able to access your art, your work, if that's okay with you. I will go ahead and post your website and contact information in our notes. If you are a photographer who wants to work on your skills and your creativity, please learn from Nikki while she's even offering it, because I don't think that's going to be around very long.

I have a feeling I do actually have a teachable school with tons of editing videos if you're interested in the post part, that will remain up and I'll always add new, new courses.

Excellent, excellent. And I will have that in the show notes as well. So you can access training videos and just go experience her work. Because it's like no other. It's truly like no other. I love you. My friend, my sister, my person who was came to me because I needed you to come to me, and I didn't even know it. So I am so grateful for you. Thank you for being here today. Oh, gosh, I love you so much. My friends. Thank you for joining us on this podcast. I hope you enjoyed our episode of Menopause Men and Mindset. I hope this gives you the courage, the strength, and the mindset to change your life. Thanks again. Thank you for joining us today on a New Life podcast.

We will see you next time.