When Dreams Die

Welcome to A New Life podcast with Pamela Jean, where it's all about empowering women to empower more women. Get ready, friends, to create a new life. And here is your host, Pamela Jean.

Hello my friends and welcome to this week's episode of A New Life podcast. This is Pamela Jean. In this podcast podcast, my hope is that I inspire you to create the life of your dreams by having a balanced life and a balanced business or career. Today's podcast is really exciting and I'm so glad that you're here listening to it. Something really, really awesome happened this week and I just, I couldn't wait to share it with you. I was coaching a client this week and she experienced a significant breakthrough. Now all of my clients experience breakthroughs, but this is one that really, really was powerful and I think it's one that you'll be able to relate to as well. So our work together had been focusing on finding balance in her life through her relationships. And I think all of us can relate to the fact that relationships are hard. Whether it's a relationship with your kids or your spouse or your parents, whatever it is, relationships are hard and they, they come with, with certain challenges. Well, the breakthrough occurred when she came to a significant crossroads. And that crossroad was realizing that the dream of the relationship she had always hoped for was not going to happen. Wow. I'm going to say that again. Realizing the dream of the relationship she had always hoped for was not going to happen. The relationship had died in front of her. The dream of that relationship had died right in front of her, bringing her to a crossroads. Now I think about it like this picture, like a fork in the road where you come to a three way stop and you can't go forward, you can only go left or right. And going backwards is not an option. So think about that as a visual. If you look forward at a three way stop, out into a field or out into a dead end or whatever it is, it's a place where that dream literally had died. If you can picture in your mind little headstones, little gravestones that say marked on them, dreams, relationships, marriages, business, money, goals. Can you picture those little headstones out there at that stop, that three way stop and you're staring into that dead end area where your dreams have just died. Well, the easy thing, what you might think is the easy thing would be to hold onto that dream and not let it die. Hold onto that dream exactly the way it is, even though you know it's never going to come true. You know what that outcome is going to be with that dream. So you're going to hang onto it because at least it, it's predictable. It's predictable. You know where you stand in that dream. You know where you stand in that relationship. But if you really want to live your best life and you want to have that beautiful balance that, that all of us want and all of us deserve to, if we're being honest, new choices need to be made and new dreams need to. Need to be, to be defined. So go back to the visual of the crossroads now that you realize that whatever that dream is that you have to die is dying in front of you out in that dead end field and you look to the left and the right, that's where your new dreams are defined. If you go left, you make this decision. If you go right, you make that decision. Which one is correct, which is the way to go. I think the hardest part about that, when you reach that crossroads of having to create new dreams and define a new direction for your life, is whether you pick turning left or turning right, it's still scary because those are both unknown outcomes. The known outcome is to hold onto the dream. The dream that you know isn't going anywhere, the career that isn't going anywhere, the relationship that isn't going anywhere, the marriage that's dying, that's going nowhere. You can hang on to that because it's predictable and the known outcome is there. So even though you might be sad and miserable, you at least know the outcome. So you're not surprised by being sad or miserable because you know that's exactly what it's going to be. But if you choose left or if you choose right, there's an unknown element that leads to fear and uncertainty. So no matter what you choose, left or right, a new dream, a new goal, a new something, there's an unknown element of outcome which oftentimes leads to fear. And sometimes decision paralysis happens because you don't want to face the unknown outcome. That's scary. That's where fear steps in and takes over our decision making. Are you facing the death of a dream today or have you faced the death of a dream in your past? What happens to you when you watch a dream die? Well, I want to share with you just a few emotions today of things that you might experience from the death of a dream. Now, these are just a few emotions. It's not limited to these three because it can be vast and broad depending on you. It's all very individual. Grief, I think, is one of the most common emotions that you're going to feel as you go through the death of a dream. If you've been running a business for the last 10, 15, 20 years and you're forced to close that business because you're just not financially able to make ends meet, or maybe you're just burned out, you're over it. Being a business owner and an entrepreneur is hard, and you just don't want to deal with that hard anymore. Even though it might be the right thing to close the business or to disconnect from a relationship, there's still a grieving process that goes along with it. And that is very, very normal. Don't be surprised if you find yourself filled with sadness. Some days it won't bother you, but other days it will. If you've ever experienced the death of a loved one, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. Because some days it's easy, some days it's really easy. And other days you can't even think of one thought without bursting into tears because you're missing that loved one. You know, grief happens differently for everyone. And when you have exponential grief, there's no going through grief. Just. You just walk through grief and then it's over. I think you learn in a way to bring the grief with you, and that will be very normal. When the life you thought you had has died. There is definitely a grieving process that comes along with that. If you're experiencing that, it's. It's normal, you're normal, it's okay. And you are going to be okay. I promise you are going to be okay. Feeling sadness and regret and questioning the decisions that you've made is all part of the grieving process, and that is okay. Another emotion you might be experiencing is anger. You might feel angry. You might just be just downright ticked off that the dream of the business you thought you had is not happening and you have to close the business or end that relationship and you're just angry. You're mad. This, too is normal. Where it becomes not normal, unnatural and scary and dysfunctional is when you allow your anger to turn into bitterness. Nothing good comes from bitterness. And anger that's not tended to will turn into bitterness. So acknowledge your feeling of grief. Acknowledge your feeling of anger. Allow yourself to feel it. But give yourself a timeline. How long are you going to allow yourself to grieve? How long are you going to allow yourself to be angry? And like I said, anger that is not tended to and given proper attention will turn into bitterness. And when you turn bitter, it's very difficult to come back from bitterness. If you've ever been angry and tried to make a good decision, a life changing decision while you're angry, I think you'll agree with me when you realize any decision made out of anger is typically not a good decision for your life or for your future. The next emotion I want to talk a little bit about is that feeling of isolation and aloneness. Aloneness, being alone, loneliness. When you experience the death of a dream, you feel like you're on an island all by yourself and there isn't anyone in the world that can relate to what you're going through. Well, my friend, I'm here to tell you that that is a myth and that is wrong thinking. You are not alone. You are not the only one who has experienced the death of a dream and has that feeling of isolation and on an island. Now it's okay to feel a little bit of loneliness in your life. I think that is okay and can be normal. But the difference is when you allow yourself to feel alone. Alone in a crowded room. Have you ever been in a crowded room, but yet you feel so isolated and so truly alone. I have felt that before and that's a horrible feeling. And that does have to be dealt with. You do have to choose to put yourself out there, allow yourself to feel that loneliness, because that is okay to feel all the emotions that you feel, it's okay to feel them, but you just can't stay in them and you can't let those emotions take over. Because if you don't control your emotions, your emotions are eventually going to control you. So if you're making decisions out of grief, out of anger, out of isolation and loneliness and being alone, so deeply, deeply alone, the decisions that you're making for your life and for the lives of those that you love are not going to be good decisions, period. That's just quite simply the way it is. That's just the way it is. So I'm going to challenge you with the question. Get your journal out, get your pen and paper out. I just want to ask you a couple of questions. What are you holding on to that you should be letting go of? What are you, what dream are you holding on to that you really should be letting it die? Is it your marriage? Is it your failing business? Is it your goals? Did you set goals at the beginning of 2023 and now all of those goals have imploded, but you're still holding onto them? Is it a bad friendship? Are you hanging onto a friendship that you hope will get better that you hope will be what you want it to be and need it to be. Are you holding on to that? Are you holding on to a dead end career? A career that needs to go away, that you need to hit the reset and start again? You've come to that crossroads. What are you holding onto that you should be letting go of? If it's your marriage, friends, and you're at that crossroads where you know your marriage is going to die, you know it's going to die and you have a decision to contemplate a divorce, or you have a decision to stay in the marriage and learn how to be high functioning within the marriage. That's the crossroad of unknown. Of the unknown. Think about that. There's an unknown outcome with divorce. There's an unknown outcome with learning to be high functioning within a bad marriage. Which is best? Which is best? Breakthroughs come in many different ways. When I'm working with my clients, we have breakthroughs come in multiple different ways. Every time they happen, it's exciting and it is just. It's so pivotal. Some breakthroughs are joyous and happy. They are breakthroughs that just set someone's soul on fire and they are amazing breakthroughs. Some breakthroughs are devastating and painful. And as you can imagine, with the breakthrough my client had this week, it was a painful breakthrough. You know, you've always heard the saying of talking about growing pains. When you were a little kid, did you ever experience growing pains? Oh my gosh, I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my legs just killing me. And it was from growing, growing pains. It's painful to grow. So sometimes those breakthroughs do come in the form of painful, painful growth. Either way, breakthroughs are necessary. They're necessary if you want to have that balanced life and that balance. Business breakthroughs are necessary to improve those areas of your life. Have you ever thought about hiring a coach? Have you ever thought about hiring a coach? Have you ever thought about. Well, I've been to therapy. I don't know if a coach can help me. I can't answer for everyone, but I can tell you the viewpoint and the position and the strategy of a coach is much different than the strategy and the viewpoint from a therapist. Coaching is powerful. A coach locks arms with you. A coach walks through the fire with you. A coach celebrates with you. A coach challenges you. A coach pushes you to your limits at times because they see something in you that you cannot see in yourself. We just watched a Netflix little series, just a four part series. We actually Watched it in one night, but it was called Swamp Kings, about the Florida. The rise of the Florida Gators college football team when Tim Tebow was in college. So it was back in the. The. Oh, like 2007, eight, nine, right in there. But you watched these coaches pour into these young men, believing in them in a way that the young men did not believe in themselves, push them in a way that they were to their limits, physical limits, mental limits. But the coaches saw something in those young men that they didn't see in themselves, that they didn't know even existed in themselves. That's what coaching is like. When you hire a life coach and a business coach and a business mentor, it's like that your coach is going to see something in you that you cannot see in yourself. Your coach is not meant to be your best friend, because if that's all you needed was a best friend, you probably have several best friends and they're not capable of coaching you in a way that someone can coach you that is completely unbiased and walk you through the fire. Coaching with me can help you create a life balance and a business balance. I promise you it can. You have to trust the process, and that's the part that I'm not in control of. Only you can control the process that you choose to buy into and to agree that. I'm going to trust the process and I'm going to do it. I'm going to follow the program and trust the process. I can't make anyone do that. I. I can't believe in you more than you believe in yourself, but I can help you see what I see and I can walk you through that. So would you like to know more about coaching? I'm going to put a link in the show notes today and it will be a invitation to schedule a virtual coffee with me and see if we're even a good fit to work together. I'm not the coach for everybody, and that's okay. I do work with a very, very limited number of people so I can focus on the very needs of the people that I coach. But it's important that we're a good fit to work together. I do sincerely look forward to learning more about you and showing how together we can help you create that balanced life. My friends, thank you so much for joining me today and listening in on this podcast. Will you please do me a favor? The first one is share this with your friends. I want to create a community of powerful women empowered people and it's important that you share this podcast with other people that can benefit, you know, others in your life that are hanging onto dreams that need to die. And maybe this is exactly the message they need to hear to help them make a different decision. So share this podcast number one. It can be found on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Amazon Podcast, as well as my website, Pamela Jean A New Life Dot com. There's a podcast tab as well. And if you would share and write, if you share and write the podcast, all that does is help more people find this very, very important information and important message. My friends, I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you so much for joining me. Until next time, make it a great day.

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