Podcast: Effective Stress Relief Tools for the Busy Entrepreneur with Professor Pete Alexander

Welcome to Savvy Business Life Unscripted with your host Christina Rivera, where our guests share their wisdom and valuable business tips, empowering our audience to expand their personal potential.

Hi, Professor Pete Alexander. Welcome to Savvy Broadcasting Life Unscripted. I am so grateful to have you here this afternoon, this wonderful Saturday afternoon. You're going to talk about something we've talked about a little bit on the show, but not too much, and that's stress. Something that impacts all of us no matter what your position is in life, whether it's business owner, sales professional, corporate America. We've all got stress in our lives, even mom at home with the kids, but you're going to help us deal with that better. You've also written a recent book called Lighten Your Day: Fast, Easy, Effective Stress Relief for When Shit Happens. Professor Pete Alexander, for coming. How are you?

I'm great, Christina. Thank you so much for having me on your show. And I appreciate the time from your listeners.

Oh, you betcha. So again, share with me what, what brought you to writing a book about stress?

Well, it's interesting. Um, stress has been part of my life for pretty much as far as I can remember. It started with a pretty, pretty horrific, uh, dysfunctional family upbringing and then, you know, led to the adulthood, um, where I look at, Milestones, though, about where my body started breaking down, that actually happened back in 2008. It was a perfect storm of stressful activities that were happening. Things like my dad was dying, my mom needed major hip surgery, and of course didn't have the insurance to have the care for that. Running a business, having small children, my, my, my marriage heading for divorce, you know, lots of things all on the, on your shoulders. And I got stress-induced diabetes.

Wow.

Well, you would think that it would be something where you take notice. And yet what I ended up doing was burning the candle at both ends for another 10 years until I ended up in the emergency room with a severe case of diabetic ketoacidosis. And for those listeners who don't know what that is, my body was actually eating myself alive because of my stress.

So what exactly does that mean? What is going on in the body when that happens?

So what happened as a diabetic, my sugars, because I was stressing myself out, my sugars were skyrocketing. And normally, if you are not a diabetic, your sugars are going to run anywhere from maybe 80 to 100. And once you hit about 120, that is when they consider you pre-diabetic. My sugars were so high, they were way over 500. And the monitors, once you hit over 500, it doesn't record it. It just says, you know, problem, problem, problem. And so I was rushed to the emergency room by my wife and she luckily did this because the doctors, after putting in 6 liters of fluid in the emergency room, said that had I not come in when I did, it would have been roughly another hour and I would have been comatose.

Now, anyone who might go, you know, because like we said before, when we got started, a lot of people are dealing with stress, they might even have this and not even realize it. What symptoms did you have that were indication that it was dangerous or life-threatening?

Well, so first of all, I was extremely thirsty, and that is a clear sign of that you're getting dehydrated. And typically when your sugars are running really high, which is a common occurrence with diabetics, because your pancreas is not generating enough, basically, insulin on its own. So, and I, you know, I have a pump and I was wearing the pump, and actually what was happening was, is I was at having lunch with my wife and I couldn't, I didn't want to eat. And so the waiter who came to our table, he looked at me and I was kind of looking green, and he said, you know, you don't look so good. And so, you know, it led from there, and, you know, and I kept on denying it. I was just, I'm I'm fine. You know how we all do that?

Yeah.

It's like, I'm fine. I just need to lie down and stuff. And fortunately my wife said to me, you know what? Either you get in the car and I'm taking you to the emergency room or I'm calling an ambulance. And, you know, God forbid I would have an ambulance come to my door and have the embarrassment of all the neighbors seeing that.

Yeah. Well, I love that you mentioned that, Professor. Pete Alexander, because I've gone through the same thing a number of years ago. I'm in corporate America, I got chest pains. Oh, it's nothing. Oh, it's getting worse. Oh no, it's nothing. After I finish payroll, I'll go to the doctor. Uh-huh. And my friends are like, you're going to the hospital now. I'm like, oh, I couldn't possibly be having— and now thank God I wasn't having a heart attack. But the point is, the doctor was like, you know, you have major stress issues. I had a major thyroid issue and some anomaly in my, in my lungs. Bottom line is, I think when stuff like this happens, your body's like banging you upside the head with a 2x4, like, you need to stop and you need to pay attention to us, the body.

Absolutely. And, you know, if you do the research, you'll see that it's not— if you ask a doctor, a doctor is going to say, yes, stress will lead to that. However, it's not a direct correlation. The correlation is with all these diseases, whether it's heart disease, diabetes, cancer, It's cellular inflammation, and stress causes cellular inflammation. And then how does our body react to that? And if we think about it, our bodies are the exact type of bodies that were back in the Stone Age. And when we were stressed back then, it was a fight or flight kind of syndrome where, you know, we were, we saw a saber-toothed tiger, a T-Rex, something like that, and you either got to fight it or you got to run as fast as you can. But as soon as that was done, then everything goes, goes away. And so your adrenaline, your cortisol that goes into your body for that is only there for a short amount of time. Now it's almost all mental. And you know, we, we stress ourselves out mentally and it's all self-induced. I mean, we can, we can think that, oh, you know, I've got a really bad boss or, you know, the kids are driving me crazy or whatever it happens to be. The fact of the matter is you have control over that. So if you let that get to you, it is literally self-induced. And so we, in this today's society, especially with the always-on with technology, we are constantly dumping our bodies with the cortisol and the adrenaline. And at some point our body just breaks down. Whatever the weakest link is in the body, that's what's going to give up. And for me, unfortunately, it was my pancreas. 'Cause there's no diabetes in my family. That's the crazy part. And I'm pretty active. So when I was diagnosed with that, everybody's going, "Really?

What?

You? You gotta be kidding me." And it just was crazy.

Well, everyone, like, you're right. You're completely right. Everyone's different. I have another friend who has issues with eating a lot of sugar, but then she got some other health-related issues because like you said, your body deals with stress differently and it will manufacture the way, you know, whatever your weakest link is. Now, interesting. What worked for you in bringing down the stress level? Because you had mentioned the crazy modern life where we kind of let our internal clocks and internal dialogue get us nutty. How do you get back yourself and bring down that stress?

You have to be mindful. You actually have to have that moment where you realize, uh-oh, I better change. Now, mine in the emergency room, believe it or not, wasn't the epiphany moment. The epiphany moment was I got transferred into ICU and that was the very first time in my life I'd ever been in ICU because I'd been in the emergency room, you know, with, with sports injuries in the past or with my kids, etc. So that wasn't, wasn't new to me. But the ICU absolutely was. And there I was lying in ICU And it was my second day. And at 6:00 AM in the morning on a Tuesday, I remember my boss at the time texts me and says, you have a webinar to run at 8 o'clock in the morning. What are you going to do? Now, mind you, I did not have my work laptop with me in the ICU. I had my phone. And so there I am trying to push the boundaries on my phone to try and reschedule all this and stressing out. And while I was in ICU, my, my sugar numbers were coming down consistently, and— but they were checking every half an hour. And then all of a sudden, the very next one, maybe 15 minutes after I started trying to change that webinar, the sugars, like a 90-degree angle, started skyrocketing again. And the nurse who took those— plucked my skin to get the sugar reading, She says, "You realize that that's what puts you in this bed in the first place." And it was like, finally something hit at the exact right time. And it was like, oh my goodness, I better change. So what I started doing was I started experimenting with different tips and techniques. And I noticed that not only did my sugars start to go down, but my weight started going down. And my energy started going way, way up. I literally felt like I had found the fountain of youth. And so I thought to myself, you know what, these different, you know, some of these techniques worked phenomenally for me, some of them, okay, maybe, or some didn't. But everybody's different. And I thought, I can't be the only person who is trading my health for my career or other responsibilities. And so I thought, I got to get the word out. And so that's what I started writing the book. And, and, um, you know, and, and the, the response that has been from that book has been amazing. And so it's just, you know, cause the thing is, is that if you look at other, uh, resources out there, yeah, you know, you might find several books on meditation or deep breathing or yoga, et cetera. But those are going to be like 200-300 page books on one technique. Who has the time to do that? That.

Yeah.

You're stressed out. Chances are you don't have enough time in the day. So I, you know, 90, 90+ percent of the things that I started using, like using, because it's the same with me, you can implement it and try in 1 to 2 minutes.

Yeah.

And if it doesn't work, okay, try something else. But once you find something that works, utilize it, even if it's 1 or 2 different techniques that work for you. The benefit over time is going to be enormous for you.

Wow, Professor Pete, I love this because it's interesting. I went through something similar. I was working in corporate America, had the chest pain, went to the hospital after I finished payroll.

And yeah, because you know what, that's pretty important. If somebody doesn't get their paycheck, you're gonna be— yeah, I could just imagine.

Come and help me down. But I came back from the hospital and Now I was in ICU, you wouldn't believe it. When you have chest pains, they get you stripped down and hoses in you like you wouldn't believe. I was like, what the heck? But I went back to the job late in the evening and my boss was like, so you didn't have a heart attack, why didn't you wait till after work?

Was that a joke?

No, he was serious.

Oh my gosh.

And that was the moment for me that I'm like, what am I doing? And that's when I, you know, started to, you know, have my wheels go about moving out and starting my own thing. But you know, it's interesting because we do this to ourselves. We let outside circumstances without realizing we have control. And my idea was, well, I can't leave, I have to stay. And you make up these stories in your head where you keep yourself stuck. And then one day when that happened, it was like, boom, no, I don't have to stay. And then the opportunity of leaving to start my own biz and then other opportunities. Now I'm working with a great company. You know, it's like it opens you up to other possibilities, but sometimes you need that kind of push or that kind of awakening, like, oh, you know, I could— this could be different.

Yeah. And it's interesting that what you mentioned about having that control, because that's a huge one. We, as human nature, we want to feel like we're in control. And one of the things that I like to use for that is I like to call it don't try and control the uncontrollable because our human nature is whenever we're faced with a stressful situation, we worry about all aspects of it. But if we can be mindful enough to say to ourselves, what aspects of this are under our control, then it actually can help us get through it. So one thing that I've tried that works really well is you— if you can be mindful of this during the stress— is have two columns or draw two circles. And what you do is you have one that's the uncontrollable, the other is the controllable, and you list out what you can control, what you can't control in the, in the two locations. And when you look at what you can't control, half of our mindshare is looking at that and worrying about it. And it's wasted energy because if you can't control it, why worry about it? Because it's not going to— you can't do anything about it. If you can be mindful enough to eliminate the uncontrollables and focus on what you can control and thus make change from, you can put 100% of your mindshare into what you can control, and all of a sudden your stress comes way, way down. Wow.

Now, Professor Pete, share with me, what do you do when the thing you're trying to control or the thing that's giving you the most stress is a difficult person? You can't control them. How do you deal with that situation?

Well, it depends on the situation itself, of course, because if you've got somebody who, like, let's say somebody in an authority figure, your boss, etc., that's somebody, if they're just coming down on you and bearing down on you, it's hard. You're going to have to make some decisions there. Obviously, you could go to HR, you could walk out of the room, etc. But one of the things that I find that is really helpful, regardless of the situation of the relationship of the two people. What you can do is there's another technique called the STOP method, which is an acronym. So basically the first one, S for stop. Basically you have to realize, okay, this is happening. The second T is take a break, get out of that situation at the moment's notice. Even if you have to say, you know, I've got to go to the bathroom, something like that.

I've done that. Yeah.

Right, and then what you do is, let's say you go to the bathroom because sometimes that's the only place you can go where you have some privacy, right? You know, stick in the, you know, get in that stall, right? So once you're in that stall, think about it, observe what was happening, right? And so what you do is you observe what your reaction was, what your feelings were, and then basically the P is then you just prepare for, okay, now how can I better react to this? All it is is it's just 30 seconds before responding truly. And so if you, if you don't have the opportunity to run to the bathroom, you could actually, if the person is, it's a really difficult, you know, conversation that you're having, even if you can be mindful enough to deep breathe, take 2 or 3 deep breaths before responding, that is huge because You know when we're stressed, we are not dealing with a full mental deck unfortunately.

Yeah! And we don't always take the best actions at that point.

No no and you know what? Once that comes out of your mouth or you know a great example is an email— you get a flaming email like blah blah blah right exactly and then you hit send and then you went oh no! I always recommend if it's— if you're trying to respond to a big a really difficult email, write the email but don't click send until either, you know, let's say it's in the evening, wait until the morning to send it, or at least go do that, take a break, breathe, think about it, reread it before hitting the send. Because boy, once it's gone and it's been sent, or that comes out of your mouth, now you're in repair damage if you didn't mean to say what you meant. What you said.

And you know what's interesting is once I had that happen where I typed it out and wasn't going to send it, but by accident I had her email up here and we press send by accident. So I'd say don't put the email up there either to the send person and just type it out and put it in the draft. Don't even put the emails out there because by accident—

that's right. That's actually— that's an excellent suggestion too, because yeah, you can't, because then it's just going to prompt you, um, you don't have anybody in the send folder. So, or in the send field. So that's a great example. But at least get it out because that's very cathartic to write out. If something's bothering you, journaling it or writing out a response is, or a letter. Like if you have a family member who you've had, you know, a really difficult conversation with or some sort of event happened, or even if it's, it's been over months or years of just really difficult, you know, stressful situations, writing out a letter and never sending it can be amazing. And that, that works also for somebody who's, uh, sadly passed. You know, if you had something that you needed to say to somebody like that, you could write the letter out, and at least you get it out. Because the worst thing we can do is keep our stress inside of us. Because that just, it manifests, manifests, manifests, and then we go back to what we were talking about earlier about that cellular inflammation.

Yeah, absolutely. And what's interesting, you had mentioned difficult bosses, or maybe you can't get out of the situation. I remember having a difficult boss where she was on top of me, once even followed me to a stall in the bathroom to keep yelling at me. But here's the thing, what I realized, and this is like a moment of, awareness that I noticed that whenever someone would truly listen to her, and she was just ranting all the time, that she would be nice to them and she wouldn't be jerky. And so I thought to myself, you know what, I think she just wants to be listened to. That's why she's being such an ogre. So then I would come in, I started listening to her story and go, oh really? Oh, and really sympathizing. And then all of a sudden she became nice. It was like that moment of awareness, realizing that all she really wanted was to be listened to. And that's why she was an ogre to everyone, because she just wanted to be heard. It was kind of like a kid having a temper tantrum, but she was a grown-ass adult. So this is her way to get attention. And then once I had that awareness, working there wasn't as hard.

Yes, and that's very true. I would say that having empathy for someone is amazingly beneficial for both. And you know, it might be words and semantics. I know you said that it was sympathize. What I recommend to my clients is empathize, not sympathize. And the reason is, it might sound like just two different words, but empathizing is listening and showing that you care by giving them your full attention. Sympathizing means that, oh, you poor baby, I know how you feel, I want to start talking about my negative stuff too. And then it's a negative bitch fest.

So then it's gossip section.

Exactly. But if you empathize by just listening and letting them, you know, just basically download— and that's really important for those that have people reporting to them, because sometimes your employees, they just want to be heard. And as you said, your boss wanted to be heard, and so she probably had several employees who would just ignore them, you know, kind of like, remember the Peanuts adults, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, like that. And so if you feel like you're heard, it's amazing how much better you feel, right?

I mean, it's just— Yeah, and how much better we all felt when she was heard.

Yeah, exactly. So you were doing it for your own benefit.

We did it for all of us. It was a win-win situation.

Exactly.

Yeah, Professor Pete, this has been a fabulous chat, and I know that everyone gains so much more by going to check out your book and find out more about you. How can they do that?

Sure. Just go visit my website, which is Pete, P-E-T-E Alexander, A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R.com. I have the links to the book and I also encourage listeners to go. I do a weekly video stress relief tip that's based on the tips that are in the book. And so they can get a free tip each week and go look at the archive and in just a couple minutes, give a try to something that could be hugely beneficial for them.

Wow. Well, this has been such a beneficial interview and such a blessing. Thank you so much, Professor Pete Alexander, for coming to Savvy Broadcasting Life Unscripted.

Christina, thank you so much for having me, and thank you to your listeners for listening in.

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