Pete Alexander2x TEDx Speaker and best-selling author helping transform burned out workers into engaged colleagues.

Stress Relief Tool - Resist Being A People Pleaser

9 Feb 2022 · 2 min

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2:05

In this spoken monologue, the presenter explains that trying to be liked by everyone is a hallmark of people‑pleasing, which stems from insecurity, low self‑esteem, and perfectionism. He outlines the personal costs—lost time, resources, and health—especially drawing on his experience growing up in a severely dysfunctional family. The speaker then offers practical strategies to curb people‑pleasing: setting clear boundaries, learning to say no, clarifying expectations before committing, prioritising self‑care, and using forgiveness exercises to release guilt. Implementing these techniques is presented as a way to reduce stress and break the cycle of people‑pleasing.

Chapters

Most people want to be liked, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like you, and that's a good lesson to learn. I have a note on my desk that reminds me that I'm not liked by everyone because I'm not pizza. Trying to be liked by everyone is basically a people pleaser. A people pleaser is someone who tries hard work hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away from them. People pleasers often act out of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem. They can often be perfectionists but soon realize they cannot do it all. If any of this sounds like you, Consider the following ideas that can help you resist being a people pleaser. Set proper boundaries. Remember that saying no allows you to say yes to the things you truly want to do or really need to do. Clarify expectations of what you are being asked to do before deciding whether or not to say yes. Prioritize yourself first. This was an important lesson for me as especially growing up in a severely dysfunctional family. The reality is, if you don't take care of yourself, who's going to do it? If you lose your health because you put everyone else first, what good will you be to others if all you have the energy to do is lie in bed recovering? And if it feels like you are disappointing the other person, do a forgiveness exercise so you don't carry any guilt after properly putting yourself first. By implementing one or more of these techniques, you will minimize your people pleaser tendencies and reduce your stress in the process.