Pete Alexander2x TEDx Speaker and best-selling author helping transform burned out workers into engaged colleagues.

Stress Relief Tool - Talk to Yourself

9 Jul 2019 · 2 min

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In this self‑help monologue, the speaker identifies the listener’s biggest obstacle as their own inner critic—a harsh, self‑deprecating voice that develops from painful experiences and learned negative attitudes. Rather than suppressing or obeying this negative self‑talk, the speaker advises a proactive shift: replace commands with constructive questions. Sample questions include “Am I willing to do what it takes?”, “Have I done this before?”, “What if the worst‑case scenario happens?” and “How can I frame this differently?”. This self‑inquiry activates problem‑solving regions of the brain, taps innate creativity, and allows the individual to meet negative thoughts with curiosity instead of fear, thereby reducing unnecessary stress.

Chapters

I'll give you one guess as to what your biggest challenge is. Yep, it's yourself. That inner critic that we all have that tells us that we are not good enough. That critical inner voice is formed out of painful life experiences in which we witnessed hurtful attitudes towards ourselves or those that we loved. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts towards ourselves and others. Rather than listening to our negative self-talk, try being proactive and talking to yourself in a more constructive way. It's as simple as tweaking the way you speak to yourself. Asking ourselves questions rather than issuing commands is a much more effective way to create change. So the next time you hear that negative self-talk creeping up, try asking questions instead, like, "Am I willing to do what it takes?" or "Have I done this before?" or maybe, "What if this worst-case scenario happens?" or "How can I How can I frame this differently? This type of self-inquiry powers up your problem-solving areas of your brain, helping you tap into your innate creativity. You're able to greet negative thoughts with curiosity instead of fear, thus minimizing the unnecessary stress we put on ourselves.