In this first‑person monologue, the speaker recounts growing up with a functioning alcoholic mother who held two jobs and kept her addiction hidden from most people. The experience forced the speaker to assume adult‑level responsibilities early, become hyper‑aware of others’ needs, and develop a strong people‑pleasing habit. These early adaptations also produced deep trust issues, a need for control, and heightened emotional reactions—such as extreme distress when someone is a few minutes late—stemming from the uncertainty of whether a parent would be present and supportive. In their twenties, the speaker discovered the book Adult Children of Alcoholics, which provided a framework that explained these patterns and their impact on friendships and romantic relationships. The speaker reflects that earlier awareness of these dynamics could have improved their personal relationships, but ultimately views the traits as both challenges and strengths that have contributed to success in other areas of life.
Chapters
So part of my story is that my mom's an alcoholic. And when you're a child of an alcoholic, you get certain character traits. She was a functioning alcoholic. She had 2 jobs. Not a lot of people knew, but I knew. My sister knew. And so you become responsible earlier in life. You become more cognizant of other people's needs. You become what everybody thinks they are, a people pleaser. But children of alcoholics actually do that. And so that gave me a lot of character traits, which allowed me to be successful in life in many ways, right? Because I showed up and I did what I said I was going to do, and I counted on, or I was hoping other people were gonna do the same thing. You have trust issues when you're a child of an alcoholic. So a lot of my personality is part of that upbringing, and it has given me a lot of good stuff. So I would not change that. What I would change is Exploring and figuring out what it meant, because it wasn't until I was in my twenties that I read a book called Adult Children Alcoholics, where I found I'm like, oh, that's why I'm struggling in relationships because I basically don't trust people. Yeah. Oh, that's why everybody thinks I'm a jerk because I always know better because I want to do everything because then I make sure that it gets done. Right? All these things. So I think you know having understood that early in life that I would have liked to change about my childhood because that would have made me a more successful. young adult in terms of my personal relationships, in terms of my friendships, that kind of thing. Getting those insights. Getting those insights, understanding myself, understanding why if somebody's 5 minutes late, I would freak out. Right? Literally like, what the f— you're 5 minutes late. That mattered so much to me. But that's because when you're a child of an alcoholic, you don't really— you grow up not knowing whether your parent is going to be for you, there for you or not. And so if somebody is not there for you, it goes to your heart. In a different way. And my girlfriends would be like, what do you mean? I mean, we're just going to the cinema, for crying out loud. Like, what? You know, total world-shattering thing. So I wish I'd learned that earlier.
