When your partner says you're not fully present, apologize without excuses, then try three things: put your phone away after work, sit down and share your day when you reunite, and agree on a safe word like "pineapple" they can use to call you back when you drift.
It's super easy to get defensive when somebody says, hey, you're not fully here, and you say, what do you mean? I am. That's not the way to do it. The way to do it is to say, I'm sorry. I realize I haven't been fully present. There's a lot on my mind, and that is not an excuse. Here's what I will do to be more present. Number 1, I will hide my phone when I come back from work or when I leave my home office. Number 2, I will sit down and talk to you about our days immediately when we meet each other. Number 3, if you see me being absent or distracted, let's organize a safe word. If you say pineapple, or if you say something out of the ordinary, that is a trigger to my brain that I'm doing it again. That's what I'm going to do. That's the way to deal with the fact that you've not been present and your partner calling you on it.
