Crush Your 20s: Transform Your Life Socially, Professionally & Mentally (Part 2)

Welcome to Readers, the podcast for the lifelong learner. Join us on our weekly dose of wisdom where we talk about the real-life lessons and applications of books. Enjoy. Hello and welcome back to Readers. Today we are once again joined by Nick Batchelder, author of Crushing Your 20s. Welcome back to the podcast, Nick. It's great to have you back.

Excited to be back. I promise not to swear this time.

Don't worry, it's— we edit that out. Anyway, in our last episode or part 1, right, we talked about creating solid habits. We talked about accountability. We saw a clear goal, right, and a solid structure, and we saw how that keeps motivation alive. We saw that motivation is temporary unless we include these things to back it up and, you know, include actual discipline into your daily habits. And we even talked about how tuning into our emotional operating systems can help us catch and course correct those hidden mood swings. So today in part 2, we're We'll be covering chapters 4 to 6. Here we're gonna be talking about attraction dynamics, broadcasting an identity, and social stamina, right? So without further ado, if you're ready, Nick, let's dive into chapter 4.

I'm ready.

Let's do it. So you kind of start this chapter off, right, by walking readers through kind of like a production line method, right, that you use to map and rank all of your responsibilities. So can you talk us a little bit through what that means for you? What is a production line method, and what is it that has helped you map, rank every single responsibility that you have on your daily schedule? How did you arrive at the system that you've come to? And what mistakes may you have made the first few times that you tried it?

Yeah, so the system is called Organize and Prioritize, and it came because I was really stressed and overwhelmed. I had a lot on my plate. And, you know, like you mentioned in the book, I kind of lay out like what's going on, and I'm very overwhelmed with a lot of things. And I was trying to figure out, okay, well, why am I so overwhelmed? Why am I falling behind and how can I fix it? And ultimately I created this system, assembly line-like system, like you mentioned, to solve it. So it works like this: organize and prioritize. The first thing is organize. So, okay, what do I have to get done? I realized a lot of my stress was coming from the fact that I didn't even know what I had to do, right? It was the lingering idea of like, I know there's something I'm missing that I hated. It was killing me. And so I laid out every responsibility that I had, and that ranged everywhere from renting a foam machine because I was a social chair of my fraternity, to my English essay that was due, to writing the book. And I laid it all out and I got, okay, let's group this up so I know, okay, I have these 4 things to do for social chair, I have these 3 things to do for school, I have these 2 things to do for the book. And I had about 6 categories. I went, okay, great, I have it in front of me, I know what actually has to get done. But I also know I have a limited amount of energy, right? I am not perfect. I'm not going to work from 6 AM to 6 PM. Like, that's just not gonna— or to, you know, midnight. That's just not gonna happen. So let's make sure the important things get done first. And what I would do is I'd prioritize. I'll go, okay, well, school is the most important, right? That's why I'm here. So I'm going to make sure I get my school done work first. And then after that, the book was most important, right? And then ultimately, like, fraternity stuff was dead last, right? And so I had this list of, okay, I know what needs to get done, and I know what groups are most important. And then lastly, I would go— and then I would go, okay, well, within these groups, what's most important? So I go, okay, well, my English essay is worth 10% of my grade, and so I'm going to work on that first. And I would organize all my priorities within my groups like that, and then lastly, I would just dedicate some time to it. So I go, okay, well, you know, I'm going to spend 45 minutes today on my schoolwork, and I'm going to spend 30 minutes today on my book, and then I'm going to spend 15 minutes on my fraternity stuff. And that was a way for me to like take advantage and take control of what I had going on. Before, it was, okay, I think I have this to do, I 'Oh my gosh, I have this due tomorrow. I think this is due on Wednesday. Like, I don't really know.' And it was like just really stressful, and you're bouncing from thing to thing, and you're just trying to survive one more day, to, 'Okay, I know what's most important. I know what needs to get done, and I know when I'm doing it.' And that's allowed me to free my schedule. I'm still really, really busy, but I'm telling you right now, I was actually looking at my schedule before this, and I'm basically done with my entire to-do list. And what that opens me up to do is I get to start focusing on things I really enjoy and long-term goals. So for example, I get to start focusing on the gym. And the gym is not something that's due tomorrow. The gym is something that I'm working on. So I'm, you know, in good shape for the rest of my life, right? And now I have time to do that because I don't have to worry about my essay that's due tomorrow. And it's been a great, you know, process and a great tool for me.

And as important as it is to categorize the activities and, you know, different parts of your day that are the most important, right? It's also just as important to dial back the things that you do in your day that are the least important. Important, right? Like, I'll give you an example. I have— I had about a month, right, before my internship starts this summer. And this month that I've had free, the amount of time I might have just spent doomscrolling has been way more than I usually do, right? And obviously, looking back on that now, I'm like, I probably could have taken the time out to dial that back. And here in your book, you suggest something like the urgent-important matrix, right, to allot all your tasks. And challenge— you challenge your readers to list those biggest time wasters, right? That yes, you're going to list out all the activities that you have to do, but you also list out all the activities that you do that might waste a lot of time, right? Those quadrant 3, those quadrant 4 distractions, and consciously cut those out. So I guess I want to ask, right, what are the most common roadblocks people hit when trying to dial back on those activities? And what simple tweaks and activities have you found that actually stick when it comes to dialing back the activities that tend to waste the most time on your schedule.

Yeah, you hit it on the head there. That whole idea comes from Stephen Covey and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, where we spend a lot of time doing things that are either not important or not urgent. So for example, TikTok is— it's not important, right? Like TikTok doesn't matter. And also TikTok will always be there. It's not urgent. And like you said, that is a big part of our life. And one of the best ways to get time back is actually to just get rid of— stop doing it. Now, your question was, how do you get away from that and what are the biggest ones? Right. So the biggest ones I see are, are definitely social media. That's the easiest one to be like, okay, we're going to doomscroll. A lot of it too is, you know, time, time with friends and the people you're around. And I don't mean that you shouldn't spend time with friends. I love spending time with my friends. I do that all the time. But like, there's also time with your friends or you're just like all on TikTok, right? It's like, I think sometimes people think like, oh, with my friends, it counts. It's like, no, you guys are in a room all on your phone together. Like, that does not count as friend time at all. And my biggest thing when it comes to avoiding that or doing less of that, because I can tell you personally, one of my biggest things right now is Netflix. I'm watching this show called White Collar.

And it was such a good show.

You've seen it?

I love it.

I love it.

Yeah. My mom actually put me on.

Yeah, I like— but the episodes are 45 minutes long, right? So like, I'll get my lunch and I'll sit down and I'll finish my lunch after 15 minutes. And I'm like, well, I'm already here, I might as well finish watching it, right? And it's really hard to get away from that. And the two things that I do to try and get away from these distractions is, one, I put myself in different environments. So if I'm really trying to be productive, I just won't put it on, right? Or I'll put a 15-minute YouTube video on because I know when the 15-minute video ends, then I'm going to reset. I'm like, okay, now I can get out of this. But like, if the episode's on, I'm gonna finish it because I'm there. So I try and put myself in different environments, or I'll listen to a podcast instead, right? Like, there's, there's different tiers of, like, stimulus, and, you know, I try and do the least addicting ones if I really need to be productive that day, like a podcast or a shorter YouTube video.

Sure. And, like, you know, I feel like that idealist mentality of I'm just gonna fully avoid everything that might be distracting, right? It doesn't work, right? I think, you know, moving on to the— within this chapter, you also make the very bold claim that tightly scheduling even creative work and downtime ultimately ends up freeing more hours, right? That if you actually put the amount of time that you're going to waste, putting it a little crudely, that tends to free up more hours. Can you explain the rationale behind this and what strategies that listeners can kind of use to schedule their downtime in a more effective manner without obviously having that take over their entire schedule as it often does? You know, I guess I'll kind of give an example, like when even the time between a meal and the next time I sit down to work, right? I finish lunch, I sit down to work and I pick up my phone and then that ends up turning into a 20-minute scroll session or texting a friend or, you know, whatever that is. So what strategies can people use to, you know, effectively allot that downtime for themselves without having a sort of schedule fatigue and making sure that those times that they've allotted to productive productivity don't actually end up disappearing in this kind of, uh, self-scheduled doom scroll.

Yeah, yeah. So the claim there is the more you schedule your life, the more free time you're gonna have. So for example, I mentioned like 2 minutes ago, like, my schedule today is really, really free, or like I have a lot of free time, right? Like my to-do list is basically done, um, but my life is really scheduled. Like before this I had I've got, you know, 3 calls scheduled and then I've got the gym scheduled and then I've got class scheduled, right? Like I have all these things scheduled. Um, but the beauty of it is all the time that I'm not scheduled, like I'm wide open. Like I have a lot of flexibility to kind of do whatever I want in the times I'm not scheduled. And I do think it can be helpful to like schedule times of like, all right, this time is like for the show or whatnot, or this or this. Typically what I do is I schedule my priorities and I schedule my to-do list vigorously. So that the rest of my life is flexible. And one of the best parts about that as well is it allows me to mess up. So for example, you mentioned sometimes you schedule, you schedule time for homework and you end up doomscrolling, right? It just happens. Like, I do that too, right? I have often, I make a lot of social media content and I'll schedule, okay, well, I'm going to get 10 pieces of content done this week, right? And what I like to do is I like to overshoot it. So I post 7 pieces of content every week, and I try and make 10 every week, which means like, on average, I'm like 3— I have a surplus of 3, right? But the reality is sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes I get distracted. Sometimes I want to go hang out with my friends. Sometimes I'm just tired and I want to go to bed, and I end up making like 7 pieces of content that week. But that's fine, because that's actually was my goal the whole time. Or for example, because my life is so scheduled, if I mess up like after this I'm gonna, after this I'm going to the gym at 1, like I have that all set in stone. If I, for whatever reason, I don't go, right? Because I'm so ahead on my other things, I can go after my class at 6:00 PM and that's fine. And the reality is if you schedule your life pretty vigorously, it actually allows you to mess up on that schedule more often because you're so ahead on things. Does that make sense?

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I feel like I've definitely seen that reflected in even the people around me, right? Like the friends that, you know, that definitely don't have a lot going on or Somehow the people who don't end up making it to the group events because they're like, oh man, you know, I was busy or whatever. But in reality, it was the 4-hour nap you took right before you started working when we were supposed to be going out. Right. And I feel like not restricting yourself and not having a certain amount of discipline for yourself actually restricts your schedule more than it does free it up. Yeah.

I think you want something done, ask a busy person, right? Yeah.

That's a— I think who said that?

I feel like I've heard Benjamin Franklin. Yeah, I believe. Yeah.

There we go. And you know, as, as we kind of wrap up the chapter here, right? I think you also include a very important aspect of scheduling and that is to reschedule, right? And here you talk a little bit about the fact that your schedule will not stay the same forever, right? Between your fall semester and your spring semester, between your winter break and your summer break, everything will be different. So I think the one thing you talk about here is revisiting everyone's production line, their maps, their calendar blocks and, kind of developing a routine for yourself that your schedule doesn't get stagnant, not even maybe for the fact that your schedules change, but even to, you know, avoid schedule fatigue, right? Doing the same thing every single day can tend to get, you know, monotonous. It tends to get boring. People, you know, stop following it after a little bit. So what simple routine maybe do you recommend? Do you feel like it's more important to revisit it very often daily, whether that's like a 2-minute daily look at your schedule, or do you feel like that's more important to do like a 30-minute weekly planning or a monthly? What kind of has worked for you and what would you suggest to listeners?

Yeah, I bring it up. I do all those things and I do it at different frequencies. So like every day I'm checking my schedule a couple of times a day. I'm like, okay, what am I doing today? Right. And like just making sure things line up and maybe moving things around if I need to. Right. But like those are mostly quick just to see like, okay, what do I have? When do I need to be? When, where, right? And the next thing I do is I do weekly ones. So like you said, like I'll sit down, I'll go, okay, wait, what's my schedule for the week? And also make sure that everything lines up. I'll make sure like, oh, you know what, I actually, something else came up and there's this event I wanna go to on Saturday night and I don't actually want to, you know, do the gym at 4:00 PM on Saturday. I wanna actually like hang out with my friends and make sure I'm ready to go to this thing. So I do a daily, like super quick, I'm not really trying to change anything, just make sure what's going on. I'll do a weekly check-in to be like, okay, you know, sometimes I schedule things months out in advance. Let's just make sure everything still works and see if this is the flow I still want to do. And then I'll do like bigger, like, you know, every month or two I'll go like, okay, like I've been going to the gym typically at, you know, 7:00 PM. I'm like, I don't really want to do that anymore. Like I want to go to the gym at like noon right now. I'm not in school anymore, so I can go earlier, right? Or you know what, I really want to start, you know, spending more time writing, right? I think it's time to do that. And then I'll add that into my schedule. So I think the answer is a little bit of everything there of, you know, daily I'm checking it just to make sure I don't miss things. Weekly I'm checking it to kind of find the balance of like, do I need to adjust anything? And also do I wanna switch little things up? And then monthly I'm going, okay, I'm gonna start allocating more time to specific things, um, and really make some bigger shifts because now I have more time to reflect and I think it's time to shift.

Yeah. I feel like, you know, going a little bit back to what you mentioned earlier in this chapter, right? As we kind of closed this chapter out, I think you said something that really resonated with me, and that was that when I don't schedule things or when I don't, you know, consciously keep myself updated with everything that's going on, I kind of have this lingering thought of, oh hey, something's coming up, or I have something, but I don't know what it is. Uh, and I feel like on the times, you know, in between my new schedules or something like that, that tends to happen, right? Where I'm— I have a whole day and I have no idea what I'm about to do that day. And I think that ends up causing so much more stress and anxiety than it ever should have. And when I actually do tend to schedule those things, you write it out and you feel like, hey, you know, it's a busy day, but I know everything I have to do and it's fully achievable, right? Whereas if you don't, you feel so overwhelmed.

Yeah. It's such a silly, it's such a silly thing, but it's so true of like, if I wake up at 11 and I have nothing to do today, I'm like almost more anxious than if I wake up at 6:30, and I'm like, well, I can go to the gym, then I have a call, then I have class, right? It's like the being scheduled and knowing what you have going on is like, is peaceful to me, right? And it sounds like to you as well, where it's like, okay, I just, I don't like the uncertainty.

Yeah, absolutely.

I like to, like to know what to get done.

And clearly it's not just me or you, right? In Chapter 5, you kind of open with this very surprising, honestly not that surprising, but very kind of big stat that roughly 85% of adults in America suffer from low self-esteem, and about 50% of 18 to 24-year-olds report anxiety or stress symptoms, right? Now, obviously everyone has some stress in their lives, but I think a lot of this comes from the fact that people aren't very intentional with their time, with their schedules. And I guess people tend to let things pile up, right? Whether that's, you know, your credit card bill, your homework, or, you know, anything else. And here you kind of introduce what you call the 3 Pillars exercise, right? Doing something hard, pursuing a goal for 15 minutes, or learning something new. And that's kind of like you mentioned as your toolkit for escaping what you call the rut. So, you know, I kind of want to ask you to go a little bit deeper into that. What does that 3 Pillars exercise mean to you? How has it helped you get out of this rut?

Yeah, the rut is, is something that was a big part of my life, and it's not It's not so much an issue anymore because I've gotten good at dealing with it. But the rut is everything that we deal with. It's like, okay, well, I'm stuck on TikTok for 2 hours. It's okay, I keep hitting snooze and I don't want to get out of bed. It's I keep saying I'm going to stop watching White Collar and go to the gym, but I keep watching White Collar and I haven't made it to the gym yet. It's I keep saying I'm going to apply for a job, but I haven't because I'm busy and I'm lying around and talking to my friends, right? It's getting stuck. It's not being able to make forward momentum. And ultimately, what I found to be a truth that continues to reoccur throughout my life is the first step is the hardest. And the whole idea around the 3 Pillars exercise is making the first step easier and more doable. So one of the things is doing something hard. Doing something hard is just a great way to reset, and there's also multiple wins with it, right? So for example, yesterday I was in my room for a while, and I was kind of getting tired and kind of wanting to watch TikTok and jump on my bed. And I go, okay, well, I haven't gone to the gym today, I'm gonna go for a run. And the run sucked. It was really hard. I did not enjoy it. But when I was done with the run, I was like, oh my gosh, I have all this energy. I'm outside, I'm reset. I'm ready to go do something productive, right? Or, you know, let's go to the sauna or let's jump in the river or let's do, I don't know, 20 pushups, whatever it is. You know, it doesn't have to be that extreme of the, you know, the macho bro things you see online today, but it's anything to do something hard to reset. Is a great way that I found to get out of, out of the rut. The second one is learn something new, or is that the third one? Learn something new.

I thought it was the third one.

What was it?

Remind me. Pursuing a goal was the second one.

Yeah, yeah. Pursuing a goal is a big one for me because pursuing a goal is growth, right? And pursuing a goal is something a little more fun. It doesn't have to be so like, you know, restrictive of like I think when a lot of people, when we, when we think of goals, we think of them as like, oh, I have to go do that. But pursuing a goal is just a great way to go, okay, well, like I'm actually growing and I'm actually, you know, doing something that's making myself better. And then the last one, which was learning, is like, okay, well, let's go learn something new. And the reason I kind of skimmed over those two is what I really wanna touch on is the underlying factor of, of all three of those pillars and the, the real reason I made them is the idea is growth. And the idea is like forward movement and growth is what I've really found helps me get out of the rut and really helps me get my momentum going. Now, there are other ways people can find ways to grow in their own life. Those are the 3 that have been the easiest and the best for me. And the idea is, you know, when you're watching White Collar, when you're on TikTok, when you're not wanting to apply for jobs, when you're not wanting to set your schedule, when you're sleeping in, It's because you're not growing, right? And I don't mean growing like, like you're literally not moving, you're not changing, you're not growing, you're stuck in the same place. And not moving is very comfortable for us, but growing is ultimately what you need to do and it makes you feel a lot better. And so the underlying thing there is find ways to grow because that'll help you get unstuck.

Yeah. Just out of curiosity, what's the last goal that you kind of worked on, right? Because I guess something with a goal, right? Whether that's like, oh, I want to learn how to play the guitar or I want to learn clay modeling or singing or whatever that is, right? It's kind of a long-term goal, but it's something you can work on one step at a time. Just out of curiosity, what was the last?

Yeah. Yes. Well, yeah. So with the run, I do Spartan, Spartan races. It's basically like, it's like a 10K meets like an American Ninja Warrior. So it's like, it's a race, but there's obstacles and there's a lot of running and I'm not a big runner, but I'm a big weightlifter and I want to, I want to win. One of the Spartan races. So one of my goals is I have to run, I'm gonna have to be able to run 6 to 8 miles at like a 7:30 pace, which is really hard. Wow. And so I'm working towards that goal. So yesterday I ran 2 miles at like a 7:30 pace and I almost died.

Yeah.

And, but my goal is to, I have a race in August, so that's the goal that I'm reaching towards. So that's an example of one.

That's cool, man. That's awesome. You know, and I feel like turning the 3 pillars is something that, seems like a one-off thing, right? Like, oh, I may, when I'm doing my work and I kind of get stuck in a rut, I'm going to do it, um, kind of out of the blue. But I feel like for you, it's almost become a habit, right? That, yeah, it's not something you put in your schedule. It's not something you can necessarily plan for, but when it happens, that's the first thing you think of. And I kind of want to ask for our listeners out there, right, who aren't used to doing something hard when they're stuck in a rut, or they're not used to pursuing a goal when something when they're stuck in a rut, how do they turn a one-off thing into a habit, right? Something of repetition. And how can they maybe even track that? Obviously for you, right? Running, you can track on a schedule that, hey, I ran 2 miles today. Hey, I ran 3 miles today. I ran 4 miles. But whether that's a goal or whether that's them just working on something new or doing something that they've never done before, how do you feel like they can turn that A into a habit from a one-off thing? And how important do you think tracking is when it comes to that?

I think tracking can be really motivating, and I think it's great and it holds you accountable. And I would say the best way to track this is actually to track how often you're getting into ruts, not how often you're getting out of them. So the best way to avoid the rut— the best way to get out of the rut is to avoid it in the first place. And so I'm really good at that now. It's a habit of the second I stop, my momentum stops, right? I stop doing work, I stop eating my food, I stop, you know, whatever it is. I'm like, all right, what am I doing now? Like, what's the little thing I can do? What's something hard I can do? What's something— I pick up a book, I think about a goal, I do some journaling, right? It's like a habit. And then that helps me avoid the rut. And I think one fun little exercise that I've started to see now, done, do more now, it's like, okay, well, on your phone or whatever, or on a notebook, track, okay, well, today I was in a rut from, you know, I would say I was in a rut for like an hour because I was on TikTok, and that happened because I jumped on my bed. So track, okay, what, what was the rut? So what, what were you doing? And then what caused it? So TikTok, jumped on my bed, was tired after homework, or, um, alarm, slept in, kept, canceled my alarm, was up too late last night, right? And kind of keep track of those. And then what I found is if you keep track of those, subconsciously you're gonna know it's coming up. You're like, okay, well I just finished my homework. I'm thinking about jumping in bed. But I've been recording this and I know every time I jump in that bed, it does not go well. So instead of doing that, I'm gonna go for a walk, right? And if you really keep track of kind of the negatives and like what is causing it, um, you can get better at avoiding it. And I found it's actually better to, to avoid those situations than to work on getting yourself out of them once you're in it.

I think one of the biggest parts, whether that's taking small changes in your schedule or whether that's noticing things that might get you into ruts or very small habits that tend to derail you in your daily life. The kind of common theme that I'm seeing here, right, is being very observant of everything you're doing, right, on a daily basis. Um, not just noticing that, hey, I just spent 30 minutes to an hour completely wasted on Instagram, on TikTok, because— but rather, I decided to go to— on my bed, and that's why that all happen, right? And kind of moving into Chapter 6 here, right? Chapter 6 all talks about how your perception shapes reality, right? You use Dr. Wiseman's lucky coffee shop experiment. You talk about exercises like the Tesla spotting drill, right? To note, to kind of highlight that what you notice actually becomes your world. And, you know, the first thing that kind of stood out, right, was that you highlighted one of the participants in one of these studies I believe his name was Martin, his ability to spot a $5 bill, right? And use that to start up a business conversation, right? So in that same way that he was able to notice something so small, so seemingly insignificant, and turn that into a whole conversation and connect with someone, what daily habits or mental drills can listeners use kind of to train themselves to notice and seize these small opportunities? You know, whether that's, you found that, hey, I want to journal every night and make sure that as a result of my journaling, I'm looking back at all of the ruts that I may have gotten into throughout the day, or what caused all of the small wins, the big wins, you know, how— what small habits do you feel like you would want everyone listening to know to kind of start thinking about those small details?

Yeah, one habit that I do is in the mornings I write I statements. So I did it this morning. I do it most mornings. And I'll wake up and I'll write "I" at the top of the page. And then I'll write all the things that I am or want to be. So I'll write, "I am a New York Times bestselling author. I am a highly paid and followed public speaker." Right? And I'll write all these things. And then I'll sit for a moment, I'll look at them, I'll kind of internalize them. And it's awesome. Like, I don't know, I don't know if you've ever tried it. But like, it's really, really, like, you feel really, really good afterwards. Like, it's not even just like, mumbo jumbo, write these things down. Like, I genuinely read it and I internalize it and I go, wow, I am this person. And it fades away throughout the day. And like, you know, the more you do it, the more it sticks with you. But giving yourself consistent reminders like that, for me, it's journaling. That's one easy way to do it. It's a great way to kind of build that identity. And the more you repeat it to yourself and the more you kind of talk about it, the more you're going to start looking for evidence of it.

Yeah, I think it's very important to look back on, you know, the small things that you might've done wrong or done well, but it's also as important to tell yourself, right? To affirm yourself how, how well you might've done or something you need to work on. You know, kind of moving on, I think taking that awareness into more than just yourself, right? Taking that awareness into the real world, whether that's you having a conversation or, attending a networking event or a coffee chat or anything like that, right? You talk about in the Tesla spotting exercise, for example, right? You challenge your readers to track every Model S, X, or 3 they see for 48 hours, right? You know, just for the listeners out there, what is kind of the purpose of that, you know, of that exercise and how should someone structure that exercise step by step? What do you feel like that's kind of helped you or the listeners with?

The purpose of that exercise is to highlight your reality is really what you make it. And I love this exercise because it goes to show like you really can change your reality. So for example, like how many Teslas have you seen in the last couple of days?

Oh, probably a lot. I live in a very high Indian concentrated area. So there's quite a bit. Okay.

How many, how many Priuses have you seen then?

Ooh, I can't really count.

2, 3, any?

Probably, yeah, about just about 2, 3 to 5. I don't know.

Right. But I bet you if you focused on it for the next 48 hours and you go, okay, well, I'm going to look for Priuses all day. Like, I'm not going to change your— don't change your schedule, live your life, but just be aware of it and kind of scan around for them. Like, you're probably going to see 30+ in the next 2 days. And then the next step of that is what I ask readers. I go, all right, look for a dinosaur. How many dinosaurs you seen? The last month?

Yeah. No.

Are you seeing dinosaurs? Yeah. No. And if you look really hard, you'll notice you'll probably see like 1 to 3 dinosaurs in the next couple of days. And the idea is you can use that for anything. So, for example, you know, if you're, if you're thinking to yourself, man, I'm terrible at school, I can't get my GPA up. Like, that's just not for me. It's like, well, no, if you focus really, really hard on evidence that you're good at school, you're going to find that you're going to go, man, like, I got my work done a day early. Or, man, like, I got a 10 out of 10 on my homework. Or, you know, man, like, I showed up to class on time, right? And those little things really start to help your belief of who you are. There's a really, really cool story of this kid who was failing high school. Like, he didn't try, didn't apply himself. He was like terrible. I think like a 1.4 GPA. And he took the SAT because his mom made him. He didn't want to. Like, he like was like, whatever, filled it out. And then he got mail. Back and it turned out he got like a 1540.

Oh wow.

On the SAT. So he's got like a 1.3, he's got a 1540, and then he gets into a really good school because of it. And he goes on to be a really successful individual. And then when he is in his 30s, he gets, he gets a letter from the board and it says, hey, like we sent you the wrong SAT. Like you actually got like a 30, 30, you know, 340. And it's like, well, this kid dominated life. Wow. And he killed life. Because he believed he was smart enough to get a 1540, even though he didn't. And that's the message there of if you think you're confident, you're going to be more confident. I'm not telling you it's going to be perfect and you're going to show up and be like Ryan Gosling. That's not going to happen. But you will be at least a little more confident. If you think you're good at school, you're going to be more good, better at school. If you think you can't find a job, you won't find a job. It's not going to happen. And so it's really, really important that you believe you are these things and you feel you are these things. Because that's ultimately the fastest way to get there.

Yeah, and I think the section in your chapter, The Perfect You, right, invites a lot of these readers to rewrite that self-identity, right? That whatever preconceived notions you may have— oh, I'm a bad writer, or I'm just not good at math, or, you know, I, I'm really good at this but I'm not very good at this— I think it invites readers to actually rewrite that self-identity, right? Like, almost like those I statements I statements that you mentioned a little bit earlier. What concrete methods, whether that's those I statements or writing self-affirmations or daily mantras or, you know, vision boards or whatever that is, what kind of daily or concrete methods do you use or do you recommend for solidifying a new narrative for someone who might, you know, struggle with their own self-esteem?

Yeah, the I statements are a great place to start. Definitely write those. I have— my family does this thing that we do, like images. So like we do like images of the year. So I have this up on my wall and like this is— we threw like, you know, 100 images on the table, like just silly random ones. And we picked which one spoke to us. And I put that— I picked that one because I was like, yeah, like I want to be, you know, cool. I want to be unapologetically myself. I want to have more fun. I want to be creative. Right. And so, like, I have that image on my wall and I go like, that's who I am.

Sure.

Like, that's me. Or, you know, throughout the day I'll just remind myself randomly, like, hey, like, you're the man. Hey, you're really confident. Like, hey, like, you're good at school, right? And it's just like, it's not— it's not going to be you wake up one day and you decide it's going to happen. It's like, no, you're doing all these little concrete things, like you said, of I statements. You have little images around you. You remind yourself every once in a while. You could do the accountability groups like I mentioned in Chapter 2, where you just have a buddy And you guys continue to like hold each other accountable and tell each other like, hey, like, just, you know, like, you're really strong. Like, I'm really impressed by like how fit you are. Oh, thank you, man. I'm really impressed by how good you are at public speaking, right? Like, you're really— I can understand why you're so highly paid, right? Or people want you to come on. Just finding ways that it's consistently showing up in your daily life. That's how you're going to see all those dinosaurs and the Priuses and see the evidence start to pile up. And then you're really going to start to believe it.

Yeah, I think as important as it is to tell yourself about your own affirmations or write these I statements, I also think it's extremely important to, you know, create relationships where that is happening automatically, right? Like you mentioned, a friend who just for no reason compliments you, right? Like if one of my friends walks up to me today, right, and just tells me like, hey man, I really like, I don't know, the way that you write. Or something, or I really enjoy your podcast, right? That's something that'd be pretty surprising to me, you know, or just like, oh wow, like that, that's very surprising that you said that. But at the same time, yeah, but it feels good. And at the same time, you mentioned that that shouldn't be a surprising thing, right? That should be a regular thing. That should be something you facilitated. And you kind of compare these relationships to a bank account of deposits and withdrawals, right? And what are kind of 3 simple high-impact deposits Right? Like specific questions to ask, gestures to make, or follow-up practices listeners can start making today to strengthen those networks or their relationships authentically and start kind of turning that social capital into real resources for them.

Deposits with other relationships with other people.

Yes.

Yeah. First one right there, you said it off the bat is compliment people. And but be genuine, right? Like, don't just say, oh, I love that outfit. It's like, no, don't say that unless you actually like it. So that's one is like I called compliments out. It's like, okay, dude, you got— you get a new haircut? Like, I actually really like it. Like, it's fun. Like, I really like what you're doing with it. Or, hey, I love those shoes. Or, hey, I'm really impressed that you did so well at school this term or whatever it is, right? Another one, which is a little more niche that a lot of people don't do, is sending like, hey, I'm thinking of you texts. So for example, I had one friend, he graduated college now. He used to drive like a Mini Cooper. And the other day I saw a Mini Cooper, like a yellow Mini Cooper, which is exactly what he drove. And I text him, hey, just saw a yellow Mini Cooper, made me think of you, hope you're doing well. And people love to know that we're thinking of them. So that's a great deposit of, hey, saw this, made me think of you, wish you the best. Yeah, those are great ones. And then the last deposit that I would say is, is just doing little, little like favors for people. So for example, like if I'm, you know, I have 3 roommates, like if I see there's dishes out, like instead of calling them out and be like, hey, can you do them? It's like, I'll just do them for them. And then they come in, they're like, oh, like the dishes are done. Like, I really appreciate, like that is a deposit done for me. Or if, you know, people need help with this little task, I'm like, takes me 5 minutes. Like, I'll do it. I'll help you out. And just those little things are really, really important. And then the last thing I'm going to say is, again, kind of going back to like avoiding the, the ruts is a really big part of it is just holding yourself back so you don't do the bad things. Like, don't— like, it's so, so often every day there's, there's the temptation to be like, dude, why the— why are you being stupid? Don't do that. Or it's like calling people out for little things or correcting people when it doesn't matter. And it's like those little things just don't matter. Let it go. Yeah, I would say the— I would say most people when it comes to deposits and withdrawals are just battling to fight the constant withdrawals that they're taking out, right? When it really should be of don't take out with any withdrawals and like just slowly add deposits. Don't, don't feel like you shouldn't feel like you're trying to battle the bad things you're doing.

Hmm. I feel like that reminds me of, uh, I forget who said the quote or if it was just a family friend, but he said, you know, everyone has this kind of false idea that relationships should be 50/50. He said relationships should be 99 and 1, and everyone should be trying to be the 99, right? Like everyone's trying to be the person who, you know, yeah, like I'll do the dishes even though I wasn't the one who made the mess. You know, that's what at least it should be. Um, and I think The key with that is to A, kind of make yourself feel like you're that kind of person who does, whether that's with these I statements or self-affirmations or anything like that. And B, with facilitating relationships where that can happen between the two of you. Yeah.

You want to be someone that people are excited to be around. Absolutely. Like you want to be someone where they're like, oh, I'm— oh, Nick's here.

Yes.

That's good. Like, I mean, I'm excited to interact with Nick because Nick makes me feel good. Right. Nick helps me do things. Nick is, Nick is someone I want to be around. And that's kind of a goal everyone should strive for.

Sure. And, and, you know, with that, that kind of wraps up our deep dive into part 2 or chapters 4 through 6. Today, I think we learned a lot. At least I learned a lot. I thought this was a really cool episode. I think we took a lot of broad concepts and brought that down to a very detailed and specific implementation into our lives. Today we learned how to map to protect our time, to, you know, schedule effectively and double, triple check our schedules to make sure that they're not stagnant. We talked about how to build our, you know, our stress busting toolkit, right? To kind of get rid of that anxiety that we may feel on a regular basis. And we also talked about training our minds to notice our own either shortcomings and successes and to create opportunity with our relationships. Nick, it's been awesome to hear these practical strategies for kind of organizing your life and escaping the rut and kind of tuning your own radar to the world around you. So thanks again for joining us again on Readers.

Thanks for having me. To episode 3.

Absolutely. And to our listeners, you know, I know I just talked about this, but I'd like to encourage all of you to at least try one tip from this, this part today, whether that's blocking out a creative hour, testing a testing how many, you know, Teslas you can see on the street, or kind of making these impacts on a daily basis to just do nice things for other people that may be in your circle. And, you know, until part 3, until next time, keep on learning, keep on changing, and keep on growing. We'll see you next time.