Crush Your 20s: Transform Your Life Socially, Professionally & Mentally (Part 1)

Welcome to Readers, the podcast for the lifelong learner. Join us on our weekly dose of wisdom where we talk about the real-life lessons and applications of books. Enjoy! Hello and welcome back to Readers. Today we have a pretty unique guest, actually the youngest guest I've ever had on here. Welcome to the podcast, Nick. It's a pleasure to have you here today.

Beer, thanks for having me. I'm excited to get into it.

Absolutely. Before we, you know, start and get into the intro and everything, Nick, do you want to give a quick introduction, talk a little bit about what your book is and kind of your unique background here?

Yeah, my name is Nick Batchelder, and I'm actually a 21-year-old. I'm a student at the University of Oregon studying finance and accounting, and I love self-help books. I've always read them. I started in high school, and I quickly realized that there weren't any self-help books that I felt appealed straight to people in their 20s, right? Like, what are the core lessons that you need to know? Because self-help is great, but for people not like you and I who don't read all those books or who don't want to read 500-page books and really get into it, it's just too much. And so I wrote a book called Crush Your 20s, and it's under 100 pages. And the idea is it's a quick read, and it's the core 6 lessons that I think everyone needs to know to crush their 20s. Anything from confidence to networking and Emotional Intelligence. It's, you know, quick and to the point, and it's meant to help you crush your 20s.

Yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know, one thing he won't mention here is that he's pretty accomplished himself. You know, your own company, obviously your own book, you speak, you're a coach, you're— you mean you got a lot of things going on for you. So, uh, you know, it's, it's pretty interesting to have someone on here who's actually around my age, uh, the first time that's happened. So, uh, I'm looking forward to it. Actually, one of my favorite things about your book is that, like you said, right, it's written for people who are your age. You know, the common trend with most books like these are that often people have completed or reached a pinnacle at something in their career or something like that, and then they, you know, they start writing. With you, it's almost like you're writing as you go, right? And that means there's a lot of personal anecdotes that you give, which to me is, you know, one of the most powerful parts of the book. So, you know, without further ado, let's go right into chapter 1, which starts with just that, a personal anecdote about your transformation. Now, I think you start this book in this chapter off here with talking a little bit about the change that you've seen happen in your own life between your high school self and your college self now, right? From someone who struggled with a lot of things, maybe socially, confidence, things like that, to someone who's, you know, doing a lot better now, I'd say. You say that this transformation happened or started with 3 things, right? Books, mentors, and experimentation. So I kind of want to ask which one really came first for you and how did it pull the others into motion? And how did those end up being the catalyst for your change and transformation?

Yeah, books came first because books were the least scary. Books I could read at home on the couch and I didn't have to tell anybody that I was reading them. Right. And that was the first step. I was okay. You know, I was curious. I was like, I'm kind of, I was sick of it. I was like, I want to be more confident. I want to talk to more people. I want to apply myself more. So I started with books, things like Atomic Habits or 48 Laws of Power, like the big names that you hear. And then as I started to read them, I started to talk to people around me. So I talked to people like my dad. I would talk to some business connects. I would talk to friends and family and I'd be like, that I looked up to and I'd say, okay, well, you know, here's what I'm learning. And I, From my perspective, you have these skills already. What do you think? What would you add? What would you take away? And then it eventually got to a point where I was like, okay, now I actually gotta try these and see if these work. And that's the hardest part, but it's the most rewarding part because then you actually get to see the growth and you actually feel like you're transforming. One of the common phrases that I see a lot is motivation porn. And I try not to get into that because I love motivation. My reels are all hype videos. It's like Mike Tyson or Tony Robbins or these inspirational motivational speeches, and that's great, but it's easy to fall into that trap of you're just getting it for the dopamine hit and you're not actually doing it. And so for me, it was, it was, okay, I'm learning in the book, I'm talking it, talking about it to people I, you know, respect and admire, and then I'm actually doing it. And part of that was just motivation. Like, I had had enough, and I was like, I really want to try this even though it sucks, um, and it, like, I get rejected and things happen that, you know, maybe don't feel comfortable. And then you know, I also had some accountability and I had, you know, people around me, you know, checking in on me and holding me accountable. And because I was talking to my, these mentors all the time about it, they were consistently asking me like, hey, like, are you actually doing this? Like, how's that going? And that's how that process, you know, started to unfold and continues to unfold.

Sure. Can you give an example? I want, I kind of want to harp a little bit on that experimentation aspect, right? Because like you mentioned, obviously there's books that motivated you, right? And mentors that held you accountable and challenged you. But when you really think about putting that into practice, What did that kind of look like for you? If you can give a quick example of something that you put into experimentation or something that really changed you that others might've held you accountable for.

Yeah, I can give you a couple. One of my goals was the gym. I had always wanted to go to the gym, but I was not good at it. And one of the things early on that's actually not in the book is I was starting to look at the Atomic Habits of the 22nd rule. Which is if you have a habit you wanna start, make it 20 seconds easier. So I would put my gym clothes out on the floor so it was easier for me to go right after school. Or something that is in the book is I would reach out to one of my buddies and I would go to his house every single day when I could and I would work out with him in his garage and we had the wackiest setup, but it worked. And I was a little uncomfortable in both those situations, especially if I had to wake up earlier, especially, you know, being in the gym or in the garage with my buddy who was way stronger than me. So that's one example. A funnier example is— you Snapchat?

I do, yeah.

Yeah, so Snapchat for me was like, I was like, okay, this is interesting. I was like, this is a way to interact with people, right? So when I was trying to get more confident and I was trying to do this thing called like rejection therapy where I was just like getting rejected all the time, or just like getting over my nervous energy. And I remember I got to college, and like the first week of college, I met my neighbor, and we did this game. And I would just like, we would just walk up to people the first time we see and just ask for the number. Like, I remember one day we had a conversation, like, all right, who can get more Snapchats? I got like 15 in a day. And I was just walking up to random people and be like, hey, like, do you go here? And they're like, yeah. I'd be like, I'm Nick, can I get your Snapchat? And it's like It's like cringy, but like, it really helped me grow. And it's like, do I still do that? No. Is that the most effective way to be more confident? Probably not, but it's mo— it's motion, right? It's growth. And that's an example of, I think that's a fun example of a peer learning as they grow, opposed to professional teaching people, you know, looking back.

Sure. I feel like one of the biggest issues that people might face when it comes to growth or setting goals is the fact that a lot of times people try to take too many. Right? Like you look at one of these Mike Tyson reels or something and you're all motivated and you're like, okay, tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to work for 6 hours and I'm going to, you know, like all these crazy things that they put out there. I'm going to start meal prepping, you know, whatever that is. And in reality, you know, maybe one thing happens, but then it stops because you're overloading your plate, right? And here in your book, you kind of ask readers to pick one key goal and then tie all of your efforts to that. Why do you feel like that single goal clarity is so powerful, especially in their 20s when people feel overwhelmed by so many options?

Yeah, I read a lot of self-help books and I've— one of the realization I've come to is like, I only learn 1 to 3 things from each book. And sometimes I just read books to read books. And it's important to find the distinction of like, why am I reading this book? Am I reading this book to read it to say I read a book or am I reading it to actually like learn something from within it? And that was my big thing, was like, I just asking readers to learn one thing because like you said, like we get overstimulated. There are so many options nowadays, whether that's at the grocery store, whether that's reels and entertainment, whether that's education, like everything is fighting for your attention. And my goal was like, okay, like what's the one thing you want, right? Like if you could change anything, if a genie gave you a wish, like what would it be? It's like, all right, we'll focus on that, right? Like, I'm not guaranteeing that this is going to happen next week, but I'm guaranteeing that you can start making progress towards that. Because, you know, what I found in my life is once I start moving towards something, right, once I get over that first step, it's so much easier, right? I hate waking up in the morning, but like, after the first 10 minutes, after I get out of the shower in the morning, like, I'm good. I have energy. I'm excited that I'm up. But, you know, when that alarm goes off, like, I'm like, no way, I'm not doing that. So, you know, that was something that I see in my life where it's like, okay, like, just do one thing, just get to the shower, or just, you know, read the book, but you only have to learn one thing, or go to your lecture today and just like focus on one aspect you find interesting. It was just a way for me to make the book less intimidating and, you know, hopefully allow the readers to leave with something.

I feel like the kind of common theme that you see here is that you, you aim for a very specific set of things that you know, stayed consistent throughout, whether that's in one aspect of your life or another. And, you know, you write that motivation goes and comes, right? But structure stays. And on that note, right, what's one structural decision that you made early on in your life that still carries weight today? What is something that you maybe decided, whether that's leaving your gym shorts out before, you know, you go to school, or whether that's deciding, you know, when to wake up or something like that? What is that structural decision that has stayed consistent and has become the catalyst of even more change?

Yeah, this is probably not what you're expecting to hear, but it's actually the way that I tell others about myself and I talk about myself. Like, the persona I create for myself is very high, right? Like, I tell people like, no, I'm a disciplined person. Or people around me know, like, okay, like, he's the professional development guy, or he's the gym guy, or he's the this, he's the that. Like, I speak very highly of myself. And I try and create a perception that so do other people, you know, speak, you know, see me in a high regard. And that helps me. It helps me a lot. Like, you know, for example, we're having this, you know, this talk right now. Like, if I didn't have a book, if I didn't have this reputation, it's like, well, maybe I'm just— right now I'd be— can I? I'm assuming I can't. So I would be freaking off and lying in bed and watching reels right now, right? It's like, but no, like, I have a perception, and I have a, you know, a character to— I don't, I don't, I want, I don't want that to sound like it's fake, right? But it's like, it is in a sense like faking it till you make it. It's like, hey, like, this is who Nick is, and it's like, all right, well, I better show up like Nick. Um, and that kind of structure helps me, uh, for sure. And it's even though it's not a physical structure, right? Like accountability buddies.

Yeah, I feel like setting that expectation is even more than a, you know, a physical type of thing that maybe motivates you. It's a very emotional emotionally driven catalyst for decision-making. And that's really what Chapter 2 is about as well, right? So kind of moving on there, you talk— you move on from foundation to feeling, right? After laying out the importance of structure, of clarity, Chapter 2 really shifts that spotlight to something a lot more internal. You talk about our emotional operating system, and here you explore how our moods, you know, silently but surely drive so many of our thoughts, our actions, and often that happens without us even realizing it. Right here in your book, you write, watch your emotions for they become your thoughts, right? So how did you personally learn to recognize that emotional spiral and what's kind of your go-to reset, right? Because often we, we see our emotions, we feel them, obviously it's hard to control them. And even more, it's hard to control the thoughts that come after. So what, what has kind of been your go-to reset when something like that happens?

Yeah, I came to that conclusion after a lot of reflection because I was like, why am I so diff— why is the morning Nick different than the night Nick? Nick? And why is the Nick after, before he gives a presentation different, you know, than the Nick when he's hanging out with his friends? Like, what's going on there? And so that's kind of where that came from. It's like, okay, my emotions are really changing and affecting the way that I'm thinking. And mine change. It depends on the situation, but I do have a core few. The gym is a big one for me, right? Just moving my body because I found the physical pain of working out makes it so I can't really logically think anymore. Like, it's hard for me to spiral when I'm trying to bench, you know, 185 pounds. It's like, I'm battling the bar right now. It's like I can't really battle my thoughts. Getting outside and going for a walk. I think very few people our age do that. And that's something that like I think our parents do. But it's great. Like getting sun, going for a walk, you know, listening to a playlist that you enjoy. That's a big one for me. I think one of the common spirals that our generation is more susceptible to is appearance. Like feeling like, oh, I don't look good today, or just for whatever reason feeling self-conscious. And for me, when that happens, like, I take a shower, I shave, and I put on my favorite outfit. Like, as silly and simple as that sounds, like, when I look good, like, I just feel better. And, you know, I think sometimes we over— I think sometimes we go a little too far in saying, like, of course everyone looks good all the time. Like, you— how you look is not your self-worth 100%. But that doesn't mean having a good outfit on doesn't make you feel better, right? Like it still helps me. And so that's a nice reset for me to kind of come back to the moment, be like, okay, we're good. And the underlying factor in all of those is they help me be more present, right? When I'm at the gym, I'm more present. When I'm walking, more present. When I'm putting on an outfit that I care about, I'm more present. And when you're in the present, it really helps you get away from fear of the future or, you know, anxiety about the past. And that helps me.

Yeah, I feel like when people talk about how certain things make them happier, whether that's, oh, I have this really nice piece of clothing on, or I drive a nice car, a nice watch, or something like that, right? Like, it's less about the fact that that makes you happy and more about the fact that it makes you more confident, right? Like, when I'm having a conversation with someone and I feel like I'm looking better, or, you know, speaking well or something like that, that just gives me more confidence in what I'm saying. Um, even if what I'm saying doesn't— maybe isn't the most insightful.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah. It's a means to an end.

Exactly. And I feel like half the time what happens is when you're not feeling that confident, that kind of incites some anxiety. Right. And in the book you talk about how a lot of anxiety kept you from doing honestly simple things, right? Going out, um, hanging out with friends, going to the school dance, whatever that was right now. How do you, kind of know to tell the difference between emotional resistance and real instinct, right? When is it time to just push through, and when is it time to listen to your internal instincts?

Yeah, that's what I'm still struggling with today, is finding, finding that balance. And for me, that's where outside opinions help me a lot, and talking to, to people that I really respect and admire, and having mentors like that. Because it can be tough, right, when you're, when you're that deep into the forest, right? When you're in the thick of it, it's like, okay, what's real and what's not. Like, am I stopping this endeavor because it's getting too hard, or am I stopping because it's time to pivot and do something else? Right? And I would say, to be completely honest, my dad has been probably the biggest asset in that and being like, hey, here's what's going on. Here's the problem. Here's what I think I should do, but I don't know. What do you think? And what I found that great mentors do is they just ask you a lot of questions. Right. He's never like, here's the answer, Nick. He's just prompting me to think more. He's like, okay, well, if this happened, then how would you feel? And if you got this, would that be the right thing? And as I've interacted with him more, I've started to prompt myself more. And it's just like, it's just really asking, like, you know, the 5 whys. It's like, okay, well, what if, what about this? Well, why would you do that? Okay, well, I would do this because of this. Well, why? Like, right. And you go 5 whys deep. And I think that's arguably one of the best strengths that I have. And it seems like you have as well, that a lot of young people don't have is like reflection. Like sometimes my roommates walk in and I'm sitting on the couch and I'm staring at the window and they're like, are you okay? Like, are you like, what's going on? I'm like, no, dude, I'm just thinking, right? Like, I'm just like thinking and reflection and being able to sit with yourself for 30 minutes without your phone or without any stim. Is a really valuable skill.

Yeah, I actually wanna, you know, this is not really on my list of questions today, but actually on that note, I kind of wanna ask like, that reflection piece is so important for so many people, 'cause it's very difficult in our time today to, you know, find it real time for us to do that, right? I mean, with all the homework, with the, you know, the recruitment cycles, with, you know, a million different things going on, right? And even if we don't have something going on, half the time it feels like we find something to do, whether that's doom scrolling or playing a game or watching TV or whatever. How do you feel like you're able to take time outta your day for reflection? And is there anything intentional that you do, whether that's meditation or journaling or a 30-minute scheduled look out the window time, whatever that is?

Yeah, yeah. The truthful answer is it ebbs and flows every day. Some days I, I read more than others. Some days I have, I have a little notebook and I'll write like manifestation things of like, here's like, Nick is, you know, Nick can bench 225. Nick has a great job. Nick is in an awesome relationship. Like sometimes I'll do journal things like that. Sometimes it's just spontaneous and I'm, I'm out on the couch and it just happens. The key thing for me is just putting myself in environments where it's more likely to happen, right? Like, If I have a book, if my phone's in my room and I have a book and I'm on the couch, like that's when it tends to happen, right? Or if I'm up at the gym and, you know, I'm listening, I'm just working out, it's like, okay, that's when it tends to happen. 'Cause there's not stimuli going on. And so I know I do not have a set routine. It's something I'm working on, but, you know, I found there's a lot of ways to do it. Even if I don't have a routine, it's just getting a little bit every day and it's, The more you do it, the more it kind of just becomes a part of who you are, right? It's just like, I don't think about the gym anymore. It's like, oh no, I go to the gym. I'm a guy who goes to the gym, right? Not like, shoot, I have to go to the gym. It's the same thing with that.

I feel like those small wins are really what contributes to even emotional stability, right? And here's, you know, you kind of talk about how important momentum really is. You know, I feel like you say this, James Clear says this, Adam Grant says this. There's so many people out there. I remember when I read Atomic Habits for the first time, and that was kind of what kickstarted my self-help book journey. And it was actually the first book that I did on the podcast as well. But I feel like talking about that momentum is so important. You know, going to the gym first thing in the morning or meditating first thing in the morning isn't just good because it helps you ground yourself. It's also good because it sets a certain bar for how you want the rest of the day to look, right? Like, I kicked this day off this productive. How can I end it? So unproductive. It sets your own standard. I feel like, you know, I kind of want to ask, what's one small win habit that you recommend for other people trying to turn their mood around on a tough day? Because sometimes, you know, I'm saying for even for myself, right? It's summer vacation. And, you know, at least for the next 2 weeks, I have really nothing going on until my internship or until research or whatever starts. And I'm kind of thinking, half the time I'm waking up too late and I'm not feeling like I'm having productive days. What's a small win habit that you feel like always helps you ground yourself or that you would recommend for someone trying to turn that mood around?

Yeah, I'm gonna say two things. The first is answer. So first, to answer your question, I like to schedule things in the morning. So I hate, hate waking up in the morning. If I didn't have to, I'd sleep till 1. Like, I love sleeping. So I'll schedule meetings at like 8:30 or at 9:00, like, so I have to get up, right? Like, so then that's my accountability. So accountability helps. And also going back to what I said earlier, like being in the right environment helps me get out of it, right? So just getting out of the house or calling a friend or just doing things that aren't inside in a dark room. But what I would say even more important than that is getting better and setting yourself up so that you don't kind of fall into those slumps. I think that's something I'm really good at, right? Going back to the momentum part, motivation is temporary, right? So for example, my buddy and I were watching The Amazing Race last— this is a totally unrelated self-help example. My buddy and I were watching The Amazing Race last night and we go, I think we'd be good on that show. He goes, yeah. So we applied like right then and there, right? It's like if you had asked me right now, I'm not going to apply. Like, I don't have the motivation for that anymore, but it was like motivated in the moment. So I did it. And one of the things that I do that I learned from one of my good buddies is if it takes less than 5 minutes, just do it. Right? So if I have the thought to go do my— to go put my stuff in the washer, go do it. If I have the thought to clean my desk, go do it. Right? It takes less than 5 minutes. If I have the thought to sit down and work on my, you know, submit my assignment, let's do it real quick. And what I found is those little things help me get to the bigger things. Right? So like doing my little tasks, help me get to the bigger stuff. And I'm really good at just like taking the baby wins and keep moving even if it's really slow so that I don't fall into the slump. Because the second that I get a big meal and I put, turn Netflix on, I'm there for an hour and a half. The second I jump in my bed and I go, I'm just gonna scroll on reels for 5 minutes, I'm gonna be there for an hour. Right? And so it's like just keeping the wheels moving even if it's like little baby, baby things.

Sure. I feel like a lot of times it's great to hold yourself accountable for certain things like that, that, you know, take less than 5 minutes. But a lot of times there's important things we need to do that you just don't get to, right? And I feel like that's where having a swim buddy, like you mentioned, right? Someone who holds you accountable is such an important thing. And you're kind of moving into Chapter 3, right? This is all you talk about is offering a very practical answer to one of the biggest success levers, right? Accountability through connection. And this idea of a swim buddy, right? Someone who holds you accountable. In real time. Like you mentioned, your friend who tells you that if it takes less than 5 minutes, just do it. Or you watching this show and your friend encouraging you that, hey, let's just sign up for this. Why not? Right? I don't know if you would've done that on your own, right? It's such a practical concept.

Definitely not.

And I feel like, you know, I want to ask, what advice would you give to someone who feels like maybe they don't have someone in that corner yet, or even someone who has a friend, but that relationship isn't one where they're like, Hey, let's grow together in this way. You know, they're just watching the show. What advice would you give to someone who doesn't have that sort of a connection yet? How do you feel like you were able to cultivate relationships like that where you're able to have that accountability? Do you think you had to ask them like, hey, I need you to hold me accountable to things like that? Or was it kind of just something that happened?

Well, it's depending on your friends, the easier it is, right? So it's easier to ask my gym rat friend to hold me accountable in the gym than is to ask my— I would never ask my friend who doesn't go to the gym to hold me accountable in the gym. And the, the, the best answer, which is not the easy path, is you need the right friends, right? You need friends that are doing things you already want to do. And I think one of the scariest things when you're in that place of growth of, okay, I've never been to the gym before, but I want to get into the gym, but I don't have any friends that go to the gym is realizing like the people that are actually the best at going to the gym are the most likely to help you, right? Like they're actually would be the best asset for you and most likely help you. I'm like total gym bro. I mean, I'm not like, I'm not huge, I'm not, you know, I'm not out here benching, you know, 400 pounds, but like I love the gym, I go all the time and I would love to help somebody who's new to the gym, right? Like that's something I think you would see that, you know, people that are confident, people that already go to the gym, people that are super involved on your college campus, Right? Like, those are the people that are more willing, most willing to help you because, like, they already have it figured out and they know how great it is. And those are the people you have to target. And that's where it's going to take a little bit of, you know, uncomfortable getting out of your shell because you, you have to reach out to those people, whether that's going to the gym and, you know, talking to someone who's clearly really fit, or going to a club and talking to the president, you know, or, you know, reaching out and going to a bar and seeing someone who's really confident and going up to them. Like, it's the beginning. Like I said, that first step is not easy, but like, if you can get in front of those people and talk to them, they're like way more kind and way more receptive to that than you think, right? Like, I— those are the people you should surround yourself with, and those people are way more open to that than you think.

Yeah, I think, you know, looking at my— I just wrapped up my freshman year, right, at UT, and you're in your junior year. I feel like one thing that I've noticed even in this freshman year, right, is after your orientation, after your first semester, a lot of people have that friend group made, right? Including myself, right? And sometimes you feel like, oh, these are the people I'm comfortable with, these are the people I hang out with, do everything with. What's really the need to expand that? I'm comfortable, happy where I'm at. And I feel like, like you mentioned, that that making a very conscious effort to make friends that echo what your goals are is one of the most important things. How do you feel like, you know, I feel like in college a lot of times you just end up being friends with the people who you connect with in class or the people who you roomed with during orientation, you know? How do you feel like you were able to go and make friends that echoed what you wanted to believe in, what you wanted to do with your life?

Yeah, it's funny you say that. I was just having a conversation with one of my friends about how much of our friendship was based on location. And how much of it was based on like who we are, 'cause we lived in the dorms next to each other. And the answer to that is I expanded my options. So I was really active. I joined a fraternity and I met 100 people there. I joined multiple clubs and I would meet people there, right? I would do intramural sports and I would meet people there. And so I was just expanding my reach and I was meeting as many people as I could. And once you do that, you meet more people like that, right? Like I meet people at the fraternity that are really into rock climbing. Right, it's like if I was a big rock climber, then like those would be the people for me. That's perfect. Like, I didn't join the fraternity looking for rock climbers, but like, there you go, I'm meeting more people. Or join the consulting group. I'm in a consulting group, or I was in a consulting group, right? And those people, we talked, we were talking about, you know, BCG earlier, and that's how I know so much about it, is like they're so invested in that. And I love being surrounded by those people because they pushed me to know like, oh, I didn't even know recruiting started this early, right? But now because of them, I know that, right? And it's because I'm starting out the right people. So the answer to your question is just expanding your options and like meeting new people and going into the world and like joining things, right? It's, it's the worst answer if you're an introvert, but the answer is almost always meet people, right? And surround yourself with the right people. And the good news is if you pick correctly, if you pick the right people, you don't— you're gonna have to do less introductions because they will meet— they will introduce you to the right people for you. And, you know, I'm sure you've— I'm curious to hear from you, but my guess is you do a lot of networking, right? You've seen a lot of professional development, and when you reach out to those people, like, those professionals that connect with you are very helpful. They tell you what's going on, they offer to connect you with other people, they help set you up, right? And so, you know, take that outside the professional development perspective. Like, you can apply that to anything. You can apply that to people that are really confident. You can apply that you know, to people that are really academic or really fit, you know, that works in all aspects of life that I found.

Often we're overwhelmed to reach out to people who, you know, we look at and we're like, man, I wish I was at that position. But at the same time, those people are looking for others to mentor, you know, and I feel like they're very open to taking the time out to do that. Last December, I believe, I was back home in Dallas for summer break, you know, and I reached out to someone actually from the Dallas BCG office. And just went by and met him at their office. And I was just like, hey, we go to the same school. We weren't even the same major, but the fact that he just took out time out of his day, you know, to grab coffee and show me around the building and stuff is just like, you know, what was the need for him to do that? And obviously there's, there's different type of relationships, right? There's ones where it's almost like mentoring where you're reaching out to someone like the example I just mentioned. And they're teaching you something. But a lot of times it's also that you're growing by struggling together, right? Like the fact that you mentioned going to the gym, I'm sure that wasn't something that just happened overnight. Um, and I feel like struggling through that often feels better when it's with someone who you actually trust, um, and who you're actually growing with. Do you feel like that's true? Do you feel like it's, it's better to grow when you and your friend are both trying to grow in it, or do you feel like it's a better relationship when you're connecting with someone who's already reached that point?

You know, I think they're different, right? They're very different things. I think you grow deeper bonds with someone who you, you know, go through the mud with. Absolutely. But I think the key to both of those relationships is it's easier to do it with somebody else. It's easier to go to a new thing when you're with your friend, right? It's like that pack mentality of there's safety in numbers. Right. I am much more likely to go to a networking event if I'm with my friend, much more likely to go to the bars if I'm with my friends. I'm much more likely to go to the gym if I'm with my friend. Right. Like, it's just socially, you just feel safe. Right. And it's nice to have— it's nice to know, like, oh, there's someone with me. Right. Like, I'd rather go into a haunted house with my friend than on my own. Right. Like, it's scarier on my own. And, you know, there's multiple ways to find that friend. Like you said, it can be someone who's growing with you, or it can be someone who's already there. Um, they're both different for different purposes. If your goal is to really put your head down and grind and grow, it's great to have that person with you. And then I also find it's really nice to have someone who's already been there, who can kind of guide you in the right direction. So you miss some of those pitfalls that most people hit and so that they can, you know, introduce you to more people. So, so yeah.

Yeah. Last question here, tying all of the evidence that you've kind of shared, uh, through this episode. Looking at someone like me, right, who just finished their first year in college, or looking at someone who's about to go into their first year, or a first job or something like that, right? What's one big piece of advice you would give them when it comes to that people aspect?

Have the mentality of, hey, I don't think we've met yet, right? That's like my mentality of like, no, I'm meant to be here and I meet all these people, right? So like when I walk up to new people, like, hey, we haven't met yet, you know, I don't think we've met yet, I'm Nick. Right? Like, that's my mentality of like, oh, like, I'm meant to meet all these people. Like, that's why I've been put here. And that makes it way more interesting when I meet these people. And also from their perspective, when I walk up and I say that, they're like, oh, like, this guy must be important. He's meeting all these people, right? But the baseline there, without getting to like the technical analysis of like why that phrase is good, is like, meet as many people as you can. And it's scary to meet people and it's intimidating and you don't want to be judged. But I'm telling you right now, they're just as scared as you are. Right? Like nobody is comfortable in those situations except for the people that are maybe the boss or the people who have already— the junior who's already been at school for 3 years. And go into the mentality of like, hey, like we're all in the same boat together and I wanna meet all these people and you know, no one's better than me. I'm not better than them. Let's just build some connections. And those connections make it so much easier.

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was, you know, as we wrap up our journey through part 1 of Crush Your 20s, I feel like we've, we've learned a lot in these last 30 minutes, right? We've talked about how your path has taken shape through books, through mentors, through experiments. We've talked about how a clear goal and solid structure can help keep that motivation alive. And we've talked about how tuning into our emotional operating system has actually helped us catch and course correct these kind of almost hidden mood swings. We've also explored the momentum of small wins and the power of accountability, right? Whether that's through a swim buddy, like you call it, or even systems that you design yourself. So thank you so much, Nick, for sharing that perspective, your stories, and the tools that I'm sure our listeners will love to implement in their own lives.

Beer, thanks for having me. Till next time.

Absolutely. I'm looking forward to part 2 now.

Oh, so am I. This is great. You ask great questions. I'm really impressed.

Thank you. I appreciate that. And a big thank you to all of our listeners. We look forward to the next episode and to everyone tuning in, keep on learning, keep on changing, and keep on growing. We'll see you next time.