Every Mile Matters (Part 3)

Welcome to Readers, the podcast for the lifelong learner. Join us on our weekly dose of wisdom where we talk about the real-life lessons and applications of books. Enjoy! Welcome back to Readers, everyone. Today we are once again joined by Dr. Jeffrey Reynolds, author of Every Mile Matters. Welcome back to the podcast, Dr. Reynolds.

It's great to be back. Thanks for having me on.

Absolutely. And today we're gearing up for that part 3, the final episode of this book. And you know, we've kind of made it to the last stretch here, and this is the part of the story that really feels the most human to me. You know, after everything that you've been through, everything, everything that you've ran through, the races, the recoveries, the rebuilding, right? This section almost feels a little quieter, more reflective, right? It's less about the finish line itself and a lot more about what you do after crossing them. So without further ado, let's dive right in.

Sure.

So you start here, Chapter 16, Retracing My Steps, right? And here you open by literally going back, right? You talk about the roads, the hospital halls, the finish lines, and I really love how you didn't erase these places. I think a lot of people who may have gone through what you did would have never wanted to go back, uh, or never wanted to revisit those memories, but you went back. And I think here it almost feels like you're closing the loop between the man who was fighting to survive every moment and the new person that you almost became and the transformation that you went through. I kind of want to ask though, right? I mean, like I mentioned, I think a lot of people might have avoided those places altogether or just had such a negative connotation with those things. What made you want to revisit those same roads rather than leave them behind?

Look, those roads are uncomfortable in so many ways, but they're now a part of who I am. And, you know, going back there gives me gratitude. And I'll give you an example of where once you're— you've gone through this, you need to live it every day. There's the place where I go to get medical care, where my oncologist is, has a parking garage next to it. Very dark parking garage. When I was at the height of my treatment, it was during the winter months. I finished in March, for example, you know, here in the Northeast. And I was back there yesterday for a routine checkup. You know, everything was fine. Everything's good. But just driving in there brought me right back to where I was and going for chemo infusions and and that kind of thing. And so, you know, both literally and figuratively, you wind up going back there to that place. And, you know, I left there with this time a clean bill of health. And so that feels really good, but it gives me gratitude that I went there so many times when I was sick and, and powering through treatment, and now I'm fine. I'm, you know, I'm living the dream. And so, you know, there's a lot of folks who go through cancer, go through some medical condition or any life's event and say, I just want to put that all behind me. That's really hard to do because it becomes a part of who you are. And so, you know, for me, I don't necessarily— I'm glad I'm not in that same place. But going back there for a moment gives me new appreciation for the place I'm at now, creates empathy for folks who might be in that spot as we speak. And it's just a useful exercise. It doesn't leave you. And I always think, you know, retracing the steps is better than avoiding them. And so I go back all the time and look, when, when you have a diagnosis like this, you always worry a little bit that it's going to come sneaking up behind you again. And so, you know, experimenting with that, going back and almost like dancing with the fear I think it's a useful exercise. You know, in the book, I use the metaphor of running alongside the fear, you know, and just jogging alongside it for a while and then leaving it behind. But you jog beside it for a little while to bring you back to that place, to give you that appreciation and that gratitude, to remind you kind of where you were and how far you've come. And so, you know, I visit that place every now and again. I don't want to stay there very long because I'm moving forward. But visiting it every once in a while, I think, is a useful exercise.

Yeah, I think a lot of what your journey is, and a lot of what you also talk about, right, is it reminds me a lot of the Hero's Journey, right, by Joseph Campbell. You know, I don't know if you've heard of it, but essentially it's a lot of that same method or the same track that a lot of stories or heroes or protagonists follow in a lot of stories, right? You have a call to adventure, you know, you cross the threshold, you have your trials and failure. And then in the, in the hero's journey, it's almost identified as like a death and rebirth, right? Facing your biggest challenge yet, your largest obstacle, and then the hero gets past it, right? You, you have changes, revelation, things like that. And essentially it's a circle, right? So you, you go back to the beginning and it seems like there's a status quo, but that status quo is completely different than what it was the first time around. And I think moving on here a little bit, in Chapter 17, you talk about your new definition of fitness or that status quo for yourself. And you mentioned that it's more than just physical fitness, right? It's the readiness of your heart, your mind, and your spirit. And you define, you redefine your health as alignment, right? Of your body, your mind, and your purpose in sync. And I'd love to hear a little bit more about that because I think that's something that so few people, A, think about, and B, actually get to achieve to a place where they're at a new status quo and they feel like they've felt that kind of alignment in their life. I'd love for you to talk a little bit more about that experience of redefining your own personal health and finding alignment in your life.

Sure. So, you know, in the midst of triathlon training, it's all-encompassing. You know, training for an Ironman means lots of time out of the house. It means lots of time on the bike. It means, you know, you go out for a 5-hour bike ride on a Saturday and then a 2-hour run. And so, And then you're shot, right? You're not able to do anything afterwards and you're actually pretty, you know, difficult to be around. And so it's all-encompassing. And, you know, that became a goal and I did it. You know, now I'd say I look for balance. And so I exercise every day. I run pretty much every day. I compete in races, but there's a little bit more balance in the way I do it. I'm not willing to sacrifice my family relationships for it. I'm not willing I sacrifice my work. And I think optimizing your life really comes down to balance, right? Are you doing work or, or school activities that are meaningful and moving you forward? Do you have a series of meaningful relationships? Are you exercising and, you know, taking care of yourself in a way that might make sense? And that, that generally includes physical exercise, but also could include things like, you know, going to therapy or, or meditation or mindfulness exercises or or yoga or whatever works for you to get that downtime and get that, that peace of mind. And so these days I try to think through and say, you know, how balanced is my life? Am I emphasizing one thing over another? And that's not a day-to-day balance. You know, it's something that you look at in total. There are days in my professional life that are 16-hour days and, you know, I don't get to exercise as much as I want to or I don't get to spend as much time with my wife or my kids. And then there's times when on the weekend I make sure that I'm spending that quality time or that I'm getting that extra, you know, mile or two in on a run. And so it's really just being attentive to how you're maintaining that balance moving forward. Most of the folks I know that train for triathlons do it in a pretty, in a pretty assertive kind of way. And it's, it's, you know, to the detriment of other things. In fact, I wrote about it in the book that if you screened most of us for addiction. And some of the criteria we use for addiction, you know, are you giving up things you love in order to do triathlon? Yes. Do you sometimes minimize the amount of time and effort you're spending on triathlon? Yes. You know, none of us readily admit what we pay for a new bike or for gear and that kind of thing. And so you lie about how much things cost, you know. And that's all, that's all pretty, um, that's all behavior that kind of tells that we used to tell people that you're too involved in one thing to the detriment of others. And so I think that balance is really, really important. And those things aren't mutually exclusive. I mean, you want to be successful at school and at work. You want to have a happy and successful family life. You want to have the peace of mind, and you want to be relatively physically fit. I think it's possible to do all those things in 24 hours. People who say to me, I don't have time to work out, are the same people who spend an hour scrolling on their phones in the morning. You know, don't scroll on your phone. You know, do, do 20 jumping jacks and 10 sit-ups and, and 20 push-ups instead of scrolling on, on social media for, for 20 minutes.

No, that's, that's awesome. I think that's so fantastic. It's funny because, uh, I'm pretty sure I was scrolling this morning after I woke up, but, you know, I'm gonna keep that in mind for tomorrow. I think I think it's very interesting to me because with your journey, right, I think there's two stages even with stagnation. And the first is obviously when you start, it's hard to start. I think that's for a lot of people, that's a very difficult stage just to register for that first 5K or that first marathon or the first Ironman. But the other difficult part is when you get past all these things and when obviously your mind's or your body's not in the same place as it may have been before you know, the diagnosis and things like that. That's also a difficult stage and a place where a lot of people stagnate as well, right? But here almost it seems as though you're motivating yourself to keep going forward and you quote, you know, Robert Frost's poem "Miles to Go Before I Sleep." And I found this kind of funny because you've almost finished the race in your own way, right? You got past the diagnosis, you did the marathons, you went from someone who never ran really to competing in your 5Ks, 10Ks, half marathons, marathons, and then, you know, essentially the hardest race you can compete in. Um, but you still wrote, you know, or referenced this poem here and the poem, at least the final part here goes, you know, the woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. Um, and essentially for those of you who haven't heard of this poem or know what it means, it basically means there's still many things to do. There's many responsibilities to fulfill, many duties to complete before before you can really rest. And I thought this was kind of funny, but when you heard that line or when you first read that poem, what makes that come to mind at a place where so many people stagnate?

Yeah, it's almost like a rebirth, right? I feel like I've been given a second or a third shot at doing all the things I wanted to do. And when you face your own mortality, you begin to think through and say, did I live my life the way I really wanted to? Are there things that are undone? How do I really want to spend my time? If, you know, for me, this was a reminder that, okay, so there's, there's an, you know, we all have a finite amount of time on this earth and I've now got more of it. And so what do I want to do with that more of it? And, you know, I've never been one to waste a whole bunch of time, but, you know, for me, each moment became a little bit more precious when you get a second shot. It's like, all right, I'm going to be okay. I'm actually going to get through this. Now I could go do all the things I want to do with a new sense of purpose and discernment so I could be intentional about how I spend my time. And once you face a diagnosis like this, you start cataloging all the things that you wish you had done. Well, now you could go do them. It would be a shame if you didn't. So I think the hardest part is getting started. You mentioned the you know, taking up a new habit or that kind of thing. For me, every time I do it, the hardest thing is getting out the door, lacing up my sneakers and getting out the door. It's not the first mile. It's getting out the door. Once you're out the door, though, it feels great. And there's never been a workout that I've regretted. There's never a time where I've come back and said, "Boy, I regret doing that." Right? You always feel a lot better. And for me, you know, tying the two things together, my ability to do that now feels a lot like a privilege. Um, it's not the same as it was. Um, you know, like I said, I had, you know, blood tests recently, and my blood work isn't back to where it should be because of chemo and radiation. I mean, those are pretty powerful drugs, um, that kill cancer and kill healthy cells as well. And so I'm not back to where I was, but, but I'm out there and I'm doing it, and that's worth its weight in gold. And, you know, I'm not coming in first in any races, but I'm also not coming in last in I'm sure as hell beating the guy that's sitting on the couch doomscrolling or watching TV. And so, for me, it was really, I've got a lot to do. I've got a lot of things that are important to me. I've been given a second or a third chance and man, I better not waste it.

I think that's a perfect segue into this chapter 18, the final chapter here where you talk about transformation, right? Not just recovery, but becoming someone completely new because of it all. You talk about mentoring, serving, showing up, and doing everything that you do in your daily life, but doing it with joy, right? And here you had a line that I want to ask you about. You said, I want to swim, bike, and run through life, doing 3 sports for 1,000 reasons. What does that line mean to you now that you've gone through it all?

Yeah, look, triathlon served me really well in terms of getting me through this emotionally, physically, and and otherwise. And now I get back to doing that and I get back to doing that with a different lease on life. It's a new lease in a lot of ways. I've always had that purpose, but this is all the more driven. And, you know, as I think about kind of my athletic life and the rest of my life, look, writing the book means that lots and lots of folks came out of the woods and write to me. They send me emails, they call me, and, you know, looking for help. There are folks who are newly diagnosed. You know, I recently did a speech in front of a labor union, and they were all labor union delegates. And as I was speaking and sharing a little bit about my journey, I could notice there was a woman who was crying in the audience, and then she left, and then she came back. And I felt terrible because I didn't really do any trigger warnings before I put the story out there. And the speech was all about taking care of your health and then sharing my own experience about how taking care of my health gave me some some fortitude and strength in dealing with the race I never signed up for. And as I left, you know, I stopped her and I said, you know, are you okay? And she said, let's go outside. And we went outside and she had lost her husband to colorectal cancer just 6 months beforehand. And I said, geez, you know, I'm sorry, I probably should have put some warnings out there. And she said, no, no, no, no, this is exactly where I needed to be today. And it's those little moments now in sharing the story that, that are just so laden with meaning. I will always remember that interaction now, right? And so, you know, we wouldn't have connected if it weren't for the fact that I wound up, you know, being sent down this road, but also that I was willing to share it openly and honestly. I mean, look, for a guy, I got the two most embarrassing cancers that you could get, right? And so, um, you know, so it takes a little bit to talk about it But I also hope in talking about it that, you know, people who might shy away from being screened will finally get screened. People who have questions about cancer will, you know, will feel comfortable asking me, if not somebody else, that, you know, people who have struggled or are struggling, it gives us the opportunity to connect in a way that, you know, we couldn't connect with before. And so I didn't ask to join this club. Nobody has to join this club. But now that we're in it, you know, there are some really, really wonderful connections that come out of it. And so when I take kind of that mission-driven stuff and some of the connections I wouldn't have had, and, you know, match it up with the boost in my friendships, the boost in my purpose, the boost in my intentions, you know, it really— again, I think I said to you, anyone who tells you cancer is a gift is lying. It's not. It's no gift whatsoever. But there are beautiful things that can come out of it. And so You know, I was never a guy that would get, you know, the term Sunday scaries drives me crazy. And my folks who say, oh, it's Sunday, I got to go to work tomorrow. I always have always told them, then you're in the wrong job. Like, you spend a lot of your time at work, and if you dread going to that place and doing the things you do, you should find another job immediately, even if it means you're going to make less money, because we spend most of our time doing this. But for me, there, and that imperative has become much more important. Those connections with other people have become that much more important. And, you know, look, I, I hate cancer as much as the next guy, and I feel like the best way to fight it, um, is by creating connections with the people who are battling it. And, you know, nobody fights alone.

Yeah, I think that's incredible. And, you know, to wrap up here, I have one last question. It's kind of a loaded one, so take as long as you need to either think about it or to answer it. I think in this final chapter, in these final words here, you write, and you've spoken about this as well, that surviving twice, right, gave you a brand new head start, right? And here for this kind of final question, I want to put away everything that maybe you associate with yourself or all the titles or, you know, whether that's, you know, your PhD or, you know, you're a runner or a cancer survivor, all these things, right? Putting them away for a second. After going through all of this, right, after surviving, after having a brand new head start and kind of being able to see life, I mean, you said it yourself, right, a new lease on life. In what ways have you decided to live your life differently or more intentionally? Not just, you know, from a running standpoint or from a physical standpoint, fitness, but from a family standpoint, a social standpoint. I know we mentioned a little bit about social emotional aspects spiritual standpoint, even your professional life. I mean, you mentioned that if you're, if you're not doing something every Monday, every weekday that you enjoy or that you get joy out of, you're in the wrong profession, right? And in that way, what have you learned through this entire journey, not just of the cancer, of the surviving, of the running, but in this journey of life, right? Um, for someone such as myself who's just beginning to get into that, um, that, that made you live your life more intentionally or differently?

You know, if I had to boil it down to one word, it would be authenticity. Because once you face this, you know, the other stuff seems really, really, really small. And, you know, you come to understand, similar to the story I told you about the woman in the audience as I was giving the speech, you never know what other people are going through. And people are going through some pretty significant stuff. Um, you know, I've always kind of prided myself in kind of being who I am and take it or leave it. But we all play roles in life, right? Whether I'm playing the role of the PhD or the CEO or the author, you know, we all play these roles in life. But at the end of it, we're all really vulnerable and fallible human beings just doing the best we can, you know, sitting on a rock hurtling through space at a million miles per hour, right? And so For me, I don't want to say I care less about what people think because I care when people are struggling, but I'm more authentic now than ever before. Little things, they stay little things because there's so many big things and your life can change at a moment's notice. I described to you in our first conversation about how I got my first diagnosis via a text message. Nobody— it's somewhat trite to say life can change at a moment's notice, but let me tell you, it can. One phone call, one text message, you know, one move, and your life can— at 1 o'clock it looks one way, at 1:03 it can look very, very differently. And that means you live life in a very, very different way. Yeah, it feels more vulnerable, but quite frankly, we are all vulnerable to any number of things. And I've become, I think, more authentic in the way I live my life. I say what I need to say and then let the chips fall where they may. But I also understand that we're all fallible and really doing the best we can. And so, you know, I like to think that I came out of, you know, cancer emotionally better than I started. Physically, it always takes a toll, right? Every disease leaves you in a little bit worse shape, but you rally back and you battle back over time. But my friendships and relationships are stronger than they've ever been before. Emotionally, I feel stronger than I've ever been before. And there's something that's actually pretty liberating and freeing about contemplating your entire existence, coming out on top and saying, I'm just going to go do a whole bunch of great things.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. That's incredible. And, and with that, we'll close out part 3 of Every Mile Matters. This was an incredible series of episodes. I enjoyed it a lot and possibly the most personal and vulnerable series of recordings we've ever done. You know, this, this section 3, this part 3 closes this book out, not just with this sense of triumph, but almost with tenderness of humility and reflection. And I think through today's episode, we learned a lot, right? We learned that endurance doesn't end at the finish line. It evolves into empathy, that survival isn't just the story's end, it's your new beginning. And we learned that true health isn't just the absence of pain. It's The Presence of Your Purpose. So, Dr. Reynolds, thank you so, so much for joining us today and in the past recordings. This was an incredible time. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Yes, I loved our conversation. Your insights were very, very helpful, and you asked all the right questions. Thank you so much. To kind of bring both us and your audience along in the journey. So, I enjoyed the journey very much. It sounds like you did too. I hope your audience loves it as well. If folks are interested in picking up the book, it's at all the major booksellers, Amazon, Barnes Noble. You can look me up online. I've got a pretty decent social media following. It's somewhat odd for a 59-year-old guy to have a TikTok account, but I do, as well as Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube, all the places that you would find somebody like me and sometimes people not like me.

I love it. Yeah, please check it out. Highly, highly recommend. And, you know, obviously to our listeners out there, we, pray that no one ever has to go through anything like this, but regardless of what you're going through or what challenges you face in your own life, whatever race you're running, right, remember that every mile matters, and remember to keep on learning, keep on changing, and keep on growing. We'll see you next time.