Relationships at Work: How to Authentically Network Within Your Company (Pt. 2)

Welcome to Readers, the podcast for the lifelong learner. Join us on our weekly dose of wisdom where we talk about the real-life lessons and applications of books. Enjoy! Welcome back to Readers, everyone. Today we will be discussing part 2 of Relationships at Work: How to Authentically Network Within Your Company by Rachel Simon. Welcome back to the podcast, Rachel. Thank you for joining us today.

Well, thank you. It's good to be back.

Yes, in the last episode, we discussed almost what seemed like an intro to networking in a new environment. We discussed how to introduce yourself, following up on conversations, and the importance of creating a ritual to meet with people, whether it be over coffee, lunch, or even a Zoom meeting. We also discussed networking within your network, and we discussed the value of personalization and making people feel seen. Now, before we move on to part 2, I seem to remember promising you an update on my life based on what we discussed in part 1.

You did! I'm excited to hear.

Yeah, so in the past few weeks I've made a bit of progress and written it all down so I can share it here. And so here it goes. The first thing I did in this week was introduce myself. And I know this sounds basic and all, but it definitely can be difficult when there's 100 people trying to introduce themselves to the same person. So this past week I attended an info session for one of the most selective organizations on campus. They only take like 3 or 4 applicants per semester and every session is packed. Um, but however, like you mentioned in the book, I did some research on the person, which was really useful because I was able to introduce myself and connect at their level. Um, and we discussed some common interests, our journeys, uh, and I even ended up taking a 45-minute walk with the president after the info session, which was great. Um, and like you mentioned It's less about who you know and who knows you, right? So there's my weekly update. I feel like it really helped because I was able to— and this is something I feel like a lot of people don't do because they just show up to the info sessions and then start talking because they want other people to remember them. But it's important for them to actually do research on the person so that they know the talking points that might appeal to the other person so that they would remember you.

That's exactly right. And how do you think that person felt? I imagine that he felt good and felt respected that you made the effort to do some research. So I think—

yeah, absolutely. And it's like there's so much redundancy in these meetings, you know, everyone wants to ask the same questions. Um, and I feel like if you're able to connect to somebody on the level of their passions or what they like doing, um, they're more— they're all the more happy to talk about it, right?

Yeah. Well, that's great.

Yeah. So there's my weekly update. Uh, and, uh, let's move on. Today is part 2 Tips 7 to 14. And without further ado, let's dive into chapter or tip 7. Now this chapter or tip is all about some people's favorite events and others' least favorite networking events. So regardless of whether you enjoy them or not, chances are you've at least attended one. But what does somebody have to do in order to get the most out of a networking event? In your experience, as you've mentioned, people often get nervous or forget talking points or have what you like to call black shoe, blue shoe moments. Now, another thing I've noticed, like I just mentioned, is redundancy in questions. Everyone seems to ask the same thing because most people don't come prepared. Now, your solution to problems such as these is to come prepared. Come with not only talking points, questions, and answers, but even an agenda that helps the conversation progress and help everyone be on the same page. An additional point you add is that as important a skill as listening is, equally important, if not more, is the skill of dialogue. Of having a conversation of giving and taking, sharing and listening, teaching and learning. But how do you develop such a skill? What type of questions should one prepare? How do you create an agenda and what would you put on it?

Yeah, so what you're referring to is what I call have structure to the networking session. And at some point networking sessions became second nature to me. And so I can go in blindly with someone and I could have a conversation and I could find different threads to pull on because I'm very skilled in it now, but that was not easy for me. I had many years, it was like, I don't even know what to do, I don't know what to say. And so, as you already referenced, it could be really helpful to have an agenda. That sometimes I'll sit down for coffee with someone and they'll pull out an agenda. They'll say, hey, you know, I'm so happy to meet with you, and these are 3 things that I'd love to discuss. I'd like to have a personal catch-up and just learn more about your family. I'd love to ask you this question about the reorg in my organization, and I'd love to get your thoughts on, you know, what's happening in the industry. Yeah, whatever it is. But I think that's a really effective way to calm nerves. If you can say, here's an agenda, here's things I want to talk about. It's also important to be prepared enough, not so prepared that you sound like you're just reading a script, even if you haven't memorized, but be prepared enough that you don't leave time on the table. What do I mean by that? That sometimes I will meet with someone who are scheduled for a half hour and we'll chit-chat for the first 10 minutes, you know, tell me about yourself, etc. And then I'll say, what can I do for you today? What questions can I answer? And sometimes they say, oh, nothing, I just wanted to, you know, come say hi. It's like, oh, what a letdown, right? They could have asked me anything. They could have asked me anything. So that's what I mean about being prepared for the session, having questions in mind that you want to discuss.

Yeah, that— I think that makes a lot of sense. I think that's also a little bit going back to even your first chapter where you talk about introducing yourself and making that good impression, whether that's people in your office or people in these networking events. And I think it's been really special because throughout the book you kind of talk about nurturing that relationship, right? Because this is your first impression and this is how you make them remember you. But over the course of your relationship, of course, that can be strengthened. But something else that can happen in this relationship, of course, as it does in all relationships, is have its rocky points. And that's all what the next chapter, Chapter 8, is about. And this lesson in your tip actually makes me think a little bit about the stock market, surprisingly enough. Now, a basic rule of investing, right, is to buy low, sell high, to invest when a company has a dip in its stock, usually a sign of something bad that might have happened, but to sell when a company is at its all-time high, at peak performance, right? But it's hard to have faith in its stock when during its lowest point, and it's hard to invest in relationships when the work is tough. But that's what your next tip is all about. Regardless of everything you do, the coffees you drink, the conversations you have, and the experiences you cultivate, every meaningful relationship you have is bound to have its ups and downs. Now, as Admiral McRaven said, sometimes you end up a sugar cookie, right? Sometimes things don't work out for you. In your lowest points, it is vital to invest in relationships, whether it is to uplift someone else having a hard time or to resolve a conflict you may have had in the past. As a leader, I want to ask you, how do you approach these conversations in the workplace? How do you stay open to feedback, vulnerable, and honest, all while maintaining self-respect and openly communicating your own frustration?

Yeah, there is nothing worse than going to work every day, or going to school every day, or fill in the blank. There's nothing worse than going to work every day with a knot in your stomach. And we've all been there, right? We've all been there where there's somebody that we just have some tension with, and our jobs are best when they're hard, right? We don't want easy work. I mean, we, you know, we go to school and we pursue knowledge because we want to be challenged. And so our jobs are hard, but it can also come with conflict with people. And so I have learned the importance that when things are tough with someone, just to lean into it, just to lean, almost address the elephant in the room and to say, gosh, it seems like things are a little tense. I know this project isn't going as smoothly as we wish it would. Let's just get coffee. Let's just get virtual coffee. I don't even wanna talk about the project. If you bring up the project, I'm walking out, right? I just wanna, I just wanna get to know you, you know, and learn more about your family and your upcoming vacations and whatever the case may be. But I have learned that has paid so many dividends because we wanna work with people that we like, you know, we wanna work with people that are easy and people that do what they say they're gonna do. And so if, if there's tension and you have that knot in your stomach, I have learned the power of just leaning into it and saying, hey, let's just, let's just get to know each other a little better.

Sure. And I feel like that tip works with so many things, whether that's, you know, having a frustration that you might have with somebody or problems you're having, or even when it comes to meeting new people and strangers and things like that, which is actually what your next chapter, Chapter 9, is about, right? Now, a few weeks ago, my sister and I were having a conversation about how many strangers we've come across in our lives, people who we see maybe even interact with, but never really know, right? So I, I mean, obviously I got curious, I looked it up, and I found that the average person meets around 80,000 strangers in their lives, around 3 a day. Uh, now think of how many of those you actually interact with regularly but never really bothered to get to know better. Now that number starts getting smaller the more you really narrow those numbers down, and when you get down to it, you realize that there's at least 10 to 15 people on your own floor that you probably don't know. And this is all what your next— this chapter is about. Now you bring this topic up and you discuss strategies such as asking them to lunch or even sending them an email to know that you appreciate them. Considering that most of us interact with countless strangers daily but can never truly connect, what would you say is the single most impactful first step someone can take to turn an acquaintance like a neighbor or a co-worker into a meaningful connection? And can you share one of those stories or personal anecdotes of how you've been able to do that?

Sure. You know, we're all human beings and we all want to feel seen. We all want to feel heard. We all want to feel like we matter. And so there's nothing more fulfilling to me when someone reaches out and says, I've— gosh, you know, we're on this call every Tuesday at 10 o'clock. You've got great insights and, you know, would just love to get to know you better. Oh, wow, really? You've noticed? So those kind of things can really go a long way. And I would say that out of all the tips that I give in the book, and we're going to cover 20, this is the easiest one to put into motion. That if I challenged everyone to think about just 3 people that they work around that they could deepen a relationship with, it'd be really easy. It could be what I call your work siblings, you know, you report to the same supervisor, or your work cousins, you report to the same VP or the same officer. It could be somebody you're on a committee on, you know, obviously you're in school, but that the classes, the committees, the, the group that you just said that you wanted to join, that if I challenge everyone to to come up with 3 people that they are around that they'd like to get to know, it would be super easy. And so it's just a matter of being brave enough to take that next step, to say, hey, I notice you, I see you, I would love to just pick your brain about a couple of things. And every time you think it's scary, because it is, let me validate right now, it's scary to reach out to somebody like that. I always encourage people to think about how you would feel if someone reached out to you in that situation. How would you feel if someone reached out and says, gosh, you know, we've worked together for 3 years and I really haven't taken the chance to get to know you. Would just love to understand about your background and more about you. How would you feel? Oh wow, yes, of course, let's go to coffee tomorrow. So it can be scary to be vulnerable and to put yourself out there, and there is definitely vulnerability in it, but I've never been disappointed in that.

Absolutely, that makes a lot of sense, and I think that's actually been one of my favorite parts of this book, and one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading it is because you've included a lot of examples, anecdotes, and even more importantly, those emails that you send to people in order to initiate conversations like this. And moving on to Chapter 10, that's one of the biggest trends that I feel like have helped people who've read this book, is because when you say something maybe as broad as introduce yourself to a stranger, right, it's Very difficult to be able to do that without actual examples or, you know, personal anecdotes about how you may have done that yourself. Everything from introductions to follow-ups to holiday wishes and more, right? And while emails and calls remain a very easy method of communication, in my opinion at least, there's nothing quite like meeting someone in person, right? And that's exactly what this next tip, this Chapter 10, talks about. One of my favorite lines from this chapter was when you said, Email is simply the vehicle to set the stage for the relationship to progress. Now, as an extrovert myself, I love meeting with people, particularly when it's face-to-face. However, it often turns into a general conversation, right? We catch up, then we don't meet each other or keep up for a long time. I want to ask you, how do you— what methods do you use to ensure regularity? How do you maintain connection? And are there any specific talking points you like to keep in mind when doing so?

Yeah, that's exactly right. You hit it already on the head that there is no substitute for face-to-face time. And by the way, I've been giving this speech on networking for 10 years now. The book only came out 2 years ago, but I used to call it in-person time and now I've changed it to face-to-face time because the magic of video calls and everything else makes it seem like we're sitting right across the table from each other right now. And so, um, If you're struggling with a relationship failure to launch, just sometimes ask yourself, are you using the right vehicle? Are you just talking on the phone when you should have your video on? Are you talking on video when you're right down the street from each other and say, let's meet at the coffee shop? So there really is no substitute for that face-to-face time. And I think I talk about this in the book, that it's almost like a good, better, best strategy. That if somebody sends me a text just to say, hey, checking in. I mean, that's so good, right? I feel so, I feel so good. But what are they gonna get? They're gonna get one line, hey, everything's great, right? Right, okay, so that's good. That's great that you're thinking of someone. Better is sending an email saying, hey, you know, I know things have been a little tough recently. How are you doing? So then in an email, somebody might explain a little bit more. But best is having that face-to-face conversation. And so I'm very clear throughout the whole book of you do you, you find the strategy that works better for you. If, if, you know, one works better than the other. But I will say from my own personal experience, I've never had a relationship fully developed just by texting, just by email, just by sending LinkedIn messages. You have to have that face-to-face conversation.

That's fair. That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah.

You know, I'm not going to have any smooth transition to this next chapter because the next chapter is actually not about anything smooth. And it's actually one of my favorites because it emphasizes the importance of awareness in your relationships, right? And this is where that not smooth part comes in. But not every email is going to be responded to, right? Not every coffee chat is going to be followed up by another, and not every connection will last a lifetime. Sometimes the other person is just not interested, and sometimes you're just not the right fit for each other, right? It's important to read between the lines and be socially aware enough to recognize that sometimes when somebody cancels and reschedules the same meetings 4 times without much explanation, it's probably time to move on. Now, your point about recognizing when to move on is crucial, but it can also be tricky to balance persistence with respecting boundaries. How can someone approach this situation in a way that maintains professionalism and leaves a positive impression? I also want to ask you, what advice would you give to someone struggling to move on from a connection that isn't reciprocated? How can they do so gracefully while leaving the door open for more potential opportunities in the future?

Yeah, I would say don't overthink it. I, I, you know, we really, we do this to ourselves is we overthink it and we overthink how people, what they say, what they do, how, what we're going to say, what we're going to do. And then a year from now, 5 years from now, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Now the, the real relationships in your life with your family, dwell on those, right? Because those matter, right? But the acquaintances we're talking about, the, you know, the, the colleagues, don't, don't I don't overthink it. Every relationship that I have doesn't turn to gold. It can't. I mean, I don't even have time in my life for every person that I meet for them to turn into a trusted, trusted relationship. And so, as you mentioned, I need to read between the lines and say, hey, is this, you know, was this good? Should we do this again? Is this somebody I'm going to see regularly, once a month, once a quarter, or was this one and done? And sometimes I think it's a real great match and the other person clearly doesn't. And that's OK. I am not everyone's cup of tea. Everyone is not my cup of tea, and I just move along. At my company, AT&T, we have 150,000 other people to network with. At your school, what— how many students are there right now? 50,000? 50,000. Yeah, right. There's— right. So if you reach out to somebody and say, let's get a cup of coffee, let's, you know, work on this project together, and you don't get a response, that's OK. Just move along. There's other people that you'll have a connection with.

That's true, that's true. And I feel like nurturing those relationships that you do keep is so important, especially because it's important to be grateful for those relationships, because again, everybody's not going to be your cup of tea. Um, and I think that aspect of gratitude is so important in a relationship, and exactly what Chapter 12 is about as well, right? Um, and I feel like gratitude is one of those topics that everybody talks about when the new year comes along. You know, 4 weeks ago we launched into 2025. And one of the things that fascinates me about New Year's is that everyone launches into a mode of self-improvement, right? At least for the first week or so. Every time I, you know, go to Gregory Gym here, there's like the whole thing is packed all day. And I'm sure it'll be like that for the rest of, you know, the month. But it doesn't always last. And last year my resolution was to be more grateful, to say thank you more and really mean it. You know, after all, I'm one of the luckiest people in the world, and I really believe that, right? Gratitude is one of those things that's so useful in so many ways, and that's exactly what you discuss in this entire chapter, which is all about saying thank you.

Yeah.

Now, I want to ask you, what would you say are some of the key points that one should keep in mind when writing a thank you note or email to someone, and how do you feel like that's made a difference both in your journey and theirs? And this doesn't obviously just have to be professional, right? Even personally, I feel like taking the time out to just say thank you for somebody who might just have been a part of your life for so long that you might have taken them for granted is so important.

That's exactly right. And here's the thing about a thank you note. There's no downside to it. At worst, a thank you note is neutral. It's not like somebody would be pissed, like, oh my God, I can't believe he took the time to thank me, right? But at its best, a thank you note makes somebody feel great. It makes them feel seen. It makes them feel appreciated. But here is the key. You asked what, what is the key to a great great thank you note, it's being specific. So it's not just saying, hey, thank you for the time today. It's thank you for the time. Here are 3 things that I walked away with.

Sure.

And it's so, it's being personal enough that you can't just swap in somebody else's name. So that's, that's the key. And there's a million ways to say thank you. Of course, I give you lots of those ideas in the book. You know, thank you for the advice. Thanks for the help. Thanks for the cupcake. Thanks for the chocolate. Thanks for, the great rating on my appraisal. There's so many ways to say thank you, but there's no downside. No downside.

Sure. And I feel like, you know, getting this far in the book, I know I was thinking, and I feel like other people were also thinking this, you know, when they're reading the book or listening. And people might be thinking, this is all great, right? Making new connections, relationships, meeting people regularly, learning to grow your network, strengthen those connections. But this next chapter is all about leveraging those connections in a more professional manner to move up in the world. For example, there's plenty of people who don't like interviews or job applications, right? They tend to freeze under scrutiny, questions they might not have prepared for, or strangers just asking them why they belong there. I mean, even you mentioned, right, that you've actually not been offered a single job that you've interviewed for. And I mean, that's a big deal considering the position that you're at right now.

That's right.

Now, as you mention in the book, it's less about who you know and more about who knows you. So I want to ask you, can you give some examples or talk a little bit about how your connections and network has led to career opportunities for you and how other people can leverage their network properly to move up in the world?

Yeah, so I've hired many people over my 30-year career in this big company that I'm in, and there's too much at stake for me to hire the wrong person. You know, things are moving quickly and jobs are competitive to get, and so therefore 0% of the time will I hire someone that I just see a resume on. 0% of the time can I hire someone that I just interview once. I mean, they could, you know, they could completely pull the wool over my eyes for, you know, a 30-minute meeting, right? Instead, I need warm connections to tell me how they really are. I need someone to tell me, you know what, She loves to turn teams around and she is really skilled at that. He is a diamond in the rough and you know, with the right attention and the right focus, he's just going to shine brighter than anybody else. I need people to tell me those kind of things, and so I love it when I get recommendations for people. So I want everyone to make sure you're hearing me. If I'm loving when I get those recommendations, don't be afraid to do it. Don't be afraid to call in your network to say, hey, do you know Joe? Do you know Sally? I'm interviewing for this role. Would you put in a good word for me? Because I'm telling you, as an interviewing manager, I love that. So call in your network if there's a job that you really want. Now make sure it's a job you do really want, because if you're just applying for, you know, 100 jobs a week, that's going to get really old for your network really quick. If you're saying, can you put in a good word for me here, here, here, here, here? But if it's a job you really want and you've got someone that knows the hiring manager or knows someone who knows someone, um, you use that. Use that.

Yeah, and that makes a lot of sense. I feel like this is one of the biggest things about a network is that Your network, of course, with your own efforts, it doesn't really grow stale, right? Your, your job that you have, you may leave that, you know, you may unfortunately be laid off, anything can happen, right? But the network you have, the people that you build connections with, that's never going to go away unless you let it. Um, and by this point, you know, you've equipped the reader with enough knowledge to form relations with complete strangers. But this next chapter, Chapter 14, is about building on an existing relationship, leveraging your network rather than building from scratch. Um, and you mentioned leveraging your past connections and your network when you face new concerns, or just to reach back out, you know, not for any work or not for anything that you may want, but rather just to build on that connection that you've already created. So I wanted to ask you, kind of a little bit like the last question, how do you feel like this habit of keeping in touch with people from your past jobs or positions has helped you succeed in your current position? And how do you feel like maybe not even professionally, how do you feel like your network from your past has helped you become who you are today?

This is one of the most fun tips that I have in the book. I said another one's probably the easiest. This is probably the most fun one. That if I challenged everyone to think about 3 people that they used to work with that they don't anymore, it'd be pretty easy, right? I don't know the kind of jobs that you had back in high school, but I'm sure you worked, you know, whether it was at a tutoring center or the pizza place or the yogurt shop, All right, we've all had coworkers, and if I challenged everyone to think about 3 people that they've lost contact with and could get back in touch with, that'd be pretty easy and pretty fun. And so if you've lost contact with someone, reach back out and again, be specific. Hey, I was thinking about the time that we worked together on that project, and woo, those were some hard times and long hours, but wow, I learned so much from you. And hey, how about virtual coffee? How about coffee just to get back in touch? And so this is a real fun one. A lot of times people tell me they put this one into motion, then they'll send me the whole list. Whole string of emails. Like, you don't have to send me the whole string of emails that, you know, oh look, my first vice president remembered me. But it, but it's a fun one to do. But you asked about, you know, me personally. I have been the beneficiary of several people over my 30 years really looking out for me in my career. And so I might have worked for him at one point and then I went to other jobs and then he recommended me for something and then, you know, I went over here. But it's all because I kept in contact. If I had just let things go, I don't even know if they would have remembered me. And so it's really important to keep those warm touch, you know, checking in. It could be at the holidays. That's a real easy time. It could be at their birthday. That's a real easy time. Could be just a random June day of, hey, I was thinking about you and would love to connect. But this is a real fun one to do and super important over your lifetime.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, I feel like a lot of the opportunities that I've gotten have actually not just been because of an application or something. You know, I'll keep this short because I know our time's coming to, you know, an end today. But, you know, recently over this past winter break that we had in school, I ended up reaching back out to somebody that I had met through an internship I did in high school. And, you know, just to reach out. And honestly, the only reason I reached out was just to say happy birthday to him. But he was like, I'm in town, and we met up for coffee. And now You know, I ended— I'm actually now an active part of his nonprofit and helping with, uh, and now I'm a director of marketing and outreach.

Wow, I love that.

Personal or professional, I feel like just reaching out and meeting people who you've already met to strengthen those connections has helped me, and obviously it's helped you. So I feel like I definitely highly recommend that tip. Um, so yeah, as I just said, our time today has come to an end. We finished chapters or tips 7 to 14. Thank you so much for being with us today, Miss Simon. I really appreciate the time you spent with us.

Thank you for having me. I'll look forward to our third and final session.

Absolutely. And just to recap, today we've learned the value of networking the right way, the importance of being prepared, how to have difficult conversations during a rocky phase, ensuring regularity in a relationship, and even the importance of sometimes letting go. And we finished with some conversations about gratitude, leveraging your connections to grow both personally and professionally. So once again, thank you so much for your time, Ms. Simon. I really enjoyed our conversation. And a big, big thank you to all of our listeners. We'll see you next time. And until then, keep on growing, keep on changing, and keep on learning.