A short, advice-focused YouTube video by Amber Hollingsworth listing eight common lies people with addictions often tell loved ones. Each numbered item (1ā8) is stated, illustrated with examples (e.g., "I only hide it because...", "This is the first time", "It won't happen again", "I'll pay you back"), and followed by brief explanation about why the claim is likely deceptive and how a family member should reasonably interpret or respond. The speaker emphasizes that some statements may contain partial truth, that many discoveries are just the "tip of the iceberg," and cautions about lending resources or accepting promises without evidence or action plans.
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If you've got an addicted loved one who says one of these statements I'm about to tell you, it is very most likely a lie. Like, way more often than not, you shouldn't believe this. Now, before I tell you these statements are lies, examples, I want you to know that just because you're not going to believe these anymore doesn't necessarily mean that you should call them out, especially not right in the moment. I have other videos about how and when to call someone out on their addictive behavior or lies, which I will link up at the end of this video. But for now, I just want you to stop falling for it. You don't always have to call it out, but you definitely don't have to believe it either. So the first one is some version of I only hide it because blank. For example, I only hide my drinking because it upsets you so much. I just don't want to get you upset. Any kind of reason for hiding behavior is definitely linked to addictive behavior. And yeah, there may be a little truth in some of the reasons that they're giving you for hiding, but the big reason they're hiding it is because they know that the addictive behavior is out of bounds in some sort of way. So when you hear this statement, it's kind of important to understand that, yeah, they may be sort of lying to you, but it's highly possible that they're not really telling themselves the whole truth about the situation either. Even when people who have addictions drink or use or do whatever it is in front of you, there's probably a good amount of the drinking and using that's happening behind the scenes that you don't even know about. And this even goes for with their using friends. Not quite true statement number two. This is the first time that happened. You see, I've been helping people with drug and alcohol problems for a very, very long time. And Almost always like 99.99% of the time, whatever you catch or find is just the very tip of the iceberg. Okay, sure, it is totally possible that you caught them or busted them on the first time, but how likely is it? Probably not. Number three, you're gonna hear this one. When you run across like evidence of the substance or the paraphernalia or bank charge, when you run across some evidence and you confront the person about it, you might hear them tell you that, oh, that's old, or that happened a long time ago, or oh, you knew about that. Remember I told you that one is just almost like a super standard one. That you're almost always gonna get at some point when you're dealing with someone who has an addiction. Now, number four is kind of one of those lies that the person tells other people, but also that they're telling themselves to help keep themselves in denial. And. And this not quite true statement sounds something like, it's the only thing that helps me with blank. Like weed is the only thing that helps me with my anxiety. It's the only thing that helps me with my trauma, my depression. Now, with this particular lot, it's a little complicated. And the reason it's complicated is because it maybe does help them a little bit initially, but by the time it's gone far enough that you're watching these videos, it not helping them anymore. And they may or may not realize that sometimes they're just telling you that because they know you have a lot of empathy for them and you feel bad and it kind of gets you to shut up and move on. And sometimes they really feel like it's the only thing that's helping, but they don't realize that what it's really helping with is the withdrawal cycle that's happening as a result of the addictive behavior. Number five, really common one is everyone does it. Now, no matter what the addictive behavior is, probably not everyone does it. So it's definitely not true. But I will admit that when you live that lifestyle that there's a strong likelihood that pretty much everyone you put yourself around does do it. So again, this is one of those lies that's maybe like partially designed to kind of like throw you off course and make you think whatever they're doing is normal and. Or it's one of those lies that they're telling themselves to kind of stay in denial about the issue or. And there's a third or here. Or they're engaging in the behavior so much that literally everyone around them that they interact with is doing it. So it's somewhat the truth, but that truth is skewed because they're not really getting a good sample population for when they say everyone. Now, these next three are super important, so pay close attention. Number six, untruth that you might hear from someone who has an addiction is it won't happen again. You often hear this statement after something like really bad happened as a result of their addictive behavior, Maybe a dui, maybe they got angry and mean, maybe they left the house, maybe they forgot responsibility. Essentially something big falls through the cracks. And it's not so much that they don't mean it when they Say it to you. It won't happen again. But unless they have, like, a really good action plan that follows that it won't happen again. And I know how it happened, and I know how I'm going to prevent it from happening. And it. And it, like, sounds reasonable, it's probably gonna happen again. Number seven is any version of it's your fault. For example, I only drink because you're so dang controlling and nagging. People with addictions have seriously strong superpowers of being able to somehow make it be your fault. Now, yes, I do agree that there are some things that families can do that are not very helpful. Okay? And if you've been watching my videos, you probably have an idea about what those things are. But it's really important for you not to buy into this belief that it's your fault they're doing whatever addictive behavior. Unless, of course, you're, like, adding it on and encouraging them to do it and saying, here, here it is. And even then, I don't even quite know if you could say it's your fault. But I would say, seriously, dude, why are you watching these videos if you're doing that? Number eight. Now, before I say this one, I will admit that it's occasionally true, but more often than not, not true. Number eight is I'll pay you back. Now, the I'll pay you back can obviously be about money, but it can also be about other things, like, I'll pay back this favor. Sometimes the person means it when they say it. They have every intention of doing it. But the fact is that addiction brings so much unmanageability to your life that I really couldn't count on it. So if you are thinking of giving something to someone, whether that's time, energy, money, whatever it is that you really can't afford to give, then I want you to think long and hard before you do it. Because if you really, really need them to reciprocate that or pay you back, there is a strong chance that they may not be able to do it, even if they have every intention of it when they say it to you. Now, I have met people who have addictions who actually do pay back their debts, and they do reciprocate. So I'm not saying that one never happens. But seriously, have you done it before? Did they pay you back the last time? Ask yourself that. It's not that it's not okay to help someone who has an addiction with money or anything else for that matter. But I wouldn't do more than you could afford. And I wouldn't do something that you're going to be resentful of if it doesn't come back your way. Now, I know this video was really just scratching the surface of this topic. So if you know some other common lies that you might hear if you have an addicted loved one, definitely put those in the comments below. And up next, I want you to watch this video because it's about how and when to confirm addictive behavior.
