A short YouTube clip (Amber Hollingsworth) addressing a partner who gaslights by claiming not to receive callsāpossibly due to drinking. Amber discourages retaliatory passive-aggressive gaslighting and instead recommends positively reinforcing prompt responses (e.g., thank them when they answer) to reduce worry and encourage better communication.
Chapters
Hey Amber, what's the problem with playing the game of gaslighting? My spouse says he doesn't get my calls or messages, but I think he's secretly drinking. Maybe next time when he calls me. Sorry, didn't get it. My phone must be broken. Oh, well, what's wrong with giving him a taste of his own medicine?
Well, the thing of it is this. Yes, you can definitely try that route of playing gaslighting right back. I would call that passive aggressive though. And passive aggressive, while it might make you feel better in the short term, doesn't ever get you results and ultimately is going to make you feel worse because they're not going to respond well to your passive aggressiveness. And so in the end, no one feels better and nothing's been addressed. So instead of doing that or saying that, what you can do is when he does answer right away, just validate it, positively reinforce it. Say, thank you so much for answering. It really helps me not worry so much and go crazy. But say it in a nice way, not in a passive aggressive way. Let me know in the comments what you would do in that situation.