Advanced Strategies For Overcoming Addiction that Nobody Ever Talks About

This is insider information about overcoming addiction. The parts that most people don't really talk about. In fact, I think I would call these more like advanced strategies or recovery, not those first things. We'll talk about what those first things are. But, but the next steps. How do you actually create a recovery, a life that you love, that you can maintain long term? How do you set yourself up for success, to really be addiction for good? You see, there are some behind the scenes things that are important part of the recovery process that people don't always come right out and say. Even in counseling or in centers and things like that, you don't always hear people just come straight out and say this is important and why this is important. So that's what I want to talk with you guys about today. So first, let's identify just really quickly what those like beginning sort of baseline recovery skills might look like. To me, those are the basics, like how do you actually stop using? That has to do things sometimes that has to do things like detox, managing triggers and cravings and changing people places and things. And all of that seems so clearly obvious why that's important and why someone would have to learn those skills in order to get sober from substances. But staying sober is kind of another story, right? There are some more advanced skills that you, you gotta adapt, you gotta work on, you gotta get kind of good at if you really want to manage it. You see, for me, recovery management is all about sanity management. If you want to keep your sobriety or your recovery long term, you gotta keep your head on straight. The reason why that's so important is because when you get yourself in a really bad situation, when you get yourself really upset, when life throws you curveballs, hey, when life throws you really good things, those are the times they're likely to make someone who's actually doing fairly decent in their recovery. Those are the times that are likely to send you spiraling backwards. And so in this video, let's talk about what are some things involved with the whole sanity management. Now I'm not going to give you like a complete list because I think there's a lot involved with it. But let's take a look at the basics, the standards of things. These are, these are other skills that you got to get good at in order to maintain your recovery. Now let me start off by telling you what prompted my idea for this live meeting today. Now, you guys know that for my live Thursday meetings, y' all know we meet Thursdays at 1 Eastern. Every Thursday I like to try to come up with either questions that people are asking me in the comments of the videos or messages that I've gotten or things that have come up in, like, sessions with. With clients. Well, in the recent past, I had a young lady sitting in my office who wasn't that long out of treatment. Now, this young lady was like, in her 20s, and she had about, I think probably, I want to say about three months or so, so sober. And she was in my office and she was telling me how this guy, I had reached out to her and wanted to kind of like, meet up. And she had said, yeah, that sounds fun. But then after thinking about it, she was like, you know what? That's probably not the best move to make because I really need to focus on my recovery. I do not need to go down this whole rabbit hole of relationships. I think I'm just gonna ghost them. That's what she tells me. Now, I know you're listening to this story and you're thinking, wow, that's impressive. I'm impressed with this young lady putting her recovery first. And you know what? I'm impressed with that too. But I was like, I love what you're saying about the whole avoiding relationships, man. I'm. I'm loving it. Like, that is impressive. That's masterful and shows a huge amount of willingness. However, do you have to ghost them? And she's like, yeah, I just don't even want to have the difficult conversation. It's just going to be a pain butt in a bunch of drama. And. And I said, well, I kind of feel like you should probably just tell them that you're just not gonna be able to come. And she's like, nah, you know what? I'm just gonna ghost him. And then she's like, well, you know, all my friends are gonna be on my side anyways. And so we started talking about the drama that would likely ensue from her ghosting this person. And I was like, I really feel like it's this important thing to do for your recovery. And of course she's like, what's that to do my recovery? I'm like, not going to meet this guy. My recovery. I'm doing the right thing for my recovery. And I definitely see where she's come from. She definitely is. It's the ghosting part that concerned me. The reason the ghosting part is so concerning is because I know that's going to cause drama, which is going to upset the sanity balance. And that's where we get into our advanced recovery skills, because the first one on the list of advanced recovery skills is you have to learn to deal with problems and address them as they happen. We can all have a tendency to just procrastinate or put off things or not deal with things at all that are uncomfortable or difficult. But we all know how that ends, right? When you don't deal with things, a little problem turns into a big problem, and then sometimes the big problem starts to multiply and make other big problems, right? And just because we want to avoid it and not deal with it in the short run, we really aren't helping ourselves at all. And now what started out as something maybe that was uncomfortable but solvable turns into a big old mess that messes with our sanity. Can you, can you track with me? You guys let me know in the comments, like give me a high five emoji in the comments, or if you don't have emojis, maybe you're watching on desktop or something, then just write high five for me. That way I'll know that I'm not just crazy over here and just making stuff up. Because I'd want people in recovery. You know, after those initial parts, it's about managing your sanity. And part of that has to do with solving the problems. Even things like, like financial issues, not letting financial problems build up, addressing things, making the phone calls you need to make, having the conversation with the boss that you need to have. Because I'm telling you, nothing's going to put you more at risk than when you let a bunch of problems build up and turn into giant, crazy, ugly monsters. It's going to really upset your balance. So sometimes it's hard to see why these things are related to sobriety, but they are. And that's always say, like, the substances is really just like this much of the process, right. Is so much bigger than that, and the recovery process is so much bigger than that. And a lot of times people just don't understand that. Most of the time, I guess I'd say people don't understand that coming into the recovery process, they think it's just, I just need to not use this substance anymore. And even when the person really, really means it, like they have full intentions to get this problem under control and stop using or whatever, they rarely have any even inkling concept of what all it's going to take because it's just so much more than that. Oh, I'm seeing my high fives pop up there. Thank you, guys. Another advanced recovery skill I think that you have to work on is focusing on your integrity, because integrity kind of like the problem solving thing means you do what you say you're going to do. You live in congruence with your value system and then you, you kind of have things above board in the light, as we like to say on this channel. Because when you do that again, that's another thing that's going to keep a whole bunch of unnecessary problems and drama from occurring in your life. A lot of times when you're doing things that are inconsistent with your values, you're not being completely above board. A lot of times that's another example really of what's happening is it's an avoidance kind of thing. And when, when we've been in an addictive pattern for so long, we've gotten really good at avoidance, right? Because we've had some handy helpers that make avoidance so easy. So focusing on your integrity, focusing on doing what you say you're going to do, following through. And for me, along with integrity, the next recovery skill I think that's super important is learning how to have healthy relationships. I paused there for a second because I really think there's two pieces of that. One piece is how do I repair the damage that's done in my relationships. I have already, if I've had addiction going on. And the second piece of it is, is, is how do I like make new healthy relationships. And a lot of that has to do with assertiveness and integrity and problem solving. If you will avoid the game playing, if you will have difficult conversations, when you have to have difficult or when you need to have difficult conversations, if you'll do some of these other things that I'm telling you, the relationship thing will be halfway there already, right? So maintaining those healthy relationships, seriously, of any of the things, when you have a big giant relationship problem that will throw you off your rocker really, really quickly, right? Because nothing is more upsetting than when someone that's important to you or there's a situation going on, it just gets in your mind. You can't hardly think about anything else. And I mean not just like romantic relationships, but like co worker relationships and family relationships and friend relationships. All of these kind of relationships, you've got to learn how to keep those healthy. Another piece of the keeping them healthy is about healthy boundaries, understanding your side of the street and their side of the street, saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. Again, this is about dealing with things head on and in a totally above board kind of way. Now, another advanced recovery skill that I think is super important is really, really getting in touch with your why, why. And you kind of start this in the early process, right? You, you have a why you got sober, right? But you got to have a really strong why for why you're staying sober. Because after a bit you're going to start to forget the bad things that happen and you're going to start trying to tell yourself that you can just do this. As long as you don't do that. Are you going to start trying to tell yourself that you can do that again? But you've got it definitely under control now. There's no way you're going to let it get back out of hand, right? Those are the sneaky, addictive kind of thoughts that sneak into your mind for almost any, anyone in the recovery process. You're going to have those thoughts and you've got to have a really strong connection to your why. Why do you want to stay sober? Another way to look at that is a really strong connection to meaning and purpose in your life. Understanding that you're out there to do something better and something bigger than waste your time running around chasing substances or some other kind of addictive behavior. When you can stay connected to that, it really keeps you motivated and energized and it keeps you liking your life, basically feeling like you've got something important to do every day. Those things for me are extremely important for maintenance of like long term, real deal kind of recovery. If you can do these things, I'm just, I'm just telling you right there with the relationships and the integrity and the dealing with problems and finding some real strong meaning and purpose in your life and staying connected to your why, you're gonna keep your thinking straight, at least mostly straight. Straight enough, right? You're gonna keep yourself mostly in balance. And of course, life throws us curveballs and throws us off track every now and then. But if you have other things, then your ability to cope with those difficult times is going to be so, so, so, so much better. All right, let's see who's joining us live. If you're watching on the replay, we are so glad that you're here. We're glad that you joined us and make sure you join in the conversation as well. All right, as I scroll through these, I will tell you that I am currently working on putting together like a little group that focuses, like a virtual group that focuses on these advanced recovery skills where we can kind of go into them more in depth and look at what's going on. If you're interested in that, it's not out yet. I'm still working on it. But if you're interested in that, I will put the link for you in the description and in the comments about how you can kind of get on the list just to be notified so you'll know when that happens and if it's an option. All right, here we have Stephen. Hello, Stephen. He says, good morning. It must be morning. Wherever Stephen is, we have Sensible crime. Glad you're here. Steven says staying sober is harder than getting sober. Right. People think that first, like the detoxing part, I'm like, dude, that's just like the first little step, right? It's just. There's just a lot more to it. Hundo is here and Rita's here. Hello, Amy. Rita says, I'm with you, Amber. By ghosting, she's creating a bad cause negativity, which is something that she doesn't need to create, especially during recovery. It's part of increasing the quality of your life and treating someone, respecting courtesy. Oh, I like that, Rita. I should have said that. I wish you were in my ear and I was in that session. Increasing the quality of life and treating other people with courtesy and respect. Right? Because you know what? The treating other people with courtesy and respect. When you don't do that, you feel kind of bad about it, even if you don't admit it. You know you did the wrong thing. You know how that would make you feel if it was you, right? When you treat other people with courtesy and respect, you feel proud of yourself and you like yourself better. Man, staying clean and sober is so much easier when you like yourself better. What do you all think about that? Hello, P. And Deb. And Rita says, not crazy. It can lead to ugliness. Like, you're saying it's a big part of her recovery. Absolutely. I would love to hear from you guys. If you guys have any stories or memories like this or scenarios that you've run into. And on the surface, it doesn't seem like it's, like, directly connected to using because it's not like you're making the choice to use or not use. It's not even like you're having a craving. But these kinds of little scenarios build up to the point I call it the long game that addiction plays. Right. It is not that I'm trying to get you to use. It's. It's backing up and getting you to put yourself in a bad position. Vulnerable and by yourself and overwhelmed with problems and a big old mess to deal with. Because it knows when you get in that position, you're going to want to run back to the comfort that you know. So if you will be doing yourself a big favor not to let yourself get in those kinds of situations if possible. Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy says, I'm so grateful for your wisdom. Helps me understand my boyfriend's recovery and how I can help him be successful. Well, thank you. I'm so glad to hear that. Laura says, my son is 11 days sober at home with me doing okay, but decided to stop talking to me at all. I'm staying on my side of the street, but really wanted him to consider treatment. He can't do it alone. That second week of being sober, Laura is emotional mess. Like, a lot of times I tell my clients, like, the first week is physical mass, right? Like you're sick, you're just not well. And the second week, you're on a kind of an emotional roller coaster. Your emotions are up and down and all over the place, and you feel like you have, like, no coping skills. Like you're just emotionally raw. So I would say give him a little bit of time and a little grace period if he's being cranky or not talking or whatever. Maybe he's not talking because he knows if he did, he'd say some bad things or something. Give him a little space because that. It takes a good couple weeks before you even start to think you're going to feel better. Maya says my husband comes home. Or Mia says my husband comes home from detox and rehab after two months away. Next week, I'm concerned about the aftercare. Called five counselor therapists and no answer. Any suggestions for us as a couple? Most the time when someone is leaving treatment, they will make recommendations and a lot of times they'll get you connected into some services. Like they'll get those appointments in place for you. They call that aftercare. Most of the time they will help assist you with aftercare and they may know of some really good options near you and they may have some inroads and be able to even get. Get that in faster. Right now I feel like I'm guessing that there's so many counselors and psychiatrists, stuff like that, that are just completely overwhelmed with calls and people needing help. That unfortunately, I'm not surprised when you're saying I haven't. I haven't heard back. But one thing I do want to say to you is congratulations on being smart. To know you need to be getting five steps ahead and you need to be getting this in place. I like it. Means you're a good listener. You're learning. Emma says, what do you think of the bridge device? For those of you don't know? The bridge device, and I did a video on this Emma, where I talk about it is this kind of cool new technology that is being used a lot for detox. It's a, it's like a technical device that they put like behind your ear. It looks like almost like a little hearing aid. And while you're in the process of withdrawal, this little device sends electrical impulses to your amygdala that confuse your amygdala. And the reason why that's helpful in withdrawal is because the amygdala is what produces the withdrawal signals to the brain to, to start the withdrawal process. So it kind of like interferes with the signal process, which interrupts the withdrawal sickness process. I think that it's pretty cool if you ask me. I mean, I'm like, wow, that's a neat thing. That's a neat way to go about it. Because it's not a subsent, it's not another drug. It's literally like just sending a little imposter. And I think you wear it for five days. I could if I remember in that right. And occasionally, if you're still having some withdrawal symptoms, they may put it, they may give you another one for another five days. But for most people, I think five days is enough. At least that's my understanding of it. I've never done that or, or putting one on somebody or anything like that. But I did do a video about that from a facility that's using that kind of technology called Recover Us or Recover Us and explains all that and some other cool, like new kinds of things that they're doing. Let's see. Mia says it is a little device that has a big impact on your feelings during the withdrawal process. It stopped it for every person who tried it. I have heard that it's effective from the people that are doing it. The people I know that are doing it are doing it usually in conjunction with another piece of a detox process. So I think probably it depends on how severe. My guess is it depends on how severe the withdrawal process is, if that by itself might be enough. But I tell you what, I think it's pretty dang cool if you ask me. I think it's. It's interesting. And I'm always interested in the new science about addiction recovery that comes out. The things I'm teaching you today. Nothing new about it. It's old school as it comes. If you work 12 step recovery program, they don't tell you that they're teaching you these things, I just told you. But it's built into their step process. And most recovery programs, even if it's not 12 step, most recovery programs have some amount of this in. But they don't always tell you or show you what they're teaching you and how that connects to your recovery. And if you guys are like me, if you tell me why something's important, I'll like understand it on a different level. I'll do it better. I mean I'm pretty compliant, probably do it anyway, but I'll just do it with a different like seriousness about it because I'm like, oh, I get it. Like I get how this domino leads to this domino leads to this domino. And that's why I need to interrupt it right here. Just it would make me do it better if I understood why. Like why you have to like make a man sir. Why you have to make a resentment list. You know, those are all things that work. But we, we don't always tell people why we're like, just do it. You know, just close your mouth and open your ears and do what I say. Which is not very effective. Hope none of you guys are saying that. Ma says I asked my doctor to help me detox with Suboxone taper, but he responded with wanting me to, to put me on Suboxone maintenance. What are your thoughts? Okay, for those of you don't know what, what Maze is saying there is that she wants to be put on a short term Suboxone taper, which is a medicine that helps you come off of opioids. And what she's wanting is to have like a short term like go down pretty quickly. And her physician is encouraging her to do more of a maintenance program. And I actually that's not a common awe. I run into that a lot and I find that it can be pretty frustrating to people that want to come off. I think a lot of the reason they do that is because they see a lot of some, some physicians will see a lot of relapse when people try to taper too quickly off of it. So I think most of the time, most of the time I think the intentions with that are good. Sometimes it might be sketchy about, might be about the money and trying to keep you there and coming. It's hard to tell sometimes. So. Hey Amy, thank you for your nice words of support. Alrighty guys, I will again I will post that link in the description for you in case you want to check it out for being on the list to be in the group that's focuses on advanced recovery skills. And I will see you guys next Thursday. Thanks for hanging out with me.