Am I Enabling An Addict? (Hint ** it's not just about money!)

Most people think that enabling basically means giving people money. Like if I know that my nephew or my son or my cousin or my husband is an addict or an alcoholic and I'm giving them money or I'm giving them a place to stay, that I'm enabling. Well, sure, yes, that is enabling. But I really want people to think about enabling in a totally different context. Because we get stuck on the idea if I'm providing something for them financially or a resource that that's what's going to keep them using. Not really. In my experience, people with lots and lots of money get sober. So not having money does not make people get sober. I see 15 year old kids have never worked a day in their life, they find money to use. Parents are like, well how do they do it? They can save up their lunch money, they're going to find the money to use. So I'm not telling you to give someone loads of cash. I'm just telling you there's a different way to think about enabling. In my mind, really the most enabling thing that you can do is allow yourself to play the bad guy role. Because what happens is the addict or the alcoholic, they are going to consciously or subconsciously start arguments with you. This is what the disease of addiction will do. It will argue with you because then it can walk out the door and go use and feel justified to do it. So when you allow the disease to put you in the bad guy role, and that means doing things like nagging and preaching and yelling and screaming and complaining and all of the things that loved ones do when they're concerned, then you're allowed this disease to put you in the back of a roll and the person then starts to feel sorry for themselves and they build a resentment and they spend a lot of their time when they're not using or trying to get whatever substances they're using, then they're thinking about the fact that you're mean to them or that you're not fair. They basically just spend all of their day walking around feeling sorry for themselves. You want to know how I know this? Because when they come and they sit on my couch and they're in therapy with me, this is what they want to talk about. They don't want to talk about that they have a problem or the bad things that they did. In fact, we can't ever get to that until we can get the family member to stop playing the bad guy role because it's like you're blocking their view. Think of it like that. It's like as long as you're doing all that you're desperately trying to get them to see see how their behavior is causing all these consequences wrecking the family but while you're trying to get them to see that you're actually standing in their way and if you would step out of that role that gives them like no one else to blame no situation to blame not a lot of reason to feel sorry for themselves and guess what happens then they have to start seeing themselves as the issue and the addiction comes to light much faster if you can step out of the way. So playing the bad guy role is the most enabling thing that you can do I promise I see addicts and alcoholics every day all day and this is the most enabling thing because think of it like you're giving them the emotional currency to justify making bad decisions. If you found this video helpful and you think it could help someone else then make sure and use the links below and share it. It.