Are you Struggling with Mixed Emotions About Your Loved One's Addiction?

On one hand, you have a lot of empathy for them. You really do see that they're miserable, and you understand that they probably don't want to have this addiction. They don't want to behave or feel the things that they feel. But on the other hand, you're really getting sick and tired of dealing with their addictive behavior, and you're getting beyond frustrated with having to deal with all of your responsibilities and theirs. That's a pretty common situation or way of feeling. If you have an addicted loved one, you have this big mix of emotions that are just all over the place. And if you could just feel one way or the other, wouldn't life be easier? But this mix of emotions is what keeps us on this emotional roller coaster. It's up, it's down, it's sideways, it's left, it's right. And it feels like at this point, your whole life, your day revolves around what's going on with them, what kind of day are they having, what kind of drama are they having, what kind of trouble have they found themselves in. All of that stuff has now got to the point where your whole life, or maybe not your whole life, but way too much of your life is revolving around their addiction, and you want off of this emotional roller coaster. If you're identifying with these feelings and you're following along, give me a hands up emoji in the comments. Just so I know. It's like if your church is like a amen, like, I hear you, sister. All right, so it is natural to have all those feelings. You really do have empathy for them. And when you step back and you think about it, you. You do understand what they're going through, and you may even have a lot of empathy for, like, how they even got to this point. Maybe they have childhood issues or trauma or other things in their past, and you're like, you know what? I kind of get how we ended up in this situation. But just because you understand it and just because you empathize with it and maybe even have sympathy for them doesn't mean that you don't get frustrated, tired, resentful, angry, and a whole lot of other stuff about it too. Because if it was just them and just affected them, then you probably could stay over in the sympathy, empathy, understanding category. But it doesn't. It affects everyone around them. And no matter what you believe, your philosophy about addiction, disease, choice, whatever, you got to know there's a little choice involved here. Okay? So it's frustrating to continue to have empathy for someone who on some level, Maybe they're not. They didn't want to have an addiction. They're not fully in control, but they're making the choice maybe not to make, make it better. And that is frustrating you because all of the fallout from that keeps falling on your lap and everyone else's lap. A while back, I was talking to this. This lady who. Whose sibling was addicted, I think it was her sister. And the. It wasn't so much like the lady had a problem with like having to like, fix everything for the sister. But what happened was the parents did so. The parents would give the sister all the money, bail her out of everything, let the sister live with them, all that stuff. And then because the parents did all that, the parents couldn't take care of themselves. And then they would rely on the sister, and so she would then feel bad, you know, can I not help my own parents out? But it was like. It was almost like they were enabling the person with addiction and she was enabling the parents. It's like it was. It can get down to like, not even like direct enabling, but like secondary enabling. And I've even had clients. It's funny because those of you that. Guys that like, watch these videos, or maybe you even come to our practice over families, you've learned you got smart and you know that. And you guys are good behavior. We've told you, do not nag, threaten, control, all this stuff. And it's funny because pretty regularly somebody will stop me, like, you know, at the office or something, they'll say, amber so and so hadn't done this. Can you make sure you tell them that? And I just kind of laughed to myself because I'm like, okay, now you're enabling vicariously through me because it's like you've learned you can't say it and you shouldn't do it. But then you're like, well, can you say it? Maybe you call up your in law and you want them to say it or something. That's out of bounds too. I know it.

I should.

Sneaky way of trying to get around the rules. I know what you're doing anyways. That's because of all these mixed emotions that you have. And we haven't even talked about the fear, the constant fear. And it's the fear that holds you hostage. So it's the. The mixed emotions that keep you on the roller coaster and the fear that doesn't let you get off of that roller coaster. And the big problem with it is not only is it like destroying your life and totally messing with your Sanity in your world and what you do and don't do and how you feel and don't feel, what hobbies and interests and activities you can do.

It.

Not only is it messing with all of that as far as you, but it also causes you. I have to be careful how I word this. I think about this thing to. I don't want to say make them worse because I don't think that you can make someone be addicted. I don't think you can make someone anything. But some of those emotions that you have trigger behaviors in you that can then trigger worse addictive behaviors in the other person. Now, it's not a purposeful thing, but it doesn't even matter which side of that emotional roller coaster you're coming from. When you're reacting out of your emotions as the loved one, you are probably enabling that other person. So it's important to get a hold of this emotional roller coaster for you and for them and honestly for everyone else around you. Because as long as you're so distressed and dysregulated, you're not meeting your needs, you're not helping the addictive person, and you can't even be there for the other people in your life that you want to be there for. So everyone is suffering. Now the way that you're emotions enable the other person, there's this sort of kind of obvious, easy one to see is like if you're, if you're overly empathetic with someone, maybe you are too soft, you cave, you, you fix everything for them, you give them too much money and that kind of thing that's probably obvious to you. What might not be as obvious to you is when you get resentful, when you start controlling, when you start snooping, when you start trying to get other people involved in the process, when you start acting out that other side of your emotions, you're also enab because you're allowing yourself to be put into the bad guy role. And those of you that have been around a while, you know what I'm saying, when I say the bad guy roll, that's literally getting yourself in the bad guy raw is more enabling for your addicted loved one than being too nice. I'd rather you be too nice than too mean. As far as what's going to be the best for that person. Because when you're the bad guy, it helps distract them from looking at what's really going on in their life from having that really like honest conversation. It helps keep them in denial longer, it helps keep the family drama going because then they split other people against you and they make other people think it's really you just being crazy. And so all of that bad guy roll, which is coming out of that resentment, frustration, anger, which is totally valid feeling, but when you're acting from that place, not only are you distressing yourself, but you're being in that bag, I roll, which is literally the most enabling thing you can do. Because I like to say if you give somebody 20 bucks, okay, maybe you enable them and they go out and they got 20 bucks worth of drugs. If you scream and yell and you call them names, they will literally use that justification to not only use that day, but for years to come. They won't get past it. 20 bucks is, 20 bucks is gone and five minutes is done. But when you give them that, it's like the emotional currency to continue to make bad choices because it leads them to lots of self pity and lots of resentment and that leads to more bad choices. So I know what you're thinking, like, okay, Amber, we hear you got to get ourselves under control, but how in the world do we do that? Well, I'm going to tell you, going to tell you how some of this stuff you might not like, but we got to talk about anyway. If the first thing you have to do to get your emotions under control is get yourself in a safer place, now that can be safer emotionally, that can be safer financially. Like for example, if, if you are married to someone who has an addiction and you don't work and they have the addiction and they provide all the income, you are going to feel very, very, very vulnerable. And you are definitely going to feel held hostage because you're going to be like, I can't even believe we have three kids. I don't work, one of my kids is disabled. I can't even, you know, and then you're going to feel really, really stuck, which is going to make it hard for you to make strategic decisions because you feel trapped. So if you're in a situation like that, you've got to untrap yourself. That can not just. I mean, that can also apply to other people, not just spouses. It can apply to parents who are maybe draining your own savings dry or putting your own bills or credit in, in jeopardy because you're overdoing that. You got to get yourself so that you know no matter what happens, you are going to be okay. And, and that person probably can't be done overnight, but you can start working towards that. And once you get to that point where you feel like you have options. That's going to give you, like, a peace of mind. It's really going to calm down the emotions. So if you are not financially secure without that person, deal with that. If they are in your house and they are abusing you and they are causing you to be extremely emotionally dysregulated, you're not gonna get emotionally regulated when someone's abusing you. So you're gonna have to deal with that. So the first thing you gotta do is get yourself in a safe place. As far as, like, I know that I'm okay no matter what happens over there. Once you do that, the next thing that is quite necessary is I want you. This is the one you guys are gonna be like, really, Emmer, I want you to stop thinking about it so much. I was planning this video and I was like. I was imagining myself saying that, and I was. I was imagining the eye rolls. Like, okay, react really like, we wish we could think about this, but to be honest with you, that's not any different than what I tell people who have addictions. Like, you gotta think about less now. You don't have complete control of that, but you have a lot more control of that than you think you do. What we talk about in recovery is, I'll say often it's like you can't control that first thought because it sneaks in there. But you can control that second one and the third one and the four one, because you decide whether you're going to invite that thought in. You decide whether you're going to entertain that thought. Go down that dark rabbit hole. It's going to take a lot of active work not to go down that dark rabbit hole and obsess about it and think about it. Most people that we deal with who have a loved one, this. This becomes their obsession and. And a lot of times they're able, especially those of you who've been working the invisible intervention or watching the videos, you're able to get your behaviors under control. Like, I'm not being reactive to the other person as much, but still inside, it feels like the emotions and the obsession is still there and it's still sort of ruling you. Even if you've gotten more containment, which is. It's okay because you have to do this in steps and you gotta get the behaviors and the feelings and all that will come.

But.

But spend less time thinking about it. When you have that urge to go down the rabbit hole, don't do it. When you have that urge to check and spy on them and check to see if their car is where you think it should be and look in their bank account and smell their clothes and dig in their room and do all that stuff. Do not do it. You are fueling your own addiction. And it doesn't matter what you find. What good is it going to do you? Let's say you find something and they're going to come home. And then you're either going to not confront them because you don't want them to know that you found it. So now you have this piece of information that's literally going to drive you crazy, you can't do anything with, or you're going to confront them and then you're going to get a big old fight because they're like, you hear my stuff and you don't trust me and you don't. You're trying to control me. And they're going to put it back on you. It's going to be a big fight. And you literally have done yourself no good. So stop. And I say this a lot, too. You don't have to look for it. You don't have to spy. You don't have to dig. It will show itself because it's addiction. And addiction brings unmanageability. It's like the characteristic that's what makes it addiction. So that unmanageability will surface itself. You do not have to get your magnifying glass out and your black light out and go looking. It's going to. It's going to show up. It's going to be showing up, and you'll wish you didn't see it, but it'll be right there in front of your face. Stop doing that. Stop constantly trying to talk to them about it. Stop trying to constantly ask them questions about it. Stop talking constantly to other people about it, except in the productive ways, like if you're talking to your counselor or your coach or your sponsor, or occasionally to your best friend who's been through it before. Outside of that don't want you. And even. And even, like, if it's your best friend who's been there before, I don't want you to talk about that exclusively because you're going to wear your best friend out. So don't fuel your own fires. And I know that feels a little bit unfair to ask, but it's not any different than what the person on the other side of the street ends up having to do. And then the third little tip I'm going to give you as far as how to help yourself get those emotions under control is Decide what you are going to think about. Decide what's important to you. And what would you be doing with your life if this thing hadn't taken over? Would you be starting your own business? Would you be painting? Would you be taking a cooking class? Would you be on an exercise thing? You'd be running a marathon? You be at the beach relaxing? What would you be doing? Start doing it. I know you don't feel like doing it, but I want you to start doing it anyway. It's not any different than what the person with the addiction has to do. They have to go to meetings. You think they feel like going to meetings? No, they do not feel like going to meetings. They have to go to the gym and exercise. You think they feel like doing that? No. But once you start doing it, the feelings will come. And then guess what? You have some more things to think about, some more topics to talk about, and you can slowly start to untrain your mind away from that obsession. Because you get in such a pattern of being obsessed about so long, it literally becomes habit. Like you literally train your brain to do that constantly. The same way as like you train your brain to check your phone all the time. You know, when you wake up, do you check your emails? Do you see if you have any text messages? You check your Facebook and see how many likes you have. It's like it becomes habit and you just do it automatically. You don't even know you're doing it. Same thing with this kind of obsession. It just gets on autopilot and you've got to get it off of the autopilot. Now I have some more tips on how to manage emotions, even beyond just emotions related to having an addicted loved one, but emotions in general. And I'm going to link that video up here at the end in just a minute, as we've been doing lately, I am going to let one of our live viewers come on here and have a conversation. And the way we've been doing it has worked out really well. So we'll keep doing it that way, which is if you want to come on here live and share some about your situation with us, then put a number from 1 to 100 in the comments and then we'll take the random number picker and we'll put pick someone. Now, as always, I want to remind you this is public, so where you get on here and say it's live public. So make sure you don't talk about anything that you don't want out there. And if there's no one that wants to come on here and share. I totally understand that, too, because it's personal and it's not always easy to talk about that in front of everyone. So. But if you want to do that, go ahead and put the number up here. And while we wait for you guys to get the number, because there's a little lag, then I will take some of the questions or comments in the chat. I also put links for you guys. I always put links for you guys in the description for resources. But if you are interested in emotional control and in getting your life back, whether you're the family member or the person who's trying to overcome an addiction or an early recovery, then you consider joining our membership because in there we teach the. The sort of advanced skills. We go a little bit deeper than we go on the YouTube channel because we sort of build on a knowledge base and. And that allows us to go deeper and deeper. So check out that. And then also, if you're really having trouble and you can't decide what to do and you can't get your emotions under control, then consider talking to one of our strategists, one of our addiction specialists. And if you need some help with that. All right, I think I've given you a little time. Let's take a couple comments, and then we're going to pick our number. I think I only see one number there right now, so I think that's Bridget. Bridget, if no one else puts a number up here, you're it. You'll. You're going to need decent Internet and some light. Decent enough light so we can see you. Let's see. I see a lot of hands up from the beginning when. When I was saying, raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about. I like it. I appreciate. I feel validated. Thank you, guys. Question. Do you know any good counselors in Granbury, Texas area? I do not. I feel like one of my weakest areas because I get asked like, do you know, treatment center here? There is no one of, like, all the resources that are all over the country. I know the ones, like, right around me, but I don't know all the ones all over the country. I wish I did. But if you're watching this video and you know some good resources in that area, will you list them? Because I think together we got people all over. Somebody knows some good resources. So everybody feel free to share those. And if you know good resources somewhere else, feel free to share those because we're always looking for that. And I think word of Mouth is probably the best way to judge, because looking at websites is. They all call it the same, and it's really hard to tell. So word of mouth is the way to go. Hey, Anthony. Hey, Loose fat. It works. Hey, Jody. See, Jody says yes. Every time you can't find something, you confront them. And if they did it or have it, etc. Oh, you're saying, like, if you can't find something that, like, belongs to you, and you're like, do you have it? And then you're, like, accusing them. Did you steal it? Basically, is what you're saying. And even though you find that everyone has been affected, asking people to tell the attic things. Yes. Hey, Star. Let's see here. Hey, Stephanie. Stephanie says, so how do I take the. How do I not take the fish hook and get into the bag? I roll. My daughter is four months sober, and back home, buttons are being pushed. It's so hard not to react when they are so mean. One of the things that I do, because it can. It can definitely get to the point 7. It feels like they're just bound and determined to start a fight with you. Believe it or not, clients do that with me occasionally when they're, like, in mega relapse warning signs. Sometimes I'm like, dude, are you. Are you trying to start a fight with me? It's just like, they're just. I don't know what. But you can feel it. And it's hard to resist those fish hooks. One of the things you can do is you can make a process comment. So instead of reacting back to whatever it is that they're saying to you, like, if they're like, amber, your yellow shirt, that's the ugly shirt. Like, I don't even know why you wear that. You're. You always wear ugly shirts. Like, I could say, I like this shirt, and I got this shirt the other day or whatever, you know, and I could, like, defend that. Don't. But I could just also pass that, which is what I'm gonna recommend you do. And I'm gonna say, wow, it seems like. It seems like you're having a rough day. I'm gonna give you some space. Or, you know, why are you bringing that up right now? Is there something going on? Is this shirt bothering you? You know, make a process comment about what's happening in the dynamic between that person and you rather than. Than to sort of engage in the actual. Whatever button it is that they're pushing. Just sort of bypass that and go up, like, a level higher because it's. It's gonna get to the real deal, which is, what the heck? Why are you. Why are you starting fighting me? And sometimes with clients, I'll be like, dude, I feel like you're trying to start fighting me. You're trying to start fighting me, and I'll just sort of call it out. And of course they're going to say no, because most of the time they don't. They're not always conscious that they're doing that, but it does bring their attention to that. They're, like, in a mood. And occasionally, even with clients, I'll say, you know what? Some days, just a bad day to do counseling or coaching. I'm gonna give you a pass. I'm gonna reschedule you Friday. I'm gonna let you off the hook, because I get it. Sometimes you have a bad day, and I'll slip them off the hook. And then usually by the time they come back, it's better and we can talk through it. We figure out what happened. Debbie, emotional currency. That's brilliant. Hey, thank you, Debbie. I appreciate that. That explains so much about why they pick fights. That's right. And I like the way you said explains why they pick fights. It's like, you know, you think about, like, stealing money from you when they pick that fight with you. It's like now they don't install the emotional currency from you, so don't let them do that. I know it's hard, but don't if you can at all help it. Natalie says the financial stuff with spouse will drive you crazy. So, so true. Star says, I was trapped stay in that home as a mom and wife. That changed 21 years ago. And now I'm a total income provider. And that I'm sure, Star, that just gives you a security. It doesn't mean you have to leave. But just knowing that you can and that you can take care of yourself will give you peace of mind and help you regulate your own emotions so that you can think and act strategically. And you guys know on this channel, I am always telling you, you have to be strategic to beat this thing. You don't beat it by being tough. You beat it by being smart and being five steps ahead of it. You got to know the next five moves. And the good news about it is addiction is very predictable. And if you stop thinking about it, you know the next five moves, you know the next three things are about to say, you know what's going to happen tomorrow, and if you'll just settle yourself and get that calm centeredness, then you can think Through. Okay, what am I going to do then? Then and then. And that's how you get. It's like chess. Getting ahead of it. All right, let's see if we have our numbers up here. I'm Melissa. Let's see. We do. We have a couple. We have Bridget and Aurora. All right, so let's do our number picker then, since we do have more than one. All right, here it comes. So my phone. All right, let's see. All right, we're starting at zero. We're going to shake it. 92. Oh, we got a big number this time. Okay, so 92 is our number. I think we just had the two numbers. So I think that is Bridget, because I think, yeah, Aurora, your number was pretty low. All right, Bridget, I'm going to put the link over here in the chat and you just have to click the link and it will put you on here with us. All right. It should be coming right up there so that you can see it and you can click it. In the meantime, we'll take a couple more comments. Let's see. Hello. Are you going to leave this live stream in your channel after the end of it? Thank you. Once again. Are you saying, like, the playback? Yes. Any of the live streams, you can always watch them after. After the fact on the playback. Good question. See, Rachel says, oh, my gosh, I can't find my car key. And my first thought was it was taken. It's like an automatic thought. Yeah, because if someone's taking stuff from you before, it's going to be your automatic thought. And sometimes the person with addiction gets really mad, like, I can't believe it's me. I'm like. And when they say that to me in session, I'm like, dude, you've taken stuff from them before. You can't get mad when they jump to that conclusion because it's part of the natural consequence. I wouldn't necessarily say that to them if I were you. Like, in the heat of the moment, but it's kind of true. All right, Bridget, we're going to add you here. Hey. Hello.

Hold on just a second. I'm sorry. It's okay. Trying to get my. I'm in my car and my phone's hooked up to my car, so I don't know if you can hear me.

Yeah, I can hear you fine. Yeah, you seem fine. Can you hear me okay?

I think I fixed it. Call landed.

Okay, can hear your little Bluetooth thing now.

I can hear you.

Okay, good. All right, Bridget, tell us a little bit about Your situation. And if you have a certain question or something you need some feedback about, we will, we'll put our heads together on it. Well, I.

I've been watching your videos for like two years and I wanted to like pay for a session with you or for like, or whatever, but haven't been able to do that. My. My husband, an addict, he. He had about. He had almost gotten to a year sober here recently.

Okay.

It was like the most sober time he's had so far. He had like eight months at one point, but he was away at a.

Like a sober living or something.

Yeah. And then went to outpatient and then whenever he moved down to outpatient, he ended up relapsing. And I feel like I'm gonna talk in circles because I have so much on my mind and I just. Anyway, he. In September, he was almost, he almost reached a year sober and I kind of just started picking up. I mean it had been like a hard year anyway. I know that like, I have a lot of built up resentment for sure. Like I do for 100 bout back and forth between like empathy and resentment. And like, I know I've become really like codependent through all this, like through the years. And I have stuff like that. I get, I especially get triggered more from it too because my parents are both addicts and so like I brought that into this relationship.

I.

But I definitely like struggle for sure. But right now he's obviously using. Like prior to him getting sober this last time he was. His drug of choice was always opiates. Years back he went to treatment and his. It was before we got together he went to treatment and his mom didn't want him to like have to detox about anything, so she paid for him to have Suboxone while he was in there. And then he pretty much stayed on Suboxone after that. And it was kind of like.

He.

Wasn'T really ready to be sober. And Suboxone, it was just the new thing that he could have a prescription for and get high on. And so he just started using that and then he got a skirt for Valium 2. And anyway, whenever we got together and I, I had known him, I known him since high school, but we just hadn't talked in years. Whatever. Whenever we got together, I, I knew that he like had went to a treatment center like prior to that. From what I like understood what he was saying. Like he was doing a lot better. I didn't know what he was on.

So when you got together, you knew he had a past with It. But you thought it was, like, under control or dealt with or whatever. So he look.

He looks so good. He looked better than I, like, seen him in so long. And with opiates, people don't look bad.

With opiates until the very end. People look great. They function great for a long, long time.

Yeah. Well. And, I mean, he was having to kind of keep it. Like, I didn't know this at that time, but, like, he had literally, like, just gotten off of probation right before we started dating. And I thought he had kind of been off of it for a little bit. So anyway, so he was kind of having to keep it under control a little bit better. He had a script, but. Well, then once he got operation, it started. Like, we were. We were a few months into dating already. Like, I. Already. I'd known him forever and, like, already, like, really in love with him and stuff.

Yeah.

And started, like, noticing things, and then he's. That's. Like, we had, like, a couple conversations, and he. He told me that he was on Suboxone. And, like, of course, I had a lot of experience with addicts, like, through my whole life, but I really. The people that I had been around, they, like, they were on harder drugs, I guess. So, like, for me, boxing was still, like, what I knew about was like, you take it to get off of stuff. I was just like, okay, well, like, whatever. Well, then, like, so he told me about that. Then a couple months later, I found out about him having a really high dose of Valium that he was on. So then, like, we had a conversation, like, and I basically. I had a son. I have a son from a prior relationship. So we had a conversation, and I just told him, like, that I didn't feel like he was handling, like, what he's taking well, and, like, that if we were gonna, like, continue, like, be together, if he was gonna be in our life, like, had to be a change. So he did try to, like, stop at that point. He, like, admitted it. Well, then I feel like he. At that point, he started to try to stay off the pills so badly because he, like, did want us to stay together, that he reverted to something that he used to do. I guess whenever he was really bad on pain pills, he started doing air duster.

Okay.

And so, like, that became more of the thing that he was doing. Like, we went through that for, like, a year or two. Well, after this conversation that we had about him stopping the pills, actually, he had had one time where he did air duster, like, a month later. That was the first time. And it, like, totally caught me off guard because I didn't know that he had, like. I didn't think he'd go to that. I had no experience with that. So, like, we were kind of, like, not sure where we were gonna go from that point. And then it was, like, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

Oh, wow.

So we have a little girl together. But through that year, obviously, that was, like, a lot for him to find out. Like, now he's gonna have a kid, and he already, like, in hindsight, looking back now, I, like, I understand, like, how that drove him into a spiral because he knew he wasn't, you know, in a great. In a good place to have a kid. So, like, throughout my pregnancy, it was all really rocky. It was constantly, like, going back to the hairdresser anytime he was, like, triggered or whatever. There is a really big thing that happened. He did it right after we had my daughter. She was just, like, a couple months old. He was actually doing, like, better. And he. He. He got her from me to take her to his mom's, and just his phone went off, and he didn't show up at his mom's. And luckily, like, we were able to go find him. Like, he was. He was only, like, MIA for, like, 15 or 20 minutes, but he had went and got air duster with her daughter in the car. And so anyway, at that point, like, that was a couple years ago now, and he went to a treatment center then. That was, like, we all thought, like, maybe, like, he'd really see, like, at that point. And I feel like he did, like, it was a big. Like, it was a really big thing for him. And that was, like, the first time I feel like he ever really, like.

Major line he was about to cross, like, yeah, big time.

Right? So, like, he went. He went to a treatment center that was, like, an hour and a half away from where we live, and he did awesome. He got, like. He got a job while he was down there, like, making, like, 25 an hour, like, better than what he'd ever done. And, like, he's feeling good because it was the first time, really, since he was, like, 14 or 15 that he's actually been, like, sober, like, and that point, he was 26, I think. 25 or 26. I mean, like, that was first time in 10 years that he had had, like, time where he was truly sober. Because throughout all that time, he was always either on something or smoking pot or something.

Right? Yeah.

So, anyway, I just feel like, through that, our relationship still struggled. Like, for me, I feel like it's a. He. It was like he got sober, and because he wasn't using it, it just. For me, it felt like he felt like, because he wasn't doing anything, like, doing the drugs now, like, that everything should just be better. And I feel like that's something he still, like, didn't see this time either. But, like, I. I just felt he did. I. I don't even know how to explain it. I'm so sorry, but, like, he can't. Or I feel like he can't see, like, that even if you're not using, if you still have, like, those same behaviors, like, if you. If you're not, like, if you don't have, like, integrity and, like, care about having integrity or care about, like. But there's just so much stuff like that, and I feel like that's what, like, kept us fighting. And just, like, I know I was, like, not in a good place. I was really hurt. I still didn't feel like he understood, like, how much, like, I had been through, like, going through that year being pregnant and stuff. Because there was, like, a lot of times where, like, he do air duster and disappear and I'd, like, have to go find him stuff like that anyway, so whenever he went to that treatment center and relapse, long story short, he ended up in jail. He did, like, 30 days in jail. And I. That's, like, when he was in jail. I'd already kind of seen some of your videos, and that's why I really started, like, watching a whole bunch of your video videos. And I just, like, realized, like, how much, like, I, like, throughout that year, like, had tried controlling, like, his recovery and, like, wanting him to, like, do more in his recovery and, like, put myself in the bad guy role and all that. Like, so I was. I wasn't even sure we were what we were gonna do when he got out of jail, but we had, like, sent each other some messages or whatever, and he had, like, pretty much told me that whenever he got out that he felt like he was. He. He needed to do whatever he had to do. Like, if he needed to drink or something, he. He was gonna drink and, like, stuff like that. He said that he felt like he failed because he tried cutting himself off from just everything. And he never really had a problem with all this. So I was just like, okay, like, he's like, back bargaining, but, like, I didn't, like, fight it. I tried to, like, not even show any, like, emotion about it because I just feel like until he. I felt like. Until he figured that out on his own, like, it doesn't matter. So he got out of jail, and, like, we tried.

So. So is what you're saying, Bridget, he's like, okay, I'm gonna get out of jail, but I'm not gonna do that anymore. But I may drink or I may smoke weed or something, because to keep me from doing the other is what. It's like the bargain thing is what you're saying.

Okay. And it. Like, we tried, like, talking. I tried, like. Like, we tried staying on good terms and, like, staying together or whatever. And, like, he did what he wanted, and that. That didn't work for him. He ended up going and getting. He hid it from me and went and got Suboxone and back on Valium and got Vyvanse, all three of those things, and was just kind of taking.

From the same doctor.

Same doctor, yeah. And I'm a nurse, and I've talked to this doctor face to face, and I'm very. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I bet you from the same doctor.

Yeah. Okay.

Well, I won't go down there ever.

Hold.

Okay.

No, I don't. I. Yeah. Anyway, so that happened, and, like, I was a lot better than I had been about handling it. But, I mean, I know I still wasn't perfect. He. It spiraled. He started doing air duster again. He went into a shorter inpatient treatment here in our town. At that point, he did 30 days. He. You could tell. I could tell whenever he got out, he was still, like, just mad. Like. Like, I knew that. I. I remember I knew that, like, there was something different. Like, he for sure, like, knew that something had to change, but it was just, like, he was more pissed off about it than anything. And I guess he went, like, right back to doing the same thing. And it wasn't, like, a month later, he went right back in because Heir Duster. So after that second time that he went in, I. I, like, just didn't talk to him. And it wasn't even, like, I was trying to, like, be hateful or anything. I just, like, I couldn't. Like, I knew I was, like, losing myself. That was, like, a year ago. And he, like, wrote me a couple letters, so I finally wrote him back, and, like, I wasn't even saying, like, I'm done with you or whatever, but I just told him, like, I have to, like. Like, I have to, like, step out of the way and, like, let you figure out what you want to do or, like, whatever. Like, I. I can't even Remember everything I said? Well, whenever he got out, His attitude was totally different, you know, and like, it really seemed like to me, to his family, like, that that was like a big wake up call. Like, we ended up getting back together. And like, he did stay sober throughout this whole year, but there's just like the first, like four or five months was way better than ever, you know, and we. We did have like, little fights, but we. I, like, I kind of felt like, well, this is like, I mean, we have to like, relearn each other because, like, from the get go of our relationship, like, he's been not like, sober in a different mindset or whatever, right? But, like, it was like we were fighting more about, like, parenting styles or like, stuff like that. And I was like, not focusing on, like, what he was doing for his recovery. Like, I know, like, he started seeing my therapist with me some and like, seeing her individually. And then he was also seeing us like an addiction therapist. And I mean, I'm. That's like, he wasn't going to meetings or anything, but I really wasn't worried about that. I never asked him. Like, whatever. Like, I felt like it, whatever it is, it's working, so I want to do that. Well, his addiction therapist moved away, so he just totally quit going, like, to see someone specifically for addiction. And my therapist treated a lot of people's addiction, so I guess my dog's.

Making a funny thing back here.

He just decided he would see her for individual sessions and then us would see her. We'd see her together, some marriage counseling, and I guess, like, we just kind of. I feel like we just kept having like, the same fights over and over, just different situations. Like, And I know that, like, I started, like, lose myself again. Like, I know, like, I was just really resentful. I still felt like he didn't care, like, about, like, having any kind of integrity. I felt like he, like, like he would. I don't know. I just still felt like he always had this feeling like he wasn't really done with it or like you. He. He acted like more mad that he was sober at that point. Like, he just started, like, being more angry all the time. And like, I knew he was like, struggling. And so I. I feel like what you talked about today, I went back and forth, like the past, like, four months, like, between being empathetic and being frustrated because, like, he's not. He isn't motivated to, like, do anything, like, with kids or isn't motivated to, like, get a better job. Like, I pretty much support us like, just so much stuff.

I think. I think that's the. That's the thing I. I hear in your story, Bridget, is that. Well, a couple things. One, he's been using since he was so young. And so I know it, in. In both of your minds, it's probably, like, okay, if you just quit this addiction, we're going to be okay. But it's so much more than that. And that's why, even when the addiction goes away, because he hasn't. He probably hasn't learned to adult really well. Right? Like, not only does he have to learn to quit using drugs, but especially in your situation where you already had a son and you were being responsible for him, but you went through an entire pregnancy. You dealt with an infant and a baby by yourself. And so it's more than just, I want you to quit using drugs. It's like, I need you to step up to the plate because I'm sure you're tired and you're exhausted and you need him to be, like, a husband and a father.

Like.

Like all the way in the game. And so when he gets sober, he's like, I'm sober. What do you want from me? And I'm sure you don't say this, but it's like, I want a lot more from you. Like, I need you to get in the game because you're. You're wore out and you're exhausted. Because I'm sure that as he's been in and out of treatment and in jail and on all the stuff that you've been carrying the load and you're tired and you love him, I can tell you, and you want it to be better, but you need more from him. And then he gets resentful because he's like, probably like, it's not enough. You know, I'm trying to do all this. That's just. I'm guessing, this dynamic here, right?

Pretty much.

And sometimes, I know this sounds funny, and this isn't even related to addiction, but it kind of reminds me of a conversation that I had, like, with my. With the girls at the office. Just like, lunch. Lunch talk, you know? And I was saying sometimes how, like, if your husband's there and he's not helping, then you're just, like, resentful, and you're just like, oh, my gosh, could you just do something? I mean, if he is there and he's not helping, then you're resentful. If he's not there, it's like, better almost, because you don't feel as resentful that they're not stepping in and helping. And I think for you, he's sort of been there some, not been there some, and it's that I can't rely on it thing. This is probably really, really driving you crazy. And I think after having a year sober, that that back step probably was probably emotionally worse than any of it for you, because it's like, you know, you finally get to feeling like, maybe we're going to get through this, maybe we're going to conquer it, and you get your hopes up and then to find yourself, like, thinking, I can't go through this again.

I think, yeah. I mean, I don't even want to say, like, it caught me off guard because, like, I. I knew with everything we've had going on, like, I knew, like, that it's triggering for him. I knew he was struggling. We were both struggling. And I know, like, we both felt miserable. I just feel like, yeah, we both feel miserable. I just wish you would, like, understand, like, what I'm saying. Like, I feel like I've tried so much to understand, like, your side and.

Like, what is it you feel like mostly, like, if. If you could get him to hear and understand one thing, what would that.

Like, it's so hard to, like, put just one thing into words.

Well, it. Is it more like you need him to understand how his addiction impacts you. Like, you need him to understand you emotionally, or is it more like, I need you. I need you to understand, like.

That.

I need you to fill these roles. I need you to be, you know, a husband, a father. I need you to do these things. Or is it something totally different?

I guess I just feel like I need, Like, I need him to understand that it, like, Is so much more than just, like, not using. Like, Is, like, I don't. I feel like you said it, like, he. Like, he. You're spot on. Like, he. He always acts like, I just can't make you happy. Like, what more do you want? Or whatever. Like, not so frustrating to me because I feel like, to me, that just tells me, like, he can't see, like, what hurt, like, has been caused or, like, why it's hurtful. And that's something that's been really hard this whole year. He is very. He's been very apathetic throughout the whole year. And he justifies it, like, saying that, like, he can't. He can't feed into his emotions. He can't be emotional like me, because if he was, then he. He'd be using. And, like, I. Like, I'VE even tried to understand that from like. Yeah, see what he. I see what his concern is, but he's been apathetic this whole year and I feel like. Because he's like not wanting just like he doesn't want to like, truly like get to the root cause of anything. Like his dad's a bad alcoholic. He's seen a really bad dynamic between his mom and dad. And I kind of feel like he tries to like force that on us. Like, his mom has stayed with his dad, but they have a very different relationship. Like his mom has like been in love with his dad since she was a little girl.

So is what you're saying you. You think that he thinks because his mom just tolerated like you should just come to terms with it and be okay with it? I don't know that. I'm not saying he thinks that, but it. For you, it feels like that.

Okay.

Okay. And. And I think probably, I don't know. But my guess is another thing that complicates situation is because it sounds like your children are young. How old are your kids?

My son's seven and my daughter's two and a half.

And that I think when you have kids that are that young, it's just if you took the whole drugs out and you took a young couple, a married couple, and they had two little kids that age, they'd be stressed out to the max. And I think when you put the drugs in on top, and I think any couple that has two little kids, both people are going to feel like it's never enough. Because you know what? It's not never enough. When you have a kid, you're never done, you never get time off, you don't. And. And you feel completely like none of your needs are being met. Depleted all the time. So you stay frustrated with your partner because there's not enough time, attention, money, energy, anything. And so we stay frustrated with each other because it's not enough. And so when he says something like that to you, I might would just sort of validate that you're right and that you do feel that and you do feel like you're constantly needing something from him. But. But a lot of that is a stage of life that you guys are in, right? And so instead of saying like, it's me having this bad feeling about you, I think that, I think husband's feeling like my wife wants more out of me all the time. I think if you surveyed husbands, 9 out of 10 would say that to you. Right. But for him, that feels even more Difficult, because I think what he's trying to say is I'm having to, like, build this wall and cut everything off just to, like, I'm spending all his energy and willpower not using. So all of his extra strength is going towards that. And so he doesn't have a whole lot left over to, like, willpower through all these other, like, adult responsibilities and stuff. So it's hard listening to your story because I can definitely understand both sides of it. And. And I, like, what. When you first started out the conversation, you're like, I know I've done this and this and this. And I don't know if you said those things to him, but I would say those things to him because I think it might help him be more vulnerable and him admit his parts to you.

I. I have. I do try, but I feel like I do, like, I ebb and flow, like, between, like, handling it and, like, responding how I want. And then, like, sometimes it's just, like, so much harder, especially right now, because I. I've tried. Like, I. I was very proud of myself for, like, how I handled finding out that he was using this time. Like, I already knew before he admitted it to me, just because I can. I can tell by looking in his eyes. And, like, I avoided asking him, but I did finally, like, asked him a couple times, and he denied it. And I wasn't even, like, are you using? I just said, like, just your eyes look different to me. And like, like, worry, like, this thing is worrying me or whatever. You just denied it. Whatever. Well, then he finally sat down and talked with me, talked with me about it. And like, like, as soon as he started talking, like, he was on the defense, which I understand, because I know he's expecting me to be pissed and upset and crying or whatever, but I, like, I stayed very calm during it because I had already, like, prepared myself because I already knew, you know, like, and I know that he, like, he's acknowledged. Like, that was different. He was, like, first trying to justify all of it. Well, then he finally, like, within, like, the first week, admitted that, like, he knows that he just got back on the Suboxone for a high. Like, he. He was. He was arguing that he needed the Valium and the vibe ants for all the stress that we've been going through, that he needed the volume because he's so anxious and stressed out and that he truly believed that he needed the vibe. And, like, he could. He may, but he doesn't need, like, the highest dose of Valium he can get. And the Highest dose of Ivans he can get and box and all at the same time. And they finally admitted this boxing was just to get high. And he said he was gonna come off it. I didn't question him about when. Well, we went to see our therapist, and she did. And she was like, okay, so, like, what, like you're doing? She was. He was like, well, I guess, like, whenever I get down to my last two, like, I'll taper off. And she was like, so what's the. Like, what's. What's the difference between, like, stopping right now and stopping then? Or, like, what made you come to that choice or whatever? And he just, like, kind of blew off that question. Didn't answer it, but I just didn't question it. He. He told me he stopped and he, like, he tried to show it to me by, like, leaving that in the kitchen so that I could see that he only had that. Left that one thing. Because all these meds he doesn't keep in the house, he keeps cleaning his car hidden. That's what he's up to. Yeah. I mean, that to me. That to him. But, like, for me, that should show you you're not thinking from, like, I need this for my mental health. Like, that is, like.

Anyway, it just feels sketchy. Right? Like, when you have medicines, you leave them in the cabinet. You know, like, you. You know, like, it just. Yeah, it. Maybe it's not, but it seems that way.

No, Well, I mean, it pretty much is because, like, he did stop using and he knows it. Like, that's why I've, like, finally gotten to the point where I know I don't have to say that, because in the past, I've always felt like I had to say things like that and point it out. Like, I know that he knows it. Like, he's made comments to me at times when he was, like, freshly sober that, like, he doesn't, like, feeling like that. And, like, he was. He's. He told me, like, little things like that or like, he. He mentioned to me whenever he first got out of rehab this last time, whenever we were all, like, really feeling like things have, like, changed like, that he. He knows, like, now that, like, even if he does go back to, like, getting high or something, he knows it's not going to be the same. Like, he's not ever gonna, like, feel the same getting high again, having, like, the realizations that he's had. And I do believe that, Like, I. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Well, here. Here's one thing that there's a couple things that I am pretty impressed with. I'm really impressed with both of you because he actually sat down and had a conversation with you. Now, he might have went into it a little bit defensive, but he, like, literally sat down and told you. He didn't wait till he got busted. He didn't wait until something terrible happened. So for him to, like, come clean about it on his own.

Well, I mean, I had. I. I get what you're saying. And it is a big change for him to just sit down and have the conversation with me. I think for me, I was upset because, like, I felt like he only sat down and had the conversation with me about it because I had asked him and he knew I already knew.

I mean, that probably helped him along, come to terms. I got. I'm gonna have to tell her. But addict thinking would just be, dude, take it to the end of the line. There's no, like, thinking ahead like that. So the fact that he did and he sat down with you like an adult, and he told you something really difficult, and he knew it was going to be a painful conversation. That's a very adult. That's a very non addict thing to do, and you handled it well. So that was like a win moment for y', all, that conversation right there, even though it was, like, painful and uncomfortable. That's a big win because if y' all can handle that difficult conversation, y' all can handle difficult conversations. And you had the. Andy goes to the couples counselor with you, and he faces not just you saying, you gotta come off this, but the therapist. And that's not easy for him. So there's some adult things happening. And I like that because you handled it well. He then. Maybe not immediately, but came around and like you said, then he admitted, like, you know what? I really am just doing that for. For sketchy reasons, the Suboxone thing, because I know. And because you didn't. You didn't push him to say it. He eventually says it, and then when he says it, it's so much more real. And so I know it feels, like, hopeless, but I still see some really good things happening. So I don't feel like all is lost there.

I mean, I was very glad, like, about him telling me that about the sw. And I know you're probably. I know you probably need to get off here. I'm so sorry. Okay.

You're okay.

But, like, where at we're at now? Like, he. He did stop the Subox Center. He was trying to. I know that he got a refill on his Valium and it was like in the. He. I, I had like. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I tried to like in the most nonchalant way, like kind of make the comment about like, about like where his meds were or whatever. Like, you know. And so I, I didn't say anything about his car. I don't even can't remember what I said. But so he got the refill for his volume and so he put that. Because he, he knew that I knew he got it. He put that in the kitchen for like two days. And that lined up like right with like the day he was gonna like stop the Suboxone. Well then after those two days he took it out of the kitchen. And I've been worried that like whenever he got off the Suboxone because he wasn't getting the hyphen that and the volume and the vibrance that like he was gonna have to compensate somewhere right longer getting the high from the Suboxone. Right like that. And I could kind of tell like he was way more like I knew he was taking more or something and, and it wasn't by Vance doing it because he was way more like drowsy in the evenings.

Like it would be really great, and this sounds weird, but it'd be really great if he could talk to you about that. Like if you would say, hey, I noticed this and honestly, I know you're coming off Suboxone and I know that it's probably destabilize you a little bit and you're probably gonna. And get him to say it. The reason why it might be helpful for him to say it to you is because if he says, yeah, I did this or that, it's just going to keep him more accountable for it. Well, more aware of it.

Yeah. My, my thing is now I'm sorry, I keep. I know. I will let you go. I. He had told me like I was really feeling good about like whenever he told me about Suboxone, like that same like week or so we had a conversation. He told me that one of his old friends had reached out to him and he was upset because he told his friend he was back on stuff. And like all year long his friend hadn't talked to him because they used to do things together. And now he was like calling him a lot. And he told me that his friend asked him, since he was back onto boxing if he wanted to do some trading for his vibe ant for something. And he told me that he told him no. Well, in the past week since, like, he, he would have been like, on his second week off of the Fox in this week, he's been much more moody. Much more. Like, I, like I told you, like, during that first week, towards the end of it, I could tell he was getting more drab, drowsy. Well, now his mood swings are, like, crazy. And I was thinking maybe it's because he's coming off of it. Well, I know now that he's been meeting up with that friend and talking to him. I don't know. Like, I haven't gone through sex or anything, so I don't know what they're saying. I just know that they have been meeting up and, like, talking and he was avoiding him because he said he didn't want to do any of that. And I, I'm pretty positive that he is trading because he ran out of his Suboxone prescription. And so I feel like he's back on it and he's getting, like, this week he's been getting really sick moody. Like, we haven't talked much.

He's. Honestly, the fact that he's sick and that he's moody is probably a good sign because if you told me he said he was going to come off drugs and he's been okay this week, I'd say we didn't come off drugs. Well, I'd say he's not coming off the drugs because he. Yeah, I think, I mean, he, he's probably not being an angel and he's probably dipping in somewhere, but the fact that he's sick and he's moody, he should be sick and moody and cranky the first few weeks kind of trick. So I would expect to see that. If I didn't see that, I'd be worried.

That's how I felt. And like, I was expecting it. But I'm just concerned because I just. I don't know. I, I know I'm being. And I know I'm like, worried because. But, like, he has done that. That's like, been a thing. Like, he, he will reconnect with that friend. And if he's seeing them, like, he, it's just like it's, it's involuntary at that moment. If they're together, they're. They're doing that right.

And I can tell you the fact that he told it to you in the beginning meant that he didn't want to go down that road. It sounds like he ended up going down that road, but the fact that he told it to you meant he didn't want. Want to it's kind of like when a client comes in and they tell me I really want to use. I'm craving bad. It does. It doesn't scare me because they wouldn't be telling me that if they, like, they're telling me that because they don't want to go do it, you know?

So I felt so good about it when he told me, but now, like, I know he's, like, trying to hide it from me. Like, I'm like. I'm not, like, questioning him about it. Like, we refuse to. But I know that he, like, is hiding it from me. He didn't tell me that.

And you don't have to, like, when you. I know I always say don't question this, that. But you don't have to. You don't have to completely ignore it either. You can say, look, I know that this happened, or whatever. I'm not mad. I just want you to know. I know because I appreciate you're really honest with me, and I just want to be honest with you. I don't want us holding secrets. So I don't want to hold this secret either. So. And then just don't even expect him to answer. Just, like, literally say it and walk off, off. Because I don't even want him to answer because if he answers right there, he's going to be defensive. So just let it sit. Just say it, and that's, say, hey, I noticed this, and walk away and let him simmer it. And he may or may not come back and respond. But the. The last thing I'll say is, and I'm not a doctor, so medications is out of my realm, but I just have some thoughts about, like, this situation. But people get put on Suboxone when they're already addicted to opiates as a withdrawal. And so there's something there missing for me. Like, I. I've not heard of someone being off of opiates for a year and going to the doctor and being put on Suboxone. So it makes me feel like something's. It's like either he was on the opiates and then he came off and he told the doctor, or he just. I don't know how he taught the doctor into doing that if he wasn't, which it sounds like, that's. That's option number two is the case. It's just bizarre. And then the other thing I'll say about it is when the Suboxone is pretty hard to come off of. So when the counselor is saying, like, okay, you're coming off of it tomorrow. Like, I'm like, yeah, that's not even a thing. That's not even like a, that's not how that works.

Yeah. So, yeah, I, no, I've, I've been frustrated throughout our entire experience with this doctor because he has done that. Like he, whenever he prescribed it, he's done it twice with him not seeing him for a full year and all he does is go back in there and tell him he wants it and he gets it. And he had him on like the highest dose that he could prescribe. Never was working with him to taper him down for like a couple of years before we had gotten together.

And when I, when I hear that, it definitely frustrates me and it makes me get irritated. But then I also have to think like, I don't know what he told him to get that either. You know, he could have told him I've been doing heroin for three months. And you know, he, I don't know. It, it's frustrating to me because usually I'm like, why would you give someone Suboxone who's been a year sober? Because that's like a step back or whatever. But, but I don't know the whole story, so I'm going to try not to jump to conclusions. But I could hear why you're frustrated. And, and most of the time the, the value or the Xenx or whatever and the, the opiates, like, it's pretty dangerous. So most doctors are pretty. Like I said, I'm not the doctor, I don't do prescriptions. But if there's a dangerous combo, that's the dangerous combo. So most doctors are pretty leery, I think about doing that combo y, like more than like the Vince or the Aderal or whatever it is. And I mean, that's not good addictively. I'm just talking about like safety wise.

I know and I don't know what to do about it. I've been like, I've, I've talked to this provider face to face. He knows I'm a nurse. I've been in his office. Like when we first got together and I was pregnant, I went in and told him I, like, I asked him like, can you please explain to me how we're justifying a high dose of Valium and the highest doses of oxen you can give? And he just didn't have much of an answer and he just, he just kind of laughed it off or whatever. And I was just like, this isn't.

Like some, some places are like opioid Treatment places, and that's what the doctors do is they treat addiction or whatever. Is it like a. A place like that? Or is he just like a regular doctor or. Okay, so maybe that's it. He just doesn't really. He's not really in that world of.

Like.

Dealing with that all the time. I don't know. Yeah.

The therapist asked him that about, is he gonna, like, stop or whatever. Because he has stopped cold turkey multiple times on the Suboxone. Like every time he's gone in since we've been together, every time he went into treatment center, he was on Suboxone and he would say, like, no, I don't need it. I'm like. And he'd just come off of it and detox off of it. And like, he would, like, feel like crap or whatever, but, like, he got through it and.

Yeah, but he's probably. If he has a prescription for Valium and for the other, he's probably going to be ramping up something to help him do that. I mean, I was just guessing, you know, obviously I don't know, but that's what I would expect. Not that I think that's okay. I don't. But that's what I would assume would happen.

Yeah.

Thank you so much for sharing. Being vulnerable, we can see how painful that is for you, but I really do see some pretty mature things are happening. And it's not working perfectly, but I definitely see a lot of effort on your part and a lot of effort on his part. And even though it's not working perfectly, it's still working better. You're. You're talking about like an adult. You're. He's still going to the counselor with you. I mean, there's still a lot of things that are happening. And so I would try to take those little things that are happening. Right. And build on them if at all possible. And if it's too much and it keeps going, you need a break. That's okay, too.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I feel just like talked in circles the whole time.

And it's okay. We can relate. We can follow what you're saying. And it's. It's emotional roller coaster. It's a mess. And I think especially with two little ones, it just complicates it even more.

You just said, like, helps me. Like, I do forget, like, that. Like, I know that how he's handling it this time is different, but I feel like it's really. I lose that when I'm in the midst of it. Like, even though he's not like, where I want be like his. He has been more honest and handled it different this time.

Yeah.

I do need to, like, at least try to like that.

That coming to you and telling you that that's that integrity piece that you said you wanted to see. That's a little. That's a little glimpse of it right there. Yeah. All right, Bridget, I hope you feel better. Thank you, everyone who was with us. We will be live again Next Thursday at 1, if you would like to come on and share your story.

Bye, everybody.