Behind The Scenes Of Addiction Support

Should you get a sponsor or should you get a counselor if you're trying to break an addiction? This is actually a pretty common question, and there's a lot to think about when you're making this decision. As you could imagine, there are pros and cons to each, and if neither one of those seems right for you, there's another option. And I'll tell you about those after I give you the pros and cons of these two options. Sponsor or counselor. So you can make a decision about what's best for you. Or if you're watching this video for a loved one, it'll help you think through which one might fit better for them when they get ready. Let's start with a sponsor first. Now, if you're really new to this recovery game, you might be wondering what a sponsor is. A sponsor is typically someone who has gotten themselves sober using the 12 step model, meaning they belong to a program like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, any of those with the Anonymous on the end, they have sponsors as part of their program. And basically it's like a mentor that can help guide a newcomer through the process of getting sober. Now, the best and probably most obvious pro for getting a sponsor is it's free. It doesn't cost you a dime. It costs you absolutely nothing. The other great thing about a sponsor is that typically they've been in the program for a while and they know a lot of other people in the program. So they're really great to help get you connect to other people in the recovery community so you can build actually a whole support system or a whole network of friends. In recovery, when you work with a sponsor, there's typically a lot more flexibility in the times that you meet up. Sometimes it's just phone calls, sometimes they may have you meet up for a step study or just coffee. And because it's so casual, there's just a lot more flexibility in that. Another really great thing about getting a sponsor is that typically you get a sponsor after you've had a chance to go to a few meetings and kind of get to know who's in the room. And you get a feel for everyone, which really helps you to pick out who might be a really good fit for you. And another obvious big time pro for getting a sponsor is usually the reason you pick them is because you've heard something about their story, which makes you feel already connected to them in some way. Now, I have tons of friends who are in recovery, and to be honest with you, most of the people I know in recovery who are in there long term did it with a sponsor. So 12 steps and sponsorship absolutely can work. Of course, there are other things that can work too, but just hang on, we'll talk about those in a minute. Now, naturally, there are some cons to the sponsorship idea. I think the biggest con to the idea of getting a sponsor is that they really only know one way to help you, and that's the way that they did it. That's the way they got sober. That's the only way they know how to help you get sober. And typically it is a way that works, but it's not always the best fit for every person. And the other con that kind of goes along with that one is sometimes depending on the personality of the sponsor you get, they can have some pretty black and white thinking about how recovery is done or not done. In fact, just recently, I was talking to a client who's been going to a home group which they love. They're always telling me about this home group, how much they love this group, their sponsor, how great their sponsor is, how they really felt connected to this person, how they had even told this person things that no one else even knew. That's how much they trusted their sponsor. But there had been a few times recently where different issues had come up, where this person, my client, was trying to make some decisions. And not only the sponsor, but really like the whole group got really hardcore with her and saying, absolutely not. You can't do that. If you do that, you're not sober. And they really kind of came with some black and white thinking. And this had to do with a medical problem, actually. And naturally, as you can imagine, if you're in that situation, it makes you feel a little defensive and misunderstood. So that, that's what I mean when I say there can be a little bit of black and white thinking. So for those of you who are looking for a sponsor, see if you can look for a sponsor who has a little flexibility in thinking so that they can look at your situation and figure out how the 12 step program can work for you. Now, let's talk about the pros and cons of getting a counselor. The most obvious pro to getting a counselor is the fact that the counselor is trained on how to help you. And there really is a difference. A sponsor has lived experience for how to help you, but they don't necessarily have training on how to talk to people, how to get through to you, how to motivate you, how to help you see difficult things in your life, that you may be kind of blocking yourself from. A counselor has specific training on those things. The other big benefit to having a counselor versus a sponsor Is that counselors have usually helped Thousands of people over the course of their career. And, yes, a sponsor could be in it for a long time, and they've probably helped a lot of people. But when you do it for a living, like, all day, every day, 40 hours a week, that's a lot of people. So you have a lot of different experiences, which I think gives you kind of a broader vision on all the different ways that people find recovery. Because most counselors know more than one model, they have more than one way to help you find your sobriety. Now, there is a little side note that I want you to know about counselors and recovery. But to come back to that. Just a minute. Let's finish our pros and cons list. The other thing about most addiction counselors Is that almost all of them Are trained in mental health issues. Now, depending on the state where you live, There are different rules and regulations, but most people who actually end up being an addiction counselor Go through regular counseling school. So they learn all the mental health stuff, and then they get some additional training in addiction, Sort of like a specialty. And I think we can all agree that most people struggling with an addiction probably have some sort of mental health concern or other going on. Another big pro to having a counselor Is you get confidentiality, which means you know that what you say to the counselor Is going to stay with the counselor. So most of the time, it does take confidential, but we don't really have any protections in that area. So it's kind of up in the air, and you don't really know. Another really good thing about having a counselor Is counselors really want to understand who you are as a person, not just your addiction, not just you're an alcoholic or an addict, But a counselor is really looking at your background, your family situation, Any kind of mental health concerns going on. They're looking at more of a broad picture in their efforts to help you. Now, of course, there are cons to having a counselor. The first one that comes to mind is it costs money. Even if you have insurance, you're probably going to be paying a copay. In most situations, you're going to be paying some amount of money. Maybe it's a little amount, maybe it's a big amount, but there's money involved. They don't have nearly as much flexibility in their schedule. You have to make an appointment. You can't just show up. You can't Just be having a bad day necessarily, and give them a call. At least with most counselors, they don't really work like that. Whereas with a sponsor, you can do that, hey, I'm really struggling today. What's up? You know, it's 8 o' clock at night. You call your sponsor, say, I'm really thinking about drinking, and they'll be there for you. You don't have that kind of flexibility with a counselor. Now, a second ago I told you I was going to give you kind of a little heads up for situations when you have a counselor who's also in recovery. Because in some ways that can be the best of both worlds. They have that relatable story, they have the training, the flexibility, which is kind of nice. You get sort of like all the benefits. But I want to warn you, you have to be careful because some counselors in recovery can still get stuck in that, here's the way I did it and this is the way you have to do it. Not all of them, but I do want to warn you that that can be a thing. For example, I had a client I was seeing a few months ago who told me before they were seeing me, they were seeing counselor. And they really got frustrated with that counselor because the counselor said, if you're not going to four 12 step meetings a week, I'm not going to see you. And I thought, wow, that's really pretty rigid rule for an outpatient counselor. We're not talking about a treatment program. We're not even talking about an intensive outpatient. We're just talking about one on one individual counseling. And yes, a lot of counselors recommend going to meetings whether they're 12 step or otherwise. But to say, I'm not going to see you unless you're doing that, that's a little rigid in my mind. Now, of course, there are other options besides sponsor and counselor. One good option to look for might be a recovery coach. Most times a recovery coach is somewhere in the middle. A recovery coach is usually either someone who's in personal recovery themselves and has had a little extra training on how to help you. Not full fledged counselor school, not all that mental health training, but they've had some training on how to motivate people, how to talk to people, how to be flexible in the recovery pathways and that kind of thing. So it's kind of like a sponsor, but with more training. The other kinds of recovery coaches you're going to find are people more like myself who are trained counselors but have decided to get into the coaching world because it allows for more flexibility. So, for example, these days, even though I'm a counselor, I only do recovery coaching these days. A lot of that has to do with licensure. And now that I'm doing all these YouTube videos, I'm talking to people who are in different places in the world. And so in my coaching role, I don't really get too far down into the mental health stuff. So ultimately, what I would say to you is, you can't go wrong with any of these options. They are all good options. All of these things will help you find recovery. You can go any one direction, and you are going in the right direction. You can have all of these people on board. If you want a whole team, get a whole team. I've certainly seen ton of people do it that way. That way you get all the benefits across the board.