Beware of These Manipulation Tactics In Relationships! ⚠️

Fighting back against manipulation is going to require some strategic thinking. And one of the things you're going to need to figure out is what manipulation weapon are they using against you. Which is why in this video, I'm going to tell you about the five super common weapons of manipulation that you could be experiencing. If you're new here. Welcome to Put the Shovel Down. I'm Amber Hollingsworth and this YouTube channel is all about helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction so that you can get your life and your loved ones back on track and get back to living the life that you want to live. Now, obviously manipulation is a huge topic within the addiction recovery world. But it is important to note that these manipulation weapons I'm about to tell you about can be used by anyone, not just someone that has an addiction. In fact, these weapons can be used by the family members or really just any person that you might run across. So before you can make that decision on how to combat that manipulation, let's figure out exactly what weapon that they're using. Sometimes people use what I call an over vulnerability to manipulate other people. So this is when people get really stuck in a victim story and they have this idea that they can't fix something themselves. They can't help help a situation. You know they're being done wrong and there's nothing that they can do about it. Of course there are real victims out in the world. But when someone's chronically coming at you with some kind of over vulnerability, you need to get your little antennas perked up. One of the first signals that you might encounter with someone that they, that they tend to get over vulnerable is that they'll tell you some really personal things too much too quickly, like you just met them or you haven't known them very long and they're telling you these deep dark secrets and these long standing families secrets, and you're like, whoa, that's a lot. I can't believe they're telling it to me that fast. And part of you may feel really good about the fact that they chose to tell you those things. It can make you feel special in some kind of way. But be careful with this because it can be used later as a manipulation tactic, especially if that over sharing tends to have a theme around them being a victim. Like over and over again it's coming your way, so watch out for it. Of course, vulnerability is not a bad thing. I'm a Brene Brown fan. I love her work on vulnerability. But just like anything else, if it's used excessively it can become problematic. So watch out for over vulnerability. Our second weapon of mass manipulation is a really common one. It's like a throwback from childhood. I call it the constant pressuring. It's like when someone else wants you to do something and they just won't leave it alone. They just harass you about it constantly. Like a little kid pestering their mom in the kitchen. Can I do it please, Please, can I have an answer? Can I do it now? What about now? What about if I clean my room? How about now? And it's just like, oh my gosh, back off of me. Constant pressure. That can happen in adult relationships as well. It can happen with a co worker, with a friend, where they're just pushing, pushing, pushing. I call it like the pestering effect. It's a really basic weapon of manipulation, but. But it's pretty effective, right? I bet you know someone in your life, it's just easier to do what they want you to do than to just get into it with them about it or to say no a thousand times. It's just like, oh my gosh, I'll just do it. It's just easier. Watch out for that constant pressure manipulation tactic. The third manipulation tactic weapon that we're going to talk about here is passive aggressive statements. I call this the drive by or the walk by knifing. It's like when someone you, you feel like someone's constantly throwing you those little stabs or jabs, sometimes it can feel a little innocuous. Sometimes those jabs can seem on the surface like compliments, but you know that underneath they're little jabs. Passive aggressive behavior is really one of the least effective manipulation tactics. It's generally an unhealthy way that really conflict avoidant people try to get their needs met. It doesn't work very well for them, but it will cause you to build a resentment and it could cause you to blow up and get really angry and make a scene. And you got to be careful because sometimes that's exactly what people want for you to do. So those passive aggressive comments can come like little mean criticisms towards you. It can be passive aggressive comments about woe is me, poor pitiful me, I can't afford to pay my bills this week. I'm worried that my children won't have enough to eat. And it's like they just slide in these little comments here and there trying to get you to think, do or feel what they need you to think, do or feel. Watch out for the passive aggressive weapon. It's a Sneaky one. Now these next two I'm going to share with you are even more serious manipulation weapons. Number four is when someone is threatening you in some way. They could be threatening physical harm to you, they could be threatening your reputation, they could be threatening your career. There's a lot of different ways that people threaten you. And sometimes those threats come real directly. If you don't do this, I'm going to do this. And sometimes those threats come in more like those little passive aggressive remarks like we talked about before, but you're definitely picking up the mess. Sometimes people control you by threatening themselves. I call that emotional blackmail. It's like when someone threatens to hurt themselves. When someone says if you don't, if you don't pay my electric bill, I'm gonna be in the cold and I'm gonna freeze to death or something like that. So it's like trying to make you do something or else they won't be okay. That can be real direct, like threats of suicide or just threats that they may have to go back out on the street and do something crazy to get their drugs if you don't give them to them or give them the money or, or something like that. You need to be really, really careful if that's what's happening to you. Because if you validate that, if you give into that, the only thing that's going to happen is you're going to get more and more of it. I call it like the ace card of manipulation. And so if someone figures out that that works on you, it's going to keep coming back at you over and over again. Don't let it work. Now maybe even the worst kind of threat is when someone puts a threat out there. If you don't do X, Y or Z, something bad is going to happen to someone else. You might see this like in a breakup situation or in a divorce situation or if you're dealing with someone who has an addiction. And it's like if you don't do this or that, then somehow it's going to hurt the siblings or the other kids in the house or something like that, or grandma. Now that takes the manipulation to a whole nother level. Our number five weapon of mass manipulation is when someone manipulates you by shredding your, your self esteem and your self confidence. When they're constantly tearing you down, making you second guess, using gaslighting techniques against you. This is like a long term tactic that someone might use to erode your entire sense of self so you really feel so confused or weak or vulnerable, that you're just easier to manipulate in general. Now, that one is a master manipulation tactic. Now, if you're in a relationship where you're experiencing these kinds of manipulation tactics against you regularly, it's possibly gone on for so long that getting it to stop isn't going to be easy. In fact, getting out of really toxic relationships require some delicacy. Or maybe you don't necessarily want to get out of the relationship, or you can't get out of the relationship. Maybe they're like a close family member and you can't just leave the relationship or they're your boss or something, but you'd like to get the manipulation to stop. If you feel like you're in one of those more serious situations and it's really delicate and you need some help figuring out how to do that, then consider talking to one of our family recovery coaches. We deal with this stuff every day, and we'll help by giving you some advice and getting a strategic plan on how to get some better boundaries in that relationship. Now, up next is a video about ways you can respond to those different manipulation weapons.