Amber HollingsworthRecovery Conversation Simulator, Amber's Recovery Practice Lab · Interactive learning tool trained on Amber methodoloy

Boundaries With An Alcoholic- Don’t Come If You’re Drinking

12 Jan 2024 · 1 min

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1:00

Amber Hollingsworth explains how the boundary “don’t come if you’re drinking” can be a healthy self-protection measure but may be ineffective if the aim is to make the drinker acknowledge denial. She recommends tailoring boundaries to specific problematic behaviors tied to drinking rather than blanket prohibitions, noting credibility and interpretation issues when the drinker has a single drink.

Chapters

Telling someone who has a drinking problem that you're not going to hang out with them anymore while they're drinking can for sure be a healthy boundary, depending on what your intention is. If your true intention is that you are trying to protect yourself and you just can't take it anymore, then definitely go ahead and set this boundary. But if your intention is to get them out of denial, it might not be as effective as you might think, because you're probably going to either hang out a lot less or maybe even not at all if you release stick to your guns on this boundary. The other thing to think about is how they're going to interpret it. Most likely, if this person has drinking problem and they have one beer and you leave, they're going to think you're being ridiculous. It's just one beer. It's just one glass of wine. Why are you so uptight? Which is going to reduce your credibility with this person. So if the goal is to get them out of denial, I would make the boundary around whatever the problematic behavior associated with the drinking is.