A short YouTube video by Amber Hollingsworth presenting a pop-quiz-style guide to identifying healthy boundaries when married to someone with a substance abuse problem. The speaker frames three main categories—driving/safety, money, and household/health responsibilities—and offers multiple example boundaries in each category for viewers to judge, promising to evaluate them in a follow-up video.
Chapters
Trying to keep good boundaries with a spouse who has a substance abuse problem can get really complicated. Are you doing it right? Are your boundaries healthy and appropriate? Let's find out together. I got a little pop quiz for you here. Now, I think there are some common kind of topics or hot topic issues when it comes to being in a marriage, especially when someone has a substance abuse problem. And I've broken that down for you into three big categories. There's money, which is always a big category, right? There's health responsibilities and who does what. And then there are things like safety issues which can include things like driving. So I'm going to give you some examples of boundaries in each category. And as we go through this, I want you to identify the boundaries that are the appropriate boundaries. So I'm talking about the ones that are articulated in the right way. First up, let's talk about driving. I'm going to give you four driving boundaries examples. Now, as we go through these, you put in the comments, which of these boundaries are the right ones? Boundary number one, I'm not going to allow you to drive our kids if I think you've been drinking. Boundary number two, you're not going to leave this house in our car when you've been drinking. Number three, I'm not going to provide insurance under my name if I think that you're likely to drive intoxicated. Boundary number four, please do not drive home drinking. It makes me a nervous wreck. I'm so scared you're going to hurt yourself or someone else. Please just call me instead. So which of those boundaries, and it can be one or more than one, do you think was an appropriate boundary? Let me know in the comments below and we're going to move on to the money boundaries. Again, I'm going to give you an example of four different money boundaries and I want you to find the one or ones that are appropriate. Number one, you're not going to waste my money buying alcohol anymore. Number two, I'll continue to pay your car payment as long as you're going to at least three AA meetings a week. Number three, I will no longer be paying your car payment. Example Number four, you have to get a job if you want to keep living in this home. Alright, which one or ones of those are the appropriate boundaries? Moving on to household responsibilities. Number one, from now on, you're washing your own laundry. I am sick of smelling your clothes. It just smells like alcohol and it's nasty. Number two, smelling alcohol on your clothes is a real trigger for me. And when I get triggered, I end up taking it out on everyone else. So from now on, I'm not going to be doing your laundry. Number three, I will no longer be cleaning up the dishes from your late night drinking and cooking episodes. Number four, you need to be responsible for your own messes. Which one or ones of those are appropriate boundaries? Now, if you want to know the answer to that, I want you to watch this video next, because I'm going to go over each and every one of those boundaries and tell you why they either are or are not appropriate.
