Chris Watts Narcissist Psychopath?

You know, everyone seems to think that Chris Watts was either a narcissist, an antisocial, a psychopath, sociopath, or I even got a comment recently that someone thought that he was borderline personality disorder. And in this video, I really like to take some time to explain to you why I really, really, really don't think that he has any of those personality disorders. Not a narcissist, not even a covert narcissist. Not a borderline personality disorder, and not a sociopath. And I want to go through that and explain to you if you're new to me. I'm Amber Hollingsworth, and you are watching Put the Shovel Down. I am a licensed professional counselor and also a master addiction counselor. And I recently made a video about my theory about Chris Watts. I am intrigued with this case, just like you guys are. I know we're all just have this morbid fixation with it. And most of you, if you're like me, you haven't just watched one thing on him. Not just the Netflix video, but all the YouTube videos. And there's several books out which I will link in the description. And we're just fascinated to understand how this seemingly normal, regular guy with this really great family could do something as horrible as he did. And everyone just has all these theories. And I think it's because it's so scary. You know, we see our families when we look at his family, we see our story when we look at his story, and that's really what scares us half to death. And when we get scared, you want to place a blame. You want to say, well, that happened because this horrible thing, and that could never happen to me because I don't have that or my husband doesn't have that. And we want to make him out to be this big, horrible monster. And then there's this whole other group that wants to make the lady he had the affair with, Nicole Kessinger, they want to make her out to be horrible and say that she was behind all this. Now, I. I do think that she was, you know, more in the know than she acted like she was, and she was more problematic than she acted like she was. But did she prompt him to kill his family? Like, did she tell him to kill his family or try to get him to do that? I really don't think so. And then you have this whole other group of people out there who try to say that the wife Shanann, was, like, bossy and controlling and over the top and that that's why he did it. And I'm telling you, it just is so frustrating to me because there's just no evidence there for any of that. Hey B. Thanks for joining me. And I want to explain a little more thoroughly why I did a video recently talking about how I think that the real trigger for this really is an addicted love state that he was in related to the affair. And I think it's much more related to that addiction than I do think that it is some sort of personality disorder, whether that's him or Shanahan or even the mistress. I've now, obviously I can't diagnose anyone. I don't know these people in real life. But I've seen a lot of what you guys have seen. Some of you guys probably seen a little more than I have. But I've spent considerable hours going through all the YouTube videos, watching the Netflix series, reading things, and I just keep running into these same theories. Mostly what you run into is the theory that Chris Watts was a narcissist or that he was antisocial or sociopath. But I want to explain to you, and sort of in general terms, I want to explain to you the clinical criteria for what it actually means to have those personality disorders. Here's the key factor I think that's missing from what other people are out there saying about when they have these theories that he's this or he's that. The key to it is this. People are just looking at his behaviors and what happened from like June until August or whenever the murders happen. I think it's like August 12th or 13th or something. They're just looking at his behaviors and his actions in that very short time period without a lot of acknowledgment or consideration for everything else in the history. And in order to diagnose someone with a personality disorder, any personality disorder, you're looking at a pattern of behaviors that's been there consistently, pervasively throughout almost all situations. When you have personality disorder, it's ingrained in who you are. It is like hardwired in. And you don't see someone that has a personality disorder in one single circumstance that shows these behaviors and then never showed them before. It just doesn't work that way. And I think that's the main flaw with this theory that he was any of those personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder. And I don't even know why someone came up with borderline personality disorder because of all the theories that to me fits the least because I think someone left me a comment that they were watching some other YouTuber video or book or something and someone was saying they thought he was borderline personality disorder because of the reactivity and the impulsivity. Okay, yes, he was impulsive and reactive maybe when he did that horrible thing that he did that night. But there is absolutely no evidence of that anywhere in his history anytime leading up to that. Zero. None. In fact, there is like a major problematic lack of impulsivity and reactivity leading up. So if you want to have a theory about it there, the problem area is that he didn't want to react angrily. He didn't, he didn't have a wide range of emotions leading up to that. Definitely did not show reactivity up until that moment of what happened. And I think that's just inconsistent with trying to diagnose somebody. Like I said, we don't have all the details. We're all just speculating and putting theories out there. But even with the evidence we have, there's just no evidence there that, there, that, that, that was consistently there. I think the I, I get why we all want to do that. Because we all want to put them in a box because that makes us feel safer. Because it makes us feel like, okay, that's why that happened. And when something crazy like that goes down, we all want to explain it because we feel better, we sleep better at night. But the truth of it is they really were a regular family. He really was a pretty regular husband and dad. And I know that scares us all half to death. I think you had a fairly conflict avoidant kind of guy who found himself in this crazy love affair. And in an affair, especially in the early stages, you're dealing with some serious infatuation, which is an addicted brain state. So you're dealing with somebody who's highly conflict avoidant in an addicted state. And I really think those are the things that led up to his making the choices that he made that terrible night. And I don't know if any of you guys out there have ever heard of something called the Enneagram. This is a wild card I'm going to throw out there for you. Enneagram is a personality typing system. It's been around for a long time. Those of you, if you're out there and you've heard of that, let me know that in the comments or in the chat. Because people that have heard of it know about it or it's almost like a cult thing. It's not like a cult, but people are like, the people that know about it are really excited about it. We Use Enneagram. In our office with our clients and the families that we treat, we like to figure out what personality type everyone is. And when you look at Enneagram, that's just personality type. Kind of like Myers Briggs or something like that, not personality disorder. With the Enneagram, we all have a personality type. It's not a good type or a bad type, but it helps to give us some language and explain, you know, like what. Why someone does what they do. And that's what I love about the Enneagram is it talks not just about what people do, but why people do it. My theory on Chris Watts is that he is an enneagram type 9. That personality type is typically called a mediator or a peacemaker. And I know you're thinking, amber, did you see those ferocious things that he did? Yes, I know what he did. I saw it. It's horrible. But the key element there is the conflict avoidance. And type Enneagram calls them a type 9. That's the number they are. Or they call them mediator, peacemaker. Those are all the same. They all mean the same thing. They have this ability to see things from multiple perspectives. Usually they don't like to. They don't like to be in any kind of conflict and will take. Go through great strides to avoid confronting a situation. And you can see that in his interaction between his mother, who has this really strong personality, and his wife, Shannan, who did have a strong personality. Not to the point that some people are trying to make it out like it was her fault. It was not her fault. It was really more his lack of an ability to step up and get his needs met in an appropriate, effective way that led him into this position. And it is crazy scary that someone would rather do what he did than to get out of this situation, than to just face the music, to just have the hard conversations and either fix things with his wife and leave Nicole, or not fix things with his wife and leave Shannan. That's what needed to happen. I can't remember what video it was or something I read where he said he never even considered divorce. Isn't that crazy? He never even considered divorce. And I think the. The reason he didn't was because he doesn't have it in him to have those hard conversations. I know that is crazy. Like, he has it in him to do what he did, Amber, but he doesn't have it in him to have those hard conversations. If you look at the whole history of it, he literally had an inability to have difficult conversations with people. It's like conflict avoidance to an extreme. Whether it was with his mother, whether it was with Shannan, whether it was with Nicole Kessinger. You can see this consistently throughout the. And I know the other big theory out there that we've touched on just a little bit is the narcissism theory. And people want to say that he had like this covert, passive narcissism. And I really looked into that. I read, I studied, I tried to find it. Hey, I wanted it to be there as much as the rest of you, but it's not there. And people say, well, you know, if you have this covert narcissism, it's like this mask and no one ever knows it until the mask slips. But just so you guys know this, I worked in a psychiatric hospital, an acute care psychiatric hospital where like the worst of all, worst, like disorders that happen go for more than 10 years. I have seen personality disorders. I have worked with personality disorders up close and personal for a long time. And I'm telling you, I just don't see that it's there. Yes, he's passive. Yes, he's quiet and introverted, but. But you did not see this. This other part that they talk about in covert narcissism where it's this sort of disdain and this. I think that I'm like special and unique. The best way I know how to explain that to me in my mind, the thing that helps me understand what that is. How many of you know what like if I say the word emo is? You guys know what an emo kid is like in high school. They're like the ones that we're all black and a lot of times they have self harming behaviors. Not all the time, but it's like really melancholy point of view. That is, that can be in some cases a sign of this sort of COVID narcissism. It's almost like I'm so special and unique, even if it's like my problems are so special and unique that I'm above everything else and I have this really strong desire to find my identity and how like no one else has it as bad as I do or can understand me. No one else can understand me. There's this sort of quiet type narcissism and I. I just don't see it. I just don't see it in this case. Maybe I'm missing something. Like I said, I by no means have seen or read every single thing out there. Love to hear more from you guys about the COVID narcissism thing. If there's any theory that I might could be convinced of, it would probably be that one. Borderline personal disorder. Not even close. Antisocial personality disorder. Even though what he did was horrible, there's no track record before that. There's no fire starting. There's no harming animals. There's no conduct disorder in childhood. There's nothing there. And I know we want it to be that. I'm telling you guys, I just don't see it. If you literally took this. This little period from June until August out, could you make the case that this guy had a personality disorder? No, you really couldn't. And for personality disorder, it has to be there across, like, across the board for a long time. And it really just wasn't. So. This is such an interesting conversation. Please feel free to jump in there. Let me know your thoughts. You can totally disagree. I'm fine with that. If you want to know more about my theory on the addiction perspective, you can check out my video. I put the link in the description and I will put it in the comments for you below so that you can look at that. And in that video, I go more into the explanation of how addiction sort of came into this picture and triggered and was the primary main trigger for what happened. Happened. Thanks, guys. And if you'd like to learn more about the science and psychology of addiction, there are tons more videos on my channel about that. It's my job to help keep you five steps ahead of addiction at all times. See you next time. Bye.