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Compassion vs. Shame - Addiction Support

18 Sept 2024 · 1 min

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0:40

A short YouTube advice video by Amber Hollingsworth (uploaded by Amber Hollingsworth) arguing that shame is a poor motivator when helping oneself or loved ones with addiction. The speaker explains that family members often try to force change by listing negative consequences (ruining life, harming family, financial harm), but that shaming pushes people further into denial — it’s more than their ego can tolerate — and therefore compassion and different approaches are recommended.

Chapters

One of the really important takeaways that I want you guys to get from this is whether you're trying to help yourself or you're trying to help a loved one. Shaming yourself or a loved one is not the way to motivate someone to change. You see this all the time with family members who are trying to be helpful and supportive, and they have this loved one who's in denial. And the way that they're trying to get their loved one out of denial is to tell them how they're ruining their life and how they're running your life and how they're messing up their kids and how they're, like, destroying their finances and all these other things. But coming at someone that way really makes them stay with their head tucked under the covers with their eyes closed. It makes them stay in denial because it's more than their ego can tolerate at the moment.