Dealing With A Drug Addict or Alcoholic (Living In Your Home) 2020

If you've ever dealt with an out of control addict or alcoholic, then you know exactly how scary things can get. Really out of control. Which is why in today's video, we're going to cover what to do when dealing with an addict or an alcoholic who becomes aggressive. Specifically in this video, we're going to talk about physical aggression. For those of you who are new here, welcome to Put the Shovel down, the YouTube channel dedicated exclusively to teaching you the science and psychology of addiction so you can recover your loved one and get your own life back on track. So if that sounds like something you need to do, consider subscribing. Okay. Today's topic is so important because those of you who know me, you know that it's safety first and then do what's therapeutic. And so what we're going to talk about today absolutely falls into the safety category. What do you do when the situation really gets out of control? And trust me, it can definitely get there sometimes, depending on the substance. When you're dealing with someone with an addiction, if they're intoxicated, they can become really aggressive, particularly people who tend to abuse alcohol or benzodiazepines. Those drugs can bring out the really aggressive side of people. But the other times when you see that people become really, really aggressive towards you is when they're in withdrawal and. And they need to get their drug. And for whatever reason, you are standing in their way of being able to get what they need. Now, that could be physically standing in the way, like blocking the door, which I do not recommend ever. Don't do that. We'll come back to that. But. Or it could be you won't give them the money, or it could be you won't give them permission or you won't promise not to tell dad. It could be lots of different ways, but you're in their way of getting exactly what they want. Now, usually the way these things escalate is if someone wants something, it'll start out kind of nice. Like they may actually ask extra nice. They may try to charm you or give you a compliment and then ask or something like that. But then if that doesn't work and you're still standing in their way of getting what they want, then it's gonna go up a notch and they're gonna verbally turn it on you and they're gonna say, you know something like, you're ridiculous. Why are you making such a big deal about this? Why do you always try to control me? Why are you my business? Something like that. They're Gonna turn it on you. And if that doesn't work, then they can get to the point where they're gonna get outright mean because they've already made up in their head, they're going to do X, Y or Z regardless. And so in their mind, it's like, doesn't matter what you say, it's going down. Like, have you ever seen. There's a couple of movies with the Rock in them. And the Rock says, do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way? And the person always picks the hard way, obviously. But in the addict's mind, this is kind of what they're thinking. They're like, oh, this is going down. Like, you can give me permission and you can help me out, or I can make it happen. This is when things can get really ugly. So the first type of aggressive behavior we're going to talk about is threatening. Now, obviously, that would include things like verbally threatening you. I'm going to hurt you, I'm going to break your legs, I'm going to blow up your car, I'm going to do something bad to you. Or I've heard it said, like in other ways where it's kind of more like a veiled threat. And it's like, I know people, or, you know, bad things have happened to people who got in my way before. You know, it can be some kind of more veiled threat like that. But things that are also physically threatening, but you may not be thinking of them that way, are gesturing or getting up close in your space, like with a physical intimidation, There are things like throwing something across the room. There are things like breaking something. It's almost like those pretty physical things that happen or those like semi physically aggressive things that happen that are designed to intimidate you and to push you into doing what they want. And those things I definitely count as aggressive. When someone's gesturing at you, if someone spits on you, that is absolutely aggressive. When someone comes up in your space in a really intimidating way, you know, you may want to call that out and they're going to say, what? I didn't say anything. I don't care what they said. You can be really threatening someone without having said it. We all know that. So don't doubt yourself. You know, when someone is trying to physically intimidate you into getting what they want. Now, if someone's becoming this way because they're intoxicated at the time, they may not be necessarily trying to get something that they want, but they may be preoccupied or focused on Something that's making them angry and obsessed about it and they're just taking that anger out. And because they're intoxicated, they're completely irrational in those kind of situations. I want you to remove yourself because there really isn't any talking someone down. Once it gets to this physically aggressive point, you need to take care of your own safety. And you can figure out tomorrow or on the back end or after you get out the door and you got to call the police. You can figure it out later. But first take care of safety. Now, sometimes things escalate beyond the point of that intimidating behavior that was like pre threatening kind of physical behaviors into full out assault. Someone puts their hands on you, someone pushes you, someone pulls you by the arm really hard, or someone flat out hits you or kicks you or punches you. I really don't think that you need me to explain that. This is not okay. This is absolutely abusive behavior and it is not okay under any circumstance. If you think, oh my gosh, this person can't help it, they have a disease or they're addicted or whatever, that does not make an excuse. It is not okay for someone to treat you like that. And you should not let that go down. If you're in that situation, seek help, seek support, and get yourself some distance between you and that person. That doesn't mean that you're giving up on them. You can still believe in them, you can still love them, but. And you cannot let them treat you badly, number one, because you shouldn't let people treat you badly, obviously. But number two, honestly, they're gonna hate themselves even more. They're gonna regret it, they're gonna feel shameful about it, and it's gonna make their addiction, they really are going to feel bad about that later and hate themselves for it. So don't let them do it. It's not good for anyone. Now, the last type of aggressive behavior that I want to talk about you may not even consider to be in the category of aggressive behavior. But it's stealing. When someone is taking things from you in your home and you feel like you can't even leave your purse out, or you have to keep things locked up and away all the time to this crazy degree, that's aggressive behavior that is intruding in your space, in your boundary in a completely unacceptable way. You are at home. You should not have to sleep with your wallet under your pillow at night. And I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of exactly like that if it's to the point that you feel like in your own home, you're constantly on guard that someone's going to take something from you, money or something valuable or something from someone else that lives in the house. That is abusive behavior. It is not okay. I call that aggressive behavior because that's like. Because it's to the point of, I don't care how this hurts you. I'm doing it anyway. Now, addicts and alcoholics of all sorts will steal. You know, it doesn't matter if they're addicted to alcohol or marijuana or Xanax. But you will particularly see stealing behavior when you're dealing with someone who has an opiate addiction. Like I said, it can be anyone that's addicted. But opiates are so expensive that usually the missing money and the missing things and the financial distress is actually the very first sign that family members notice that maybe there's a problem even going on here. Now, I know you might be thinking, amber, duh. You shouldn't let people treat you bad. You shouldn't let people hit you or steal from you or call you names or whatever. I know that. You know that. But when you've lived in this chaos for so long, it becomes your norm. And sometimes you just need, like, a reminder to say, hey, this isn't okay. Under any circumstance, you should set a boundary. Do not let yourself be treated this way. If you want more information on how to deal with difficult, manipulative behaviors from someone struggling with an addiction, watch this video next. I'm going to put it right up here. In fact, I've made a playlist specifically about that so you can learn to identify it when it's happening and put healthy boundaries in place. And if you know someone else who could benefit from this video or any of the other videos that we have out there, please share it. You'll be helping me spread recovery, and I need all the help I can get.