Dealing With Addiction and Coronavirus Quarantine at the Same Time! 😩

Hey, and welcome to our live for today, which is going to be super relevant. It is all about how we are, how a lot of people are trying to manage the crisis of addiction in their family, along with the crisis of the coronavirus, and most importantly, the quarantine associated with the coronavirus. I've been getting a lot of questions from many of you out there about managing these details because it's really making things kind of complicated for people. A lot of the outpatient addiction treatment centers are closed. So you've got people that were previously in treatment not being able to get treatment, or maybe being able to get a little bit of help virtually, but not nearly adequate enough treatment. And then you've got loved ones who are at home, or families who are at home with an addicted loved one who's struggling with addiction. And the questions I've had lately are a lot from family members around boundaries connected to that issue. So I've had several people actually ask me, you know, what do you do when your loved one is addicted and they refuse to stay at home? They keep coming and going, and it's causing problems for the family. And, you know, maybe there's a. Another person in the house who's susceptible or, you know, all these kinds of questions. Sometimes it's not even so much about fear of the virus, but fear of. I can't ask them to leave because they don't have anywhere to go. And it's just, you know, they feel like it's gotten really complicated. And of course it's stressing everyone out. But when you're already dealing with addiction, you're already on the edge of your stress level and probably operating from kind of a. A place of trauma, a place of hypervigilance, where you're kind of at your max threshold all the time. And this crisis has just sort of pushed all of that over the edge. And so I can see why people are, especially families are just really feeling overwhelmed. So I thought we'd take a little time today and explore that issue. I hope that you guys join in this conversation. There's no black and white answers to this. I'm going to share my thoughts on it, and I hope that you share yours too. If you have some specific questions, definitely jump in the chat and share that as well. But I thought I would break this down to sort of, let's look at it first from our sort of nerdy lens, as I call it. You guys know that I'm always trying to help you understand the science and psychology of addiction. So let's start with that, then sort of move into some practical solutions and answers and things that you might can put into play quickly. So what we're going to look at today is maybe the brain science behind not really just addiction, because we've got lots of videos on that, but around fear and anxiety. Because that's really what's going on with people, is you're having a ton of fear and anxiety about what's going on. Well, your, your brain is designed to look for threat above everything else. So it sort of prioritizes that. It pays attention to what could be dangerous or life threatening to you. And it puts that above and beyond everything else. And so when your brain starts perceiving threat, then it starts to send those alarm signals, which totally like negates your front brain, your thinking brain, your problem solving brain. So it's kind of like your brain is constantly sending you problem signals and not even allowing you to access the part of your brain that would allow you to solve those problems. So there really is some biology going on there that's making you feel sort of frozen, stuck, kind of paralyzed in the situation and not knowing what to do. And then, you know, there's the, the psychology of it, because when we're in that fear state, the. It's mostly because we feel like we're completely out of control and like we have no options and we're stuck. And when we get stuck, we feel stuck. Actually we panic and we don't often make the best decisions. And so I thought if we, if you could join me with this, we will try really hard to get out of that panic part of our brain and into the thinking part of our brain. Because that's always my objective. Because the panic button is important, because you need to know that there's danger. But hey, we got it. We know there's coronavirus danger. We know addiction danger. We got that message. Now we really need to sort of check into. Okay, so what the heck do I do about all that? And the first thing that you might can do is to tell yourself a few things or check in and it might turn down the volume on that alarm button or that sort of alarm bell that's going off constantly. And that, that is, you probably feel like you're completely out of control. But I want you to really think deep here and take a real true look. And the thing of it was, is you're no less in control today than you were a month ago, than you were two months ago. It's just that circumstances are going not necessarily in Your favor. But you didn't have any control over that before. You didn't have any control over the economy. You didn't have any control over, like, world disease. You didn't have any control over your loved one's addiction. So I don't know if this is good news or not, but, hey, you know what? That whole, like, I don't have control over this. If you're the family member of an addicted loved one, you should be a ninja at this. So just remember you can check into those skills that you've built and remind yourself that, hey, you never really were in control. You just felt like it. So you. It's really not that different. Mostly what we're under is a psychological threat and not necessarily as much about the physical immediate threat. I mean, yes, there's the threat of getting the virus, but if you've been living with an addicted loved one, you've been under threat for a long, long time. And that's part of the problem here is you feel so overwhelmed because it's like double crisis at the same time, which is completely unfair. Very true. But if we'll just calm down and think. Mostly what I want to tell you is it really doesn't change the game for you as the family member. Everything you've learned from watching my videos, from reading books, from going to Alanine, talking to sponsor, wherever it is that you get information, all of that stuff really still does apply. And so the biggest issue is, what do I do if I've got a loved one at home who's supposed to be in treatment? That's one that I've got a lot. What do I do if I've got a loved one at home who refuses to sort of obey or sort of go along with the whole quarantine thing? So I thought we would take a look at each one of those individually and kind of explore some options. If you've got a loved one at home who maybe had to leave treatment early or who was in outpatient treatment and now they're not really in outpatient treatment, then you're probably freaked out and so scared that they're going to relapse. My son needs to go to the ER, but never wants to go because they overlook his illness and acts like he just wants drugs and says, I do not want drugs. That's a good question. Is it? He wants to go to the ER because of the addiction or because of something else? The person that asked that in the chat just now. Give me some clarity and I'll try to speak to that. But if they're at home and they can't access treatment, a lot of treatment centers are trying to stay open, particularly inpatient treatment centers. Now, most of them have some protocol that they want you to sort of go to through some screening and stuff first before they put you in, obviously for obvious reasons, to try to not spread or exposure and all that kind of stuff. Most outpatient treatment centers are offering virtual help. At my outpatient treatment center, and we're in South Carolina, we are still seeing individual clients, but we are also doing virtual counseling with people who may want or need to do that virtually. So I'd say right now I have probably about half and half. And we also offer intensive outpatient, and we've shifted over to doing that virtually as well. And it's actually going pretty good. So there are options even in your state, you know, the outpatient treatment clinics around you, many of them have the capability to do that sort of thing. And so I don't want you to feel completely helpless. Many AA groups have gone to like virtual NA groups and things like that. He's had pains in his chest and head. He's thinking or acting right. He says he keeps feeling like blood is thick. I wonder if that's. If he's. Are you worried that it's more like a. Is it like a withdrawal issue? Is it like he's got some kind of like either the coronavirus he's worried about or some other kind of just regular virus or sickness or something, but he's scared to go? I think if you've got to go to the ER and you're worried about that, you can say, hey, you know, I struggle with addiction, but that's not why I'm here. Just put it out in the open. If you try to sort of skate, go around it, and they look in there and they see that you've been there a lot of times, but you're not addressing that, then they're probably more likely to think that you're being sketchy. So I say just put it out on the table. If he's got to go. They're medical providers and addiction is a medical issue and problem. And if you're straight up about it, and it's not like he's going to go in there and ask for certain, like, you know, like Xanaxes or pain pills or something, then he really should be able to get the treatment that he needs. But back to. I was telling you guys that there are a lot of like 12 step groups are offering the online one of my clients who lives in North Carolina, she was telling me recently, she's like, we were talking about this actually yesterday in our individual session, but she's like, I love the virtual sessions. Like, these are great. These are better. And I was, like, pretty surprised to hear her say that, because most of the time, people say, oh, it's better in person or whatever. That's what I would have thought, but she really felt otherwise. And I said, well, why? Why is it better? She said, you know what's really cool about it? She's like, because you're watching people in their natural environment, and just, like, you get to see, like, more of who they are. And it's like, you don't have to do this weird, like, I don't want to stare at someone when they're talking kind of thing. And so it's almost like you get to see someone with a little bit more of their guard down, and people are being more authentic. And I hadn't thought about that being something that would be kind of like, what would happen or a positive spin on it. But once she said, I was like, you know what? You're right. That is actually probably true. In our group that we had last night, we had an excellent group. We had one of the best groups that we've had in a while. People really were vulnerable. And maybe some of that is because they're in the comfort of their own home. And, you know, when you're in public and you're talking in front of a lot of people, it does feel a little different. And we tend to. Yeah, I heard of the virtual session. It's better because I hate coming outside, right? It's less intimidating. That's right, Courtney. Because you don't have to put up all those social guards. So I think that there's actually kind of like, a positive silver lining in the whole virtual thing. If you're concerned more with. I've got a loved one who's still in active addiction, and they're basically not following any of the rules or the guidelines. He tells them right off his addiction is there. He's been on methadone to stay off of heroin. So that's the best that you can do is just to be super up front. And if he's acting like that, I would just call it out. I would say to the doctor, I'd say, hey, look, I know you probably think I'm here because I'm drug seeking, but I'm not. You know what I say Whenever you're worried that someone's gonna Think something against whatever you're trying to accomplish. You say it first. If you say it first, it's like you beat them to the punch, and they can't really think defensively against you because you already put it out there. So that's how I say deal with it in that situation or any other. If you're going into a conversation or something where you think someone's going to have, like, a defense against you or a resistance, say it first. Like when clients come in, they're new, and I know they don't want to see me out, I say immediately, right out the gate, I say, how weird is this? You're being forced to come and talk to someone you don't know and expect to talk about your problems. Weird, right? And then they're like, I know, right? And then we move on. Say it first. So tell your son I said, say it first. So looking at those boundary, he wants me to go with him, and I can't with copd. Yeah, I can hear that. That makes sense. You really can't. You really don't need to be going to the er, Right? There's also. Oh, let me say this to Judy. I'm gonna lose my track, but there's actually a lot of virtual medical care, and I actually use this anytime I have a. Like an ear infection or something like that. You can go online, and it's actually like MD online or something like that, and they'll ask you a lot of questions. You can see a doctor, you can put your symptoms in, and they can help you with that. So that could be an option, like medical care online. I've done it. I especially like it. Like I said, when I have something, I know what it is, and I do it right from home. It costs like $20, something super cheap, like, less than my copay. And then they're like, okay, here's your antibiotic. Go pick it up, or whatever. It's pretty great. So that's an option for you. If your loved one is refusing to sort of cooperate and you're scared that they are out there, you know, being exposed to the virus and they're bringing it home, then this isn't dissimilar to all the other boundary issues we're talking about. One family member is putting everyone else in the family at risk. Kind of. I hate to say it, but. Not a new story, right? I know. You're like, right? I guess not. Same story. But this may put you in a place where you feel even stronger about setting that boundary, because there's Something about the medical part of that, that you're perceiving that as a physical threat. It's a physical threat to the family. And maybe in the past, you've been ignoring the psychological threat to the family or the stress it's causing to the family. But I gotta be honest with you here, all of that that's been going on this whole time is no less threatening to your family. So this might be the chance where you feel like you really have to put your boundary down. Some family members have said to me, like, well, I'm not. I don't want to throw them out. Like, there's no shelters, there's nowhere for them to go. And I hear you, but what you can say is, look, I get it. You don't want to be quarantined. I understand that. Maybe you should stay somewhere else right now and sort of offer them to stay at a friend's house or somewhere else where they're not coming in and out of your house. And it is perfectly acceptable for you to set a boundary that they cannot do that, especially if you really are worried or someone in your household is extremely susceptible to the virus. But even if that's not the case, you can set that boundary anytime you want, coronavirus or not. That's a completely acceptable boundary. And if you've got a loved one who refuses to take anyone else in the house's sort of needs, they're just not considerate and what they're doing is wreaking havoc, it's completely appropriate to set that boundary, too. So guess the two things I'm telling you to family members. I'm telling you it's really not that much of a change in the game. You've been dealing with this for a long time. You've watched a bunch of my videos. You are well equipped. And even though that fear button is going off in your brain, it's not different today. And you know what to do. If you've watched my videos, you're like a soldier, and there's nothing different. I want you to do those same things. This does not change the game for you. If you are in early recovery or your loved ones in early recovery, make use of all the virtual options. I'm kind of finding that it's kind of neat, kind of works. Well, my clients are liking it. You know, they feel totally great with, like, sessions. It's really just like this, only I can see them and they can see me too, and we can talk. So it's not that bad. And the last thing that I want to tell you is as far as your own sanity is, stop watching the news and the online media and everything else where you're being bombarded with all this information. Because what it is doing is it is constantly hitting your threat button, okay? And it's just hyping it up. And you're looking at the numbers growing every day, and you're looking at how many people have died, and you're just sledgehammering your anxiety button. And the thing about the news is that their job is to hype it. I'm not saying it's not true, but their job is to spin it. You know, they tell it to you with a tone in their voice, they show you graphics. They. They have all these techniques to heighten it. Because you know why? Because it gets them ratings. You know what silly is like? People's brains are wired more to pay attention to danger than anything else. And that's why that works. And it's totally true. You know what? When I was analyzing one time a while back, like, which of my videos that people responded to more than others, it's all the ones I thought this was like, are you serious? Like, it's all the ones where I talk about something being like the negative part, like lying, manipulation, hiding, sneaking, all of those things. When I look at which videos you guys watch, it's those videos when I talk about the solutions of what to do, not so much. And that really just does fit with the scientific evidence of our brains are just wired to. Geared towards going to that. But it's not helping you to constantly barrage yourself with that. It's kind of like I tell you when you have addicted loved one, like, don't have a front row seat. Don't have a front row seat for the coronavirus information either. I don't watch the news at all. I don't watch any of it. And about once a day I'll ask my husband or Bri, who's at the office, who usually she always knows what's up with everything. I'll say, well, where are we at? What's going on today? What's the numbers? And I get like four sentences of update. And that's it. I know what I need to know, and that's it. You don't have to constantly listen to the barrage of all that information. It isn't helping you, I promise you. And then the last thing I want to tell you is if you don't have either help for yourself as a family member or help for your loved one who's struggling with an addiction and you need some help, you can schedule virtual sessions with myself and my staff. If you live in locally, here in the upstate of South Carolina, you can come into our office if it's one person at a time, or you can schedule them virtually. And I will put the link in the description below. And the last update I have for you about all that is this week was supposed to be the week that we went to the Family Recovery Academy 2.0, which is actually ready. And I've put new stuff out there for you guys, those of you who are already members in the beta test group. I've already added the new stuff, so hope you're checking that out. Gotten a super ton of good feedback about all that. A lot of you guys are like, just. I guess maybe because you're at home, you're just like consuming it. You're like binge watching it, like Netflix. But when the 2.0 comes was supposed to come out this week and it did. I was gonna raise the price on that and take it out of beta and into like the regular version, but I'm gonna leave it in beta a little longer because I know people are super stressed about finances and it just didn't feel like the right time to do that. So I'm gonna leave it that way for a while longer till we get through this whole Corona thing, because I know we're all scared. And honestly, I think people are just as scared about the economy as they are about the virus, you know, so that's enough for people. You're worried about your loved one, you're worried about the virus, you're worried about the economy, your job. Maybe you don't need anything else. And I totally get that. So thank you for those of you who are hanging out with me and thank you for those of you participated in the chat. Appreciate that. And I will see you next week at one o'. Clock. Bye.