Does Your Spouse Refuse To Get Help For Their Alcohol Addiction?

So your spouse finally, finally, finally admits that they do have a drinking problem, but they refuse treatment for the problem. This kind of situation is actually a lot more common than you might think, which is why in this video I'm going to tell you three things that you should ask for if you get faced with this dilemma. Alright, so before we go much further, let's talk about why this is such a common dilemma. You see go into treatment like, like the kind of treatment that you probably have in your mind. 30, 60, 90 days of treatment is pretty much the absolute last thing that someone is going to agree to in order to address an addiction problem. And as frustrating as it is, if you stop to think about it, it's a little bit understandable, right? Because you have to be away from your work, your family for 30 days or more. You, you get told when you can eat, what you can do. People get all in your business. It's overall not the thing that you're looking forward to. Now I will say, having worked in the treatment industry, it's not nearly as bad as people think it's going to be, but it's nothing that you're looking forward to. So it makes sense that it's really like the last option. People don't usually agree to go to big treatment like that until they've tried everything else and run out of options. So the first thing I want you to do if you're presented with the dilemma of having a spouse who will acknowledge they have a drinking problem but doesn't want to go to treatment, is I want you to acknowledge why they might be frustrated. It doesn't mean that you agree with them or that you think it is the right decision. But listening to them and having some empathy for their situation, trying to see where they're coming from, will actually gain their trust and they'll feel a lot more heard and understood, which will actually set you up to be in a much better position to ask for one or all of these three things that I am about to tell you. Think of it like preparing the ground. Now, if you've already tried to talk to your spouse about going to treatment and they've said no, you know, I've got this on my own or I don't need it, or I'm not doing that crap, whatever it was that they said they didn't want to go, then now is actually a pretty good time to ask, well, would you be willing to talk to a counselor or a coach? You could even do it virtually if you wanted to. The reason why now is a good strategic time to ask that question is because they've just said no to this big high level thing that you're asking. So when you come in with this offer, it's going to seem like a pretty good deal and they're going to feel like they got off the hook. Whereas before they may have been resistant or reluctant to talking to someone. At this point, they may be a lot more open to it. So that's the first thing I suggest asking for. The second thing that I suggest that you sort of try to negotiate here is I want you to say this. Well, okay, I can understand where you come from. Reflect back some of the things they told you about their reasoning, but then say this, but if your way doesn't work, will you then agree to get more help? Because now is a good time to get their buy in and an agreement that if doing it their way, meaning not going to treatment, doesn't work, that they will consider doing it another way. And the third thing that I want you to consider asking for is consider asking them to get on a sober link. Now, some of you may have heard me talk about soberlink before because they do sponsor this channel and I'm a big fan. I've been using soberlink with my clients for years and years and years, like long before I had a YouTube channel. And I found that it's one of the most effective techniques of helping people get sober that's out there. In fact, a lot of my clients are able to get sober using the soberlink when otherwise they would have had to go to like big 30, 60 or 90 day treatment. It is a great tool because it allows you to get sober, stay in your home environment, continue going to work, and actually learn to live sober in your regular environment, which I think is a huge plus. So you're probably thinking, well, what the heck is a soberlink and how does it work? Well, it's actually kind of a fancy high tech breathalyzing device. But. But it's not just your average breathalyzing device because you can get those anywhere. This thing is more than that. So basically you get one of these devices which is about the size of your cell phone, only like a little bit thicker. Can't see how to do that. Okay. And it comes in a case and it just looks like a fancy sunglasses case. So it doesn't look weird if you have it in your purse or your car or something like that. No one's going to think anything about it. You get this device and you and whoever it is that you're working with, whether it's SilverLink, the company, your counselor, your spouse, whoever, you come up with a schedule for which you breathalyzed. Now, normally I suggest doing it two to three times a day. And more importantly than the fact that I suggest it, research actually shows that that's the best way to go about it. Now, why Soberlink versus just a regular breathalyzing device? Couldn't you do that just from a regular one? Yeah, you could have someone breathalyzed three times a day from a regular device, but this is on a schedule, which means it's automated. You don't have to ask your spouse to do it and start a fight. And you don't have to say, are you accusing me of something? You can leave all of that awkwardness behind because they actually will know exactly when they're supposed to take a test. It's not sneaky. You're not trying to trick them. You're trying to prevent the drinking, not catch the drinking. And they'll actually get a text message to their phone 15 minutes before their test is due. So, for example, if you and your spouse agreed that they would take a test at 8:00am, they would get a text message at 7:45am telling them that they had a 8:00 clock test and they would have up to an hour after that. So they would have all the way from 7:45 to 9:00', clock, which is the beauty of it, because it allows for flexibility. What if you're driving down the road? What if you're in a meeting? You know, what if you can't get to it right that minute? You have enough time to excuse yourself or get to the restroom or whatever it is that you need to do, which is why people can use this and function just fine in their daily life. Now, if they miss a test or, or they are late on a test or they're positive on a test, then an accountability person can also receive a text message that lets them know that. So in the case of my clients, that message goes to me, but it can go to anyone that you designate. A supportive friend, a mentor, a sponsor, their counselor, their coach. You can decide who that message goes to, but at least it provides some accountability for them. And I know what you're thinking, but don't forget, I want you to be five steps ahead. I know you're thinking, well, what if they have someone else take the test or cheat the test? That's what I love about Soberlink. It's actually got facial recognition in it. So, like your phone, like you look at your phone. It unlocks the Sober link, knows that it's you that's taking the test. So there's no, like, cheating it or having someone else take it for you or anything like that, because it just doesn't work. A lot of my clients actually say that soberlink has been really beneficial for them because their spouse isn't sponsored spying on them anymore. They're not tracking them. They can go away on a work trip if they need to without their spouse freaking out. And so in a lot of ways, it gives them a lot more freedom and independence than they would have otherwise. Now, the most important thing I want to tell you if you choose to use soberlink, is you need to look at this as a prevention tool, not a I'm trying to catch you tool. You're not trying to trick them. They know when the tests are coming. You're actually trying to make it easier on them and easier on yourself. Now, if your spouse hasn't quite admitted to you that they have a drinking problem at all, or they just flat out deny that they have a problem at all, then I want you to watch these videos next. Because they talk about how to get someone out of denial and into these stages of change where they might then come to you and say, I think I have a drinking problem, at which time you're going to be perfectly set and ready for this conversation and put the videos right up here. All you have to do is click on them.