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Don't Set Yourself Up To Be Lied To #addictionrecovery #addictionhelp

7 Jun 2026 · 1 min

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In this concise advice segment, Amber Hollingsworth explains that asking a partner a question whose answer you already know—such as “Have you been drinking?”—typically triggers reflexive denial and can lead to frustration. She recommends instead making calm, declarative statements (e.g., “I can see that you’ve been drinking”) to bypass the denial trap. This approach reduces the partner’s instinct to minimize or lie, increasing the likelihood of an honest admission. Even if the partner initially denies, the statement format often leads them to gradually acknowledge the behavior. The overall message is a practical communication strategy for those dealing with a loved one's alcohol use, emphasizing calmness, directness, and the psychological dynamics of denial.

Chapters

Don't ask a question. When you ask a question that you already know the answer to, you're almost always going to get a denial, and that's going to upset you. Most people say, you hear this over and over and over, it's not what they did, it's the fact that they lied about it. It's the lies that make me mad. So don't say to your spouse, like, have you been drinking? If you know they've been drinking. If you're going to call it out, just say, I can see that you've been drinking. Make a statement as opposed to a question to help avoid that reflexive denial minimization thing. So just say it. Don't ask a question you know the answer to because that's just a trap anyway. So just bypass the trap and just say it. Say it calm. You're not always going to get the truth out of them, but you're more likely to get the truth out of them. And even if they deny it right off the bat, they'll usually come around fairly quickly and admit at least a little bit of it and then a little bit more.